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   Ax murderer says he's really just an ax manslaughterer

30 Nov 2012 07:06 PM   |   3322 clicks   |   SacBee
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Elzar     
img832.imageshack.usView Full Size

30 Nov 2012 03:18 PM
Klippoklondike    [TotalFark]  
i212.photobucket.comView Full Size

30 Nov 2012 03:38 PM
Lsherm    [TotalFark]  
Even the "castle doctrine" isn't going to serve as a defense for chasing someone for a quarter-mile and killing them with an ax.

I've been robbed twice before, and yeah, I'd like to kill the people who did it. But it never crossed my mind to kill the first person I saw after the robbery.

And yes, I think the death penalty for home robbers is appropriate.

30 Nov 2012 04:06 PM
Ed Finnerty     
The charge "manslaughter" should require that one actually eats the dead person, hence "slaughter".

30 Nov 2012 04:32 PM
whistleridge    [TotalFark]  

Lsherm: Even the "castle doctrine" isn't going to serve as a defense for chasing someone for a quarter-mile and killing them with an ax.

I've been robbed twice before, and yeah, I'd like to kill the people who did it. But it never crossed my mind to kill the first person I saw after the robbery.


Especially since running with an ax is a LOT of work, as is killing someone with one. Hitting anything with an ax takes a lot of effort, and there's no way you don't take deliberate thought with each swing, so that bad boy doesn't bounce off and hit you in the shin or anything.

/ I still get a weird feeling in my stomach whenever I think about the ax manslaughter scene in Where the Red Fern Grows

30 Nov 2012 05:08 PM
Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener     
Dude, "manslaughter" is not the preferred nomenclature.

"Personslaughter," please.

30 Nov 2012 06:13 PM
iheartscotch     

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Dude, "manslaughter" is not the preferred nomenclature.

"Personslaughter," please.


That rug really tied the room together.

30 Nov 2012 07:07 PM
Gyrfalcon     
That ax was dead when I got here.

30 Nov 2012 07:11 PM
Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener     

iheartscotch: That rug really tied the room together.


Farkin'-A.

*looks somberly off to the distance*

30 Nov 2012 07:11 PM
BigLuca    [TotalFark]  
Steven Zinda took an axe
and gave Valdez 40 wacks
and when he say what he had done
He gave his head another one

30 Nov 2012 07:12 PM
iaazathot     
Link

Hotlinked, of course.

30 Nov 2012 07:13 PM
iaazathot     
I am an idiot:
killthehydra.comView Full Size

30 Nov 2012 07:14 PM
Nothing To See Here     
I axed him four times, and he wouldn't answer.

30 Nov 2012 07:15 PM
Butthurted     
"Yeah, I was coming for him like 'Deliverance"

A) That's no way to talk yourself out of a murder rap ,son.
B) I think you are going to reenact more scenes from Deliverance once you get sent to Chino. SQUEEEEAALLL!!!!

30 Nov 2012 07:19 PM
drjekel_mrhyde     
Brown man by my house must be up to no good. this guy should get the needle

30 Nov 2012 07:21 PM
Vector R     
Hey now, at least he didn't have him bite the curb!

30 Nov 2012 07:24 PM
Mega Steve     
When Zinda saw Valdez outside, his initial thought that he was one of the burglars "was absolutely the right thing to think," Johnson said.

I might think that, too. I think, however, chasing the guy for a quarter mile and killing him is a little outside "Standing your ground."

"Did he feel horrible about it? Yes," Johnson said. "Is he a coldblooded murderer? Absolutely not."

I'll agree with that part. I'm sure he was quite warm, what with all the running and murderous rage

30 Nov 2012 07:27 PM
StreetlightInTheGhetto     

Mega Steve: When Zinda saw Valdez outside, his initial thought that he was one of the burglars "was absolutely the right thing to think," Johnson said.

I might think that, too. I think, however, chasing the guy for a quarter mile and killing him is a little outside "Standing your ground."

