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   You've read plenty of stories about lottery winners cashing in at the absolute last minute. This is not one of them

06 Dec 2012 07:29 AM   |   15350 clicks   |   The Sun
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brap    [TotalFark]  
I got one number on the recent super gajillion dollar spaceballs powerball extravaganza.  It made me feel like I could really fulfill my wildest dreams, if I tamed said dreams, domesticated them, and taught them to settle for less, well nothing to be exact.
 
Dreams your fending for youself, I'm outta here!

05 Dec 2012 09:03 PM
SpikeStrip     

brap: I got one number on the recent super gajillion dollar spaceballs powerball extravaganza.  It made me feel like I could really fulfill my wildest dreams, if I tamed said dreams, domesticated them, and taught them to settle for less, well nothing to be exact.
 
Dreams your fending for youself, I'm outta here!


i matched jack shiat numbers on two tickets. TWO!

06 Dec 2012 12:32 AM
thamike     
Is "punter" the latest entry in the Encyclopedia Whatever You Want?

06 Dec 2012 05:36 AM
mat catastrophe     
Did they check on all the grumpy guys in the corner cubicles in the offices around town?

/obscure?

06 Dec 2012 07:39 AM
LordOfThePings     
They should give it to the runner-up. What possible use could a charity have for money, anyway?

Wait, are there runners-up in a lottery?

06 Dec 2012 07:40 AM
Jon iz teh kewl     
deadhomersociety.files.wordpress.comView Full Size

06 Dec 2012 07:41 AM
Onkel Buck     
I'd lose my damn mind if I won that kind of money. They would find my bloated corpse is Vegas covered in cocaine and stripper glitter.

06 Dec 2012 07:42 AM
Norfolking Chance     

thamike: Is "punter" the latest entry in the Encyclopedia Whatever You Want?


Oxford English Dictionary

noun
1 informal, a person who gambles, places a bet, or makes a risky investment.

English motherfarker, do you speak it?

/Thats a cheque for £63million, not £63million over 20 years or some such rubbish

06 Dec 2012 07:49 AM
Prof. Frink     

Onkel Buck: I'd lose my damn mind if I won that kind of money. They would find my bloated corpse is Vegas covered in cocaine and stripper glitter.


That can be arranged for a lot less than several-million pounds.

/Or so I've heard
//Call me?

06 Dec 2012 07:50 AM
The Evil That Lies In The Hearts Of Men     

thamike: Is "punter" the latest entry in the Encyclopedia Whatever You Want?


It's very common British slang for someone who gambles on something.

06 Dec 2012 07:50 AM
PunkTiger     

The Evil That Lies In The Hearts Of Men: It's very common British slang for someone who gambles on something.


I thought it was a British term for a customer in general.

06 Dec 2012 07:55 AM
assjuice     
Even punters in the NFL make decent money, so maybe he wanted it to go to charity.

06 Dec 2012 07:56 AM
basilbrush     

The Evil That Lies In The Hearts Of Men: thamike: Is "punter" the latest entry in the Encyclopedia Whatever You Want?

It's very common British slang for someone who gambles on something.


Not just British, common term in Australia and New Zealand also. It doesn't always mean that someone gambles, customers are also called punters.

06 Dec 2012 07:57 AM
Bungles     

The Evil That Lies In The Hearts Of Men: thamike: Is "punter" the latest entry in the Encyclopedia Whatever You Want?

It's very common British slang for someone who gambles on something.



And "to take a punt" is in Shakespeare, so it's not like someone's changed the rules recently without telling him.

06 Dec 2012 08:03 AM
No Time To Explain     
So close, yet so far

/better luck next time skippy

06 Dec 2012 08:07 AM
Dear Jerk     
SpikeStrip
i matched jack shiat numbers on two tickets. TWO!

You did good. The odds say you should match jack shiat on four tickets.

06 Dec 2012 08:07 AM
OhioUGrad     
The person could have passed away or something since June. At least they are giving it to charity and not the government or something crappy.

06 Dec 2012 08:08 AM
jigger     
Just sounds like someone lost the ticket.

06 Dec 2012 08:09 AM
TheGogmagog     

Bungles: The Evil That Lies In The Hearts Of Men: thamike: Is "punter" the latest entry in the Encyclopedia Whatever You Want?

It's very common British slang for someone who gambles on something.


And "to take a punt" is in Shakespeare, so it's not like someone's changed the rules recently without telling him.


I've pounded a punt or two.

06 Dec 2012 08:13 AM
ur14me     

basilbrush: The Evil That Lies In The Hearts Of Men: thamike: Is "punter" the latest entry in the Encyclopedia Whatever You Want?

It's very common British slang for someone who gambles on something.

Not just British, common term in Australia and New Zealand also. It doesn't always mean that someone gambles, customers are also called punters.


Ah... The British prison isle and the escapee haven

Of COURSE...

06 Dec 2012 08:17 AM
Nuclear Monk     

Prof. Frink: Onkel Buck: I'd lose my damn mind if I won that kind of money. They would find my bloated corpse is Vegas covered in cocaine and stripper glitter.

