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   Not News: Man visits funeral home to visit dead fiancee. Fark: Posing as funeral director to get back the engagement rings he gave her

06 Dec 2012 02:00 PM   |   5937 clicks   |   KFAB Omaha
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trivial use of my dark powers     
Looks like his story...

(removes sunglasses)

...rings false.

YEAAAAAAH!!!!!

06 Dec 2012 12:04 PM
lennavan     
You don't need a devious plan to get them back. Engagement rings are given in contemplation of marriage. If you don't get married, they still belong to the person who gave it (the man in this case).

06 Dec 2012 02:02 PM
ronaprhys     
This is one of the first things to make me laugh today. GENIUS!

06 Dec 2012 02:03 PM
Daniels     
lennavan: You don't need a devious plan to get them back. Engagement rings are given in contemplation of marriage. If you don't get married, they still belong to the person who gave it (the man in this case).

Depends on the state.

06 Dec 2012 02:04 PM
Englebert Slaptyback     

lennavan


You don't need a devious plan to get them back. Engagement rings are given in contemplation of marriage. If you don't get married, they still belong to the person who gave it (the man in this case).


Yeah, she broke off the engagement. So to speak.

06 Dec 2012 02:05 PM
Lundyn     
seems legit.

06 Dec 2012 02:05 PM
cgraves67     
This sounds like the plot to a bad Ben Stiller movie.

06 Dec 2012 02:06 PM
Englebert Slaptyback     
From TFA:

Flood says Kurtshals used to be a licensed mortician for 17 years, but he lost his license in 1996 and went to prison for theft for mishandling clients' money.

Someone else reported Kurtshals voted illegally on election day. He wasn't eligible because of his criminal record.

Kurzhals is also facing shoplifting and driving on a suspended license charges.


That's some fine investigative journalism there, Lou.

06 Dec 2012 02:06 PM
LeroyBourne     
He was just avoiding digging her up.

06 Dec 2012 02:07 PM
GlobalStrategic MapleSyrup Reserve     
"Someone else reported Kurtshals voted illegally on election day. He wasn't eligible because of his criminal record."

I'd really like to know who he voted for.
a1.ec-images.myspacecdn.comView Full Size

06 Dec 2012 02:07 PM
OtherLittleGuy    [TotalFark]  
Unavailable for comment:

eleven.com.auView Full Size


www.boomerturnons.comView Full Size

06 Dec 2012 02:07 PM
limeyfellow     

cgraves67: This sounds like the plot to a bad Ben Stiller movie.


FTFY.

06 Dec 2012 02:08 PM
blatz514     
Someone else reported Kurtshals voted illegally on election day

Oh FFS. Thanks for that tidbit.

06 Dec 2012 02:08 PM
cryinoutloud     
So what--give him back the rings. She isn't going to need or appreciate them anymore.

06 Dec 2012 02:09 PM
probesport     
Void if seal broken.

06 Dec 2012 02:09 PM
cgraves67     

limeyfellow: cgraves67: This sounds like the plot to a bad Ben Stiller movie.

FTFY.


You're right. "Bad" was superfluous in that statement.

06 Dec 2012 02:10 PM
master_dman     
I'm sure he was an Obama voter.

06 Dec 2012 02:12 PM
taurusowner     
Well, if they were in love and planned to get married, but she died; I presume she would still want what's best for him even in her death, right? Sounds like he should definitely get the rings back. That's good money that can be used elsewhere. If I was in love with someone and I died, I would hope and expect they use whatever of mine they can to have a better life.

06 Dec 2012 02:12 PM
JohnAnnArbor    [TotalFark]  
He went to Jared.

06 Dec 2012 02:12 PM
starlost     
i'm doing a online college degree for mortician certification now so i'm getting a kick out of this. the cost of the class was pretty cheap but the study material shipping bills has been high and my basement freezer isn't working well.

06 Dec 2012 02:12 PM
CapeFearCadaver    [TotalFark]  

starlost: and my basement freezer isn't working well.


Stuffed it too full of... um... materials?

Yeah, it happens.

06 Dec 2012 02:14 PM
Englebert Slaptyback     
Also from TFA:

Bogus Funeral Director Arrested
Terry Kurtzhals impersonated a funeral director about two weeks ago to collect engagement rings from his late fiancee.

A Nebraska man is accused of impersonating a funeral director in an attempt to retrieve the engagement rings he gave his fiance.


Apparently s/he had identity issues. Or TFA is just a mess.

06 Dec 2012 02:14 PM
Harry Freakstorm     
I'm here for the jewelry the deceased had on her when she died.

"Oh here you go"

And any gold fillings she might have had.

"Okay. Well, here are some pliers. Help your self."

Do you know if she had any titanium pins. Possible a knee or hip replaced?

"If you stay below the equator, you can look for yourself. But I'm beginning to wonder if you are a funeral director."

