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   Poll: Yes Virginia, Santa's probably a Democrat

10 Dec 2012 05:58 PM   |   5707 clicks   |   Wisconsin Gazette
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The Stealth Hippopotamus    [TotalFark]  
Points for:
1)He runs a commune
2)gives things away for free.

Points against
1) demands results to get handouts (naughty/nice list)
2) no union/dictatorship

10 Dec 2012 04:47 PM
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abb3w    [TotalFark]  
Yes, PPP says they ran this poll.

10 Dec 2012 04:54 PM
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Blues_X    [TotalFark]  
On that note....

photos.imageevent.com


My son made this out of an old Soviet propaganda poster, using MS Paint. I think it came out a little more totalitarian than he realized.

10 Dec 2012 04:55 PM
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rumpelstiltskin    [TotalFark]  

The Stealth Hippopotamus: Points for:
1)He runs a commune
2)gives things away for free.

Points against
1) demands results to get handouts (naughty/nice list)
2) no union/dictatorship
3) gives the best gifts to kids who are already rich


10 Dec 2012 04:58 PM
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Millennium     
He knows if you've been bad or good: no veil of ignorance to save you. Can that really be said to be a social policy Democrats would go for?

10 Dec 2012 05:05 PM
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vossiewulf    [TotalFark]  
i922.photobucket.com

10 Dec 2012 05:20 PM
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Nabb1    [TotalFark]  

rumpelstiltskin: The Stealth Hippopotamus: Points for:
1)He runs a commune
2)gives things away for free.

Points against
1) demands results to get handouts (naughty/nice list)
2) no union/dictatorship
3) gives the best gifts to kids who are already rich


4) Continues to support antiquated fossil fuel industry by distributing coal to naughty children

10 Dec 2012 05:22 PM
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Osomatic     
P.J. O'Rourke, in the exasperating introduction to one of his exasperating books:

I have only one firm belief about the American political system, and that is this: God is a Republican and Santa Claus is a Democrat.

God is an elderly or, at any rate, middle-aged mate, a stern fellow, patriarchal rather than paternal and a great believer in rules and regulations. He holds men strictly accountable for their actions. He has little apparent concern for the material well-being of the disadvantaged. He is politically connected, socially powerful and holds the mortgage on literally everything in the world. God is difficult. God is unsentimental. It is very hard to get into God's heavenly country club.

Santa Claus is another matter. He's cute. He's nonthreatening. He's always cheerful. And he loves animals. He may know who's been naughty and who's been nice, but he never does anything about it. He gives everyone everything they want without thought of a quid pro quo. He works hard for charities, and he's famously generous to the poor. Santa Claus is preferable to God in every way but one: There is no such thing as Santa Claus.

10 Dec 2012 05:31 PM
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doyner    [TotalFark]  
"• 61 percent said they would not pursue charges if Grandma got run over by Santa's reindeer. Democrats were more likely to pursue charges than Republicans."

Clearly Santa is in the 1% and grandma is a burden on Medicare and Social Security.

10 Dec 2012 05:32 PM
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trivial use of my dark powers     

Nabb1: rumpelstiltskin: The Stealth Hippopotamus: Points for:
1)He runs a commune
2)gives things away for free.

Points against
1) demands results to get handouts (naughty/nice list)
2) no union/dictatorship
3) gives the best gifts to kids who are already rich

4) Continues to support antiquated fossil fuel industry by distributing coal to naughty children


5) Zwarte Peter

10 Dec 2012 05:35 PM
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Elzar     
He also enjoys a jolly bit of cross-species buggery with that red-nosed ass bandit rudolph. So definitely a democrat.

10 Dec 2012 05:58 PM
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Current Resident    [TotalFark]  
i1214.photobucket.com

10 Dec 2012 06:03 PM
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skinink     
Santa runs a sweatshop with underpaid workers in an area with dead cheap land and infrastructure costs, and absolutely no government regulations. Sounds like a 1 percenter to me.

10 Dec 2012 06:03 PM
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Smeggy Smurf     
Santa doesn't want to murder babies, blow people up with drones or tax the shiat out of you. He can't be a liberal.

10 Dec 2012 06:04 PM
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kim jong-un     
I always preferred Krampus anyway.

10 Dec 2012 06:05 PM
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mbillips     
If Santa were a Republican, Santa Claus Industries Inc. would be a for-profit monopoly, and elf slave labor would drive Chinese manufacturers out of business. Kids whose parents have money would continue to get the same Christmas they get now, but poor kids would get coal and/or a beating.