That can be arranged for a lot less than several-million pounds.

/Or so I've heard
//Call me?


In fact, if you can arrange for the hookers and cocaine upfront without paying anything, you can pretty much complete that experience without ever paying?

06 Dec 2012 08:17 AM
SnarfVader     
National Lottery Good Causes Committee

When you lose, you really can say it's going to a good cause.

06 Dec 2012 08:23 AM
snowybunting    [TotalFark]  
Lottery chiefs revealed the ticket was bought in the Stevenage and Hitchin area of Hertfordshire.

zOMG I was totally in that area last June! It's just outside the Shire, about 10 miles from Bree, right?

06 Dec 2012 08:25 AM
kvinesknows     

Norfolking Chance: thamike: Is "punter" the latest entry in the Encyclopedia Whatever You Want?

Oxford English Dictionary

noun
1 informal, a person who gambles, places a bet, or makes a risky investment.

English motherfarker, do you speak it?

/Thats a cheque for £63million, not £63million over 20 years or some such rubbish


how the hell do these retards make their leap of logic to use words such as this in that manner?

06 Dec 2012 08:27 AM
Pinko_Commie     

Norfolking Chance: thamike: Is "punter" the latest entry in the Encyclopedia Whatever You Want?

Oxford English Dictionary

noun
1 informal, a person who gambles, places a bet, or makes a risky investment.

English motherfarker, do you speak it?

/Thats a cheque for £63million, not £63million over 20 years or some such rubbish


And it's also tax free. Well technically, the tax is paid on the purchase price of the ticket (a whopping 12% of the purchase price), so you are taxed a whole £0.24 on it.

06 Dec 2012 08:28 AM
wildcardjack     
I wouldn't hold on to a ticket like that more than a week or two. I'd be spending that time clearing out my apartment so I could go into proper eccentric hermit style living.

06 Dec 2012 08:36 AM
SnarfVader     

Pinko_Commie: Norfolking Chance: thamike: Is "punter" the latest entry in the Encyclopedia Whatever You Want?

Oxford English Dictionary

noun
1 informal, a person who gambles, places a bet, or makes a risky investment.

English motherfarker, do you speak it?

/Thats a cheque for £63million, not £63million over 20 years or some such rubbish

And it's also tax free. Well technically, the tax is paid on the purchase price of the ticket (a whopping 12% of the purchase price), so you are taxed a whole £0.24 on it.


That's actually very cool and there's no question about the amount you actually win. None of this fuzzy after-taxes "What do I keep?" math. I doubt it would fly over here, though. People would biatch about paying the taxes up front.

06 Dec 2012 08:36 AM
Carn     

Onkel Buck: I'd lose my damn mind if I won that kind of money. They would find my bloated corpse is Vegas covered in cocaine and stripper glitter.


Well, I think we know where to start the search for his body...

06 Dec 2012 08:37 AM
Abe Vigoda's Ghost    [TotalFark]  

Onkel Buck: I'd lose my damn mind if I won that kind of money. They would find my bloated corpse is Vegas covered in cocaine and stripper glitter.


You could do that for a couple grand.

06 Dec 2012 08:46 AM
Marcintosh     

wildcardjack: I wouldn't hold on to a ticket like that more than a week or two. I'd be spending that time clearing out my apartment burning the evidence of my existance so I could go into proper eccentric hermit style living.


06 Dec 2012 08:47 AM
cmunic8r99    [TotalFark]  

wildcardjack: I wouldn't hold on to a ticket like that more than a week or two. I'd be spending that time clearing out my apartment searching for a more excluded parcel of land in the middle of nowhere so I could go into proper eccentric hermit style living.


06 Dec 2012 08:52 AM
Harry Freakstorm     
Used to be, when you had to check the tickets manually, this might have happened to me. I go in, buy my booze and toss a dollar on the counter and ask for a quick pick.

And assuming it doesn't get seized as evidence in a morals charge, I might remember to check it in the newspaper.

But now, I just walk in to the Circle K, dump the contents of the Prisoner's Personal Possessions envelope on the counter and scan it. Of course if it's an expired ticket, I would just say "You know, if I had taken the plea, I would have been out in time to collect on this."

06 Dec 2012 08:53 AM
The Loaf     

thamike: Is "punter" the latest entry in the Encyclopedia Whatever You Want?


It comes from baccarat, if you're curious.

/Punters are the folks making bets with the player, but aren't controlling the cards.

06 Dec 2012 09:05 AM
kvinesknows     

The Loaf: thamike: Is "punter" the latest entry in the Encyclopedia Whatever You Want?

It comes from baccarat, if you're curious.

/Punters are the folks making bets with the player, but aren't controlling the cards.


that dont help much

06 Dec 2012 09:06 AM
pippi longstocking     
I doubt that a moron like that would have done anything positive with the money.

