(full site)
Fark.com

Try out our new mobile site!


Back To Main
   Jurors spare man from getting the death penalty

06 Dec 2012 11:48 AM   |   19769 clicks   |   Washington Post
Showing 1-31 of 31 comments
Refresh
Fiction Fan     
I had to do jury duty earlier this year.
We had one pool selected for a criminal trial that was a murder case.

I got to be one of the pool selected for a DUI case that had only six jurors.
I ended up as one of the jurors.

I had to vote guilty because I couldn't logically justify the driver's BAC based on the amount of time lapse created by his attorney. Felt like crap for doing it, because the defendant seemed like a nice enough guy. A one-legged man in a wheelchair. Seriously.

But anyway, based on my experience, I'm not quite sure I would have picked death versus jury duty.
Incapacitation, maybe. Like vomiting, or a high fever, something like that. Not death.

06 Dec 2012 08:59 AM
Sybarite    [TotalFark]  

Fiction Fan:
But anyway, based on my experience, I'm not quite sure I would have picked death versus jury duty.
Incapacitation, maybe. Like vomiting, or a high fever, something like that. Not death.



You fake a stomach cramp, and when you're bent over, moaning and wailing, you lick your palms.

06 Dec 2012 09:38 AM
AirForceVet    [TotalFark]  
See, THIS is why you should go for jury duty.

/Quit whining.

06 Dec 2012 09:44 AM
Richard Saunders     
"I've had more action in the last six months than in the last 30 years of nursing," Elabassi said.

Bow-chicka-bow-wow...

06 Dec 2012 10:43 AM
MadCat221     
Good thing this didn't happen in post-apocalyptia... the residents of Anandale would have said "Dinner!"

/too obscure?

06 Dec 2012 11:50 AM
xanadian    [TotalFark]  

Richard Saunders: "I've had more action in the last six months than in the last 30 years of nursing," Elabassi said.

Bow-chicka-bow-wow...


HELLLOOOOO NURSE

06 Dec 2012 11:51 AM
fappomatic     
Ahhh the old spontaneous dissection of the anterior descending artery trick. It'll get you out of jury duty at least once.

06 Dec 2012 11:55 AM
Minerva8918     
Even though having a heart attack sucks, good thing his happened with 4 nurses around!

06 Dec 2012 11:59 AM
elguerodiablo     
I just spent a few weeks on jury duty and during the trial I almost choked on a jolly rancher and had a huge coughing fit. The bailiff brought me some water and some cough drops as I almost choked to death on my own spit. The prosecutor just gave me an annoyed glance and then immediately continued questioning the witness. People are jerks.

06 Dec 2012 11:59 AM
natas6.0     
That story was MUCH better than I expected it to be.
Those heart attacks are almost always fatal

as for jury duty, they never use me or anyone I'm involved with
the longest I've had to wait is 2 hours
so I take a book, and find a bar by 10 am.
F@ck jury duty

06 Dec 2012 12:07 PM
Clemkadidlefark     

MadCat221: Good thing this didn't happen in post-apocalyptia... the residents of Anandale would have said "Dinner!"

/too obscure?


No

/appreciated

06 Dec 2012 12:09 PM
joaquin closet     
Irritable Bowel Syndrome won't even get you out of duty anymore.

Actually, I've come to accept jury service as part of my civic duty. Been on three trials, foreman twice. Beats work if you get paid by the company for it.

Paid professional jurors would be so much cheaper, though

06 Dec 2012 12:10 PM
iheartscotch     
Was he a steel drivin' man?

06 Dec 2012 12:12 PM
Wade_Wilson     

joaquin closet: Irritable Bowel Syndrome won't even get you out of duty anymore.

data.whicdn.comView Full Size


Does this method still work?


06 Dec 2012 12:14 PM
Jument     

elguerodiablo: I just spent a few weeks on jury duty and during the trial I almost choked on a jolly rancher and had a huge coughing fit. The bailiff brought me some water and some cough drops as I almost choked to death on my own spit. The prosecutor just gave me an annoyed glance and then immediately continued questioning the witness. People are jerks.


Yes, they are. Like the people who are so clueless and inept that they can't avoid spontaneously and loudly choking themselves to death in a setting that requires them to be silent. ;)

Bravo, subby. That was an excellent headline. Amusing without being troll-tastic.