10 Dec 2012 06:05 PM
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Infernalist    [TotalFark]  
i1109.photobucket.com

They tried to stop him once. It didn't work out that well.

10 Dec 2012 06:06 PM
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Eddie Adams from Torrance    [TotalFark]  

The North Pole?

WHERE
BIRF CERTICFT
SANTA?
WHER
\0/
|
/\


10 Dec 2012 06:06 PM
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mbillips     

Smeggy Smurf: Santa doesn't want to murder babies, blow people up with drones or tax the shiat out of you. He can't be a liberal.


Blowing people up with drones is a bipartisan American tradition, like fireworks on July 4th.

10 Dec 2012 06:07 PM
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hershy799     
I call BS. 52 percent of poll respondents believe in Santa Claus? They must not get the hint when presents fail to appear under the tree year after year...

10 Dec 2012 06:07 PM
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Delawheredad    [TotalFark]  
I doubt it. Did you ever wonder how Santa funds his operation? He sells the naughty list to the CIA and the FBI and interested world governments. He sells the nice list to advertisers. Sounds pretty much like a Republican to me.

10 Dec 2012 06:08 PM
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Zeb Hesselgresser     
G.O.P. Santa says buy your own farking presents.

10 Dec 2012 06:10 PM
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another cultural observer     
His system utilizes religious preference, punishing the devout followers of non-christian faiths, and he gets his black servant to do his dirty work.

10 Dec 2012 06:10 PM
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had98c     
FTA: 36 percent agreed that the most annoying holiday song is "The Chipmunk Song." No. 2 is "Santa Baby."

False. #1 is "Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time."

10 Dec 2012 06:12 PM
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Rhypskallion     
Why do 1% of the elves get 99% of the cookies???????

The workshop elves need to put back into order every year. Santarchy pub crawls in NY and DC on Saturday.

/represses elves

10 Dec 2012 06:12 PM
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Smeggy Smurf     

mbillips: Smeggy Smurf: Santa doesn't want to murder babies, blow people up with drones or tax the shiat out of you. He can't be a liberal.

Blowing people up with drones is a bipartisan American tradition, like fireworks on July 4th.


Thus he can't be a rapeublican either. I think Santa is a Libertarian. He does no harm to those that do no harm to others. He's judges you only by your merit and gives of his own free will.

10 Dec 2012 06:16 PM
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Honest Bender    [TotalFark]  
He lives in the middle of no where on a self sufficient compound. He's a libertarian. He's gotta be.

10 Dec 2012 06:17 PM
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Delawheredad    [TotalFark]  
As an elf I need to explain how we ended up working for the fat guy. As the Enlightenment began to spread through Europe Santa offered us sanctuary at the North Pole. We accepted, not realizing that because of a quirk of elf physiognomy we shrink down to two feet tall at extreme latitudes. Sh there we were shrunken in stature with a huge fat guy throwing his weight around! In short Santa uses slave labor.
He's republican through and through.

10 Dec 2012 06:19 PM
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Nina_Hartley's_Ass     
Gotta be.
A Republican Santa would just say, "Fnck you, I got mine."

10 Dec 2012 06:19 PM
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Tax Boy     
Santa is a damn dirty commie:

He always wears red
He has a beard just like Karl Marx
He knows if you're sleeping or awake thanks to the secret police (i.e., the elf on the shelf)
He promises to give kids what they truly want, but really only gives them ugly socks and sweaters
He lives up in Russia, or maybe one of those socialist Scandavian countries
Not particularly fond of the Jews

10 Dec 2012 06:19 PM
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Saners     
Santa is a Republican.

Think about it. Ever seen a kid in Haiti or Somalia with Christmas presents? No. Because Santa doesn't care about black people. Know who else doesn't care about black people? Ask yourself; have you ever seen George W. Bush and Santa in the same room before? Google Image Search doesn't believe so. Laura Bush and Santa however...

10 Dec 2012 06:19 PM
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Pants full of macaroni!!     

mbillips: Smeggy Smurf: Santa doesn't want to murder babies, blow people up with drones or tax the shiat out of you. He can't be a liberal.

Blowing people up with drones is a bipartisan American tradition, like fireworks on July 4th.


Nope. Ever since Fartdingo weaseled his way into office, it is something ONLY Democrates do.

had98c: FTA: 36 percent agreed that the most annoying holiday song is "The Chipmunk Song." No. 2 is "Santa Baby."

False. #1 is "Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time."


Nope. #1 is the Seymour Swine version of "Blue Christmas".

10 Dec 2012 06:19 PM
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Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener     
He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake.

Like Calvin of Calvin & Hobbes fame said, Santa's gotta be running surveillance for the CIA.

