(full site)
Fark.com

Back To Main
   Five things most people don't know about the Bible. Like the time Jesus and Buddha piloted a giant robot to fight off an invasion of Cat Girls from Mars

26 Nov 2012 09:40 PM   |   18624 clicks   |   Huffington Post
Showing 1-50 of 175 comments
Refresh Page 2
View Comments:
John Dewey     
This article is God's way of testing Her faithful

26 Nov 2012 09:27 PM
Indubitably     
To read

26 Nov 2012 09:41 PM
thomps     
biatches don't know about bible's dick.

26 Nov 2012 09:41 PM
SDRR     
Yuh huh, I totally know that part, heriticmitter.

26 Nov 2012 09:42 PM
diaphoresis     
subby: Pics or it didn't happen. I demand proof!

26 Nov 2012 09:43 PM
Omahawg     
whar book of Eve? WHAR?

26 Nov 2012 09:43 PM
the801     
TFA fails for not mentioning that part in Phillipians where it says you have to kill doctors who do abortions. there's also no mention of the part where it says you have to homeschool your kids so that they know that evolution is a lie that the devil made to push people away from christ.

fail.

26 Nov 2012 09:44 PM
whatshisname     
Correction #6: The Hebrew Bible is not non-fiction.

26 Nov 2012 09:44 PM
Piestar     
I knew all of those. I also know that the evangelical American's who can be so troublesome don't put much stock in the old testament, except the parts they agree with, many of which they think are in the new testament.

26 Nov 2012 09:44 PM
Indubitably     
Like, Everything?

26 Nov 2012 09:47 PM
Umfufu     
One would almost think they're referring to it as the "Hebrew Bible" to confuse Christians.

I can almost picture Bubba the Christian saying "That ain't my Bible, I ain't no Heeee-Breeeeww"

26 Nov 2012 09:47 PM
Indubitably     
To singularity

26 Nov 2012 09:47 PM
Indubitably     

Indubitably: To singularity


*)

26 Nov 2012 09:48 PM
Lionel Mandrake    [TotalFark]  
Most people are apparently pretty stupid.

/already knew that

26 Nov 2012 09:48 PM
AverageAmericanGuy    [TotalFark]  
#0 The Hebrew Bible is not the final arbiter of what is in the Bible.

The King James version of the Bible translates and corrects many of the supposed "problems" with the original texts. It is the only true divinely inspired Word of God acceptable to today's Christians. Even versions similar to the King James version, such as the New King James version, are corruptions and are the work of Satan.

26 Nov 2012 09:49 PM
JohnCarter     
An interesting list

Mentioned but did not go into detail on why which books are in the bible and which books are not in the bible (gnostic springs to mind)

These are some good reading:
Gospel of Mary (recovered in 1896)
Gospel of Thomas (versions found in Oxyrhynchus, Egypt in 1898, and again in the Nag Hammadi Library)
Gospel of Truth (Nag Hammadi Library)
Gospel of Philip (Nag Hammadi Library)
Gospel of Judas (recovered via the antiquities black market in 1983, and then reconstructed in 2006)

26 Nov 2012 09:49 PM
Pincy     
#6 - Most of the Bible is complete bullshiat and should not be taken seriously.

26 Nov 2012 09:50 PM
95629     
Boooorrrinnnnggggg

26 Nov 2012 09:50 PM
Fano    [TotalFark]  
Hopefully talks about the prophet Elisha summoning shebears to eat children that called him "baldy:n or anything about tubby commie Jesus.

Really, any of the good stuff from Ken's Guide to the Bible.

Poor Uzzah, he only meant to keep the Ark from touching the ground, how was he to know it was a magical murderbox?

26 Nov 2012 09:51 PM
thomps     

JohnCarter: An interesting list

Mentioned but did not go into detail on why which books are in the bible and which books are not in the bible (gnostic springs to mind)

These are some good reading:
Gospel of Mary (recovered in 1896)
Gospel of Thomas (versions found in Oxyrhynchus, Egypt in 1898, and again in the Nag Hammadi Library)
Gospel of Truth (Nag Hammadi Library)
Gospel of Philip (Nag Hammadi Library)
Gospel of Judas (recovered via the antiquities black market in 1983, and then reconstructed in 2006)


those would be candidates for the new testament, not the hebrew bible.

26 Nov 2012 09:51 PM
James F. Campbell     
The only book of the Bible worth reading -- and even that is stretching it -- is Ecclesiastes.

26 Nov 2012 09:51 PM
Indubitably     

Fano: Hopefully talks about the prophet Elisha summoning shebears to eat children that called him "baldy:n or anything about tubby commie Jesus.

Really, any of the good stuff from Ken's Guide to the Bible.

Poor Uzzah, he only meant to keep the Ark from touching the ground, how was he to know it was a magical murderbox?