06 Dec 2012 12:21 PM
TheotherMIguy     

Clemkadidlefark: MadCat221: Good thing this didn't happen in post-apocalyptia... the residents of Anandale would have said "Dinner!"

/too obscure?

No

/appreciated


My Power Fist has something to say to the residents of Anandale.

/It's Russian too.

06 Dec 2012 12:27 PM
Woot_Gawd     

Sybarite: Fiction Fan:
But anyway, based on my experience, I'm not quite sure I would have picked death versus jury duty.
Incapacitation, maybe. Like vomiting, or a high fever, something like that. Not death.


You fake a stomach cramp, and when you're bent over, moaning and wailing, you lick your palms.


Not obscure, but brilliant timing...Cheers to you!

06 Dec 2012 12:37 PM
StrangeQ     

Sybarite: Fiction Fan:
But anyway, based on my experience, I'm not quite sure I would have picked death versus jury duty.
Incapacitation, maybe. Like vomiting, or a high fever, something like that. Not death.


You fake a stomach cramp, and when you're bent over, moaning and wailing, you lick your palms.


?

06 Dec 2012 12:39 PM
hundreddollarman    [TotalFark]  
I always blurt out "O.J. is guilty!" while I'm being screened by the court. Gets me dismissed from jury pool every time.

06 Dec 2012 12:41 PM
PiffMan420     
Just got my notice in the mail. Any suggestions on how to get our of it?

06 Dec 2012 01:23 PM
stevarooni    [TotalFark]  
FTFA: "I marvel at the fact that strangers helped me," McHenry said.

That's a sad commentary, right there. :-P

06 Dec 2012 01:25 PM
Overfiend     
Dammit. I was hoping it was really a jury saying a big fat no to the death penalty system...

/anti death penalty
//real pro-life!

06 Dec 2012 01:26 PM
twiztedjustin     
Hey thanks to crappy nursing programs popping up all over the place to meet the demand to help care for our nation's elderly, they're finding it harder and harder to find any OT.

06 Dec 2012 01:28 PM
stevarooni    [TotalFark]  

PiffMan420: Just got my notice in the mail. Any suggestions on how to get our of it?


Limit your drinking, make sure to keep fats and sodium relatively low. If you have a sedentary lifestyle, take up an active hobby to improve your fitness. There are a lot of ways to get out of a heart attack.

06 Dec 2012 01:52 PM
Bender The Offender     

stevarooni: PiffMan420: Just got my notice in the mail. Any suggestions on how to get our of it?

Limit your drinking, make sure to keep fats and sodium relatively low. If you have a sedentary lifestyle, take up an active hobby to improve your fitness. There are a lot of ways to get out of a heart attack.


He should also stop smoking, try to reduce stress, not work on Mondays between 8 and 11 am, and try not to be a black guy over 50. That should help some too. If either of your parents have a history of CAD, find new ones.

06 Dec 2012 02:16 PM
Hagenhatesyouall     
When California tumbles into the sea, that'll be the day I go back to Annandale.

06 Dec 2012 02:37 PM
seniorgato     
Awe man Subby. I was all ready to be outraged. Shucks.

06 Dec 2012 03:56 PM
Jument     

PiffMan420: Just got my notice in the mail. Any suggestions on how to get our of it?


IMHO: You are part of what is wrong with America. Man up and do your duty as a citizen.

06 Dec 2012 04:04 PM
JimbobMcClan     

Jument: PiffMan420: Just got my notice in the mail. Any suggestions on how to get our of it?

IMHO: You are part of what is wrong with America. Man up and do your duty as a citizen.


Ditto. This is why we get crappy decisions and laws. Prosecutors like the dumb authoritarians and Defenders like the dumb ones in general. Unless you are the only one in your family that is doing care taking, do your duty as a citizen.

06 Dec 2012 04:16 PM
i_dig_chicks     
Jury gives man life.

06 Dec 2012 07:18 PM
shebringsthesun     
Anyone else here never been called for Jury Duty? Seven years with no notice seems like a long time, especially since I live on an island. Is there a list of like things that disqualify you from ever being called? Maybe I'm on it...

07 Dec 2012 04:43 AM
Showing 1-31 of 31 comments
Refresh
This thread is closed to new comments.


Back To Main

More Headlines:
Main | Sports | Business | Geek | Entertainment | Politics | Video | FarkUs | Contests | Fark Party | Combined