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   Planking was so yesterday. Milking was just about pouring milk on yourself. But porting, the act of pouring a bottle of port all over yourself could just be the most pointless Internet craze yet. Bonus: You waste a bottle of booze

08 Dec 2012 03:29 PM   |   5060 clicks   |   Metro
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St_Francis_P     
By the looks of it, they're using ruby port. You don't want to drink that.

08 Dec 2012 11:41 AM
PvtHike     
Have we hit that point where the internet collapses in on itself and destroys civilization in the process yet?

08 Dec 2012 12:31 PM
St_Francis_P     

PvtHike: Have we hit that point where the internet collapses in on itself and destroys civilization in the process yet?


In defense of this activity, it disposes of bad port and at the same time drenches AWs in nasty, sticky purple. So not all bad.

08 Dec 2012 12:44 PM
BunkyBrewman     
At least planking was free. That little stunt costs a bottle of port, a new white shirt and whatever else you ruin.

Genius!

08 Dec 2012 12:53 PM
PvtHike     

St_Francis_P: PvtHike: Have we hit that point where the internet collapses in on itself and destroys civilization in the process yet?

In defense of this activity, it disposes of bad port and at the same time drenches AWs in nasty, sticky purple. So not all bad.


I hadn't thought of it that way. This one isn't that bad.

08 Dec 2012 01:06 PM
MaudlinMutantMollusk    [TotalFark]  

St_Francis_P: By the looks of it, they're using ruby port. You don't want to drink that.


I don't think I'd want to get it on me, either

/probably cause a rash

08 Dec 2012 02:19 PM
Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener     
Call me a pessimist, but I have great doubts about Liquid Nitrogening ever taking off.

08 Dec 2012 02:35 PM
Apos     

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Call me a pessimist, but I have great doubts about Liquid Nitrogening ever taking off.


Ah, but with this caliber of university students, it's more than possible: It's a certainty.*

*And I wouldn't lose any sleep over it, either.

08 Dec 2012 03:02 PM
Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener     

Apos: Ah, but with this caliber of university students, it's more than possible: It's a certainty.


SCIENCE!

08 Dec 2012 03:12 PM
themasterdebater     

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Call me a pessimist, but I have great doubts about Liquid Nitrogening ever taking off.


I see what your doing there.

/and I like it.

08 Dec 2012 03:30 PM
LordOfThePings     
canadianawareness.orgView Full Size


Been there, done that. Permanently.

08 Dec 2012 03:32 PM
Ishkur    [TotalFark]  
This is what it looks like when an entire generation is unemployed and unemployable.

/planking
//owling
///tebowing
///gangnam style parodies

08 Dec 2012 03:33 PM
cig-mkr     
Call me back when they start using this
veggiefitness.files.wordpress.comView Full Size

08 Dec 2012 03:33 PM
BlippityBleep     
if some douchebag flipped his hair so it sprayed on me i'd kick him in the face for being such a dipshiat.

08 Dec 2012 03:35 PM
duckpoopy     
Is milking related to prostate milking?

08 Dec 2012 03:35 PM
lordjupiter     
The internet is out of ideas.

08 Dec 2012 03:36 PM
Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener     

themasterdebater: I see what your doing there.

/and I like it.


*tips hat*

Thanks kindly - cheers!


BunkyBrewman: At least planking was free. That little stunt costs a bottle of port, a new white shirt and whatever else you ruin.

Genius!


I wouldn't even do that with a $1 three-liter bottle of TIKI PUNCH (TM).

08 Dec 2012 03:36 PM
Apos     

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Apos: Ah, but with this caliber of university students, it's more than possible: It's a certainty.

SCIENCE!


i410.photobucket.comView Full Size



"YESSSSSSSS!"

08 Dec 2012 03:38 PM
medius    [TotalFark]  
mind if I pour it through my kidneys first?

08 Dec 2012 03:42 PM
dv-ous     
Wasting a bottle of booze?

4.bp.blogspot.comView Full Size

08 Dec 2012 03:42 PM
kim jong-un     
So, what is a decent port to drink?

08 Dec 2012 03:42 PM
Nina_Hartley's_Ass     

lordjupiter: The internet is out of ideas.


