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   Today's small town police blotter chuckles brought to you by Everett WA

10 Dec 2012 02:39 PM   |   20068 clicks   |   Everett Herald
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trivial use of my dark powers     
"Arlington: While taking her DOL driving test a 16-year-old female failed to put the vehicle into drive and backed into a fence."

Meh. One of my classmates backed into the corner of the police station during his driving test and knocked 2 bricks loose. They made him wait 2 weeks before he tried again. Memories..........

10 Dec 2012 10:51 AM
SnarfVader     
A 59-year-old man reported the theft of a set beaver trap.

Wanted for questioning:

i212.photobucket.comView Full Size

10 Dec 2012 11:04 AM
minoridiot     
Mukilteo: (Caller) reported a naked female in the store. Officers contacted subject. She was not wearing any pants and could not explain why she was trying to shop without any pants on. She was not any danger to herself or others and ultimately was given a (ride) back to her home.

Sounds like someone I know -- the crazyiest person I ever knew was from that area.

10 Dec 2012 11:06 AM
wxboy     
Police were called to a domestic dispute between a boyfriend and girlfriend. She went to the store and did not come home. Turns out she went to the casino for a couple of hours.

Gambling problem?

10 Dec 2012 11:33 AM
Tr0mBoNe    [TotalFark]  
I didn't realize French Fries were that distracting.

10 Dec 2012 11:54 AM
Pud    [TotalFark]  
Mukilteo: (Caller) reported a naked female in the store. Officers contacted subject. She was not wearing any pants and could not explain why she was trying to shop without any pants on. She was not any danger to herself or others and ultimately was given a (ride) back to her home.

Why hasn't the "How did I get here, and I can't find my pants" excuse ever worked this well for me?

10 Dec 2012 12:37 PM
Thelyphthoric     
I want to know what band was headlining on top of the trailer.

10 Dec 2012 01:03 PM
Gyrfalcon    [TotalFark]  

Thelyphthoric: I want to know what band was headlining on top of the trailer.


I want to know why first she was looking for her German shepherd on top of the trailer. Most people can't think that fast when they're drunk.

10 Dec 2012 02:44 PM
ChipNASA     
OMG CHUCKLES!!!! 
i.imgur.comView Full Size

10 Dec 2012 02:46 PM
Thelyphthoric     

Gyrfalcon: Thelyphthoric: I want to know what band was headlining on top of the trailer.

I want to know why first she was looking for her German shepherd on top of the trailer. Most people can't think that fast when they're drunk.


The dog was almost not quite believable, but the band... wait maybe the dog was the lead singer?

10 Dec 2012 02:49 PM
Russ1642     
Everett isn't a small town.

10 Dec 2012 02:49 PM
Salmon     
I'd like to meet the shopper with no pants

10 Dec 2012 02:49 PM
doczoidberg     
That article was about as funny as The Jay Leno Show.

10 Dec 2012 02:50 PM
oldfarthenry    [TotalFark]  
Did you know that poutine really sticks to a scarf?
I discovered this Sat. night when I went into a store and found half my dinner attached to me. It gave me something to snack on while I waited in line at the checkout.

10 Dec 2012 02:50 PM
Citrate1007     
Kind of lame actually. My favorite one from the local paper in a college town consisted of someone reporting that their dorm had been broken into and a skunk was placed under their bed, also their favorite jersey was stolen. That was right up their when someone reported the General Lee stolen from outside of a bar, which officers later learned was an orange bicycle.

10 Dec 2012 02:51 PM
Archae hippy     

Salmon: I'd like to meet the shopper with no pants


IRL Women who don't wear pants in public look NOTHING like the women who don't wear pants on the internet. Trust me.

10 Dec 2012 02:52 PM
VTGremlin     
Mukilteo: The parents of a 9-year-old female reported that the child ran away from them after a temper tantrum, was hiding behind the trees and would not come back. The officer walked over to the juvenile and escorted her back to the parents.

Really, parents? REALLY? I don't even...