06 Dec 2012 09:08 AM
Jon iz teh kewl     

pippi longstocking: I doubt that a moron like that would have done anything positive with the money.


say it ain't so

06 Dec 2012 09:32 AM
T.M.S.     
Punter is a common word for the audience at a play as well. It's not particularly derogatory but I wish it were.

06 Dec 2012 09:48 AM
thisone     

SnarfVader: That's actually very cool and there's no question about the amount you actually win. None of this fuzzy after-taxes "What do I keep?" math. I doubt it would fly over here, though. People would biatch about paying the taxes up front.


If the US changed it's tax laws to be similar, there'd be no biatching about taxes up front, because there'd be no taxes on that money.

06 Dec 2012 10:12 AM
Highroller48    [TotalFark]  

thisone: SnarfVader: That's actually very cool and there's no question about the amount you actually win. None of this fuzzy after-taxes "What do I keep?" math. I doubt it would fly over here, though. People would biatch about paying the taxes up front.

If the US changed it's tax laws to be similar, there'd be no biatching about taxes up front, because there'd be no taxes on that money.


Hey, it works in Canada. If you win $50million in a lottery, or a million bucks on a game show or even a nice big slots jackpot, you get the whole thing in a lump sum, and you even keep all of it, because it's not taxable.

I always get a kick out of U.S. game shows, when I remind myself that the person who just won $25K on "are you smarter than an eggplant" or whatever is going to lose almost half of it before they even leave the studio.

REmember when Oprah gave her whole audience cars? They had to pay tax on the freebie. Here you'd only have to pay tasex on it if you immediately sold it without ever using it.

06 Dec 2012 10:22 AM
Highroller48    [TotalFark]  
The old joke is that lotteries are a tax on people who suck at math.

If you think about it, though, in the U.S. it really is pure taxation:

Let's say your state pays out based on 50% of sales.

So, they sell 30 million tickets at $5 each. The take-in is $300M. The "prize" is $150 million, BUT you pay, say 50% of that on state and federal taxes. So, your take home is $75 million. In return, the government just soaked people for $225M in extra revenue. They deny it's a tax, because it's "voluntary"...BUT they spend a lot of time convincing you that your turn for the big payday is surely just around the corner, so don't you dare forget to buy your tickets! They hook you on the pipe dream, like dangling a baggie of smack in front of Courtney Love. Come on! Reach for it! It's right there!

06 Dec 2012 10:33 AM
skrame     

Abe Vigoda's Ghost: Onkel Buck: I'd lose my damn mind if I won that kind of money. They would find my bloated corpse is Vegas covered in cocaine and stripper glitter.

You could do that for a couple grand.


Shoot, at current exchange rates and using the math of "two chicks at one time", Onkel Buck could be covered in cocaine and *does math* the glitter of 202.5 strippers.

06 Dec 2012 10:37 AM
Jon iz teh kewl     
hey retard. u just lost the lottery. of life. good job pat yourself on your back and go back to your dead end job at MacDonald's

06 Dec 2012 12:51 PM
thamike     

The Loaf: thamike: Is "punter" the latest entry in the Encyclopedia Whatever You Want?

It comes from baccarat, if you're curious.

/Punters are the folks making bets with the player, but aren't controlling the cards.


Didn't know it was from baccarat, thanks. I knew it was a word and the basic idea, I just always thought it was a pejorative.

06 Dec 2012 06:31 PM
foxyshadis     

T.M.S.: Punter is a common word for the audience at a play as well. It's not particularly derogatory but I wish it were.


It's basically lost all meaning and just means "anyone else" now.

Highroller48: thisone: SnarfVader: That's actually very cool and there's no question about the amount you actually win. None of this fuzzy after-taxes "What do I keep?" math. I doubt it would fly over here, though. People would biatch about paying the taxes up front.

If the US changed it's tax laws to be similar, there'd be no biatching about taxes up front, because there'd be no taxes on that money.

Hey, it works in Canada. If you win $50million in a lottery, or a million bucks on a game show or even a nice big slots jackpot, you get the whole thing in a lump sum, and you even keep all of it, because it's not taxable.

I always get a kick out of U.S. game shows, when I remind myself that the person who just won $25K on "are you smarter than an eggplant" or whatever is going to lose almost half of it before they even leave the studio.

REmember when Oprah gave her whole audience cars? They had to pay tax on the freebie. Here you'd only have to pay tasex on it if you immediately sold it without ever using it.


I always wondered about people who claimed they had to sell their paid-off house after inheriting it due to income and property taxes. You now own a house! Refinance it! If you can't afford the ongoing property taxes, rent it out to someone who can.

No, they just have a convenient excuse to take the money and blow it, or rail against taxes in general.

Cars on the other hand aren't great collateral, so I can understand how it would suck to pay taxes on someone you can't easily put up. Still, you have nearly a year to decide before the tax is due, and even that would leave most of Oprah's audience in the 15-25% bracket.

I liken it to complaining about how much a hot stock tip rocketing up or big casino win is going to cost you in taxes.

06 Dec 2012 08:13 PM
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