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   Have a cheating boyfriend? You could try to rip his catheter out

27 Nov 2012 07:08 AM   |   7191 clicks   |   PennLive
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brap    [TotalFark]  
YOUR BREATH SMELLS LIKE ANOTHER MEDICAL DEVICE!

26 Nov 2012 08:21 PM
dickfreckle     
Arica Broadus? Is it Snoop Dog's daughter?

26 Nov 2012 08:28 PM
Ambivalence    [TotalFark]  
How does a guy cheat with a catheter in his peener?

I"m trying to figure out the logistics of that...

26 Nov 2012 09:28 PM
Weaver95    [TotalFark]  
*please don't be harrisburg please don't be harrisburg please don't be harrisburg*

[reads article]

motherf*cker.

26 Nov 2012 09:42 PM
jaylectricity    [TotalFark]  

Ambivalence: How does a guy cheat with a catheter in his peener?

I"m trying to figure out the logistics of that...


Apparently it was in his chest, so he probably has a vagina there and was doing sit-ups with a boner.

26 Nov 2012 09:43 PM
Lsherm    [TotalFark]  

Ambivalence: How does a guy cheat with a catheter in his peener?

I"m trying to figure out the logistics of that...


I haven't had a lot of medical procedures in my life, but one that will always stick with me is the removal of a catheter from my junk. It is quite possibly the worst thing you could experience, although I've heard kidney stones are even worse.

26 Nov 2012 09:51 PM
brap    [TotalFark]  
For the dong-focused.
 
I don't think he had a chest penis, but now I desperately want one.  Hugging would be glorious.

26 Nov 2012 09:57 PM
Ambivalence    [TotalFark]  

Lsherm: I haven't had a lot of medical procedures in my life, but one that will always stick with me is the removal of a catheter from my junk. It is quite possibly the worst thing you could experience, although I've heard kidney stones are even worse.


was it painful or just REALLY uncomfortable and/or weird feeling?

26 Nov 2012 10:06 PM
Lsherm    [TotalFark]  

Ambivalence: Lsherm: I haven't had a lot of medical procedures in my life, but one that will always stick with me is the removal of a catheter from my junk. It is quite possibly the worst thing you could experience, although I've heard kidney stones are even worse.

was it painful or just REALLY uncomfortable and/or weird feeling?


It started uncomfortable, but when the nurse told me "we can keep doing this slow or try the band-aid approach" - THEN it was wildly painful for a good 20 minutes, and I was sore for days. And the soreness is doubly irritating because it's not just your dick, it's inside, too. Like I got vagina punched with brass knuckles, except I don't have a vagina. Or brass knuckles.

Granted, them putting the damn thing in wasn't a bed of roses, either, but it was nothing compared to it coming out.

26 Nov 2012 10:30 PM
violentsalvation    [TotalFark]  

Lsherm: Ambivalence: Lsherm: I haven't had a lot of medical procedures in my life, but one that will always stick with me is the removal of a catheter from my junk. It is quite possibly the worst thing you could experience, although I've heard kidney stones are even worse.

was it painful or just REALLY uncomfortable and/or weird feeling?

It started uncomfortable, but when the nurse told me "we can keep doing this slow or try the band-aid approach" - THEN it was wildly painful for a good 20 minutes, and I was sore for days. And the soreness is doubly irritating because it's not just your dick, it's inside, too. Like I got vagina punched with brass knuckles, except I don't have a vagina. Or brass knuckles.

Granted, them putting the damn thing in wasn't a bed of roses, either, but it was nothing compared to it coming out.


It hurts like a biatch, and for me I had to watch because I was unconscious when it went in, so I wanted to know just what the hell was up in my pee hole. And as he was pulling out this bloody tubing it felt like a weed eater was being dragged through my dick.

26 Nov 2012 10:37 PM
CreamFilling     

violentsalvation: Lsherm: Ambivalence: Lsherm: I haven't had a lot of medical procedures in my life, but one that will always stick with me is the removal of a catheter from my junk. It is quite possibly the worst thing you could experience, although I've heard kidney stones are even worse.

was it painful or just REALLY uncomfortable and/or weird feeling?

