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   How to get people to do things they don't want to do OR Why the man will offer you a lollipop

02 Dec 2012 09:46 AM   |   7192 clicks   |   Tech Crunch
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urban.derelict     
There are 3 ways to get something done:
1. do it yourself,
2. pay someone to do it, or
3. forbid your kids from doing it

/"do one thing every day that you do not want to do," that is the key to a worry-free existence -mark twain, or something

02 Dec 2012 06:52 AM
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NewportBarGuy    [TotalFark]  
That's no lollipop!

02 Dec 2012 07:50 AM
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St_Francis_P     
1. One Prick At A Time
2. Reduce The Pain With Progression
3. Get Out The Treasure Chest


NewportBarGuy: That's no lollipop!

 

QFT

02 Dec 2012 08:31 AM
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Sock Ruh Tease     
1. ONE PRICK AT A TIME

Mom's not going to like this...

02 Dec 2012 09:53 AM
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St_Francis_P     

Sock Ruh Tease: 1. ONE PRICK AT A TIME

Mom's not going to like this...


She's into DP?

02 Dec 2012 09:54 AM
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chewd     
img812.imageshack.us

Starboy: Well...I'm glad you asked about that thing
Cause what I'd like to do is sing
A song about getting people to do stuff for you
By using Compliments, even if they ain't true, cause...
You look like you've lost some weight, now lick my hands and paint that crate!
Captain: Ok!
Starboy: I got you!
Captain: Oh...
Starboy: See, now you try!
Captain: Alright!
You look great, in that shirt, now help me hem my brand new skirt (Starboy: Okay!)
You have very nice, cheek bones now help me cosign this bank loan
Starboy: Cause a compliment will get you far even if it's just a lie!
Captain: Cause your skin's as soft as buttermilk now help me paint my thigh
Both: Cause you gotta compliment, because it's not complicated
If you want some lemonade you gotta start manipulating
We wish it was different but that's the way it seems to be
Cause you gotta compliment because that's what people need!

02 Dec 2012 09:59 AM
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Sock Ruh Tease     

St_Francis_P: Sock Ruh Tease: 1. ONE PRICK AT A TIME

Mom's not going to like this...

She's into DP?


Depends. Is D Double or Decuple?

02 Dec 2012 10:00 AM
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bunner     
Or, how to be the sneakiest prick in the prick pool by finding new ways to live in the shark tank of a culture we've created instead of everybody just playing fair. "It's my job" has to be the most piss poor, weak Willy, Nancy assed excuse for being a douchebag on earth.

02 Dec 2012 10:01 AM
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sure haven't     
MONEY

There, I just solved every employee issue in the history of mankind.

02 Dec 2012 10:18 AM
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St_Francis_P     

Sock Ruh Tease: St_Francis_P: Sock Ruh Tease: 1. ONE PRICK AT A TIME

Mom's not going to like this...

She's into DP?

Depends. Is D Double or Decuple?


That's where 2. Reduce The Pain With Progression applies, I assume.

02 Dec 2012 10:20 AM
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reillan     
Ask for something totally ridiculous (dude, can I have a million dollars?)
Then ask for something less ridiculous (ok then, can I have a month of TotalFark?)

02 Dec 2012 10:21 AM
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reillan     

NewportBarGuy: That's no lollipop!


it's a space station

02 Dec 2012 10:22 AM
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Jon iz teh kewl     
it's a WEED lollipop

02 Dec 2012 10:25 AM
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SomeAmerican     

sure haven't: MONEY

There, I just solved every employee issue in the history of mankind.


Doesn't work. Increasing salaries just replaces the folks who say "I'm not getting paid enough to put up with this BS" with folks who say "My time is too valuable to put up with this BS".

02 Dec 2012 10:40 AM
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Ima4nic8or     
The question is how do I use this to seduce my sister in law?

02 Dec 2012 10:45 AM
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St_Francis_P     

SomeAmerican: sure haven't: MONEY

There, I just solved every employee issue in the history of mankind.

Doesn't work. Increasing salaries just replaces the folks who say "I'm not getting paid enough to put up with this BS" with folks who say "My time is too valuable to put up with this BS".


It worked at my job. The people you're talking about were encouraged to leave (ahem).

02 Dec 2012 10:50 AM
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DaCaptain19     
The way to manipulate puppets is to make them think your ideas were their ideas.

02 Dec 2012 10:56 AM
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DoctorCal     

Ima4nic8or: The question is how do I use this to seduce my sister in law?


St_Francis_P: 3. Get Out The Treasure Chest


02 Dec 2012 11:11 AM
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ExperianScaresCthulhu     

DaCaptain19: The way to manipulate puppets is to make them think your ideas were their ideas.