10 Dec 2012 02:53 PM
SoCalChris     
Amusing, but no one beats Bozeman for consistently WTF police blotter stories.

https://www.facebook.com/chroniclepo licereports
http://www.bozemandailychronicle.com /police_reports/

10 Dec 2012 02:54 PM
Smeggy Smurf     

SoCalChris: Amusing, but no one beats Bozeman for consistently WTF police blotter stories.

https://www.facebook.com/chroniclepol icereports
http://www.bozemandailychronicle.com/ police_reports/


My grandparents are from Belgrade. They have some great stories about stupidity of others going back to the 60's

10 Dec 2012 02:57 PM
Maud Dib     

SoCalChris: Amusing, but no one beats Bozeman for consistently WTF police blotter stories.

https://www.facebook.com/chroniclepol icereports
http://www.bozemandailychronicle.com/ police_reports/


The Arcata Eye is the best.

Link

10 Dec 2012 03:00 PM
geoduck42     

Russ1642: Everett isn't a small town.


Heck, it was the Big City when I was young yokel growing up in the area.

10 Dec 2012 03:01 PM
missiv     

Russ1642: Everett isn't a small town.


canarypapers.files.wordpress.comView Full Size
 
Everett is my kind of place.

10 Dec 2012 03:02 PM
Dorf11     
The parents of a 9-year-old female reported that the child ran away from them after a temper tantrum, was hiding behind the trees and would not come back. The officer walked over to the juvenile and escorted her back to the parents.

That's some fine in situ parenting, Lou.

10 Dec 2012 03:03 PM
CapeFearCadaver    [TotalFark]  

VTGremlin: Mukilteo: The parents of a 9-year-old female reported that the child ran away from them after a temper tantrum, was hiding behind the trees and would not come back. The officer walked over to the juvenile and escorted her back to the parents.

Really, parents? REALLY? I don't even...


Yeah, that's going to end well when she hits puberty.

10 Dec 2012 03:04 PM
Rent Party     
I don't want to be pedantic, but Everett is the seventh largest city in the state.

/ Pedantic.

10 Dec 2012 03:04 PM
The All-Powerful Atheismo     

ChipNASA: OMG CHUCKLES!!!! 
[i.imgur.com image 850x637]


five more chuckles in your picture than in TFA

10 Dec 2012 03:04 PM
Hack Patooey    [TotalFark]  

Maud Dib: SoCalChris: Amusing, but no one beats Bozeman for consistently WTF police blotter stories.

https://www.facebook.com/chroniclepol icereports
http://www.bozemandailychronicle.com/ police_reports/

The Arcata Eye is the best.

Link


Making sure someone covered this.

10 Dec 2012 03:08 PM
Rent Party     

Smeggy Smurf: SoCalChris: Amusing, but no one beats Bozeman for consistently WTF police blotter stories.

https://www.facebook.com/chroniclepol icereports
http://www.bozemandailychronicle.com/ police_reports/

My grandparents are from Belgrade. They have some great stories about stupidity of others going back to the 60's


My father is from Clyde Park. They aught to name the tavern after him.

10 Dec 2012 03:08 PM
ShadowLAnCeR     

Rent Party: I don't want to be pedantic, but Everett is the seventh largest city in the state.

/ Pedantic.


I find this comment shallow, and pedantic.

10 Dec 2012 03:13 PM
olapbill     

ShadowLAnCeR: Rent Party: I don't want to be pedantic, but Everett is the seventh largest city in the state.

/ Pedantic.

I find this comment shallow, and pedantic.


I find your comment insists on itself

10 Dec 2012 03:15 PM
namegoeshere     

Salmon: I'd like to meet the shopper with no pants


Here you go.

10 Dec 2012 03:20 PM
fanbladesaresharp     

Russ1642: Everett isn't a small town.


And only one of the police reports the paper decided to include was from Everett. Subby is probably deflecting white trash attention from his own town.

10 Dec 2012 03:23 PM
wildcardjack     

Pud: Mukilteo: (Caller) reported a naked female in the store. Officers contacted subject. She was not wearing any pants and could not explain why she was trying to shop without any pants on. She was not any danger to herself or others and ultimately was given a (ride) back to her home.