It started uncomfortable, but when the nurse told me "we can keep doing this slow or try the band-aid approach" - THEN it was wildly painful for a good 20 minutes, and I was sore for days. And the soreness is doubly irritating because it's not just your dick, it's inside, too. Like I got vagina punched with brass knuckles, except I don't have a vagina. Or brass knuckles.

Granted, them putting the damn thing in wasn't a bed of roses, either, but it was nothing compared to it coming out.

It hurts like a biatch, and for me I had to watch because I was unconscious when it went in, so I wanted to know just what the hell was up in my pee hole. And as he was pulling out this bloody tubing it felt like a weed eater was being dragged through my dick.


Next time, ask them to clamp it for half an hour before they take it out. Then deflate the balloon and pull it out yourself while peeing. It makes it a lot less painful, and you don't have to clean that bathroom anyway. The catheters also come in different gauges, but they seem to think everyone is an XXL.

26 Nov 2012 10:55 PM
Lsherm    [TotalFark]  

CreamFilling: Next time, ask them to clamp it for half an hour before they take it out.


AHHAHAHAHHA! Like I wouldn't kill myself before "next time!"

/apropos handle for the advice

26 Nov 2012 11:02 PM
SoothinglyDeranged     

CreamFilling: violentsalvation: Lsherm: Ambivalence: Lsherm: I haven't had a lot of medical procedures in my life, but one that will always stick with me is the removal of a catheter from my junk. It is quite possibly the worst thing you could experience, although I've heard kidney stones are even worse.

was it painful or just REALLY uncomfortable and/or weird feeling?

It started uncomfortable, but when the nurse told me "we can keep doing this slow or try the band-aid approach" - THEN it was wildly painful for a good 20 minutes, and I was sore for days. And the soreness is doubly irritating because it's not just your dick, it's inside, too. Like I got vagina punched with brass knuckles, except I don't have a vagina. Or brass knuckles.

Granted, them putting the damn thing in wasn't a bed of roses, either, but it was nothing compared to it coming out.

It hurts like a biatch, and for me I had to watch because I was unconscious when it went in, so I wanted to know just what the hell was up in my pee hole. And as he was pulling out this bloody tubing it felt like a weed eater was being dragged through my dick.

Next time, ask them to clamp it for half an hour before they take it out. Then deflate the balloon and pull it out yourself while peeing. It makes it a lot less painful, and you don't have to clean that bathroom anyway. The catheters also come in different gauges, but they seem to think everyone is an XXL.


Got it, so all future conversations on this topic with medical staff should go:
"You need a catheter."
"Nope."
"You'll die. Painfully."
"Worth it."

26 Nov 2012 11:34 PM
SilentStrider    [TotalFark]  

Weaver95: *please don't be harrisburg please don't be harrisburg please don't be harrisburg*

[reads article]

motherf*cker.


And the dude lives in Allison Hill, no less..

26 Nov 2012 11:44 PM
propasaurus    [TotalFark]  

brap: For the dong-focused.
 
I don't think he had a chest penis, but now I desperately want one.  Hugging would be glorious.


Sure. Pretend you're not thinking about the auto-fellatio. Uh-huh... hugging.

27 Nov 2012 12:53 AM
Pribar     
i135.photobucket.comView Full Size

27 Nov 2012 04:12 AM
SkunkWerks     
...a catheter that had been placed in her boyfriend's chest for medical reasons...

An article that had been published on a news site for journalistic reasons.

I think.

27 Nov 2012 07:16 AM
Kim Jong B Illin     
Did his chute open after she did this?

27 Nov 2012 07:20 AM
Photoshop This     
Did they tell her urine trouble?

27 Nov 2012 07:23 AM
Day_Old_Dutchie     
Police said they charged Arica Broadus of the 100 block of Evergreen Street with attempted homicide, aggravated assault, recklessly endangering another person and making terroristic threats.

SCARY, SCARY, TERRIST!!! OMG, PLEASE SAVE ME, MR GOVERNMENT PERSON!! HERE, TAKE MY FREEDOM!!!!

27 Nov 2012 07:25 AM
Old Man Winter    [TotalFark]  
i.chzbgr.comView Full Size

27 Nov 2012 07:32 AM
Devolving_Spud     

brap: For the dong-focused.
 
I don't think he had a chest penis, but now I desperately want one.  Hugging would be glorious.


Cleaning up after a hug might be embarrassing. Still, we'll put this on the Wish List right under "flying car". 