Maybe they'll get around to "hanging" before they quit.

08 Dec 2012 03:43 PM
my alt's alt's alt     
as these internet fads get stupider and stupider, i can't help but think of terence mckenna's timewave zero theory.

Link

08 Dec 2012 03:46 PM
Smeggy Smurf     

Nina_Hartley's_Ass: lordjupiter: The internet is out of ideas.

Maybe they'll get around to "hanging" before they quit.


I like this idea. Let's start this fad in Congress

08 Dec 2012 03:47 PM
ladyfortuna     

lordjupiter: The internet is out of ideas.


I've got an idea. Wait for someone to do this, and then set them on fire*. That'll take care of the problem pretty quickly.



*assuming port has enough alcohol to make it flammable, I don't actually know if this is true.

08 Dec 2012 03:48 PM
Prank Call of Cthulhu     
I'd like to start a rumor about the real hot new fad. It's called "contributing." You take a picture of yourself doing something that improves the human condition. It's awesome. All the cool kids are doing it. You should try it.

Go pick up litter, adopt a homeless animal, help an old lady cross the street, set a Republican on fire, help someone change a tire, rake your neighbor's leaves, run over a Westboro Baptist Church member, volunteer at a soup kitchen, plant some tulip bulbs, or something else that makes the world a better place, and take a photo of yourself doing it.

08 Dec 2012 03:52 PM
cc_rider    [TotalFark]  
Wasting good port? That's sacrilege 'round these parts.

08 Dec 2012 03:52 PM
Saborlas     
Is it me, or is the media just making these fads up and paying people to pose for photos?

I mean, college freshmen are stupid, but not THIS stupid.

08 Dec 2012 03:52 PM
bighairyguy    [TotalFark]  
This falls under the broader classification of "Dumbassing".

08 Dec 2012 03:53 PM
Weatherkiss    [TotalFark]  
It's all fun and games until someone gets hit by a train.

/oh long johnson

08 Dec 2012 03:54 PM
breakfast_in_bedlam     
I've got a great idea for all the people who come up with this shiat all the time. It's called "Murdering"

08 Dec 2012 03:54 PM
mgshamster    [TotalFark]  

St_Francis_P: By the looks of it, they're using ruby port. You don't want to drink that.


I was about to get outraged, but if this is true, then meh.

/I think I'll grab a bottle of tawny for tonight.

08 Dec 2012 03:55 PM
Darkviking     
Call me when people start having sex with each other and posting it. We can call it porking.

/oh, wait....

08 Dec 2012 03:55 PM
mgshamster    [TotalFark]  

breakfast_in_bedlam: I've got a great idea for all the people who come up with this shiat all the time. It's called "Murdering"


Is it still murder if it's justified?

08 Dec 2012 03:55 PM
wildcardjack     

kim jong-un: So, what is a decent port to drink?


For me, any without added sulfites.

/No such thing

08 Dec 2012 03:56 PM
accelerus     
Why all the hate for Ruby port?

If you don't buy the cheap crap it's very delicious. I love Sandeman Private reserve, Six Grapes is pretty good

If you are spending anything less than 20 or 30 dollars on a bottle it's going to be pretty damn nasty in my experience.

Seems like a waste of a perfectly good shirt and cheap booze (college and cheap booze belong together).

Maybe it's because I'm about to be 31 -- but damn kids are freaking stupid.

08 Dec 2012 03:56 PM
Smeggy Smurf     

mgshamster: breakfast_in_bedlam: I've got a great idea for all the people who come up with this shiat all the time. It's called "Murdering"

Is it still murder if it's justified?


Depends on how hot and white she is.

08 Dec 2012 03:57 PM
Jeep2011     

Darkviking: Call me when people start having sex with each other and posting it. We can call it porking.

/oh, wait....


I applaud and encourage this endeavor.

08 Dec 2012 03:58 PM
St_Francis_P     

kim jong-un: So, what is a decent port to drink?


Some tawnies are OK, but unexciting. The best is vintage port. It's everything that fantasy stories once led me to think red wine was.

08 Dec 2012 04:00 PM
mgshamster    [TotalFark]  

kim jong-un: So, what is a decent port to drink?