I assure you I am. For I can say "Stiffy" without giggling like a school child.

"Oh. Indeed you are. Sorry I mistrusted you."

Can't be too sure these days. Lots of weirdos out there.

"Stiffy"

Giggles.

"Aha! I knew it! Charlatan! Thief!"

Blast! Done in by the oldest Funeral Director trick in the book.

"That and your funeral home name tag says "Monkey Joe" on it. I sincerely doubt there's a Monkey Joe's Funeral Home around here."

06 Dec 2012 02:17 PM
m1ke     
<Smart>

06 Dec 2012 02:17 PM
Delawheredad    [TotalFark]  
I'm really ticked off. They cancelled my subscription to "Comparative necrophilia" when they found out that I wasn't a licensed mortician!

06 Dec 2012 02:18 PM
Hagenhatesyouall     
/Approves.

images3.wikia.nocookie.netView Full Size

06 Dec 2012 02:20 PM
david_gaithersburg     
Not sure about Nebraska, but here in MD the rings belong to him since the Contract of Marriage was not fulfilled by the other party. The rings are much like the down payment on a house. If the seller of the house reneges then you get your down payment back. If the family was giving him a hard time then he should have taken them to court, and then forced them to dig her up later to retrieve the rings. That should serve as a lesson to the next bride that tries to up and die on someone.

/DNRTFA

06 Dec 2012 02:23 PM
Superjew     
Conspicuously missing from story: Why he didn't get the rings back in the first place.

I'm guessing: douchebag future in-laws.

06 Dec 2012 02:24 PM
cleveoh     
Kurtshals used to be a licensed mortician for 17 years, but he lost his license in 1996 and went to prison for theft for mishandling clients' money.

Someone else reported Kurtshals voted illegally on election day. He wasn't eligible because of his criminal record.

Kurzhals is also facing shoplifting and driving on a suspended license charges.


They forgot littering & disturbing the peace.

06 Dec 2012 02:25 PM
probesport     
He gave her a ring and she became frigid - people are surprised by this?

06 Dec 2012 02:25 PM
The Larch     

GlobalStrategic MapleSyrup Reserve: "Someone else reported Kurtshals voted illegally on election day. He wasn't eligible because of his criminal record."

I'd really like to know who he voted for.
[a1.ec-images.myspacecdn.com image 600x383]


Well, he's a felon, so he's probably a hard-core evangelical christian like most felons. So, he probably voted for Romney.

// Politics tab. You can has it.

06 Dec 2012 02:26 PM
special20    [TotalFark]  

master_dman: I'm sure he was an Obama voter.


Since when is Obama a Republican?

06 Dec 2012 02:26 PM
Magorn    [TotalFark]  
Somewhere, there is a screenwriter writing a buddy comedy on this premise, hoping to pitch it vince vaughn and the cast of Hangover III

06 Dec 2012 02:26 PM
marius2    [TotalFark]  
When I was a wee lad, for some reason still a mystery to me, I decided that I should get married to my then girlfriend.

We broke up, she moved back home (a very far ways away), and not only did I let her keep the ring, I actually mailed it to her on her request. Yes, I was an idiot.

/In my mind it was a sign that she wasn't fully sure about the breakup.
//Idiot.

06 Dec 2012 02:28 PM
slackananda     
www.angryasianman.comView Full Size


"And who are you, the funeral director?"

(The old dub was the best....)

06 Dec 2012 02:31 PM
The Larch     
I can see two sides to this. One the one hand, burying people with expensive jewelry is pointless. It's not like she's going to get any enjoyment out of the ring; it's just going to be expensive wormfood.

On the other hand, if you give someone an engagement ring you can't afford to lose, you're an idiot. You gave it to her, she kept it, now it's gone. Get over it. If you couldn't afford to lose the ring, you should have bought a cheaper ring. By the time you get married, you should have learned that you're not required to go into debt to buy some glittery smooshed coal so that a woman can brag to her friends about what high earning potential her mate has. This is doubly true if you're a 58 year old ex-convict with persistent legal problems.

// I don't have any problem with conspicuous consumption. I think it's great that some people can afford to peacock around with luxury cars, custom suits, expensive watches, and ostentatious jewelry. But nothing is more pathetic to me than someone who tries to look like they can afford that stuff but really can't.

06 Dec 2012 02:38 PM
oldfarthenry    [TotalFark]  

master_dman: I'm sure he was an Obama voter.


I'm sure your butthurt keeps you up at night.

