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   A guide to making yourself less creepy via body language

03 Dec 2012 11:38 AM   |   20945 clicks   |   Slate
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ChipNASA     
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03 Dec 2012 11:42 AM
Rev. Skarekroe    [TotalFark]  
So squeezing my crotch while talking to girls ISN'T what I'm supposed to be doing?

03 Dec 2012 11:43 AM
wraithmare     
The ladies love my mirror-toed shoes.

/How YOU doin'

03 Dec 2012 11:44 AM
The sound of one hand clapping     
Dammit ladies! Isn't it simply enough that I don't stare at your tits for the whole date? Do I learn how to do all this subtle body language crap too?

03 Dec 2012 11:47 AM
blatz514    [TotalFark]  
Masterbating at the dinner table might send a mixed single I suppose.

03 Dec 2012 11:47 AM
Fish in a Barrel     
I could use this.

/why are you all edging away from me?

03 Dec 2012 11:48 AM
ChipNASA     

blatz514: Masterbating at the dinner table might send a mixed single I suppose.




I dunno....it's really kinda borderline


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03 Dec 2012 11:48 AM
that was my nickname in highschool     
Being interested but poor is a sure-fire way to creep a woman out.

03 Dec 2012 11:49 AM
doczoidberg     

blatz514: Masterbating at the dinner table might send a mixed single I suppose.


What's so "mixed" about it?

03 Dec 2012 11:49 AM
CapeFearCadaver    [TotalFark]  
Rule #1: Don't be a Farker.

03 Dec 2012 11:49 AM
Tax Boy     
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03 Dec 2012 11:51 AM
Galloping Galoshes     
I took this class, it was great! If it weren't for him, I'd still be bringing my axe with me to dates. I still kinda miss pointing out the bloodstains....

03 Dec 2012 11:52 AM
Pants full of macaroni!!     
I'm mid-40s, ugly and never-been-married. There is no cure for this kind of creepy.

03 Dec 2012 11:53 AM
abhorrent1     
I'm married. I'm pretty sure my body language always says "Please Kill Me!"

03 Dec 2012 11:53 AM
cgraves67    [TotalFark]  
I find that being a little creepy is a good way to filter out the women who aren't desperate.

03 Dec 2012 11:56 AM
Langdon_777     
For Guys

Scenario A) You are poor -> she chooses the guy with the BMW and nice suit.

Scenario B) You are rich -> you think her left knee is pointy.

------

Women

Scenario A) You are poor -> want a fark?

Scenario B) You are rich -> like my abs and tan?

(this could be a bit overly simplified)

03 Dec 2012 11:57 AM
blatz514    [TotalFark]  

Galloping Galoshes: I took this class, it was great! If it weren't for him, I'd still be bringing my axe with me to dates. I still kinda miss pointing out the bloodstains....


thumbs.anyclip.comView Full Size

03 Dec 2012 11:58 AM
EdNortonsTwin     
The funniest people are the ones who are both desperate and picky.

03 Dec 2012 12:03 PM
MassAsster     

abhorrent1: I'm married. I'm pretty sure my body language always says "Please Kill Me!"


I'm with you brother..

But I found a drug that helped Link - trust me!

"Love doesn't exist except briefly between a man and a woman before marriage. After that, it's just hanging out with someone who kind of hates you, but you can't get it together to leave." - HS

03 Dec 2012 12:09 PM
Nurglitch     
I find eye-contact threatening.

Cool story time: I was at a conference for CFAs and the motivational speaker dude that was hired to speak suggested that men prefer to stand side by side when discussing things, and women preferred to stand opposite. So, as something of a party-game, he proposed that men try to speak to women face to face and women try to speak to men side by side. The result turned the conference hall into something of a dance floor, albeit one with no music except for the strange discussion that one gets in rooms full of CFAs and other financial types.

That was cool, right? Right?!

03 Dec 2012 12:10 PM
The My Little Pony Killer     

cgraves67: I find that being a little creepy is a good way to filter out the women who aren't desperate.


By scaring them away?

