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   Death by empanada maker? Not even the weirdest food death of 2012

07 Dec 2012 02:12 PM   |   9707 clicks   |   Westword
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talulahgosh    [TotalFark]  
wtf.
people killing others to cook them and sell them? this isn't sweeney todd, people, it's reality!!

07 Dec 2012 11:19 AM
Elzar     
img94.imageshack.usView Full Size

/ Bluth family wanted for questioning again?

07 Dec 2012 11:51 AM
AdolfOliverPanties     
Wow. Already a cornballer joke? Awesome.

Long live Fark.

07 Dec 2012 12:09 PM
Ennuipoet     
www.frugal-cafe.comView Full Size

07 Dec 2012 12:16 PM
Endive Wombat    [TotalFark]  
I cannot imagine how painful it would be to die by steam pressure cooker

07 Dec 2012 01:24 PM
MaudlinMutantMollusk     
I thought that jumbo green chile burrito was going to kill me at first

/then I got worried it might kill someone else

07 Dec 2012 01:25 PM
tricycleracer     
leerader.files.wordpress.comView Full Size

07 Dec 2012 02:14 PM
Englebert Slaptyback     
Great, now I want an empanada.

07 Dec 2012 02:15 PM
Arkanaut    [TotalFark]  
Why, was he screwing the empanada maker's wife?

07 Dec 2012 02:16 PM
nirwana     

Arkanaut: Why, was he screwing the empanada maker's wife?



Read article, then post.

07 Dec 2012 02:21 PM
Englebert Slaptyback     

Arkanaut


Why, was he screwing the empanada maker's wife?


I was wondering if "empanada maker" was anything like a "pickle slicer".

07 Dec 2012 02:23 PM
uncleacid     
Empanada filling and fertilizer. These people didn't waste anything.

07 Dec 2012 02:26 PM
Fark Rye For Many Whores     
Rescue workers -- including four prison inmates
How? That's nice but, how?

mother of eight children
two-gallon a day Coca-Cola habit

Let me guess, 8 in 8 years? Not 8 in 16?

2. Death by tuna.
Scomboid scomboid scomboid
his job was to put sealed cans of tuna into a pressure cooker to sterilize it; it's not known how he wound up inside the oven.
Not scomboid, sounds like he sleeps with the fishes. He SLEEPS with the FISHES.

07 Dec 2012 02:28 PM
Grapple     
2 gallons of Coke per day? 7.5 liters? Holy crap, I'd die too.

07 Dec 2012 02:28 PM
nickeyx     
Came here for the Cornballer. Leaving satisfied.

07 Dec 2012 02:28 PM
crabsno termites     
"In other news, a Bumble Bee spokesman announced that a few of its lucky customers would find a sample of their exciting new product line in special cans hitting the shelves in the near soon"

07 Dec 2012 02:29 PM
Frankenstorm     

crabsno termites: "In other news, a Bumble Bee spokesman announced that a few of its lucky customers would find a sample of their exciting new product line in special cans hitting the shelves in the near soon"


But near isn't soon enough.

07 Dec 2012 02:32 PM
crabsno termites     
". . .in the near soon?

/must have more Coke now.

07 Dec 2012 02:33 PM
cgraves67    [TotalFark]  
Does it really count if you weren't killed by food, but rather killed and made into food?

07 Dec 2012 02:34 PM
Maud Dib     
blog.sundancenow.comView Full Size

07 Dec 2012 02:36 PM
Arkanaut    [TotalFark]  

nirwana: Arkanaut: Why, was he screwing the empanada maker's wife?


Read article, then post.


No.

07 Dec 2012 02:38 PM
Maud Dib     
Damnit..left out the *BONK*.

07 Dec 2012 02:38 PM
ChipNASA     
Death By Stew Stew???

07 Dec 2012 02:42 PM
Harry Freakstorm     
1. Death by empanada.

Brazilians Jorge Beltrao Negromonte, 50, his wife Isabel Pires, 51, and his mistress Bruna da Silva, 25 reportedly lured two women with offers of employment into their home, then killed them to make empanada filling. The pastries were apparently then sold on the street. The fiendish crime was discovered after one of the women was arrested with a victim's credit card, and what was left of the bodies of the two murdered women was found buried in the garden of the home.

It was reported that angry neighbors -- upset empanada consumers? -- burned the house to the ground.


Years ago when my brother was in India
A small town baker got a bright idea
He cut his flour with pesticide
and sent a bunch of neighbours on their longest journey
He was just being cheap -trying to make a profit
Didn't even have shareholders to answer to

But it's worth remembering, as we sell off the forest
gene-splice the world's food into an instrument of control
maim and destroy as acts of theatre,
what came next -
That when the survivors looked around
and understood what had been done
they butchered
that baker

07 Dec 2012 02:45 PM
Freakin Rican     

Englebert Slaptyback: Great, now I want an empanada.


im making some tonight!!

07 Dec 2012 02:47 PM
poorjon     
Brazilians Jorge Beltrao Negromonte, 50, his wife Isabel Pires, 51, and his mistress Bruna da Silva, 25 reportedly lured two women with offers of employment into their home, then killed them to make empanada filling.

Demônio barbeiro de Fleet Street

07 Dec 2012 02:47 PM
Gordon Bennett     
Surely I am not the only one on Fark to have seen this terrible movie.

www.movieposterdb.comView Full Size


/don't bother if you haven't, it's pants.

