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   Pastor accused of selling heroin, methamphetamine and prescription drugs to his followers to help bring them closer to God. Then again, an overdose would technically bring them closer to God

29 Nov 2012 10:47 AM   |   2360 clicks   |   AZCentral
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Cythraul     
Well, he's already selling them one drug by being a Pastor, might as well include a few more.

29 Nov 2012 09:44 AM
HailRobonia    [TotalFark]  
tvmedia.ign.comView Full Size

29 Nov 2012 10:51 AM
darth_badger     
I like how he's old school and gives them some for free at first, then when they are hooked he starts selling it to them.

29 Nov 2012 10:51 AM
thecpt     
Trent Reznor knew how to get closer to god.... much healthier than meth. just saying.

29 Nov 2012 10:53 AM
Leeds     
Because after overdosing they would no longer exist?

29 Nov 2012 10:55 AM
KrispyKritter     
good for him, he wasn't blowing kids.

29 Nov 2012 10:55 AM
No Time To Explain     

darth_badger: I like how he's old school and gives them some for free at first, then when they are hooked he starts selling it to them.


That's how you lure them in

/if that business plan worked for God, it'll work for drugs

29 Nov 2012 10:56 AM
angstycoder     

thecpt: Trent Reznor knew how to get closer to god.... much healthier than meth. just saying.


Then again, priests have tried the "fark you like an animal" approach for quite some time as well.

/ you beat me to Reznor reference

29 Nov 2012 10:57 AM
Rembrant_Q_Einstein     
LSD and peyote would be more appropriate.

29 Nov 2012 10:57 AM
offacue     
Then again, an overdose would technically bring them closer to God

Well......if there was a god.

29 Nov 2012 10:58 AM
SweetSaws     
Big Aleutian man with long hair and a harpoon seen delivering the goods to the pastor

29 Nov 2012 10:59 AM
robohobo     
g-ecx.images-amazon.comView Full Size

29 Nov 2012 11:00 AM
abhorrent1     
Gee. A "family values" conservative living the "Do as I say, not as I do" lifestyle? This is the most shocking thing EVAR!

29 Nov 2012 11:01 AM
Nurglitch     
At least he wasn't selling them opiates, amirite?

29 Nov 2012 11:01 AM
PapaChester     
Heroin, meth, and prescription pills? Well, at least he wasn't selling pot.

/Conservative drugs are worse than liberal drugs.

29 Nov 2012 11:05 AM
S23     
wanted for questioning:

www.bitcandy.comView Full Size

29 Nov 2012 11:09 AM
CygnusDarius     

Rembrant_Q_Einstein: LSD and peyote would be more appropriate.


Came here for this, leaving satisfied.

29 Nov 2012 11:12 AM
themasterdebater     

offacue: Then again, an overdose would technically bring them closer to God

Well......if there was a god.


Shhhhh... we've got them right at the close.... they can talk to another department about refunds later.

29 Nov 2012 11:39 AM
Skail     
My goal in life is to develop a religion wherein hallucinogens would be our method of worship, and would thus have to be decriminalized for use in our ceremonies. Our slogan would be: "Other religions may tell you about God, but only Skailicans get to speak with Her."

29 Nov 2012 11:49 AM
The One True TheDavid     
Rembrant_Q_Einstein:

LSD and peyote would be more appropriate.

Heroin made me feel heavenly. So until I'm dying already I ain't doing it again: my current vices are expensive enough.

On the other hand, once on LSD I became convinced that the Satanists behind the CIA were out to get me "just because." Trent Reznor was part of the soundtrack.

YMMV.

29 Nov 2012 11:55 AM
Grammatik Polizei     

Skail: My goal in life is to develop a religion wherein hallucinogens would be our method of worship, and would thus have to be decriminalized for use in our ceremonies. Our slogan would be: "Other religions may tell you about God, but only Skailicans get to speak with Her."


Your church sounds like União do Vegetal

29 Nov 2012 11:56 AM
ZeroTheHero     

robohobo: [g-ecx.images-amazon.com image 850x406]


Came here for this. Damn that Lester Coggins...

