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   Protip: If you're going to offer a $1 million reward, be prepared to pay it

30 Nov 2012 09:19 AM   |   26963 clicks   |   Gawker
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Pocket Ninja    [TotalFark]  
I've never even heard of this singer guy. I'm feeling lazy, so I'll pay a million dollars* to the first person who can post links to some of his songs in here.

*dollars will be internet representations of actual dollars with no monetary value

30 Nov 2012 08:27 AM
kronicfeld    [TotalFark]  
That reminds me, I should cash in those Pepsi points for the jet in that commercial...

30 Nov 2012 08:36 AM
Shostie    [TotalFark]  

Pocket Ninja: *dollars will be internet representations of actual dollars with no monetary value


Well everyone take a gander at Rich Uncle Skeleton over here.

30 Nov 2012 09:06 AM
OregonVet    [TotalFark]  
www.sptimes.comView Full Size

/is not amused

30 Nov 2012 09:17 AM
DammitIForgotMyLogin    [TotalFark]  
7460661 vs 7460600

Is this the quickest repeat ever?

30 Nov 2012 09:17 AM
diaphoresis     

DammitIForgotMyLogin: 7460661 vs 7460600

Is this the quickest repeat ever?


All this proves is that: it would be a full-time job for all the mods to read every submitted link and have a memory good enough to know when an article is a duplicate.

/Cheerleading for mods!
//for this thread anyway

30 Nov 2012 09:24 AM
cyks     
1.bp.blogspot.comView Full Size


Dottie: Pee-wee, how are you ever going to pay a reward like that?
Pee-wee: It's simple. Whoever returns the bike is obviously the person who stole it. So they don't deserve any reward!

30 Nov 2012 09:26 AM
indarwinsshadow     
Great story with a kicker ending. A rapper. Who's a complete cheapskate assh*&%. What a surprise.

30 Nov 2012 09:28 AM
trappedspirit     
LOL, yeah, he "found" the laptop

30 Nov 2012 09:28 AM
diaphoresis     

trappedspirit: LOL, yeah, he "found" the laptop


Unless they had proof he stole it, guy had to pay the reward. In this country, it wouldn't matter if they guy had stolen it; Rapper offered a reward for its return. No stipulations.

/Crime pays.. get on board

30 Nov 2012 09:32 AM
ZAZ    [TotalFark]  
U.S. federal law specifically prohibits suing the government over promises of rewards. So if you know the president have him appoint you Attorney General and stop worrying. 

AG: I offer one billion dollars for pictures of Mitt Romney, Paul Ryan, or Scott Brown naked.

Public: Here are one million copies of the June, 1982 Cosmo.

AG: Oh, never mind.

30 Nov 2012 09:34 AM
BitwiseShift     
i551.photobucket.comView Full Size

30 Nov 2012 09:36 AM
ChrisDe     

trappedspirit: LOL, yeah, he "found" the laptop


Rule is No Snitches, right? You found it, but have no idea (wink) where it came from.

30 Nov 2012 09:38 AM
Cyno01    [TotalFark]  
See the headline... "please don't be James Randi, please don't be James Randi... Phew."

30 Nov 2012 09:39 AM
special20    [TotalFark]  
Ach du lieber Augustein!

30 Nov 2012 09:41 AM
proteus_b     
that guy augstein sounds like a piece of work, probably deserves to be dropped into a shallow grave

30 Nov 2012 09:45 AM
Apos     
Drake is thinner and dumber than expected.

30 Nov 2012 09:46 AM
diaphoresis     

proteus_b: that guy augstein sounds like a piece of work, probably deserves to be dropped into a shallow grave


The 'supposed thief' didn't make the rapper offer $1 million reward. Rapper gets what he gets.

30 Nov 2012 09:47 AM
Happy Hours     
It probably depends on the circumstances - sometimes the payoff happens whether or not you can pay.

I mean if I offered $1 billion to whoever avenges the death of my daughter* and I couldn't pay up, it still might be worth it to me.

Just skimming the article though, I'm reminded of this:


upload.wikimedia.orgView Full Size


Yes, a pizza delivery guy stole a tape from Jerry Garcia and released it and sold a lot of bootlegs. I have a legit copy - great album.

* I have no daughter and she is not dead and I am not actually offering any money for avenging my hypothetical daughter's hypothetical death.

30 Nov 2012 09:48 AM
SuddenlySamhain     
Man what a nubianrdly attitude . Just pay the money and be done with it

30 Nov 2012 09:49 AM
stevarooni    [TotalFark]  

ZAZ: U.S. federal law specifically prohibits suing the government over promises of rewards. So if you know the president have him appoint you Attorney General and stop worrying. 