03 Dec 2012 12:10 PM
KrispyKritter     

Rev. Skarekroe: So squeezing my crotch while talking to girls ISN'T what I'm supposed to be doing?


seriously, i knew a guy that always had one had in his pants playing with his favorite pull toy, always, no matter what. it was disturbing to say the least. he was an ugly little fellow that lied like a rug and that moran got more pussy than a no-kill animal shelter. even when he was going out with a decent girl he had to cheat on her with two others on the side. simply amazing what females can be attracted to.

03 Dec 2012 12:11 PM
Thoroughly With Foil     
i3.ytimg.comView Full Size


It worked for me!

03 Dec 2012 12:12 PM
Tat'dGreaser     
1) Go to Fark party

2) Do complete opposite of what every man there is doing

03 Dec 2012 12:12 PM
MassAsster     

Nurglitch: I find eye-contact threatening.

!


I'm going to go ahead a call this one... single, right?

03 Dec 2012 12:12 PM
reillan     
So you mean girls don't want me to show off my mad Muay Thai skills that I have not been trained for?

03 Dec 2012 12:12 PM
enderthexenocide     
i've been told by close friends that my body language is all kinds of screwed up. i tend to slouch and slump down a lot, which makes me look bored or insecure. i'm also very weird about my personal space, so i shy away from people and flinch if someone touches me unexpectedly. just more things to put on the list of reasons i'm going to be single forever.

03 Dec 2012 12:13 PM
StaleCoffee     

Pants full of macaroni!!: I'm mid-40s, ugly and never-been-married. There is no cure for this kind of creepy.


Yes there is, it's called money.

03 Dec 2012 12:13 PM
farkingatwork     

abhorrent1: I'm married. I'm pretty sure my body language always says "Please Kill Me!"


hahaha, I understand this.

Mostly it's more like "please stop acting friendly to me when I'm being polite, because you're making my wife jealous and I know she's going to biatch about it later"

I hate it though, because who wants to turn down talking to people they're attracted to?

03 Dec 2012 12:14 PM
cgraves67    [TotalFark]  

The My Little Pony Killer: cgraves67: I find that being a little creepy is a good way to filter out the women who aren't desperate.

By scaring them away?


Precisely. The desperate ones will sleep with you out of some obscene hope that you will be able to provide whatever it is that they are looking for.

03 Dec 2012 12:14 PM
DaCaptain19     
"People feel weird when they meet me," 27-year-old Blake Eastman tells me.

The first sentence of TFA tells me this person has failed in the very subject for which he gives advice.

03 Dec 2012 12:14 PM
Tat'dGreaser     
I'm just glad that I'm forever alone because I'm ugly and boring, at least I'm not creepy

03 Dec 2012 12:15 PM
Nurglitch     

MassAsster: Nurglitch: I find eye-contact threatening.

!

I'm going to go ahead a call this one... single, right?


Surprisingly no. Working on it though. Not happy with the relationships I'm in at the moment.

03 Dec 2012 12:16 PM
DaCaptain19     

EdNortonsTwin: The funniest people are the ones who are both desperate and picky.


What is "all of them", Alex?

03 Dec 2012 12:16 PM
The My Little Pony Killer     

cgraves67: The My Little Pony Killer: cgraves67: I find that being a little creepy is a good way to filter out the women who aren't desperate.

By scaring them away?

Precisely. The desperate ones will sleep with you out of some obscene hope that you will be able to provide whatever it is that they are looking for.


Ahh, I mistook your intentions there. Somebody has to disappoint the desperate women, after all.

03 Dec 2012 12:17 PM
MayoSlather     

The sound of one hand clapping: Dammit ladies! Isn't it simply enough that I don't stare at your tits for the whole date? Do I learn how to do all this subtle body language crap too?


I have a tendency to look down to avoid eye contact when I feel anxious or awkward on a date, on more than one occasion I believe my date assumed I was just staring at her chest. Then when I realize she just thought I was blatantly staring I get even more awkward, which causes me to look down again.

03 Dec 2012 12:19 PM
MassAsster     

Nurglitch: MassAsster: Nurglitch: I find eye-contact threatening.

