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   How do you get 10-year whiskey in ten hours? Difficulty: no decanting allowed

12 Dec 2012 02:18 AM   |   10964 clicks   |   Slate
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nmrsnr    [TotalFark]  
Ooh, Whisky thread.

I just got myself a bottle of Armorik which I hadn't tried before. Good, smooth, but a little pricey for the quality.

I still think the best quality/value is Glenfiddich 15.

12 Dec 2012 01:14 AM
Rixel     
Subby said Whiskey not whisky. Philistyne!

12 Dec 2012 02:20 AM
Hector Remarkable    [TotalFark]  
I thought maybe this would be some sort of Ocean's Eleven scheme to steal really good whiskey in ten hours.

12 Dec 2012 02:23 AM
StopLurkListen     

Rixel: Subby said Whiskey not whisky. Philistyne!


It's spelled B-o-u-r-b-o-n. Make a note of it.

12 Dec 2012 02:33 AM
ladyfortuna     
Time machine.

12 Dec 2012 02:33 AM
Factory Trained Pediatrician     
Step 1. Slowly Drive to the liquor store.
Step 2. Buy a bottle of 10-year-old whisky.
Step 3. Drive home even slower.
Step 4. Wait the rest of the 10 hours staring against a wall.
Step 5. Drink.

12 Dec 2012 02:34 AM
Enemabag Jones     
Drill the bottom out, seal with wax.

12 Dec 2012 02:34 AM
XGoldenDragon514    [TotalFark]  
Ski mask and a pistol.

12 Dec 2012 02:37 AM
nmemkha     
Baby a small batch of the good stuff and fund it with turpentine production catering to varnish makers and Irishmen.

12 Dec 2012 02:47 AM
fusillade762     
Errol Flynn famously said he liked his women young and his whiskey old, and indeed most high-end whiskeys have been aged for 10 to 20 years.

I like my women like I like my whiskey: 15 years old and mixed up with coke.

/oblig

12 Dec 2012 02:53 AM
Cthulhu_is_my_homeboy     
Damn, I thought this was going to be an article about rapidly aging whiskey with nanotechnology.

/Picked up a little bottle of Blanton's single-barrel bourbon the other day.
//It's pretty good. But I also usually buy cheap booze, so anything that's not Jim Beam or Old Monk is fancy by my standards.

12 Dec 2012 02:54 AM
StopLurkListen     
d24w6bsrhbeh9d.cloudfront.netView Full Size

12 Dec 2012 02:56 AM
alienated     
I dont get it, and I did rtfa, thrice.
I did like this in the correction part

Lastly, the article originally stated that experts agreed that bourbon doesn't necessarily get better with age, but the question is under considerable debate.

I say that it does, to a point. For Bourbon, even in really good casks- 10 years max. 7-9 yr olds, if good stuff are awesome. I have had some older ones and they were just awful. I had a similar experience with a 35 yr Scotch. I have had some awesome 30s, many in thier twenties, and had so looked forward to this wee dram. Sorry- I know- csb . I do share as i do know a little bit about Whiskies. Its kinda my jorb.

12 Dec 2012 03:04 AM
Luminiferous Aether     
I'm more interested in aging beer in ten hours.

Subby is a failed being, and I completely agree with Cthulhu_is_my_homeboy

12 Dec 2012 03:06 AM
ModernLuddite     
dvdmedia.ign.comView Full Size
 

//Hotlinked.

12 Dec 2012 03:11 AM
HaywoodJablonski     
Why mess around with 10-year whiskey when perfectly good 15-, 18-, 25- and 30-years exist?

12 Dec 2012 03:12 AM
Oznog     
I recall reading about the furor over winemakers "cheating" by aging with wood chips instead of wooden BARRELS. Due to the vastly increased surface area, it achieves a similar product in weeks instead of years. The EU strictly outlawed this practice, up until 2006. The French have been denouncing it ever since.

The process of aging is not magic, a materially identical effect can generally be had from science. But it's not always simple- oxygenation affects the flavor through oxidation, for example, but carefully pumping oxygen can achieve the same results much faster. Any particular component is just a chemical, and you could probably produce it in gallons in a short time if you understood its nature. Neither one radiates out magic time radiation.

If I were doing it, honestly, for full process control you'd want the different flavor components identified, made independently by whatever technology maximizes them with a measurable process control, and blend them to produce an ideal product with absolute consistency. Far more cost-effective, you get exactly what you're looking for without endless trial-and-error, and you can reproduce what you did over and over.

12 Dec 2012 03:14 AM
XplodedSynapses     
Change the label?

/Runs and hides

12 Dec 2012 03:16 AM
Coming on a Bicycle     
Whiskey is oak-tea made out of the residue of beer. Sorry, I'll stick to port.

