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   If you are using FedEx to ship three kilos of meth and 100 grams of cocaine to the Philippines and the package doesn't arrive, let it go man. Calling to find out why your package never made it to its destination might make things worse

29 Nov 2012 10:40 PM   |   5654 clicks   |   Mercury News
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Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener     
Don't ask what happened to that.

img831.imageshack.usView Full Size


You don't want to know, man.

You. Don't. Want. To. Know.

29 Nov 2012 08:32 PM
MaudlinMutantMollusk     
If you are using FedEx to ship three kilos of meth and 100 grams of cocaine to the Philippines, I have no trouble believing you'd be stupid enough to call about it

29 Nov 2012 09:16 PM
FloydA     

MaudlinMutantMollusk: If you are using FedEx to ship three kilos of meth and 100 grams of cocaine to the Philippines, I have no trouble believing you'd be stupid enough to call about it


If you watch David Lynch's "Twin Peaks" and write down a list of all of the things that make the town of Twin Peaks appealing and interesting, and arguably even "fascinating" and worth looking into, and then imagine the same town, but without everything that you wrote on that list, you've got Redwood City.

29 Nov 2012 09:38 PM
MaudlinMutantMollusk     

FloydA: MaudlinMutantMollusk: If you are using FedEx to ship three kilos of meth and 100 grams of cocaine to the Philippines, I have no trouble believing you'd be stupid enough to call about it

If you watch David Lynch's "Twin Peaks" and write down a list of all of the things that make the town of Twin Peaks appealing and interesting, and arguably even "fascinating" and worth looking into, and then imagine the same town, but without everything that you wrote on that list, you've got Redwood City.


My ex-wife was from Redwood City

/yeah... I know

29 Nov 2012 09:53 PM
megarian    [TotalFark]  
Well, there goes my weekend.

29 Nov 2012 10:44 PM
skinink     
Shipping Bad

29 Nov 2012 10:45 PM
vudukungfu    [TotalFark]  
Dude. DUDE! DOOOOOOOODE!!!!~~~~~! Dija git Dija git Dija git Dija git Dija git Did you get the STUFF???? I meannnnnnnnnn. Where izzzzzzzzzzz it?
I shipped it?!?!?!
WHEEEEEEEEEEERE IZZZZZZZ iT?

Customer servce: Do you have a tracking number, sir?

29 Nov 2012 10:50 PM
buzzcut73     
cdn1.hark.comView Full Size

...and he doesn't know it...you forgot that part.

29 Nov 2012 10:52 PM
Mad_Radhu     
2.bp.blogspot.comView Full Size

29 Nov 2012 10:53 PM
Vector R     
I've heard UPS or a private courier are a much better bet. Also, is it really that hard to avoid detection if there's no dogs involved? Did they slip up and label the bags 'cocaine' instead of 'flour' or 'confectioners' sugar?'

29 Nov 2012 10:58 PM
wildcardjack     
Does cocaine or meth really have a smell or do the dogs sniff out solvents?

29 Nov 2012 11:03 PM
Point02GPA    [TotalFark]  
Instead of shipping it, which would take a lot of time, I would had sent it by air freight. That's faster. I mean look how long it took MacArthur to return by boat.

29 Nov 2012 11:08 PM
wallywam1    [TotalFark]  
They should just put it in those balikbayan boxes.

29 Nov 2012 11:08 PM
kkinnison     
Police are keeping 2 Kilos of Meth and 50 grams of cocaine as evidence

29 Nov 2012 11:10 PM
Apos     
www.wrestling123.orgView Full Size


"They claimed I did what?!"

29 Nov 2012 11:10 PM
Z-clipped     
This guy would be sentenced to death in the Philippines. I'm not kidding. That's the penalty for drug trafficking here.

They wouldn't kill him, because there's a nation wide moratorium on executions, but still..

29 Nov 2012 11:11 PM
dypchit     
Better call Saul.

29 Nov 2012 11:12 PM
illannoyin     
I ordered a new guitar on Monday and today I received a package full of white powder and some kind of crystal like substance.

Then I found this story on fark. I wonder if there's a connection?

Also, where the fark is my guitar?

29 Nov 2012 11:14 PM
CruJones     

Vector R: I've heard UPS or a private courier are a much better bet. Also, is it really that hard to avoid detection if there's no dogs involved? Did they slip up and label the bags 'cocaine' instead of 'flour' or 'confectioners' sugar?'