//chest-bumping your male friends could get complicated...

27 Nov 2012 07:32 AM
bunner     
You gotta admit, with the new, empowered type modern girl who was raised on "entitled, vindictive b*tch", relationships may be ugly, useless and important to avoid, but they're a lot more exciting.

27 Nov 2012 07:32 AM
Onkel Buck     

dickfreckle: Arica Broadus? Is it Snoop Dog's daughter?


Better ask Maury Povich

27 Nov 2012 07:33 AM
fknra     
for those of you who cant comprehend what its like, imagine pissing out a marble...

it hurts. alot...

and it bleeds, even more...


/bad times man...

27 Nov 2012 07:35 AM
Mr. Right     

CreamFilling: Next time, ask them to clamp it for half an hour before they take it out. Then deflate the balloon and pull it out yourself while peeing. It makes it a lot less painful, and you don't have to clean that bathroom anyway. The catheters also come in different gauges, but they seem to think everyone is an XXL.


That's the method they recommended to me, but I did it standing in a bathtub. Nice hot shower afterword, good to go.

27 Nov 2012 07:36 AM
bearded clamorer    [TotalFark]  
I work part time as a repo man for Liberator Medical Supply, so I'm really getting a kick out of this thread.

27 Nov 2012 07:39 AM
bubo_sibiricus     

Lsherm: I haven't had a lot of medical procedures in my life, but one that will always stick with me is the removal of a catheter from my junk


Wait, what?

I had a foley, and removal of one of those things is a piece of cake IF YOU DEFLATE THE farkER FIRST, which for me, the nurse did.

I'm betting they did it wrong.

Also...

Came here looking for the Harkonnen heart plug.

Not satisfied.

27 Nov 2012 07:45 AM
Bendal     

Lsherm: Ambivalence: Lsherm: I haven't had a lot of medical procedures in my life, but one that will always stick with me is the removal of a catheter from my junk. It is quite possibly the worst thing you could experience, although I've heard kidney stones are even worse.

was it painful or just REALLY uncomfortable and/or weird feeling?

It started uncomfortable, but when the nurse told me "we can keep doing this slow or try the band-aid approach" - THEN it was wildly painful for a good 20 minutes, and I was sore for days. And the soreness is doubly irritating because it's not just your dick, it's inside, too. Like I got vagina punched with brass knuckles, except I don't have a vagina. Or brass knuckles.

Granted, them putting the damn thing in wasn't a bed of roses, either, but it was nothing compared to it coming out.


At least I had mine put in while I was unconscious. After the prostate surgery, though, I was told I had to keep it in there for the next 10 days before they'd take it out. By then I was very eager to have it removed. The nurse said "count to 3 and I'll pull it out". I said "one" and she pulled it right out. It felt like an electric shock down there; after I recovered I said "what happened to two and three" and she told me catheters came out easier when the patient wasn't expecting it.

27 Nov 2012 07:45 AM
maram500     
I've had multiple surgeries, most of which left me unable to do jack shiat with my right leg for weeks afterward. Even turning on my side in bed was horrifying torture (although copious amounts of painkillers helped).

But nothing--and I mean NOTHING--came close to being cathed while I was conscious. More than that, they cathed me in order to shoot dye in my bladder to see why I was leaking occasionally. So I'm on a cold table with a male nurse (I'm gay, so what) staring at me with a plastic hose from hell up my weiner. They're shooting dye which makes me have to piss like a racehorse, and when they pull the hosepipe out of my hosepipe, I'm bleeding. And whenever I peed for four days after, there was blood.

Catheters are no joke, people.

27 Nov 2012 07:45 AM
Habitual Cynic     
Some of this just doesn't make any sense. Catheters just don't go in your chest unless your plumbing is really messed up.

I'm thinking he had some sort of stent or a drain that the biatch from he!! yanked out.

Of course, maybe the dude was just dressed high and his junk was taped to his chest.

I'm just glad there weren't photos.

27 Nov 2012 07:45 AM
Jon iz teh kewl     

maram500: I've had multiple surgeries, most of which left me unable to do jack shiat with my right leg for weeks afterward. Even turning on my side in bed was horrifying torture (although copious amounts of painkillers helped).