AG: I offer one billion dollars for pictures of Mitt Romney, Paul Ryan, or Scott Brown naked.


The use of the personal "I" means that the person who is the Attorney General, rather than the office or the federal government itself, is on the hook for $1 billion. "We" or "The Justice Department" would be a better noun if you want to invoke the government's immunity.

30 Nov 2012 09:50 AM
drjekel_mrhyde     

indarwinsshadow: Great story with a kicker ending. A rapper. Who's a complete cheapskate assh*&%. What a surprise.


He's not a rapper. Hell he even went to Harvard and graduated at 19 Link

30 Nov 2012 09:51 AM
fat boy     
Figures he would try to renege.

30 Nov 2012 09:53 AM
Fenwick3     
Dude should have returned the laptop without the hard drive.

30 Nov 2012 09:54 AM
ChrisDe     

Happy Hours: It probably depends on the circumstances - sometimes the payoff happens whether or not you can pay.

I mean if I offered $1 billion to whoever avenges the death of my daughter* and I couldn't pay up, it still might be worth it to me.

Just skimming the article though, I'm reminded of this:


[upload.wikimedia.org image 220x219]

Yes, a pizza delivery guy stole a tape from Jerry Garcia and released it and sold a lot of bootlegs. I have a legit copy - great album.

* I have no daughter and she is not dead and I am not actually offering any money for avenging my hypothetical daughter's hypothetical death.


Reading between the lines of your post, it seems that I might know a guy that could possibly be of some assistance in rectifying your most unusual situation. If you were to contact me, say via email, there is a chance that I could conceivably set up a meeting under the bridge. If the mood strikes you, you might want to bring along a duffle bag filled with some green paper.

30 Nov 2012 09:54 AM
drjekel_mrhyde     

drjekel_mrhyde: indarwinsshadow: Great story with a kicker ending. A rapper. Who's a complete cheapskate assh*&%. What a surprise.

He's not a rapper. Hell he even went to Harvard and graduated at 19 Link


This guy just be smarter than anyone on Fark, but goes and do something a GED in Law farker would not do.

30 Nov 2012 09:57 AM
TrainingWheelsNeeded     

diaphoresis: trappedspirit: LOL, yeah, he "found" the laptop

Unless they had proof he stole it, guy had to pay the reward. In this country, it wouldn't matter if they guy had stolen it; Rapper offered a reward for its return. No stipulations.

/Crime pays.. get on board


i89.photobucket.comView Full Size


You bet your ass crime pays.

30 Nov 2012 10:00 AM
Gimli_Gloin     

diaphoresis: trappedspirit: LOL, yeah, he "found" the laptop

Unless they had proof he stole it, guy had to pay the reward. In this country, it wouldn't matter if they guy had stolen it; Rapper offered a reward for its return. No stipulations.


This.

Caveat your comments or pay the price. 

This is why people have attorneys so they can take care of this kind of thing.

30 Nov 2012 10:03 AM
Dragonflew     

drjekel_mrhyde:
He's not a rapper. Hell he even went to Harvard...


I love how you have made the two mutually exclusive.

30 Nov 2012 10:06 AM
proteus_b     

diaphoresis: The 'supposed thief' didn't make the rapper offer $1 million reward. Rapper gets what he gets.


Look at it this way---you have something which doesn't belong to you, but does belong to someone else. Rather than accepting his 20,000 dollar "reward" for returning HIS property, you insist that he give you a million dollars (which is clearly more indicative of his state of desperation at the time fo the reward offer than of the real value of the laptop).
Augstein is a sub-human... probably he will get what's coming to him soon...

30 Nov 2012 10:06 AM
Dissociater     
I'll just put this here...
images.profileengine.comView Full Size

30 Nov 2012 10:07 AM
tarheel07     

cyks: [1.bp.blogspot.com image 428x287]

Dottie: Pee-wee, how are you ever going to pay a reward like that?
Pee-wee: It's simple. Whoever returns the bike is obviously the person who stole it. So they don't deserve any reward!


Thank you for this.

30 Nov 2012 10:08 AM
chewielouie     

TrainingWheelsNeeded: diaphoresis: trappedspirit: LOL, yeah, he "found" the laptop

Unless they had proof he stole it, guy had to pay the reward. In this country, it wouldn't matter if they guy had stolen it; Rapper offered a reward for its return. No stipulations.

/Crime pays.. get on board

[i89.photobucket.com image 320x215]

You bet your ass crime pays.


www.thebigbrownchair.comView Full Size


Well, it pays a little.