!

I'm going to go ahead a call this one... single, right?

Surprisingly no. Working on it though. Not happy with the relationships I'm in at the moment.


1000awesomethings.files.wordpress.comView Full Size


I wish I could do the same... Props to you for going ahead and doing it!

Not sure what is really worse, being alone or being in a shyt relationship that you wake up it makes you say "god damn it, I'm still here.."

03 Dec 2012 12:21 PM
Snarcoleptic_Hoosier    [TotalFark]  
Hit them in the head. Take them to your woods cabin. Cut off their feet.

Instant chemistry.

03 Dec 2012 12:23 PM
Langdon_777     

MassAsster: Nurglitch: MassAsster: Nurglitch: I find eye-contact threatening.

!

I'm going to go ahead a call this one... single, right?

Surprisingly no. Working on it though. Not happy with the relationships I'm in at the moment.

[1000awesomethings.files.wordpress.co m image 400x424]

I wish I could do the same... Props to you for going ahead and doing it!

Not sure what is really worse, being alone or being in a shyt relationship that you wake up it makes you say "god damn it, I'm still here.."


Oh definitely the later.

03 Dec 2012 12:23 PM
MassAsster     
It's funny , because here is the key...

Acting confident and relaxed . That's the key in everything, getting a job, getting a date etc...

Relax, be confident and just go with it. I found when you didn't care if you got something, you ended up getting it.

03 Dec 2012 12:23 PM
marklar     

Tat'dGreaser: 1) Go to Fark party

2) Do complete opposite of what every man there is doing


The complete opposite? George?

03 Dec 2012 12:24 PM
Dynascape     

Tat'dGreaser: I'm just glad that I'm forever alone because I'm ugly and boring, at least I'm not creepy


I didnt realize you were a Main Page-r.

03 Dec 2012 12:24 PM
dj_bigbird    [TotalFark]  
Malcolm Gladwell ("who I farking love to death")

So much for this guy's credibility.

03 Dec 2012 12:25 PM
The Irresponsible Captain     
2.bp.blogspot.comView Full Size


So... don't look like a small town deputy?

03 Dec 2012 12:32 PM
meat0918     
It took me until this year to figure out why I would crash and burn with so many women before I had met my wife.

I was farking creepy. It makes my skin crawl to reflect on behavior that I thought at the time was sweet, but as I said was just creepy.

Not sure what made me not be a freakin scary creep. I do remember something like a switch flipping in my brain the summer before I met her. I just stopped giving a fark what I thought women wanted in a man, and stopped doing things I thought would impress a women. Amazingly, I had more women interested in me that year than I ever had up to that point.

Guess the moral is, don't be a creepy ass dude.

03 Dec 2012 12:32 PM
Plant Rights Activist     
should I be the first to point out that there was no guide in that link or would that make me seem creepy?

03 Dec 2012 12:34 PM
Langdon_777     

Plant Rights Activist: should I be the first to point out that there was no guide in that link or would that make me seem creepy?


You have to pay for that - this was just an infomercial.

03 Dec 2012 12:36 PM
The sound of one hand clapping     

MayoSlather: The sound of one hand clapping: Dammit ladies! Isn't it simply enough that I don't stare at your tits for the whole date? Do I learn how to do all this subtle body language crap too?

I have a tendency to look down to avoid eye contact when I feel anxious or awkward on a date, on more than one occasion I believe my date assumed I was just staring at her chest. Then when I realize she just thought I was blatantly staring I get even more awkward, which causes me to look down again.


To be honest, although I was kind of joking in my initial post, truth be told I used to do what you do as well. And yeah, there were occasions where I'd get the 'were you just staring at my tits' look. The annoyed look that is, not the good kind where they are happy you'd noticed them.

Luckily I also used to date hardly ever so it wasn't much of a problem!

03 Dec 2012 12:37 PM
LewDux     

03 Dec 2012 12:40 PM
pkellmey     

meat0918: Guess the moral is, don't be a creepy ass dude.


Or, more likely, find women who are attracted to creepy ass dudes.

03 Dec 2012 12:42 PM
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