"Did he feel horrible about it? Yes," Johnson said. "Is he a coldblooded murderer? Absolutely not."

I'll agree with that part. I'm sure he was quite warm, what with all the running and murderous rage


Yeah, I mean beautiful day like today and I'm stuck inside y'know just choppin up this couple. I mean a nice young couple! He's a cable installer, and she's a dentist. There aren't a lot of women dentists. I don't know why that is. Gee I guess there's one fewer now, huh?

30 Nov 2012 07:34 PM
Snargi     

Ed Finnerty: The charge "manslaughter" should require that one actually eats the dead person, hence "slaughter".


Only if he "dressed" the kill afterword.

30 Nov 2012 07:35 PM
Jon iz teh kewl     
25.media.tumblr.comView Full Size


thank god it's just a laughter house.  i could use a good laugh

30 Nov 2012 07:45 PM
uncleacid     
upload.wikimedia.orgView Full Size


Hits you like an ax.

30 Nov 2012 07:47 PM
peasants_are_revolting     
I don't know what kind of shape Valdez was in, but you can bet if some guy was chasing me with an ax, he would have never caught me. I can run a lot faster than you can scared than you can mad. And also Zinda had drank however much of the half-gallon of Captain Morgan. Obviously, it's a terrible thing that happened, but good god - I would have been breaking the sound barrier there.

30 Nov 2012 07:50 PM
fisker    [TotalFark]  
www.cavemancircus.comView Full Size

30 Nov 2012 07:55 PM
StoPPeRmobile     

Ed Finnerty: The charge "manslaughter" should require that one actually eats the dead person, hence "slaughter".


Honey it's getting close to midnight
And all the myths are still in town
True love and lipstick on your linen
Bite the pillow, make no sound
If there's some living to be done
Before your life becomes your tomb
You'd better know I'm the one
Unchain your back door, invite me around

Bring your daughter, bring your daughter to the slaughter
Let her go, let her go, let her go
Bring your daughter, bring your daughter to the slaughter
Let her go, let her go, let her go
Let her go, yeah!

30 Nov 2012 08:00 PM
cig-mkr     
He should have used bear spray and called the cops.
/ just sayin'

30 Nov 2012 08:01 PM
TomD9938     
How is it that the victim came out from the party to find that his car had made its way into (and got stuck in) a ditch all by itself?

How do the buddies account for the victims actions since they were so busy chasing down some stray horses that randomly escaped at three in the morning but were conveniently recovered before anyone else could verify the escape?

How do we know the victim didnt actually rob the killers house?

Because his buddies say so?

30 Nov 2012 08:02 PM
phrawgh     
You can't make things like that up, son. Killing people is wrong, destroying demons is good. Don't worry, God will send you your own list when you're older.

30 Nov 2012 08:03 PM
Shenanigans!     

TomD9938: How is it that the victim came out from the party to find that his car had made its way into (and got stuck in) a ditch all by itself?

How do the buddies account for the victims actions since they were so busy chasing down some stray horses that randomly escaped at three in the morning but were conveniently recovered before anyone else could verify the escape?

How do we know the victim didnt actually rob the killers house?

Because his buddies say so?


Who may or may not have burgled the guy's house is not relevant to the case. But you knew that, right?

30 Nov 2012 08:12 PM
Isildur     

www.smbc-comics.comView Full Size

30 Nov 2012 08:15 PM
Fark Rye For Many Whores     
images.bcdb.comView Full Size

30 Nov 2012 08:15 PM
TomD9938     

Shenanigans!: Who may or may not have burgled the guy's house is not relevant to the case.


I'm not defending the ax-murderer.  It just looks to me like the victim may have played a part in his fate.

30 Nov 2012 08:18 PM
bearded clamorer    [TotalFark]  
I'd go with the "Knock down, drag out rock 'n' roll party in the streets" defense.

