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   If you stole your mother's credit card to buy cigarettes, it's not a good idea to try to use it again at the same store while an officer is there taking a report. Then again, if this is your mugshot, reason and cunning might not be your strong suits

01 Dec 2012 11:32 AM   |   21888 clicks   |   The Alliance Review
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some_beer_drinker    [TotalFark]  
thats the best mugshot ive seen all...day...week...month.

/+1

01 Dec 2012 07:45 AM
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some_beer_drinker    [TotalFark]  
...and his name is Funk.

s3.amazonaws.com

01 Dec 2012 07:45 AM
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Elvis_Bogart    [TotalFark]  
Cricket bat to the crotch.

01 Dec 2012 08:23 AM
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thamike     
t0.gstatic.com

01 Dec 2012 08:23 AM
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SecretAgentWoman    [TotalFark]  
As a mother, I would be so proud inclined to perform extreme late term abortion.

01 Dec 2012 09:04 AM
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wambu     
He believed it to be a cunning stunt.

01 Dec 2012 09:26 AM
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#2    [TotalFark]  
♫♪♫♪ Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it's breaking ♫♪♫♪

01 Dec 2012 10:05 AM
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ecmoRandomNumbers     
I can't believe people are against birth control.

01 Dec 2012 10:31 AM
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give me doughnuts     
At least we know what giftedmadness looks like.

01 Dec 2012 11:11 AM
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offmymeds     
s3.amazonaws.com

Grand Funk Retard.

01 Dec 2012 11:36 AM
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Godscrack     
Thermal underwear shirt no less.

You can almost hear them banjos a pickin'.

01 Dec 2012 11:38 AM
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Evil Mackerel     
Front line infantry.

01 Dec 2012 11:38 AM
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Nick Nostril     
Put a shovel in his hands. The world needs ditchdiggers, not douchebags.

01 Dec 2012 11:39 AM
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Hickory-smoked     
Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a farking big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suit on hire purchase in a range of farking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fark you are on Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing farking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, farked up brats you spawned to replace yourselves. Choose your future. Choose life... But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin' else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you've got cigarettes and your mom's credit card?

01 Dec 2012 11:40 AM
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BigRightRear     
FTA: If convicted of these latest charges, which is Funk's 10th for 2012,

I have a solution, just shoot him in the back of his no good head.

01 Dec 2012 11:42 AM
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show me    [TotalFark]  
If convicted of these latest charges, which is Funk's 10th for 2012, Funk may face up to 11/2 years in prison and $7,500 in fines, plus imposition of any jail time suspended for violating his probation.

All sorts of fail here. 10 charges just in 2012? I would have thought that at about 8 or so they would stop letting him out on bail. And what the hell is 11/2 years in prison? Is it 1.5 or 5.5?

01 Dec 2012 11:43 AM
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DammitIForgotMyLogin    [TotalFark]  

some_beer_drinker: ...and his name is Funk.

[s3.amazonaws.com image 360x480]


www.blogcdn.com

01 Dec 2012 11:45 AM
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TomD9938     
And the cops harassment of the homeless continues on, unabated.

01 Dec 2012 11:46 AM
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ima turkey     
I wonder what him and Michelle Obamas baby would look like.

01 Dec 2012 11:49 AM
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HindiDiscoMonster     
Posterchild for two things...

Birth Control
Fiber

01 Dec 2012 11:52 AM
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CowboyUpCowgirlDown     
It appears his interactions with the criminal justice "system" has shown that it's all a big game.

Which may work for Funk until he gets a real prison sentence and Bubba decides he has a pretty mouth.

01 Dec 2012 11:52 AM
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Hoopy Frood     
60 is an "elderly person"?

01 Dec 2012 11:54 AM
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Onkel Buck     

some_beer_drinker: ...and his name is Funk.

[s3.amazonaws.com image 360x480]

No. His name is Funk
i288.photobucket.com

and also this
i200.photobucket.com

/got nothing. Especially photoshop skills. Feel free to modify

01 Dec 2012 11:55 AM
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divgradcurl     

Evil Mackerel: Front line infantry.


you know, he does kind of look like a space monkey

01 Dec 2012 11:57 AM
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Four Horsemen of the Domestic Dispute     

Hoopy Frood: 60 is an "elderly person"?


Yes.

01 Dec 2012 11:58 AM
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das     
I'm driving by that store in about an hour....kick, etc...

01 Dec 2012 12:02 PM
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Abox     
Dude takes life by the balls.

01 Dec 2012 12:08 PM
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chud21    [TotalFark]  
What a useless waste of skin.

01 Dec 2012 12:09 PM
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Clemkadidlefark     
Surely this is an appropriate use of the derogatory term 'Retard'

01 Dec 2012 12:10 PM
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Reek!     
Still no Ohio tag?

01 Dec 2012 12:10 PM
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SkittleBrau     

BigRightRear: FTA: If convicted of these latest charges, which is Funk's 10th for 2012,

I have a solution, just shoot him in the back of his no good head.


Agreed. This is exactly the kind of person responsible for "why we can't have nice things" in our society. Capital punishment needs to be meted out on a case-by-case basis. This is one of those times where even though it is a long string of petty crimes, the sum of his history equals a whole lot of trouble. Absolutely no remorse on his part since he keeps getting into trouble, and his future looks like more of the same. Put him and society out of its misery and off him now, please.

01 Dec 2012 12:11 PM
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base935     
At least he still has a "nice" smile. The meth hasn't gotten to him yet.

01 Dec 2012 12:13 PM
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Coming on a Bicycle     

Onkel Buck: some_beer_drinker: ...and his name is Funk.