02 Dec 2012 11:19 AM
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Marcintosh     
Subby's trying to sound like the intro to
Fractured Fairy Tales
kdillman.files.wordpress.com

02 Dec 2012 11:31 AM
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Jeff_in_ATL     

Ima4nic8or: The question is how do I use this to seduce my sister in law?


Not that I know anything about this, but:

Issue Number One is whether or not you've eliminated yourself from contention by doing/saying something stupid/hurtful. If you haven't, chances are she is just as curious as you are. If you have, I don't know of any sure way to correct that.

The biggest obstacle to a dude's success in this arena is always always always the dude himself. Your genitalia is useless to you and everybody else if you're standing on it.

A dynamic already exists between your wife and her sister. Understand it, and use it. Are they competitive? Allow yourself to be seduced after a Chardonnay. Is your wife domineering? Wait for her to go over the line and comfort the sister. Time and patience are ever the hunter's ally.

You will eventually, sooner than you think, find yourself in a rocking chair with nothing left but memories. You will resent what you did not do, and the things you beat yourself up for now will seem chuckle-worthy then, if that. If the curve of a particular bottom attracts your gaze, don't fail to ask for it in one of the approved ways when the timing is right to do so.

Good luck!

02 Dec 2012 11:33 AM
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Rich Cream     
I despise manipulating others as much as I despised being manipulated. The rest of you simply suck at being human. 

/no, I'm the one who sucks at being human, apparently

02 Dec 2012 12:44 PM
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Snarcoleptic_Hoosier    [TotalFark]  
The secret is having them spend a night in the box.

/Losing spoons, playing grabass, or wearing dirty pants in bed

02 Dec 2012 01:31 PM
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Jeff_in_ATL     

Rich Cream: I despise manipulating others as much as I despised being manipulated. The rest of you simply suck at being human. 

/no, I'm the one who sucks at being human, apparently


That has to be the fastest move through the Five Stages I've ever seen. Congratulations.

You got all the way to Acceptance in 30 words.

02 Dec 2012 02:49 PM
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ben_oakmag     
urban.derelict :

3. forbid your kids from doing it

Why did the kids put beans in their ears?

02 Dec 2012 02:57 PM
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Mouser     
Oddly enough, in The Hobbit, this exact same approach was used by Gandalf to get Bilbo to trek half-way across Middle Earth with a bunch of dwarves on a mad scheme to steal a dragon's treasure:

1. The party of dwarves showed up at Bilbo's hobbit-hole in ones or twos over the afternoon, rather than all at the same time. That way, Bilbo wouldn't be intimidated by the whole bunch appearing on his doorstep at once.

2. Every time Bilbo or the dwarves would grumble about how long the journey was, Gandalf would point out that it's only a little way to the next way-point they were planning to stop at.

3. Bilbo was promised a full share of the dragon's treasure once he could figure out how to get it away from the dragon.

02 Dec 2012 04:10 PM
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Rich Cream     

Jeff_in_ATL: Rich Cream: I despise manipulating others as much as I despised being manipulated. The rest of you simply suck at being human. 

/no, I'm the one who sucks at being human, apparently

That has to be the fastest move through the Five Stages I've ever seen. Congratulations.

You got all the way to Acceptance in 30 words.



Yeah, but why do I have to do it over and over again?

02 Dec 2012 04:15 PM
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Jeff_in_ATL     

Rich Cream: Jeff_in_ATL: Rich Cream: I despise manipulating others as much as I despised being manipulated. The rest of you simply suck at being human. 

/no, I'm the one who sucks at being human, apparently

That has to be the fastest move through the Five Stages I've ever seen. Congratulations.

You got all the way to Acceptance in 30 words.


Yeah, but why do I have to do it over and over again?


It keeps you from being bored.

02 Dec 2012 04:52 PM
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Rich Cream     

Jeff_in_ATL: Rich Cream: Jeff_in_ATL: Rich Cream: I despise manipulating others as much as I despised being manipulated. The rest of you simply suck at being human. 

/no, I'm the one who sucks at being human, apparently

That has to be the fastest move through the Five Stages I've ever seen. Congratulations.

You got all the way to Acceptance in 30 words.


Yeah, but why do I have to do it over and over again?


It keeps you from being bored.



That would be incorrect, sir. I find it quite tiring.

02 Dec 2012 05:06 PM
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RoyBatty     

Marcintosh: Subby's trying to sound like the intro to
Fractured Fairy Tales


Not intentionally, but yes, it did cross my mind....

How I wish I could start a FARK meme of Fractured Fairy Tales headlines!

/subby, OR another drunk in the dark

02 Dec 2012 06:08 PM
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JesusHoffaChrysler     
Free Candy? looks legit!

02 Dec 2012 06:57 PM
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