(full site)
Fark.com

Back To Main
   It's time for Dave Barry's annual gift guide, and he addresses a cultural shift: "Thanksgiving is no longer a day of quiet reflective belching. The new Thanksgiving tradition is to gulp down your dinner, then race to the mall"

07 Dec 2012 04:53 AM   |   6518 clicks   |   Miami Herald
Showing 1-38 of 38 comments
Refresh
ZAZ    [TotalFark]  
I am seriously tempted to buy the squirrel mask, except it's reasonably likely I will get one as a gift now that Dave Barry has spread the word.

06 Dec 2012 09:39 PM
optikeye    [TotalFark]  
Mall? Malls and anchor stores are going belly up. It's mostly 'strip mall' type stores.

That said women love to be 'shopper gathers'...instead of going out killing a Moose or a Deer.

They strap a HDTV to the roof of their car and brag about how well they stalked it, waited for it, and finally bagged.

06 Dec 2012 09:48 PM
fusillade762     
I'm worried that Black Friday may have lost all its traditional meaning.

07 Dec 2012 04:57 AM
Gyrfalcon    [TotalFark]  

fusillade762: I'm worried that Black Friday may have lost all its traditional meaning.


Is it scary that I can actually picture you being worried about something like that?

07 Dec 2012 05:09 AM
robohobo     
Um...peasants racing to buy stuff on Black Friday isn't exactly new. I've been enjoying Black Friday trampling/fisticuff videos for years and years, now.

/lol, let them eat walmart

07 Dec 2012 05:14 AM
WhiskeyBoy     
I looked up those animal head masks on Amazon. Best user submitted photos ever.

07 Dec 2012 05:31 AM
fusillade762     

Gyrfalcon: fusillade762: I'm worried that Black Friday may have lost all its traditional meaning.

Is it scary that I can actually picture you being worried about something like that?


Yes. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

j/k I'm a farking communist by current standards.

07 Dec 2012 06:03 AM
Night Night Cream Puff     
Trailer hitch mounted stripper poles? He must have read about Dolphins tailgating.

imgsrv.1079thefox.comView Full Size

/image stolen from sports tab thread

07 Dec 2012 06:28 AM
Smashed Hat    [TotalFark]  
I laughed at that article way too much. I'm old, aren't I?

07 Dec 2012 06:49 AM
HoneyDog     
To go with the trailer mounted stripper poles, you can bring along the portable music system (also on the gift guide) The Woofer

I think my dogs would shoot me!

07 Dec 2012 07:03 AM
TV's Vinnie     
Maybe in Dave's fugged-up world it's like that, but in the majority of American homes it's still "eat the turkey and chillax in a tryptophan fog".

The Powers That Be may want to pervert Thanksgiving into an assholefest with Black Thursdays, but it's gonna go over like a Quorn turkey.

07 Dec 2012 07:36 AM
kidgenius     

robohobo: Um...peasants racing to buy stuff on Black Friday isn't exactly new. I've been enjoying Black Friday trampling/fisticuff videos for years and years, now.

/lol, let them eat walmart


You're correct. Peasants racing to buy stuff on Black Friday isn't new. What is new is peasants racing to buy stuff on pseudo-black friday or, as we used to call it for the last hundred years or so, Thanksgiving.

07 Dec 2012 07:57 AM
aevorea     
No. I slept through most of Thanksgiving (was up for dinner and the football game) so that I could help open a retail store that was then swarmed with shoppers.

/Now has a different, non-retail job
//That's closed on (and pays for) holidays
///Black Friday is considered a holiday for the company.

07 Dec 2012 08:05 AM
mcwehrle     
I am seriously considering the inflatable unicorn horn for my cats.

Right after I up my medical insurance coverage.

/The old one would let me. The other two would flay the skin from my body.

07 Dec 2012 08:10 AM
UNC_Samurai     

TV's Vinnie: Maybe in Dave's fugged-up world it's like that, but in the majority of American homes it's still "eat the turkey and chillax in a tryptophan fog".

The Powers That Be may want to pervert Thanksgiving into an assholefest with Black Thursdays, but it's gonna go over like a Quorn turkey.


Hey, I like Quorn. You can make an amazing Quorn tikka masala.

07 Dec 2012 08:15 AM
Medic Zero     

robohobo: Um...peasants racing to buy stuff on Black Friday isn't exactly new. I've been enjoying Black Friday trampling/fisticuff videos for years and years, now.

/lol, let them eat walmart


True, first I remember was a lady getting her arm broken over a Cabbage Patch doll or somesuch in the mid 80's. That said, I feel sorry for anyone that this is true for: "The new Thanksgiving tradition is to gulp down your dinner, then race to the mall". Stay home and get high and drunk folks. You can shop later.

07 Dec 2012 08:22 AM
TV's Vinnie     

UNC_Samurai: Hey, I like Quorn. You can make an amazing Quorn tikka masala.


A chopped/mashed/pressed loaf of turkey alone would be a nauseating Thanksgiving entree. The idea of using excreted plant matter into a big turd is even more vile and a quick way not to be invited to next year's Thanksgiving get-together.

>
www.universalistchurch.netView Full Size

07 Dec 2012 08:26 AM
probesport     
Whats with the extra 'ua" in the headline subby?

07 Dec 2012 08:43 AM
dofus     
If we had more strippers pole-dancing on our highways [..] it could also bring some much-needed levity to funeral processions

Heh.