Why hasn't the "How did I get here, and I can't find my pants" excuse ever worked this well for me?


d2tq98mqfjyz2l.cloudfront.netView Full Size

10 Dec 2012 03:24 PM
fanbladesaresharp     

Maud Dib: SoCalChris: Amusing, but no one beats Bozeman for consistently WTF police blotter stories.

https://www.facebook.com/chroniclepol icereports
http://www.bozemandailychronicle.com/ police_reports/

The Arcata Eye is the best.

Link


Yeah but that whole blog/paper/high school current events thingy is written by two people that rewrite (and not link to the acutal stories) "briefs" for their own stoner amusement. The Eye is no better than TMZ on weed.

10 Dec 2012 03:27 PM
Pair-o-Dice     
Stanwood: A 59-year-old man reported the theft of a set beaver trap.

It was me. Going out tonight to try to snatch some beavers.

10 Dec 2012 03:31 PM
El Brujo     
Beautiful Everett, WA

10 Dec 2012 03:32 PM
TheLurkerBelow     
Being that I'm from Stanwood, I'm really just happy to be on the map, personally.

10 Dec 2012 03:33 PM
twfeline     
If a person picks up the phone when you call, but doesn't say anything, how do you know the sex of that person?

10 Dec 2012 03:37 PM
blatz514     
Chris Everett?

img.youtube.comView Full Size

10 Dec 2012 03:37 PM
PJ-     

VTGremlin: Mukilteo: The parents of a 9-year-old female reported that the child ran away from them after a temper tantrum, was hiding behind the trees and would not come back. The officer walked over to the juvenile and escorted her back to the parents.

Really, parents? REALLY? I don't even...


I dunno, the way things look these days, it's probably the only way to handle your child if they are acting that way. If not, who knows what kind of lawsuit you will be hit by by the time they turn 18.

10 Dec 2012 03:42 PM
not_an_indigo     

Rent Party: I don't want to be pedantic, but Everett is the seventh largest city in the state.

/ Pedantic.


It's surrounded by small towns, it appears. Do all those little towns have their own newspapers?

10 Dec 2012 03:42 PM
davidphogan     
I assumed it would be the blotter from Alaska. That was disappointing.

10 Dec 2012 03:44 PM
solokumba     
Today's small town police blotter chuckles unfunnies brought to you by Everett WA

a slow week in Atlanta is 50x better than this snoozefest.

10 Dec 2012 03:47 PM
Jument     
Mukilteo: The parents of a 9-year-old female reported that the child ran away from them after a temper tantrum, was hiding behind the trees and would not come back. The officer walked over to the juvenile and escorted her back to the parents.

Parenting fail!

10 Dec 2012 03:51 PM
ltdanman44     
"After rolling their vehicle near Hyalite Dam a driver left the scene, but not before leaving a note that said that everyone was fine and that they'd be back for the vehicle later."

"A caller who was slurring badly and rambling reported that he was punched in the face by a "white kid" at 2:45 a.m."



LMAO

10 Dec 2012 03:56 PM
SixOfDLoC     
"Stanwood: A 59-year-old man reported the theft of a set beaver trap."
Now he's going to have to buy a new sixer of Mike's Hard Lemonade.

10 Dec 2012 04:01 PM
Dr Dreidel    [TotalFark]  

twfeline: If a person picks up the phone when you call, but doesn't say anything, how do you know the sex of that person?


If Barry White's soundalike answers, you can make an educated guess.

10 Dec 2012 04:09 PM
StoPPeRmobile     

SnarfVader: A 59-year-old man reported the theft of a set beaver trap.

Wanted for questioning:

[i212.photobucket.com image 352x234]


Subby pay attention. That would have gotten my 2 clicks.

/59-year-old man reported the theft of a set beaver trap.

10 Dec 2012 04:10 PM
Mukster     
Notice the fark handle? Mukilteo is my home town and I get to read these police blotter details everyday. It's amazing that we haven't been recognized before! I am so proud right now!

10 Dec 2012 04:12 PM
whidbey     

Mukster: Notice the fark handle? Mukilteo is my home town and I get to read these police blotter details everyday. It's amazing that we haven't been recognized before! I am so proud right now!


I love Mukilteo. Even though it's home of Horse's Ass Tim Eyman.
Need to head to the Diamond Knot one of these days when I have money again. :)

10 Dec 2012 04:19 PM
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