To Sumerian


26 Nov 2012 09:52 PM
wildcardjack     
I'd actually enjoy a bible that resembles the headline.

26 Nov 2012 09:52 PM
t3knomanser     

JohnCarter: These are some good reading:


Although each of these bring their own historical issues regarding veracity. However, considering the earliest written gospels date roughly 50 years after the events described likely occurred- well, that's 50 years of oral tradition. The contradictions between the gospels are enough to show how quickly stories drift.

26 Nov 2012 09:52 PM
Professor M     
Good evening. Here is the news on Friday, the 27th of Geldof. Archaeologists near Mount Sinai have discovered what is believed to be a missing page from the Bible. The page is currently being carbon dated in Bonn. If genuine it belongs at the beginning of the Bible and is believed to read "To my darling Candy. All characters portrayed within this book are fictitous and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental." The page has been universally condemned by church leaders.

26 Nov 2012 09:53 PM
t3knomanser     

James F. Campbell: The only book of the Bible worth reading -- and even that is stretching it -- is Ecclesiastes.


You can spank it to The Song of Solomon. Ergo, you are wrong.

26 Nov 2012 09:53 PM
Acharne     
That was a terrific article. I really liked this part from it:

"Just as an attempt to impose harmony and consistency on the short stories collected in the Norton Anthology of English Literature would do great violence to those stories, any attempt to impose harmony and consistency on the diverse books collected in the Bible -- to extract a single message or truth -- does great violence to those books."

Good find subby. Thank you.

26 Nov 2012 09:54 PM
James F. Campbell     

t3knomanser: You can spank it to The Song of Solomon. Ergo, you are wrong.


You're a sick, sick man.

wildcardjack: I'd actually enjoy a bible that resembles the headline.


Oh, you must be talking about the New-Century Gospel.

/Obscure?

26 Nov 2012 09:55 PM
diaphoresis     

Professor M: Friday, the 27th of Geldof


Nice Red Dwarf throwback...

/I miss Red Dwarf
//Lister's paranoia was funny as hell

26 Nov 2012 09:55 PM
Keels     
I am reminded of "Saint Young Men". Amusing manga concept, that.

26 Nov 2012 09:56 PM
Acharne     

95629: Boooorrrinnnnggggg


That's a goddamned useless post. Almost as goddamned useless as thi......

26 Nov 2012 09:57 PM
12349876     

AverageAmericanGuy: #0 The Hebrew Bible is not the final arbiter of what is in the Bible.

The King James version of the Bible translates and corrects many of the supposed "problems" with the original texts. It is the only true divinely inspired Word of God acceptable to today's Christians. Even versions similar to the King James version, such as the New King James version, are corruptions and are the work of Satan.


I've always wondered why so many Americans put their trust in a British King for their religious text.

26 Nov 2012 09:57 PM
FizixJunkee     

Acharne: That was a terrific article. I really liked this part from it:

"Just as an attempt to impose harmony and consistency on the short stories collected in the Norton Anthology of English Literature would do great violence to those stories, any attempt to impose harmony and consistency on the diverse books collected in the Bible -- to extract a single message or truth -- does great violence to those books."

Good find subby. Thank you.


Agreed.

I liked #3:

The Hebrew Bible is not a timeless or eternal work that stands outside the normal processes of literary production. Its books emerged from specific times and places. Reading the Bible alongside parallel materials from the many cultures of the Ancient Near East shows the deep indebtedness of the biblical authors to the literary heritage of the Ancient Near East. The ancient Israelites borrowed and adapted literary motifs and conventions from their larger cultural context and an awareness of those motifs and conventions produces richer, more coherent readings of the biblical text than are otherwise possible.

26 Nov 2012 09:57 PM
schnee    [TotalFark]  
Cat Girls from Mars? Are they associated with The Leather Goddesses of Phobos?

26 Nov 2012 09:58 PM
Indubitably     
"...and then the sky rose like a light shone through petals of some flower briefly, until the sun shone, illuminating a lone man, pariah, walking..."

"He raised his fist into the light, 'I am.'"

26 Nov 2012 09:59 PM
diaphoresis     

schnee: Cat Girls from Mars? Are they associated with The Leather Goddesses of Phobos?


Need pics

26 Nov 2012 09:59 PM
John Dewey     

12349876: I've always wondered why so many Americans put their trust in a British King for their religious text.


Because Jesus spoke with a British accent.

26 Nov 2012 09:59 PM
skinink     

6) Catholic religion is based on a mistranslation. The Septuagint scholars mistranslated the Hebrew word for "young woman" into the Greek word for "virgin". It was an easy mistake to make because there was only a subtle difference in the spelling.

So, they came up with a prophecy: "Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear us a son." You understand? It was "virgin" that caught people's attention. It's not everyday a virgin conceives and bears a son.


But leave that for a couple of hundred years to stew and next thing you know you have the Holy Catholic Church.


26 Nov 2012 10:00 PM
Plant Rights Activist     
Why would you fight them off!?

26 Nov 2012 10:00 PM
revrendjim    [TotalFark]  

Indubitably: To read


Stop that now. I'm serious. Don't make me stop this car.