[s3.amazonaws.com image 360x480]
No. His name is Funk
[i288.photobucket.com image 399x505]

and also this
[i200.photobucket.com image 505x658]

/got nothing. Especially photoshop skills. Feel free to modify


The whole funk, nothing but the funk.

01 Dec 2012 12:14 PM
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Guuberre     
It's all a matter of timing, as an Alliance patrolman investigating a stolen credit card found out Wednesday night.

The Dwarven District has gotten a bit seedy as of late.

01 Dec 2012 12:28 PM
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here to help     
s3.amazonaws.com

I LOVE TO POOP!!!!!

01 Dec 2012 12:34 PM
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Bit'O'Gristle     
If convicted of these latest charges, which is Funk's 10th for 2012, Funk may face up to 11/2 years in prison and $7,500 in fines, plus imposition of any jail time suspended for violating his probation.

No intrinsic value to polite society at all, and if anything, a detriment. Tie his ass to the next rocket we fire off into space, or just shoot the worthless bastard already.

01 Dec 2012 12:42 PM
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baronvonzipper     

Hickory-smoked: Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a farking big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suit on hire purchase in a range of farking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fark you are on Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing farking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, farked up brats you spawned to replace yourselves. Choose your future. Choose life... But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin' else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you've got cigarettes and your mom's credit card?


Sounds fairly reasonable to me.

01 Dec 2012 12:44 PM
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special20    [TotalFark]  

ima turkey: I wonder what him and Michelle Obamas baby would look like.


Keep wondering, farm denizen.

01 Dec 2012 12:46 PM
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Mini Ditka    [TotalFark]  
i.imgur.com

01 Dec 2012 12:51 PM
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tnpir     
Forget prison. This dipshiat needs to be beaten severely.

01 Dec 2012 01:16 PM
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Arcturus72     
FTA: Officers arrested John Michael Funk, 27, who is listed as homeless, at 10:30 p.m. Wednesday on charges of two counts of theft from an elderly person and a single count of receiving stolen property, all fifth-degree felonies.

What. The. Fark? How long before they make jaywalking a felony? It seems all these "tough on crime" laws by some idiot is just going to create a life long criminal, sort of like what seems to be happening here... He probably got stupid drunk one night, did some idiotic prank, and is slammed with a felony charge... Now no one wants to hire a (ex?) felon, so he can't get a jerb anywhere, so he does more stupid shiat, so at least he has a place where he gets 3 squares and a cot... Notice he has "good behavior" all over his record when he's in prison?

Then again, from the way things are going now, I'm surprised he wasn't charged with a "Terroristic Act" with that mugshot...

Just my 2 cents...

01 Dec 2012 01:37 PM
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Phineas     
Arcturus72 Now no one wants to hire a (ex?) felon, so he can't get a jerb anywhere, so he does more stupid shiat, so at least he has a place where he gets 3 squares and a cot

I don't know.. he could've tried 'not committing crimes', but that's a difficult skill for many to master.

01 Dec 2012 01:53 PM
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LeroyB     

Phineas: Arcturus72 Now no one wants to hire a (ex?) felon, so he can't get a jerb anywhere, so he does more stupid shiat, so at least he has a place where he gets 3 squares and a cot

I don't know.. he could've tried 'not committing crimes', but that's a difficult skill for many to master.


For a homeless guy prison would mean "3 squares and a cot" like Arcturus72 says. For someone who really isn't trying to master any skill at all it's a step up.

Plus he gets free cable TV, a free gym membership and all the sex he wants. .....or doesn't want.

01 Dec 2012 02:10 PM
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Cookbook's Anarchist     
Leave Matthew Lilliard alone!

01 Dec 2012 02:11 PM
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thamike     

Cookbook's Anarchist: Leave Matthew Lilliard alone!


Liver alone! Liver. What? It's a joke!

01 Dec 2012 02:23 PM
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JuggleGeek     

Arcturus72: What. The. Fark? How long before they make jaywalking a felony? It seems all these "tough on crime" laws by some idiot is just going to create a life long criminal, sort of like what seems to be happening here...


The guy has been arrested 10 times this year, and appears to be a career criminal. His background includes 7 arson convictions. This isn't "the law ruining a mans life over jaywalking", this is a scumbag who needs to be either killed or locked away for good.

01 Dec 2012 03:02 PM
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Arcturus72     

Phineas: Arcturus72 Now no one wants to hire a (ex?) felon, so he can't get a jerb anywhere, so he does more stupid shiat, so at least he has a place where he gets 3 squares and a cot

I don't know.. he could've tried 'not committing crimes', but that's a difficult skill for many to master.


My comment was more aimed at what is being classified as a felony now... To me, a felony should be very bad, on the good vs bad scale, like murder, rape-rape, child porn, and so on... But now we've got stuff that used to be a misdemeanor is now a felony, which ensures you're screwed in life...

Plus, have you even bothered to take a look at what some of the laws are now? Just pull up a page or 2 of your local statutes and start reading... You'll be amazed at what little crap is a felony now... Ever carry a pocket knife? Depending on the cop, that's a concealed weapon without a license, which is, guess what, a felony in many areas...

How is that helping people un-fark themselves? Oh wait, that's not the plan in the good ol' US of A, and our "for profit" prisons...

Oh, yes... and I forgot "Welcome to Fark"...

01 Dec 2012 03:05 PM
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GoldDude     
s3.amazonaws.com

A FACE THAT ONLY A NOT EVEN HIS OWN MOTHER COULD LOVE

01 Dec 2012 04:14 PM
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Gyrfalcon     
He'll be better off in prison. He might die there, and no one will miss him.

01 Dec 2012 06:16 PM
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jxc     
I'm rather fond of the background image used on the web site. Quite small-towny and peaceful.

01 Dec 2012 06:21 PM
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