Try out a 20 year old tawny port to start. Don't really go with anything older than that if you're just trying out different brands. From there, find a brand you like the most. The flavor doesn't change too much after 20 years; it does get better, but 20 is good enough to determine if you'll like it or not. I like Taylor Fladgate, myself, but Grahams isn't that bad, either.

/My choice in selection isn't the best; I just buy from the local Bevmo.
//There's probably a lot better out there than what I drink, but I'm not that much of an enthusiast to be able to point you in the right direction.

08 Dec 2012 04:01 PM
foxyshadis     

ladyfortuna: lordjupiter: The internet is out of ideas.

I've got an idea. Wait for someone to do this, and then set them on fire*. That'll take care of the problem pretty quickly.



*assuming port has enough alcohol to make it flammable, I don't actually know if this is true.


It does, but it evaporates very quickly when it's poured out like this. It might work if you offered them a smoke right away, while the volatile fume cloud is still building up around them.

08 Dec 2012 04:01 PM
breakfast_in_bedlam     

mgshamster: breakfast_in_bedlam: I've got a great idea for all the people who come up with this shiat all the time. It's called "Murdering"

Is it still murder if it's justified?


Are you talking about plain 'ol murder or "legitimate" murder as defined by the G.O.P. use of the term? I believe that you don't actually die if you're the victim of a "legitimate" murder.

08 Dec 2012 04:02 PM
mgshamster    [TotalFark]  

St_Francis_P: kim jong-un: So, what is a decent port to drink?

Some tawnies are OK, but unexciting. The best is vintage port. It's everything that fantasy stories once led me to think red wine was.


Ooh. Something new to try. Thanks!

08 Dec 2012 04:02 PM
libranoelrose    [TotalFark]  
This appears to be an attempt to relive the birth process
/placenta

08 Dec 2012 04:02 PM
D_Evans45    [TotalFark]  
I think we all know, the only acceptable time to ever waste alcohol is if the bottle from which it falls is a 40 ounce container. It should be some of the finer varieties of malt liquor like Mickeys, or Olde English. It is however acceptable, in times of hardship, to pour out a cheaper swill like Magnum, or King Cobra.

changethetopic.comView Full Size

08 Dec 2012 04:03 PM
mgshamster    [TotalFark]  

breakfast_in_bedlam: mgshamster: breakfast_in_bedlam: I've got a great idea for all the people who come up with this shiat all the time. It's called "Murdering"

Is it still murder if it's justified?

Are you talking about plain 'ol murder or "legitimate" murder as defined by the G.O.P. use of the term? I believe that you don't actually die if you're the victim of a "legitimate" murder.


Well, from what I hear, the body does have ways of fighting it off if it's legitimate.

08 Dec 2012 04:03 PM
Christian Bale     
The Durham porting video is pretty damn funny.

All other porting videos will be superfluous.

08 Dec 2012 04:03 PM
St_Francis_P     

St_Francis_P: kim jong-un: So, what is a decent port to drink?

Some tawnies are OK, but unexciting. The best is vintage port. It's everything that fantasy stories once led me to think red wine was.


Another note: it needs to be at least 15 years old before it's at its best. The 1983 vintage from Graham, Dow or Taylor Fladgate are my favorites, but they're getting hard to find.

08 Dec 2012 04:05 PM
boinkingbill     
One thing is certain. Porking will never go out of style. There always has and always will be an internet audience for porking.

08 Dec 2012 04:05 PM
mikefinch     

accelerus: Why all the hate for Ruby port?

If you don't buy the cheap crap it's very delicious. I love Sandeman Private reserve, Six Grapes is pretty good

If you are spending anything less than 20 or 30 dollars on a bottle it's going to be pretty damn nasty in my experience.

Seems like a waste of a perfectly good shirt and cheap booze (college and cheap booze belong together).

Maybe it's because I'm about to be 31 -- but damn kids are freaking stupid.


I suggest never spending more than 15 bucks on a bottle. That way you never know its swill because you never have anything to compare it against.

Cheap port is palatible enough to swig, its cheap, and it gets you trashed pretty decent. Makes you feel like a real classy sort of bum.

08 Dec 2012 04:05 PM
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