From my understanding FedEx is actually a prevalent choice. The UPS allows the Feds to pie around, and they share a lot of stuff with the USPS. FedEx only allows dogs with a warrant. A large percentage of drugs travels by FedEx apparently.

/Buddy is a customs agent, works with the DEA a lot
//still don't know if its true seeds are considered fruit at the border, and you can't get in trouble ordering them. Urban legend?

29 Nov 2012 11:23 PM
CruJones     
Oh, and I do know a bunch of folks who FedEx weed to where they're going. Put a bullshiat return address and ship to hotel. Easier than the TSA is the idea.

29 Nov 2012 11:25 PM
Nogrhi    [TotalFark]  
Package for Dave.

Dave's not here man....

29 Nov 2012 11:46 PM
fusillade762    [TotalFark]  
Someone trying to smuggle drugs OUT of the country? That's a new one.

29 Nov 2012 11:47 PM
MrEricSir     

FloydA: If you watch David Lynch's "Twin Peaks" and write down a list of all of the things that make the town of Twin Peaks appealing and interesting, and arguably even "fascinating" and worth looking into, and then imagine the same town, but without everything that you wrote on that list, you've got Redwood City.


I'd say it's even less interesting than that.

/grew up near Redwood City

29 Nov 2012 11:53 PM
IsSteelGeek     

wildcardjack: Does cocaine or meth really have a smell or do the dogs sniff out solvents?


As a dog trainer I can tell you that dogs can sniff out things that you wouldn't believe. A lot of times it comes down to trainers train the dog with the object, and then they track it or detect it, at which point we go "Huh, guess it does have a smell" So, might be the solvent, might be the drug, dunno, but the dog does. I've known corpse detecting dogs that have found 2 year old corpses at the bottom of a 35 foot deep lake while riding on a boat. We're still not sure how they can smell cancer tumors, and detect epileptic seizures before they happen.
They're not infallible though, the accuracy comes down to the training of the dog and the relationship and skill of the handler.

30 Nov 2012 12:05 AM
studebaker hoch     
There was no FedEx shipment.

30 Nov 2012 12:22 AM
JDJoeE     

CruJones: Vector R: I've heard UPS or a private courier are a much better bet. Also, is it really that hard to avoid detection if there's no dogs involved? Did they slip up and label the bags 'cocaine' instead of 'flour' or 'confectioners' sugar?'

From my understanding FedEx is actually a prevalent choice. The UPS allows the Feds to pie around, and they share a lot of stuff with the USPS. FedEx only allows dogs with a warrant. A large percentage of drugs travels by FedEx apparently.

/Buddy is a customs agent, works with the DEA a lot
//still don't know if its true seeds are considered fruit at the border, and you can't get in trouble ordering them. Urban legend?


Thats not quite accurate. It was FedEx and the USPS that had a deal, hence why you'd see FedEx drop boxes infront of post offices.

30 Nov 2012 12:32 AM
Gyrfalcon     

MaudlinMutantMollusk: If you are using FedEx to ship three kilos of meth and 100 grams of cocaine to the Philippines, I have no trouble believing you'd be stupid enough to call about it


This.

They don't have meth ingredients in the Phillippines?

30 Nov 2012 12:45 AM
dereksmalls     
I had a friend who worked as a driver for FEDEX for 20 years, late 70-late 90s. He said it was easy to profile a drug containing pkg., check it, and return it to the belt to be resorted, minus a portion of its contents. mostly weed, ludes, coke and laundered cash. One time the corner of a wrapped pkg was torn, unraveled, and weed was seen spilling out. by the time the sorting belt went around once, it was gone. One driver mentioned it to a supervisor and there were some suspensions and firings that day.

30 Nov 2012 02:12 AM
fusillade762    [TotalFark]  

studebaker hoch: There was no FedEx shipment.


This is not the FedEx shipment you are looking for...

30 Nov 2012 03:12 AM
Happy Hours     

Z-clipped: This guy would be sentenced to death in the Philippines. I'm not kidding. That's the penalty for drug trafficking here.

They wouldn't kill him, because there's a nation wide moratorium on executions, but still..


Not to mention that they abolished the death penalty in 2006 and commuted all the death sentences to life in prison.

Still, prison in the Philippines probably isn't that great of a place to spend the rest of your life, but they sometimes re-enact music videos like Thriller and Gangam Style so they've got that going for them.

30 Nov 2012 03:38 AM
Grammatik Polizei     
Came for Hedberg...

/left satisfied

30 Nov 2012 10:07 AM
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