26 Nov 2012 10:01 PM
GungFu     
Mary was raped by God and people are ok with this?

And answer me this:

If God is all knowing and that man has no free will and all that shiat, then how come he asked Abraham to sacrifice his son as a test of faith?
Did he not know the answer already? And if not, then it shows that God gave man free will, which means he made people atheists and believers of other religions.
So, basically, Christians, what the fark are you on about. Blame God , you coont, for making people non-believers. Or something something, I'm tired.

26 Nov 2012 10:02 PM
bugontherug     
The character "Yahweh" in the Hebrew Bible should not be confused with the god of western theological speculation (generally referred to as "God"). The attributes assigned to "God" by post-biblical theologians -- such as omniscience and immutability -- are simply not attributes possessed by the character Yahweh as drawn in biblical narratives. Indeed, on several occasions Yahweh is explicitly described as changing his mind, because when it comes to human beings his learning curve is steep. Humans have free will; they act in ways that surprise him and he must change tack and respond. One of the greatest challenges for modern readers of the Hebrew Bible is to allow the text to mean what it says, when what is says flies in the face of doctrines that emerged centuries later from philosophical debates about the abstract category "God."

Some people are even saying Yahweh Elohim is really Satan, and that Christians (and Jews) who worship him as "God" are deceived.

Read the Old Testament. Really, read it with your eyes opened. Then come back and tell me that son of a b*tch isn't a full on, raging clinical psychopath. 

Remember: according to Yahweh Elohim, our first sin was learning the difference between good and evil.

Why do you suppose he didn't want us to know?

26 Nov 2012 10:04 PM
Indubitably     

revrendjim: Indubitably: To read

Stop that now. I'm serious. Don't make me stop this car.


I am not your child, so please stop the car. If you raise your hand against me, I will teach you shortly why this was an unwise move on your party. I will liberate myself from your embrace, and teach you disgrace, if you need to learn that...?

26 Nov 2012 10:04 PM
Dinobot     
s3.mangareader.netView Full Size

orangelic.files.wordpress.comView Full Size

24.media.tumblr.comView Full Size

24.media.tumblr.comView Full Size
 
25.media.tumblr.comView Full Size

26 Nov 2012 10:05 PM
wellreadneck    [TotalFark]  

12349876: AverageAmericanGuy: #0 The Hebrew Bible is not the final arbiter of what is in the Bible.

The King James version of the Bible translates and corrects many of the supposed "problems" with the original texts. It is the only true divinely inspired Word of God acceptable to today's Christians. Even versions similar to the King James version, such as the New King James version, are corruptions and are the work of Satan.

I've always wondered why so many Americans put their trust in a British King for their religious text.


So I told that teaching lady the only three letters I need to know are K, J and V.

26 Nov 2012 10:06 PM
Buttle not Tuttle     
I'm a non-believing heretic, but I love the King James Bible. If you like a good story and a good turn of phrase, the King James Bible is your book.

In a preface to one of his books - one I've since lost or permanently lent out, and I can't remember which, Hunter S. Thompson explained why so many of his stories begin with quotes from the King James. He explained that 1) he often wrote while staying at a hotel, didn't have any of his own books, but his hotel kindly provided some reading; and 2) it's such wonderful writing. Any of you Farkers know which HST work I'm referring to? Seems to me it was something from the late 80s or early 90s.

26 Nov 2012 10:06 PM
GentDirkly     
This is from a Jewish perspective. All five points refute key points in Christian theology. The Christian who doesn't read much may not have noticed these difficult texts, but we have many Theology schools. We have noticed and dealt with the confusing texts each in our own way. Honestly, I invite anyone to read the Bible looking for some of the things he points out. It is not hard to figure out how some superficial contradictions are not contradictions at all. For instance, Genesis 1 vs Genesis 2. New Testament says that all people were known by God before the foundations of the Earth - though obviously we all appear on earth at different times. So it should not be difficult to see why the creation of man comes both before and after that of animals. For some of us, what I just said is deep. For others, it's gobbledygook. That's why Paul talks so much about being elect.

26 Nov 2012 10:06 PM
machodonkeywrestler     

AverageAmericanGuy: #0 The Hebrew Bible is not the final arbiter of what is in the Bible.

The King James version of the Bible translates and corrects many of the supposed "problems" with the original texts. It is the only true divinely inspired Word of God acceptable to today's Christians. Even versions similar to the King James version, such as the New King James version, are corruptions and are the work of Satan.


HA!

26 Nov 2012 10:07 PM
FunkOut    [TotalFark]  

James F. Campbell: The only book of the Bible worth reading -- and even that is stretching it -- is Ecclesiastes.


There is nothing new under the sun.

26 Nov 2012 10:08 PM
styckx     
i.imgur.comView Full Size


i.imgur.comView Full Size

26 Nov 2012 10:09 PM
Showing 1-50 of 175 comments
Refresh Page 2
View Comments:
This thread is closed to new comments.


Back To Main

More Headlines:
Main | Sports | Business | Geek | Entertainment | Politics | Video | FarkUs | Contests | Fark Party | Combined