06 Dec 2012 02:39 PM
strapp3r     
so, the funeral director asks the new kid to dress the young woman on the slab
when he returns two hours later, the young woman is lying nude on the slab
"i thought i told you to dress her, why is she still nude?"
the simpleton replies, "well, i was gonna, but she has a shrimp between her legs"
"a shrimp?"
"yep, it's right there" he says as he points to her vulva
the funeral director, looks closely and turns to the new kid "you dumbass, that's her clitoris"
embarrassed, the helper attempts to defend himself "well, it sure did taste like shrimp"

06 Dec 2012 02:46 PM
Mega Steve     
I'm sure he just wanted a keepsake as a reminder of their love and totally wasn't going to reuse the rings

i2.ytimg.comView Full Size


I'm tellin' ya, honey, she meant nothin' to me. Nothin' at all!

06 Dec 2012 02:48 PM
imtheonlylp     
Madea Goes To The Funeral Parlor

06 Dec 2012 02:49 PM
unfarkingbelievable     
Dammit, this is still sad.

06 Dec 2012 02:52 PM
browntimmy     
Dumbass, get a shovel. This is what grave robbing is for.

06 Dec 2012 02:52 PM
trippdogg     

cleveoh: Kurtshals used to be a licensed mortician for 17 years, but he lost his license in 1996 and went to prison for theft for mishandling clients' money.

Someone else reported Kurtshals voted illegally on election day. He wasn't eligible because of his criminal record.

Kurzhals is also facing shoplifting and driving on a suspended license charges.

They forgot littering & disturbing the peace.


...and murdering his fiancee.

06 Dec 2012 02:57 PM
Magorn    [TotalFark]  

The Larch: I can see two sides to this. One the one hand, burying people with expensive jewelry is pointless. It's not like she's going to get any enjoyment out of the ring; it's just going to be expensive wormfood.

On the other hand, if you give someone an engagement ring you can't afford to lose, you're an idiot. You gave it to her, she kept it, now it's gone. Get over it. If you couldn't afford to lose the ring, you should have bought a cheaper ring. By the time you get married, you should have learned that you're not required to go into debt to buy some glittery smooshed coal so that a woman can brag to her friends about what high earning potential her mate has. This is doubly true if you're a 58 year old ex-convict with persistent legal problems.

// I don't have any problem with conspicuous consumption. I think it's great that some people can afford to peacock around with luxury cars, custom suits, expensive watches, and ostentatious jewelry. But nothing is more pathetic to me than someone who tries to look like they can afford that stuff but really can't.


When my mother finally had her engagement ring appriased for insurance purposes and discovered it was worth conservatively, $15-20k (how my dad managed to buy such a ring on a 1950's radar repair-man's salary is a whole nother tale) She threatened us, in dead earnest, to haunt us to the end of our days even we even considered burying it with her.

06 Dec 2012 03:00 PM
The Evil Home Brewer     

Superjew: Conspicuously missing from story: Why he didn't get the rings back in the first place.

I'm guessing: douchebag future in-laws.


He didn't get the ring back because Gollum found it first

/myyyyy precious
!

06 Dec 2012 03:04 PM
JohnAnnArbor    [TotalFark]  

JohnAnnArbor: He went to Jared.


For the record, I hate those Jared ads with the power of a thousand suns.

06 Dec 2012 03:07 PM
The Larch     

Magorn: When my mother finally had her engagement ring appriased for insurance purposes and discovered it was worth conservatively, $15-20k (how my dad managed to buy such a ring on a 1950's radar repair-man's salary is a whole nother tale) She threatened us, in dead earnest, to haunt us to the end of our days even we even considered burying it with her.


Sure, but it was her ring, and she got to decide what to do with it. She had it 50 years (or whatever), and nobody ever thought about selling it for money. Your dad certainly wasn't waiting in the cemetery with a shovel so that he could afford groceries that week (or whatever the hell this guy was doing...)

06 Dec 2012 03:07 PM
wildcardjack     

The Larch: GlobalStrategic MapleSyrup Reserve: "Someone else reported Kurtshals voted illegally on election day. He wasn't eligible because of his criminal record."

I'd really like to know who he voted for.
[a1.ec-images.myspacecdn.com image 600x383]

Well, he's a felon, so he's probably a hard-core evangelical christian like most felons. So, he probably voted for Romney.

// Politics tab. You can has it.


Well, if he was he didn't send any money to Romney. No Kurtzhals in the donor database on OpenSecrets.

And we're talking about people in their late 50's, his problem wasn't the in-laws, it was the children.

06 Dec 2012 03:10 PM
gja    [TotalFark]  
I don't give a shiat about laws or right/wrong in this case. Taking rings back posing as a funeral director is FARKING creepy.
If him getting them back was right and proper he should have done it via a legal and above-boards method.
ICK. Taking things off a dead body sneakily=low-down-dirty-creepoid

06 Dec 2012 03:11 PM
borg    [TotalFark]  
www.wearysloth.comView Full Size

You know, Mr. Bundy, you're a decent guy, so here is a little tip from me to you. Don't die with your jewelry on

06 Dec 2012 03:16 PM
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