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   Protip of the day: If you are going to threaten someone with a chainsaw, make sure you can start it. With mugshot goodness

27 Nov 2012 11:37 AM   |   9584 clicks   |   TC Palm
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Sybarite    [TotalFark]  
"Leatherface never had this problem."

27 Nov 2012 11:30 AM
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iheartscotch    [TotalFark]  
Or you are behind a door without holes in it.

27 Nov 2012 11:39 AM
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fireclown     
www.productwiki.com

Just get yourself one 'o these.

27 Nov 2012 11:40 AM
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Fart_Machine     
www.geekscape.net

Groovy!

27 Nov 2012 11:41 AM
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Eeteetoo     
Damn, that's a Fetal Alcohol Spectrum face if I ever saw one.

27 Nov 2012 11:41 AM
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jfivealive     
If only he were skilled in starting chainsaws, if only he had practiced more, if only he had trained enough to be a chainsaw master, then he would be master bates.

27 Nov 2012 11:41 AM
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Zarquon's Flat Tire     
Must be tough to argue crime of passion if you have to prime your weapon 15 times and drop-start it 4 or 5. "I swear it just went off!"

27 Nov 2012 11:42 AM
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Headso    [TotalFark]  
A chainsaw is no match for a thrown balled up bed sheet.

27 Nov 2012 11:44 AM
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fireclown     

Headso: A chainsaw is no match for a thrown balled up bed sheet.


I sorta need to hear the story behind that.

27 Nov 2012 11:46 AM
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weapon13     

Zarquon's Flat Tire: Must be tough to argue crime of passion if you have to prime your weapon 15 times and drop-start it 4 or 5. "I swear it just went off!"


"I say, would you mind holding still for a minute whilst I'll try and start this damn thing up? There's a good chap, thanks awfully!"

27 Nov 2012 11:48 AM
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CygnusDarius     
Does it count?.

fullmoonhorror.com

/American Psycho twice in a day? Wow

27 Nov 2012 11:49 AM
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unchellmatt     
You know, I never knew it was even possible to start a chain saw with mugshot goodness. 

/the more you know

27 Nov 2012 11:53 AM
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blatz514    [TotalFark]  

Headso: A chainsaw is no match for a thrown balled up bed sheet.


Heh...this is the first thing i though of

27 Nov 2012 11:53 AM
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busy chillin'     
I have never been able to start a chainsaw with mughshot goodness. I always have to pull the chord.

27 Nov 2012 11:54 AM
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busy chillin'     
FFS

too slow

27 Nov 2012 11:55 AM
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meh.     
And I bet he just laughed at that commercial about that guy who put up with a lot, but one thing he wouldn't put up with was his chainsaw not starting.

Well who is laughing now.

27 Nov 2012 11:57 AM
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Sticky Hands     
IDK, I think it makes more sense to threaten first.
that way you don't have to yell over the noise of the saw.
even then, you would probably have to turn it off for them to know what you are saying.

27 Nov 2012 11:58 AM
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The Angry Hand of God     
STUART - A Stuart man is facing criminal charges after threatening his neighbor with a knife and a chain saw, according to a Martin County Sheriff's Office arrest report.


You know that Johnny Werzner kid - the kid who delivers papers in the neighborhood? He's a fine kid. Some of the neighbors say he smokes crack, but I don't believe it. Anyway, for his 10th birthday, all he wanted was a burrow owl, just like his old man. "Dad, get me a burrow owl. I'll never ask for anything else as long as I live". So the guy breaks down and buys him a burrow owl. Anyway at 10:30 the other night I go out into my yard and there's the Werzner kid looking up in the tree. I said, "What are you looking for?" He said, "I'm looking for my burrow owl." I say, "Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick! Everybody knows that a burrow owl lives in a hole in the ground! Why the hell do you think they call it a burrow owl, anyway?!" Now Stuart, do you think a kid like that is gonna know what the queers are doing to the soil?

27 Nov 2012 11:59 AM
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Englebert Slaptyback     

make sure you can start it


If you can't start it, use a whistle to make a lot of high-pitched noise. Your attacker will drop his weapon and clutch his ears.

27 Nov 2012 12:00 PM
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WhoopAssWayne     
Pro Tip: If used infrequently, run it out of gas after each use. This keeps the carb from gunking up, especially over winter.

27 Nov 2012 12:02 PM
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Jon iz teh kewl     
what does it mean to *expletive* kill someone?
and how is that different from wanting to kill them

27 Nov 2012 12:07 PM
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Rhames     
mikedoe.net

Whoa there Annie Oakley

27 Nov 2012 12:11 PM
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Bermuda59     
No Thunderdome references?

27 Nov 2012 12:13 PM
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Sybarite    [TotalFark]  

busy chillin': I have never been able to start a chainsaw with mughshot goodness. I always have to pull the chord.



Your chainsaw starts via music? That's an unusual feature.