07 Dec 2012 02:49 PM
Holocaust Agnostic     
Pretty ballsy to post your picks for weirdest fooddeaths of the year before Christmas. You stand to lose a lot of credibility if someone gets tricky with the eggnog.

07 Dec 2012 02:50 PM
Freakin Rican     

Gordon Bennett: Surely I am not the only one on Fark to have seen this terrible movie.

[www.movieposterdb.com image 200x284]

/don't bother if you haven't, it's pants.


didnt come up dude.

07 Dec 2012 02:50 PM
slackananda     

cgraves67: Does it really count if you weren't killed by food, but rather killed and made into food?


No, it doesn't.

07 Dec 2012 02:50 PM
dv-ous     

Fark Rye For Many Whores: Rescue workers -- including four prison inmates
How? That's nice but, how?


Prisoners are frequently used as slave labor, because capitalism.

07 Dec 2012 02:51 PM
Great Porn Dragon    [TotalFark]  

talulahgosh: wtf.
people killing others to cook them and sell them? this isn't sweeney todd, people, it's realityJorge Todd!!


FTFY.

Even funnier because the apparent Sweeney Todd wannabe was in fact named Jorge, and "Todd" is still a last name that would not be entirely out of place in areas of the world just south of Brazil (which is where the apparent Brazilian Sweeney Todd lived--moar on the apparent empanadas de hombres here--apparently not only were long-pig empanadas involved but some good old fashioned headhunting that was half Jack the Ripper and half Charles Manson (and all inspired by a metric butt-ton of untreated mental illness)).

/the big difficulty was actually finding an English-language source on the story that was NOT in a Rupert Murdoch-published rag

07 Dec 2012 02:51 PM
Fark Rye For Many Whores     

ChipNASA: Death By Stew Stew???


www.shambuzzle.comView Full Size

07 Dec 2012 02:52 PM
Englebert Slaptyback     

Freakin Rican


Englebert Slaptyback: Great, now I want an empanada.

im making some tonight!!


Please make and enjoy one on my behalf. :-)

07 Dec 2012 02:53 PM
bubo_sibiricus     
>empanadas 

i.imgur.comView Full Size

07 Dec 2012 02:54 PM
DirkTheDaring     

Englebert Slaptyback: Arkanaut

Why, was he screwing the empanada maker's wife?


I was wondering if "empanada maker" was anything like a "pickle slicer".


i46.tinypic.comView Full Size

07 Dec 2012 02:54 PM
IvanTheSilent     
Headline: Death by empanada maker. Expectation: Machine kills user. Article: Guy making empanadas kills people and uses their flesh as filling.

Fark you subby!

07 Dec 2012 02:55 PM
WinoRhino     
Everyone who owns an empanada maker dies via the empanada maker. Sometimes it just takes a lot longer.

07 Dec 2012 02:58 PM
KrispyKritter     
[Friday is about to eat a chili dog]
Pep Streebeck: You know the kinds of things that can fall into an industrial sausage press? Not excluding rodent hairs and... bug excrement?
[Friday gives a disgusted look]
Joe Friday: I hate you, Streebeck.

/the virgin Connie Swail

07 Dec 2012 03:01 PM
pottie     
I wonder how people empanadas compare to cat empanadas

07 Dec 2012 03:03 PM
SkylineRecords     
Death by empanada maker?

Well, I guess their lives (puts on sunglasses)...had an unfortunate turnover.

YEAHHHH!

07 Dec 2012 03:04 PM
99.998er     
Those that live by with the empanadas maker, dies by the empanadas maker.

07 Dec 2012 03:21 PM
Langdon Alger     
Bob MacKenzie: [to Pam in a beer tank that's being flooded with beer] My brother and I used to say that drownin' in beer was like heaven, eh? Now he's not here, and I've got two soakers... this isn't heaven. This sucks!

07 Dec 2012 03:23 PM
Prank Call of Cthulhu     
Meat's meat, and a man's got to eat.

07 Dec 2012 03:33 PM
FatherChaos     
At an inquest, a local pathologist testified that Harris's reported two-gallon a day Coca-Cola habit may have contributed to her death. 

fuerdiekatz.comView Full Size

07 Dec 2012 03:35 PM
paswa17     
So, in "Weirdest Food Deaths of 2012," where headline says "death by empanada" is NOT even the weirdest, go ahead a guess which death was listed at #1.

07 Dec 2012 03:37 PM
cyberspacedout     
It says the Coke drinker had 8 kids by age 30. If she couldn't afford condoms, she probably couldn't afford meth, either.

07 Dec 2012 03:45 PM
Real Women Drink Akvavit    [TotalFark]  
I did not know there was even such a thing as an empanada maker. Dude, quit being lazy and make yer own damn empanadas.

/guess he can't quit being lazy now that he's a gonner, can he?

07 Dec 2012 03:54 PM
darkone     
They missed the one where the restaurant owner cooked his wife.

07 Dec 2012 03:54 PM
Real Women Drink Akvavit    [TotalFark]  

darkone: They missed the one where the restaurant owner cooked his wife.


I heard about that one. Scary stuff, dude. Weird as well.

/worst thing she's ever cooked was Thai Chicken soup, not a person, cuz that's just wrong

07 Dec 2012 04:05 PM
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