But nothing--and I mean NOTHING--came close to being cathed while I was conscious. More than that, they cathed me in order to shoot dye in my bladder to see why I was leaking occasionally. So I'm on a cold table with a male nurse (I'm gay, so what) staring at me with a plastic hose from hell up my weiner. They're shooting dye which makes me have to piss like a racehorse, and when they pull the hosepipe out of my hosepipe, I'm bleeding. And whenever I peed for four days after, there was blood.

Catheters are no joke, people.


i once got cathered cause i couldn't provide a urine sample within the alloted 15 seconds. so they put a catheter in me instead of giving me water. well they gave me water too
hurt like hell

/the catheter
//not the water

27 Nov 2012 07:49 AM
SDRR     

Lsherm: Ambivalence: Lsherm: I haven't had a lot of medical procedures in my life, but one that will always stick with me is the removal of a catheter from my junk. It is quite possibly the worst thing you could experience, although I've heard kidney stones are even worse.

was it painful or just REALLY uncomfortable and/or weird feeling?

It started uncomfortable, but when the nurse told me "we can keep doing this slow or try the band-aid approach" - THEN it was wildly painful for a good 20 minutes, and I was sore for days. And the soreness is doubly irritating because it's not just your dick, it's inside, too. Like I got vagina punched with brass knuckles, except I don't have a vagina. Or brass knuckles.

Granted, them putting the damn thing in wasn't a bed of roses, either, but it was nothing compared to it coming out.


TMI dude, TMI.

27 Nov 2012 07:54 AM
SkunkWerks     

Habitual Cynic: Some of this just doesn't make any sense. Catheters just don't go in your chest unless your plumbing is really messed up.

I'm thinking he had some sort of stent or a drain that the biatch from he!! yanked out.



So, you're suggesting that it was not a catheter, but some other medical device which was placed in his chest for medical reasons?

Those last couple prepositions are critical.

27 Nov 2012 07:54 AM
gerbilpox     
img254.imageshack.usView Full Size


When "keeping it real" goes wrong.

27 Nov 2012 07:56 AM
rnatalie    [TotalFark]  
I remember a comedian explaining his stay in the hospital in that they had put the catheter in and it had a little balloon on the end of it. The nurse however didn't inflate it by mouth...that would take the head nurse.

27 Nov 2012 07:56 AM
Gunny Walker     

27 Nov 2012 08:00 AM
Flakeloaf     

Habitual Cynic: Some of this just doesn't make any sense. Catheters just don't go in your chest unless your plumbing is really messed up.

I'm thinking he had some sort of stent or a drain that the biatch from he!! yanked out.

Of course, maybe the dude was just dressed high and his junk was taped to his chest.

I'm just glad there weren't photos.


Come on people. Catheter + chest = Portacath.

www.phoenix5.orgView Full Size


Extremely handy for people who are getting routine injections of multiple drugs (e.g., chemotherapy).

27 Nov 2012 08:03 AM
KrispyKritter     

brap: For the dong-focused.
 
I don't think he had a chest penis, but now I desperately want one.  Hugging would be glorious.


the down side: you'd feel odd whenever you ate soup. and your necklace collection would quickly go to waste.

27 Nov 2012 08:09 AM
skinink    [TotalFark]  
He should have kicked her in the box and shoved her.

27 Nov 2012 08:39 AM
lyanna96     
rihards.comView Full Size

27 Nov 2012 08:39 AM
Greek     

Habitual Cynic: Some of this just doesn't make any sense. Catheters just don't go in your chest unless your plumbing is really messed up.

I'm thinking he had some sort of stent or a drain that the biatch from he!! yanked out.

Of course, maybe the dude was just dressed high and his junk was taped to his chest.

I'm just glad there weren't photos.

"Catheter" refers to more than just pee- tubes. They also refer to tubes inserted into a vein or artery- usually the main blood vessel(s) in one's chest, in order to facilitate the administration of certain medications or procedures such as dialysis. Pulling one of those farkers out can kill you pretty quickly, hence why this girl was charged with attempted homicide.

27 Nov 2012 08:41 AM
Podna     

violentsalvation: Lsherm: Ambivalence: Lsherm: I haven't had a lot of medical procedures in my life, but one that will always stick with me is the removal of a catheter from my junk. It is quite possibly the worst thing you could experience, although I've heard kidney stones are even worse.

was it painful or just REALLY uncomfortable and/or weird feeling?