27 Nov 2012 12:13 PM
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PYROY     
I swear, 75% of criminals in the south have the same facial hair as that dude.

27 Nov 2012 12:19 PM
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busy chillin'     

Sybarite: busy chillin': I have never been able to start a chainsaw with mughshot goodness. I always have to pull the chord.


Your chainsaw starts via music? That's an unusual feature.


You're pretty sharp. Spelling words correctly is key.

27 Nov 2012 12:20 PM
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No Time To Explain     
FTFA:" after threatening the man for buying his brother's truck,the report states"

What the fark prompted the use of sharp things being suck in the guy?

/then again, it IS from Florida
//what's in the water there?
///and don't say gators, I know that already

27 Nov 2012 12:22 PM
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That Guy in the Dos Equis Commercials     
The guy should have given up when he couldn't figure out how how to start the fork.

27 Nov 2012 12:27 PM
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Profedius     
We should put in place laws to regulate chainsaw ownership and make all possible owners submit to back ground checks. If chainsaw owners want to take the chainsaw off of their property we should have them take a costly course and buy a permit that is costly and must be renewed each year.

27 Nov 2012 12:28 PM
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offmymeds     

fireclown: [www.productwiki.com image 800x419]

Just get yourself one 'o these.


images2.wikia.nocookie.net

One of these would suit me just fine, thank you.

27 Nov 2012 12:29 PM
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MatrixOutsider    [TotalFark]  

Bermuda59: No Thunderdome references?


What happened to Buzzsaw?.....he had to split.

27 Nov 2012 12:56 PM
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Englebert Slaptyback     

Bermuda59


No Thunderdome references?


Try looking at the thread. The words, too, not just the pictures.

27 Nov 2012 01:01 PM
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Fark Rye For Many Whores     
images1.wikia.nocookie.neti.computer-bild.de

27 Nov 2012 01:34 PM
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manitobamadman     
"What makes you think I won't cut you"
*pulls cord on chainsaw* ....(nothing)
"I said ... What makes you think I won't cut YOU !"
*pulls cord again* ... (nothing)
"Damn !!! "

27 Nov 2012 02:32 PM
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martid4    [TotalFark]  
Could have probably got away with an electric one and an extension cord, unless of course the person won't stand still.

www.stalhameng.co.uk

27 Nov 2012 04:01 PM
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Biff Spiffy     
I had a customer threaten me and my crew with a chainsaw once.

We're putting up tile in the shower, and he comes in sloshed on Icehouse, carrying a chainsaw.

He says, "Did you see Scarface? You know the part where he cuts up his friend? Haha, that was great."

/We left immediately
//it wasn't running
///if he tried to start it...

27 Nov 2012 06:17 PM
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onearmedninja     

jfivealive: If only he were skilled in starting chainsaws, if only he had practiced more, if only he had trained enough to be a chainsaw master, then he would be master bates.


This made me laugh!

27 Nov 2012 08:43 PM
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Vector R     

Sticky Hands: IDK, I think it makes more sense to threaten first.
that way you don't have to yell over the noise of the saw.
even then, you would probably have to turn it off for them to know what you are saying.


Not really, because you'll end up like this guy. "Here dude, stand still while I rip this cord a few times and try to get this baby to start." By that time, any worthwhile human is going to have already charged up by the third rip, beating the snot out of you with anything else handy.

No, you fire up the chainsaw first then start after your prey. If you're lucky, they'll think nothing of it until you're right on top of them. When it comes to speeches, really, what more do you need to say that can't be vividly displayed by you standing there with a running chainsaw and murder in your eyes? A primal scream before you charge is also acceptable if true assclownery was afoot, premeditating the whole chasing-person-with-chainsaw thing, but this just isn't the time to talk about your father, or everything you've ever wanted to scream at your ex, or whatever your rage-fueling flavor.

I'm not going to listen to the speech anyway. Run away!

/Then find you later with something a little stealthier

27 Nov 2012 10:29 PM
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lostinjersey     
my wife and I worked in a haunted attraction many years ago. I was a ghoul, she was a guide, leading them thru the many rooms to the final room where there was a clearly marked exit. She stopped them telling them that before they could leave they would have to. FACE. THE. WRATH. OF. LEATHERFACE!

and at this point leatherface would start his chainsaw, emerge from behind a hidden area, and chase the guests out the exit.

only one time he couldnt get it started.

BBBRRRUMMPF!

BBBRRRUMMPF!

//puzzled looks all around

BBBRRRUMMPF!

BBBRRRUMMPF!

wife: WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR YOU FOOLS! RUN BEFORE HE GETS IT STARTED!

scared guests: AHHHHH! //ran thru the exit screaming to get away from a non-starting chainsaw.

it was awesome. oh we gave leatherface shiat for that the rest of the halloween season of course. but it was awesome nonetheless.

27 Nov 2012 11:40 PM
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stuffy     
How long was the bar?
This is important.

27 Nov 2012 11:51 PM
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