30 Nov 2012 10:10 AM
JeffMD     
Awww... what a let down. I clicked hoping it was in response to this...

25.media.tumblr.comView Full Size

30 Nov 2012 10:12 AM
catchow     

Cyno01: See the headline... "please don't be James RandiOmarion, please don't be James RandiOmarion... Phew."


FTFY

30 Nov 2012 10:20 AM
Kalashinator     

Apos: Drake is thinner and dumber than expected.


That's exactly who I thought it was.

30 Nov 2012 10:25 AM
andersoncouncil42     
philosopedia.orgView Full Size


Is tired of these shenanigans.

/and he knows nobody will be able to collect
//has the foundation to pay anyway 

30 Nov 2012 10:27 AM
Arnprior Joe     

Dissociater: I'll just put this here...
[images.profileengine.com image 200x342]


First thing I thought of too. I'm guessing making a point of putting it in writing meant that it wasn't considered "mere puff"

30 Nov 2012 10:29 AM
orbister     

ChrisDe: Reading between the lines of your post, it seems that I might know a guy that could possibly be of some assistance in rectifying your most unusual situation. If you were to contact me, say via email, there is a chance that I could conceivably set up a meeting under the bridge. If the mood strikes you, you might want to bring along a duffle bag filled with some green paper.


It's a trap. Anyone trying to sound so much like a police officer must be a fourteen year old girl looking for sex.

/It's how the internet works.

30 Nov 2012 10:29 AM
Arnprior Joe     

Cyno01: See the headline... "please don't be James Randi, please don't be James Randi... Phew."


I'd love for someone to be able to get a million from Randi. Not because I believe in ESP, spoonbending or other crap, but because of what it would mean if someone did get it legitimately.

30 Nov 2012 10:32 AM
The Jami Turman Fan Club     

Happy Hours: It probably depends on the circumstances - sometimes the payoff happens whether or not you can pay.

I mean if I offered $1 billion to whoever avenges the death of my daughter* and I couldn't pay up, it still might be worth it to me.


I have have killed everybody responsible for your daughter's death.

Do you want to pay that all at once or in installments?

30 Nov 2012 10:36 AM
Claude Ballse     

cyks: [1.bp.blogspot.com image 428x287]

Dottie: Pee-wee, how are you ever going to pay a reward like that?
Pee-wee: It's simple. Whoever returns the bike is obviously the person who stole it. So they don't deserve any reward!


Came in to post the same thing! Awesome job!

30 Nov 2012 10:40 AM
Optimus Primate     

Cyno01: See the headline... "please don't be James Randi, please don't be James Randi... Phew."


Thought this at first as well...except Randi (his foundation) most definitely has the cash.

But of course, he'll absolutely never have to pay out.

30 Nov 2012 10:41 AM
Electromax     

cyks: [1.bp.blogspot.com image 428x287]

Dottie: Pee-wee, how are you ever going to pay a reward like that?
Pee-wee: It's simple. Whoever returns the bike is obviously the person who stole it. So they don't deserve any reward!


I bought this pen exactly one hour before my bike was stolen. Why? What's the significance? I DON'T KNOW!

30 Nov 2012 10:45 AM
Bit'O'Gristle     
I cant imagine any rap on that laptop would be worth more than ....well..nothing.

30 Nov 2012 10:47 AM
iserlohn     

30 Nov 2012 10:51 AM
Private_Citizen    [TotalFark]  

Arnprior Joe: Cyno01: See the headline... "please don't be James Randi, please don't be James Randi... Phew."

I'd love for someone to be able to get a million from Randi. Not because I believe in ESP, spoonbending or other crap, but because of what it would mean if someone did get it legitimately.


I think even Randi would like to see someone collect. Worse case is his foundation helped discover and quantify a new human ability.

/meanwhile, it helps prevent scam artists from being taken too seriously.

30 Nov 2012 11:07 AM
Rich Cream     

diaphoresis: /Cheerleading for mods!



They still won't have sex with you.

30 Nov 2012 11:10 AM
Happy Hours     

The Jami Turman Fan Club: Happy Hours: It probably depends on the circumstances - sometimes the payoff happens whether or not you can pay.

I mean if I offered $1 billion to whoever avenges the death of my daughter* and I couldn't pay up, it still might be worth it to me.

I have have killed everybody responsible for your daughter's death.

Do you want to pay that all at once or in installments?


I'll pay it in the form of TF subscriptions - starting next month

luckily for me, next month is always 30 days away

30 Nov 2012 11:12 AM
HindiDiscoMonster    [TotalFark]  

proteus_b: that guy augstein sounds like a piece of work, probably deserves to be dropped into a shallow grave


yeah, after all... nobody deserves any reward they were offered... just dump em in a shallow grave and be done with it.

30 Nov 2012 11:12 AM
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