It started uncomfortable, but when the nurse told me "we can keep doing this slow or try the band-aid approach" - THEN it was wildly painful for a good 20 minutes, and I was sore for days. And the soreness is doubly irritating because it's not just your dick, it's inside, too. Like I got vagina punched with brass knuckles, except I don't have a vagina. Or brass knuckles.

Granted, them putting the damn thing in wasn't a bed of roses, either, but it was nothing compared to it coming out.

It hurts like a biatch, and for me I had to watch because I was unconscious when it went in, so I wanted to know just what the hell was up in my pee hole. And as he was pulling out this bloody tubing it felt like a weed eater was being dragged through my dick.


For me it hurt, felt like I had a UTI, and getting an erection hurt.

27 Nov 2012 08:42 AM
Cybernetic     
That headline made me clench, and I've never even had a catheter. I'll probably be a wreck if I actually read the article.

27 Nov 2012 08:44 AM
DreamSnipers     
This sounds like a stent as people have pointed out.
I had a catheter for six days. The doctor told me to keep it lubed with Triple Antibiotic Ointment. I did my best with that, I couldn't exactly reach most of the length of the tube to lube it. The catheter was irritating to the urinary tract and I would see traces of blood now and then. Blood that would dry, adding bits of grit to the mix. So lubing it and showers (seemed to help in getting rid of the blood traces) were very important. When the doc removed it, it was not particularly painful, just really weird. It felt like he pulled it from somewhere around the base of my spine. That is when the pain began. Every time I peed that irritated urinary tract got a uric acid bath. It was actually less painful going with a full bladder than when I went a small amount. However I was having to regain bladder control so most of the time I was going a small amount. The amount of pain I had for five or six days was extraordinary. I had more pain from the after effects of the catheter than the operation.

27 Nov 2012 08:49 AM
doczoidberg     
I don't care what anyone says, I will never have surgery and I will never have a catheter.

27 Nov 2012 09:08 AM
SkunkWerks     

DreamSnipers: This sounds like a stent as people have pointed out.
I had a catheter for six days. The doctor told me to keep it lubed with Triple Antibiotic Ointment. I did my best with that, I couldn't exactly reach most of the length of the tube to lube it. The catheter was irritating to the urinary tract and I would see traces of blood now and then. Blood that would dry, adding bits of grit to the mix. So lubing it and showers (seemed to help in getting rid of the blood traces) were very important. When the doc removed it, it was not particularly painful, just really weird. It felt like he pulled it from somewhere around the base of my spine. That is when the pain began. Every time I peed that irritated urinary tract got a uric acid bath. It was actually less painful going with a full bladder than when I went a small amount. However I was having to regain bladder control so most of the time I was going a small amount. The amount of pain I had for five or six days was extraordinary. I had more pain from the after effects of the catheter than the operation.


While my father was hospitalized after he fell off an eight foot high staging, he had a catheter inserted in the ER. There was blood in it from time to time, which the docs assured me was normal.

The blood after he got home from his few days in the hospital (and long after the catheter was removed)? Not so much.

To this day I'm really curious as to precisely how you miss with a catheter insertion and instead skewer someone's scrotum. I'm equally curious to know how a person- as the orderly who administered it- can sleep at night knowing that you told not a soul about having farked it up that badly.

27 Nov 2012 09:15 AM
Gleeman     
Urinary catheters are unpleasant. But you haven't lived until you've had femoral catheters from a cardiac cath procedure pulled out, while you're awake and no anesthesia.

*two nurses enter room*
Me: "Hi, what's up?"
Nurse #1: "Going to take out your catheters now." (they have to wait several hours with pressure on the sites or you'll bleed out)
Me: "Ok. What are you here for?" (to Nurse #2)
Nurse #2: "I'm going to hold you down while she does it."
Me: "Oh, shiat..."

27 Nov 2012 09:36 AM
Arthurgoboom     

maram500:
Catheters are no joke, people.


Then why do I keep laughing?

27 Nov 2012 09:45 AM
504_King_streetcar     
Speaking as someone who has used a catheter, let me say OH SWEET SMOKING JESUS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Having one removed normally is agony of a kind you will hopefully never experience. Having one ripped out sounds like something I'd slit my own wrists to avoid.

27 Nov 2012 10:14 AM
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