10 Dec 2012 06:20 PM
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moothemagiccow     

The Stealth Hippopotamus: Points for:
1)He runs a commune
2)gives things away for free.

Points against
1) demands results to get handouts (naughty/nice list)
2) no union/dictatorship


Despite giving away things fictionally, in real life he's a mascot for capitalism

10 Dec 2012 06:20 PM
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Super Chronic     
Santa names his animals Dancer, Prancer and Vixen. Clearly a tool of the Radical Homosexual AgendaTM.

10 Dec 2012 06:20 PM
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Tax Boy     

Tax Boy: Santa is a damn dirty commie:

He always wears red
He has a beard just like Karl Marx
He knows if you're sleeping or awake thanks to the secret police (i.e., the elf on the shelf)
He promises to give kids what they truly want, but really only gives them ugly socks and sweaters
He lives up in Russia, or maybe one of those socialist Scandavian countries
Not particularly fond of the Jews


NORAD tracks him. Isn't that indication enough?

10 Dec 2012 06:21 PM
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Bit'O'Gristle     
Repubitards would have you working in a sweatshop, with slave wages, no benefits, and no retirement. And after 15 years or so of being employed, and getting a few raises, they would find a reason to boot you out the door so they could hire someone younger, at less pay. All good as long as they got fat on your efforts. So no..i wouldn't say santa was a republican.

10 Dec 2012 06:21 PM
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CuttySupreme     
I misread the headline as Satan is a democrat. It's probably not too far off.

10 Dec 2012 06:22 PM
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Smeggy Smurf     

Super Chronic: Santa names his animals Dancer, Prancer and Vixen. Clearly a tool of the Radical Homosexual AgendaTM.


Those are stripper names. Clearly Santa is a pervert. Hence the naughty list.

10 Dec 2012 06:23 PM
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edmo    [TotalFark]  
Saint Nicolas. Another damn liberal Christian.

10 Dec 2012 06:24 PM
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Mad_Radhu     
So where does this guy fall on the political scale?

www.etsy.com

10 Dec 2012 06:24 PM
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Mad_Radhu     

Smeggy Smurf: Super Chronic: Santa names his animals Dancer, Prancer and Vixen. Clearly a tool of the Radical Homosexual AgendaTM.

Those are stripper names. Clearly Santa is a pervert. Hence the naughty list.


www.xaboom.com

10 Dec 2012 06:26 PM
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Saners     

Mad_Radhu: So where does this guy fall on the political scale?

[www.etsy.com image 565x352]


Well he's wearing a suit and tie while smoking a cigar so most likely capitalist pig.

10 Dec 2012 06:26 PM
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jso2897     

Millennium: He knows if you've been bad or good: no veil of ignorance to save you. Can that really be said to be a social policy Democrats would go for?


Or, indeed, of anything anybody real would go for, in actual reality?
And more to the point, am I actually having this coversation, or just a stroke?

10 Dec 2012 06:26 PM
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Pants full of macaroni!!     

Mad_Radhu: So where does this guy fall on the political scale?

[www.etsy.com image 565x352]


German. Clearly a Nazi and therefore a Democrat.

10 Dec 2012 06:27 PM
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mbillips     

Pants full of macaroni!!: Mad_Radhu: So where does this guy fall on the political scale?

[www.etsy.com image 565x352]

German. Clearly a Nazi and therefore a Democrat.


Goddammit, stop feeding the trolls that AREN'T EVEN HERE YET.

10 Dec 2012 06:28 PM
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Onkel Buck     

mbillips: Smeggy Smurf: Santa doesn't want to murder babies, blow people up with drones or tax the shiat out of you. He can't be a liberal.

Blowing people up with drones is a bipartisan American tradition, like fireworks on July 4th.


Yah but your guy got a Nobel Peace Prize for doing it

10 Dec 2012 06:32 PM
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special20    [TotalFark]  

Elzar: He also enjoys a jolly bit of cross-species buggery with that red-nosed ass bandit rudolph. So definitely a democrat.


You're forgetting that Santa doesn't claim to have a wide stance.

10 Dec 2012 06:32 PM
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bighairyguy    [TotalFark]  
War on Christmas? I don't think so. War on "Santa Baby"? I'll be be leading the charge from the first landing craft to hit the beach.

10 Dec 2012 06:33 PM
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special20    [TotalFark]  

bighairyguy: War on "Santa Baby"? I'll be be leading the charge from the first landing craft to hit the beach.


The only way I can tolerate that is if the woman singing it is hot. Otherwise, I'm right the with you.

10 Dec 2012 06:35 PM
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