30 Nov 2012 08:28 PM
Linkster    [TotalFark]  
Really, how farking incompetent do you need to be to hit someone in the head, with a farking axe, that it takes four chances to 'get it right'?

Chair, injection, hanging, just get this Sack of shiat out of here.

30 Nov 2012 08:30 PM
dopekitty74     

Elzar:


Done in one

30 Nov 2012 08:45 PM
Gyrfalcon     

Linkster: Really, how farking incompetent do you need to be to hit someone in the head, with a farking axe, that it takes four chances to 'get it right'?

Chair, injection, hanging, just get this Sack of shiat out of here.


I hit him, and his head was still there. So I hit him again! Whack! But the head STILL was there. A third time! Goddamn, I just couldn't take that head off right! I've heard medieval executioners got it off with one chop! Me, I needed four! I'm just not good at this head-chopping thingy!

30 Nov 2012 08:45 PM
Marcintosh     
1.bp.blogspot.comView Full Size


". . . now honey don't eggzagerate"

30 Nov 2012 08:56 PM
whither_apophis     

TomD9938: How is it that the victim came out from the party to find that his car had made its way into (and got stuck in) a ditch all by itself?

How do the buddies account for the victims actions since they were so busy chasing down some stray horses that randomly escaped at three in the morning but were conveniently recovered before anyone else could verify the escape?

How do we know the victim didnt actually rob the killers house?

Because his buddies say so?


Going to guess that had any property belonging to the defendant was found in or near the victim the defense would have that front and center.

30 Nov 2012 09:17 PM
santadog    [TotalFark]  

Marcintosh: [1.bp.blogspot.com image 400x225]

". . . now honey don't eggzagerate"


Came for this.

30 Nov 2012 09:28 PM
Shenanigans!     

TomD9938: Shenanigans!: Who may or may not have burgled the guy's house is not relevant to the case.

I'm not defending the ax-murderer.  It just looks to me like the victim may have played a part in his fate.


By being in the wrong place at the wrong time? I see nothing in the article connecting the victim to the burglary...did he have any of the guy's possessions? Were his prints or other physical evidence found in the guy's house?

Even if the victim did have anything to do with the burglary (and there's nothing to indicate that he did), no way is this justified. Not even close.

30 Nov 2012 09:38 PM
bubo_sibiricus     
If he had simply whacked the victim with the axe, i'd agree, manslaughter.

But he went back to make sure he was dead. That's premeditation and a deliberate act.

Give him the needle.

30 Nov 2012 09:39 PM
bubo_sibiricus     

TomD9938: I'm not defending the ax-murderer.


You are a rank moron. No, really, there is no other way to describe you. You invented stuff out of whole cloth and used that in this thread to blame the victim for this. I can only hope that you wind up in front of a jury of your true peers some day.

30 Nov 2012 09:43 PM
Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo     
It was the Ambien, he was just sleep slaying.

30 Nov 2012 09:46 PM
Mega Steve     

Gyrfalcon: Linkster: Really, how farking incompetent do you need to be to hit someone in the head, with a farking axe, that it takes four chances to 'get it right'?

Chair, injection, hanging, just get this Sack of shiat out of here.

I hit him, and his head was still there. So I hit him again! Whack! But the head STILL was there. A third time! Goddamn, I just couldn't take that head off right! I've heard medieval executioners got it off with one chop! Me, I needed four! I'm just not good at this head-chopping thingy!


He just needed him one of them lawnmower blades. MmmHmmm

30 Nov 2012 10:14 PM
TomD9938     

Shenanigans!: no way is this justified. Not even close.


Well, that's why I called him a murderer and not a hero.

bubo_sibiricus: there is no other way to describe you


Sure there is.

I'm a Taurus, I like my steaks rare, my preferred drink is Bacardi & Diet Coke, Im 43 years old and I look like Woody Harrelson with an extra 10 pounds on him.

30 Nov 2012 10:21 PM
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