29 Nov 2012 12:25 PM
BarkingUnicorn     

No Time To Explain: darth_badger: I like how he's old school and gives them some for free at first, then when they are hooked he starts selling it to them.

That's how you lure them in

/if that business plan worked for God, it'll work for drugs


Works for the Internet, too.

29 Nov 2012 12:27 PM
Skail     

Grammatik Polizei: Skail: My goal in life is to develop a religion wherein hallucinogens would be our method of worship, and would thus have to be decriminalized for use in our ceremonies. Our slogan would be: "Other religions may tell you about God, but only Skailicans get to speak with Her."

Your church sounds like União do Vegetal


*reads link* Huh. So it does. Still, though, we'd provide alternatives. We'll be a free-market hallucinogenic church.

29 Nov 2012 12:30 PM
Thai_Mai_Xhu     

Skail: My goal in life is to develop a religion wherein hallucinogens would be our method of worship, and would thus have to be decriminalized for use in our ceremonies. Our slogan would be: "Other religions may tell you about God, but only Skailicans get to speak with Her."


Yeah...about that.
That would be the Neo-American Church.
I sometimes claim to be a member of The Pale Rasta Church of Emperor Haile Selassie I.
Hasn't worked yet.

29 Nov 2012 12:32 PM
o4tuna     
You let me violate you, you let me desecrate you
You let me penetrate you, you let me complicate you
Help me I broke apart my insides, help me I've got no soul to sell
Help me the only thing that works for me, help me get away from myself
I want to fark you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
I want to fark you like an animal
My whole existence is flawed
You get me closer to god
You can have my isolation, you can have the hate that it brings
You can have my absence of faith, you can have my everything
Help me tear down my reason, help me its' your sex I can smell
Help me you make me perfect, help me become somebody else
I want to fark you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
I want to fark you like an animal
My whole existence is flawed
You get me closer to god

Through every forest, above the trees
Within my stomach, scraped off my knees
I drink the honey inside your hive
You are the reason I stay alive

29 Nov 2012 12:35 PM
DaCaptain19     

The One True TheDavid: Rembrant_Q_Einstein:

LSD and peyote would be more appropriate.

Heroin made me feel heavenly. So until I'm dying already I ain't doing it again: my current vices are expensive enough.

On the other hand, once on LSD I became convinced that the Satanists behind the CIA were out to get me "just because." Trent Reznor was part of the soundtrack.

YMMV.


I remember every trip I've ever had and I found them all to be very enjoyable, clarifying and spiritual. Plus by friends' shag carpet was erupting like a volcano.

29 Nov 2012 12:36 PM
Rembrant_Q_Einstein     

Rembrant_Q_Einstein: LSD and peyote would be more appropriate.


Just ask this guy:

law2.umkc.eduView Full Size

29 Nov 2012 01:01 PM
Jon iz teh kewl     
Fountain Hills
bare mountain
mr. g
eugene oregon
reets of california let it burn let it burns
its get bouncer let it burn let it burn

29 Nov 2012 01:04 PM
BronyMedic     

Nurglitch: At least he wasn't selling them opiates, amirite?


Not sure if serious, laughed anyway.  10/10 trolling. Simple but eloquent.

29 Nov 2012 01:06 PM
Gaius     
That's the town where Sheriff Joe lives. Go figure.

29 Nov 2012 01:36 PM
Gaius     

Nurglitch: At least he wasn't selling them opiates, amirite?


Um, heroin is an opiate.

29 Nov 2012 01:37 PM
torusXL     
If you took all those at the same time, you would probably would feel like you were talking to God.

29 Nov 2012 01:40 PM
piccolo     
hey Hiro, wanna try some Snow Crash?

free sample!!

29 Nov 2012 06:16 PM
morg     
This is where the second winning powerball ticket was sold. Sheriff Joe got tipped to the winner and this is a shake down.

29 Nov 2012 07:47 PM
Mister Peejay     

thecpt: Trent Reznor knew how to get closer to god.... much healthier than meth. just saying.


I *suppose* heroin is healthier than meth, I guess...

/take the song in the context of the rest of the album

30 Nov 2012 01:02 AM
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