07 Dec 2012 08:45 AM
I_Can't_Believe_it's_not_Boutros     

probesport: Whats with the extra 'ua" in the headline subby?


Great catch. "Dave Barry's annl gift guide" would have been much better.

07 Dec 2012 09:02 AM
fireclown     

Medic Zero: Stay home and get high and drunk folks. You can shop later.


hell, I can get high and hit the web for shoppin'. I'm not sure I bought anything from a store this Xmas.

07 Dec 2012 09:29 AM
JackieRabbit     

fusillade762: I'm worried that Black Friday may have lost all its traditional meaning.


We need to start it on Halloween.

07 Dec 2012 09:30 AM
docmattic     

robohobo: Um...peasants racing to buy stuff on Black Friday isn't exactly new. I've been enjoying Black Friday trampling/fisticuff videos for years and years, now.

/lol, let them eat walmart


Guess that makes you a Black Friday hipster, then.

07 Dec 2012 09:32 AM
cygnusx13     
Dave Barry is as funny as those guys who argue over whether its called dressing or stuffing. And by funny I mean not funny.

07 Dec 2012 09:33 AM
Medic Zero     

fireclown: Medic Zero: Stay home and get high and drunk folks. You can shop later.

hell, I can get high and hit the web for shoppin'. I'm not sure I bought anything from a store this Xmas.


Gotta be careful with that shiat. I don't let myself shop online drunk anymore. WAY too easy to make some bad decisions!

07 Dec 2012 09:36 AM
ChrisDe     

Smashed Hat: I laughed at that article way too much. I'm old, aren't I?


I still enjoy Dave Barry. But then again, I'm old too.

07 Dec 2012 10:05 AM
probesport     

I_Can't_Believe_it's_not_Boutros: probesport: Whats with the extra 'ua" in the headline subby?

Great catch. "Dave Barry's annl gift guide" would have been much better.


Damnit. ummm, that's what I meant to do?

07 Dec 2012 10:50 AM
SomeoneDumb     
I always enjoy reading Dave Barry's Christmas gift column, my personal reward for suffering through a year of poorly written comedy attempts on linked blogs and online "publications."

/Wish I had the money to get one of each!

07 Dec 2012 11:25 AM
Englebert Slaptyback     

probesport


I_Can't_Believe_it's_not_Boutros: probesport: Whats with the extra 'ua" in the headline subby?

Great catch. "Dave Barry's annl gift guide" would have been much better.

Damnit. ummm, that's what I meant to do?


The list is published only once a year. Can't you be more annuanal?

07 Dec 2012 11:35 AM
The My Little Pony Killer     

Smashed Hat: I laughed at that article way too much. I'm old, aren't I?


You had the correct response that anybody of any age could have to a Dave Barry column.

07 Dec 2012 11:41 AM
Electromax     
I'm 24 and I grew up reading a bunch of Dave Barry books from the library after I got into his column. Dude definitely has a style but I still get a chuckle.

Was also mildly pleasantly surprised at the small number of "dave barry sucks" posts in here, which are normally plentiful on Fark when his end of year articles come out. He's got such an inoffensive and good-natured form of humor, I guess opposite from most farker's cynical/sarcastic/put-down oriented senses of humor that it makes sense. But I appreciate it.

07 Dec 2012 11:42 AM
dj1s     
...nor if you don't actually go to the mall. I went for a nice bicycle ride.

07 Dec 2012 12:14 PM
0100010     

Electromax: I'm 24 and I grew up reading a bunch of Dave Barry books from the library after I got into his column. Dude definitely has a style but I still get a chuckle.

Was also mildly pleasantly surprised at the small number of "dave barry sucks" posts in here, which are normally plentiful on Fark when his end of year articles come out. He's got such an inoffensive and good-natured form of humor, I guess opposite from most farker's cynical/sarcastic/put-down oriented senses of humor that it makes sense. But I appreciate it.


The article was fine. Having each entry separated to individual pages sucked. Oh, and the popup ad reminded me I should get around to snagging myself an ad-blocker.

07 Dec 2012 12:57 PM
KidneyStone     
Mall? Hell no.

We wolfed down our food and then climbed up Stone Mountain.

07 Dec 2012 01:12 PM
KidneyStone     
That NFL logo toaster is a GREAT gift! I have more than a few friends that are rabid fans and would love one. They sell them for college teams too

07 Dec 2012 01:23 PM
storm16     

JackieRabbit: fusillade762: I'm worried that Black Friday may have lost all its traditional meaning.

We need to start it on Halloween.


Like the Christmas movies on Hallmark and the Christmas commercials everywhere else?

07 Dec 2012 04:07 PM
storm16     

Medic Zero: True, first I remember was a lady getting her arm broken over a Cabbage Patch doll or somesuch in the mid 80's.


Now they have graduated to shootings and running over each other with cars. I'll hide in my house, thank you very much.

07 Dec 2012 04:17 PM
MikeVx     
For much of the last decade, I've gone from my family Thanksgiving dinner straight to an event in the Chicago area. The last few years I've been leaving earlier and earlier as everyone else goes out to grab deals. I get more sleep before the event starts, but it really kills the family time.

07 Dec 2012 07:30 PM
Showing 1-38 of 38 comments
Refresh
This thread is closed to new comments.


Back To Main

More Headlines:
Main | Sports | Business | Geek | Entertainment | Politics | Video | FarkUs | Contests | Fark Party | Combined