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   Bad Sex Award winner announced. And before you say anything, Subby's mom wasn't even nominated

05 Dec 2012 06:55 AM   |   18022 clicks   |   Short List
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jayhawk88    [TotalFark]  
That's because she's already won the Lifetime Achievement Award.

05 Dec 2012 06:56 AM
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dwade     
Well duh. Subbys mom is the best lay in town.

05 Dec 2012 06:59 AM
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Broken Logic     

jayhawk88: That's because she's already won the Lifetime Achievement Award.


images2.wikia.nocookie.net

05 Dec 2012 07:00 AM
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Zarquon's Flat Tire     
Undulate

05 Dec 2012 07:02 AM
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Fibro     
After reading the article I only have one question:

How much did Kamal's balls weigh?

05 Dec 2012 07:10 AM
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skinink     
Damn, and I thought this year was my year. Oh well, back to the futon on the floor surrounded by scented candles, sex toys and mouse turds being eaten by the roaches that I tell my lover isn't so bad once you get used to the scurrying sounds.

05 Dec 2012 07:10 AM
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AthensBoy     
Subby sounds disappointed.

05 Dec 2012 07:13 AM
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dittybopper    [TotalFark]  

Zarquon's Flat Tire: Undulate


Could be worse. Could be ungulate instead.

05 Dec 2012 07:14 AM
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eltejon     
So wait. Did the author use the same passage twice, or the article writer? Pot, kettle, black?

05 Dec 2012 07:16 AM
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Jumpin Jbot     
Like any good book, I won't judge Subby's mom until I open her up.

05 Dec 2012 07:18 AM
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Canton     

eltejon: So wait. Did the author use the same passage twice, or the article writer? Pot, kettle, black?


FTA: The prize is draws attention to the crude, badly written, often perfunctory use of redundant passages of sexual description in the modern novel, and attempts to discourage it.

It seems that the article writer may be quoting some redundant passages. However, it is also a poorly edited article, so who really knows?

05 Dec 2012 07:22 AM
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nmemkha     
In. Out. In. Out. InOutInOutInnnn ... disappointment and guilt.

05 Dec 2012 07:38 AM
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ChubbyTiger     
Alternation.

05 Dec 2012 07:40 AM
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stuhayes2010     
They need to do this to porn. Most ridiculous sexual position, skankiest women, nastiest guy, etc.

05 Dec 2012 07:41 AM
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Dancis_Frake     
Effulgent

05 Dec 2012 07:46 AM
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Jake Havechek     
"Ashley was now wearing only brief white panties. She had signaled her desire by removing her shirt and skirt, and by leaning back on the couch. She closed her eyes, concentrating on nothing but Shannon's tongue and lips. He gently teased her by licking the areas around her most sensitive erogenous zone. Then he slipped her panties down her legs and, within seconds, his tongue was inside her, moving rapidly."

-- Bill O'Reilly, Those Who Trespass

05 Dec 2012 07:49 AM
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fuzzybacchus     
"The prize draws attention to the crude, badly written, often perfunctory use of redundant passages"... Just like every Harry Potter book...

05 Dec 2012 07:52 AM
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stu1-1     

Jake Havechek: "She had signaled her desire by removing her shirt and skirt, and by leaning back on the couch."


too subtle?

05 Dec 2012 07:53 AM
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OhioUGrad     
Wow not even the least bit sensual, sexual, arousing........she sounds like a fat girl with a thesaurus.

05 Dec 2012 07:56 AM
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dittybopper    [TotalFark]  

OhioUGrad: she sounds like a fat girl with a thesaurus.


That's oddly arousing.

05 Dec 2012 07:58 AM
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darth_badger     

Fibro: How much did Kamal's balls weigh?


chriscontent.files.wordpress.com

They look to be about 3 pounds. But you can make cool stuff out of them if you are crafty.

http://www.trocadero.com/TheOldBazaar /items/934426/catphoto.jpg

05 Dec 2012 08:03 AM
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darth_badger     
www.trocadero.com

05 Dec 2012 08:04 AM
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EyeballKid    [TotalFark]  
I read a lot of bad books at my job, and one of my favorite bad sex lines is actually a sentence describing a post-coital scene in Robyn Carr's Temptation Ridge:

She slept like a baby, content, peaceful and drunk on sex.

You know, the way babies get drunk on sex? They do have a low tolerance, being so young and inexperienced, it doesn't take much to get them drunk.

05 Dec 2012 08:22 AM
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Prevailing Wind     
a3.ec-images.myspacecdn.com

Courtesy of the Indiana State Fair. I admire these testaments to testicular toughness every year.

05 Dec 2012 08:25 AM
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Jake Havechek     
He inserted his turgid member into her heated inner lips.

05 Dec 2012 08:27 AM
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BarleyGnome     
"Her lips were like two nightcrawlers making love in a peat bog."

05 Dec 2012 08:27 AM
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Greek     
Forget TFA- This one that was at the bottom of the page looks funnier:
http://www.shortlist.com/cool-stuff/p hotography/awkward-breast-squeez e -caught-on-police-camera

05 Dec 2012 08:33 AM
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eltejon     

Greek: Forget TFA- This one that was at the bottom of the page looks funnier:
http://www.shortlist.com/cool-stuff/p hotography/awkward-breast-squeez e -caught-on-police-camera


You would be surprised how many times that picture has already been greenlit?

05 Dec 2012 08:38 AM
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Flakeloaf     
And where is Fifty Shades in all this? How does a book described as a "bad fanfic" when compared to its source material not win every one of these prizes from here until the heat death of the universe?

05 Dec 2012 08:39 AM
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EyeballKid    [TotalFark]  

Flakeloaf: And where is Fifty Shades in all this? How does a book described as a "bad fanfic" when compared to its source material not win every one of these prizes from here until the heat death of the universe?


As bas as 50 Shades... is, I can guarantee you there is a steady stream of far worse "novels" published nearly every day. And there's plenty of bad sex in a lot of them. There are a lot of books I think deserve a label on the cover reading, "Have you considered porn instead?" Trust me, the literary industry makes the music industry look like a bunch of high-minded people of integrity selling the works of certified geniuses.

05 Dec 2012 08:44 AM
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JackieRabbit     
Yes, bad sex writing, but it will still sell with the single, 30-something, 260 lb chicks, with nine cats demographic. Know you target audience and all that.

05 Dec 2012 08:47 AM
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Anne.Uumellmahaye    [TotalFark]  
Nothing about Reginald's quivering member?

/swollen, turgid, tumescent?
//I'll look it up

05 Dec 2012 08:47 AM
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Nitrox     
Prevailing Wind,

My daughter asked what was wrong with the pig when we saw that (Peru, IN native)

05 Dec 2012 08:48 AM
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Jake Havechek     
Hardcore porn is for men, erotic literature is for 300 lb chicks scarfing 7/11 pickles and a large diet Coke.

05 Dec 2012 08:49 AM
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Mega Steve     
My bowels quivered in anticipation

05 Dec 2012 08:49 AM
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Mid_mo_mad_man     

JackieRabbit: Yes, bad sex writing, but it will still sell with the single, 30-something, 260 lb chicks, with nine cats demographic. Know you target audience and all that.


Do you have these gals numbers? I love the bbw

05 Dec 2012 08:51 AM
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darth_badger     
"It was a dark and stormy night..."

05 Dec 2012 08:52 AM
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StrikitRich    [TotalFark]  
www.cassandra.co

So intentionally bad writing didn't count?

05 Dec 2012 09:05 AM
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JackieRabbit     

Mid_mo_mad_man: JackieRabbit: Yes, bad sex writing, but it will still sell with the single, 30-something, 260 lb chicks, with nine cats demographic. Know you target audience and all that.

Do you have these gals numbers? I love the bbw


Just go Walmart and start chatting them up. They'll give you their numbers.

05 Dec 2012 09:06 AM
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Mid_mo_mad_man     
Well if my soon to be wife was ok with it I would.
/I work at a a Supercenter Wal-Mart.
// Hotter women then you think shop there.
/// Esp after bars close

05 Dec 2012 09:09 AM
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Elegy     

Nitrox: Prevailing Wind,

My daughter asked what was wrong with the pig when we saw that (Peru, IN native)


So what did you tell her?

05 Dec 2012 09:10 AM
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Bedstead Polisher     
This snippet is my favourite part, where the lover explores these areas: my breasts, the back of my neck, my toes, my stomach, the countless treasures between my legs

It produces quite a mental image. Does he go in that order? If so, he seems very disorganized. Also, what does she have going on between her legs to produce "countless treasures"? I can count what I have going on just fine, am I missing out?

05 Dec 2012 09:11 AM
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Mid_mo_mad_man     

Elegy: Nitrox: Prevailing Wind,

My daughter asked what was wrong with the pig when we saw that (Peru, IN native)

So what did you tell her?


Why should the pig hide a set like that

05 Dec 2012 09:12 AM
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Marquis de Sod     
Once upon a time and a very good time it was there was a moocow coming down along the road and this moocow that was coming down along the road met a nicens little boy named baby tuckoo...

And that moocow was the best fark I ever had.

05 Dec 2012 09:12 AM
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Nitrox     
It was pregnant. I choked....

My bad

05 Dec 2012 09:12 AM
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unfarkingbelievable     

Nitrox: Prevailing Wind,

My daughter asked what was wrong with the pig when we saw that (Peru, IN native)


Why is your daughter reading a sex-themed thread with you? INCESTUOUS PERVERT!

05 Dec 2012 09:12 AM
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grokca    [TotalFark]  

fuzzybacchus: "The prize draws attention to the crude, badly written, often perfunctory use of redundant passages"... Just like every Harry Potter book...


Or a Spice Dream.

05 Dec 2012 09:16 AM
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Shrinkwrap     

Bedstead Polisher: This snippet is my favourite part, where the lover explores these areas: my breasts, the back of my neck, my toes, my stomach, the countless treasures between my legs

It produces quite a mental image. Does he go in that order? If so, he seems very disorganized. Also, what does she have going on between her legs to produce "countless treasures"? I can count what I have going on just fine, am I missing out?


I pictured treasure chests, gold coins, etc comically shooting out of her vagina.

05 Dec 2012 09:17 AM
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Mega Steve     

Bedstead Polisher: It produces quite a mental image. Does he go in that order? If so, he seems very disorganized. Also, what does she have going on between her legs to produce "countless treasures"? I can count what I have going on just fine, am I missing out?


She vajazzles with real diamonds. Lots of them

05 Dec 2012 09:18 AM
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Bedstead Polisher     

Shrinkwrap: Bedstead Polisher: This snippet is my favourite part, where the lover explores these areas: my breasts, the back of my neck, my toes, my stomach, the countless treasures between my legs

It produces quite a mental image. Does he go in that order? If so, he seems very disorganized. Also, what does she have going on between her legs to produce "countless treasures"? I can count what I have going on just fine, am I missing out?

I pictured treasure chests, gold coins, etc comically shooting out of her vagina.


Maybe that's how he ended up from her neck to her toes, the projectiles knocked him down to the floor.

05 Dec 2012 09:19 AM
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