12 Dec 2012 03:16 AM
alienated     

Oznog: I recall reading about the furor over winemakers "cheating" by aging with wood chips instead of wooden BARRELS. Due to the vastly increased surface area, it achieves a similar product in weeks instead of years. The EU strictly outlawed this practice, up until 2006. The French have been denouncing it ever since.

The process of aging is not magic, a materially identical effect can generally be had from science. But it's not always simple- oxygenation affects the flavor through oxidation, for example, but carefully pumping oxygen can achieve the same results much faster. Any particular component is just a chemical, and you could probably produce it in gallons in a short time if you understood its nature. Neither one radiates out magic time radiation.

If I were doing it, honestly, for full process control you'd want the different flavor components identified, made independently by whatever technology maximizes them with a measurable process control, and blend them to produce an ideal product with absolute consistency. Far more cost-effective, you get exactly what you're looking for without endless trial-and-error, and you can reproduce what you did over and over.


I can get where you are coming from, and I am not a luddite by any means, but whisky is best made from an artistic / alchemist standpoint, imho. Heart and soul, not a sliderule. Can you dig it ?

12 Dec 2012 03:18 AM
Cozret     

alienated: I can get where you are coming from, and I am not a luddite by any means, but whisky is best made from an artistic / alchemist standpoint, imho. Heart and soul, not a sliderule. Can you dig it ?


Ah, so, you're not a luddite, just a religious kook.

12 Dec 2012 03:30 AM
Cthulhu_is_my_homeboy     

alienated: I can get where you are coming from, and I am not a luddite by any means, but whisky is best made from an artistic / alchemist standpoint, imho. Heart and soul, not a sliderule. Can you dig it ?


Agreed. Making McWhiskey would be...wrong somehow.

There's a psychological aspect to knowing that the product you're enjoying took effort and passion, and was made the hard way, that improves the enjoyment.

Of course, you could probably bottle the neurotransmitters that produce that emotion too. Okay, maybe I am turning into a Luddite.

12 Dec 2012 03:37 AM
kvinesknows     
for the low low price o $225 I could be a whisky snob.
http://www.winnipegwhiskyfestival.com /event-overview.html#eventovervi e w

Explore and appreciate more than 100 varieties of Scotch, Irish, Bourbon,
Tennessee, Canadian and even Swedish whiskies. Whether you're interested
in learning or are the most discerning of whisky lovers, there is something for
everyone during this unique evening.
Along with the wide array of whiskies you will enjoy a diverse selection
of mouthwatering cuisine available throughout the entire evening AND all
attendees will receive a souvenir Glencairn Whisky Glass.

12 Dec 2012 03:43 AM
XplodedSynapses     

Cthulhu_is_my_homeboy: alienated: I can get where you are coming from, and I am not a luddite by any means, but whisky is best made from an artistic / alchemist standpoint, imho. Heart and soul, not a sliderule. Can you dig it ?

Agreed. Making McWhiskey would be...wrong somehow.

There's a psychological aspect to knowing that the product you're enjoying took effort and passion, and was made the hard way, that improves the enjoyment.

Of course, you could probably bottle the neurotransmitters that produce that emotion too. Okay, maybe I am turning into a Luddite.


Sounds like making wine. My father tries so many different recipes every fermentation. Still ends up with some strong shiat. .

/Not into home brewery but damn, love to drink it.

12 Dec 2012 03:46 AM
alienated     

Cozret: alienated: I can get where you are coming from, and I am not a luddite by any means, but whisky is best made from an artistic / alchemist standpoint, imho. Heart and soul, not a sliderule. Can you dig it ?

Ah, so, you're not a luddite, just a religious kook.


My first batch of all grain beer that I helped brew was on the back of a small toyota pickup at the Cilurzo Winery in Temecula, Cal, at the 2nd SOCAL homebrewers festival. We brewed 2 barrels of pale ale.
It was awesome. and hardcore work- we mashed thick and that boat oar got rather heavy and hard to use.We did a partial decoction mash.

I am a pagan buddhist, but, that has nothing to do with how i brew or vint things.

12 Dec 2012 03:48 AM
omeganuepsilon    [TotalFark]  

Coming on a Bicycle: Whiskey is oak-tea made out of the residue of beer. Sorry, I'll stick to port.


This. Most whiskeys taste the way cleaning rotting leaves out of a rain gutter smells(and tastes if you get an unfortunate splash), but with an alcohol burn.

12 Dec 2012 03:53 AM
HaywoodJablonski     

omeganuepsilon: Coming on a Bicycle: Whiskey is oak-tea made out of the residue of beer. Sorry, I'll stick to port.

This. Most whiskeys taste the way cleaning rotting leaves out of a rain gutter smells(and tastes if you get an unfortunate splash), but with an alcohol burn.


Heh. I was a port guy until I was turned onto scotch by a good friend of mine. After months of scotch, I tried some of the port I still had around, and it tasted like sugar water in comparison. YMMV

12 Dec 2012 04:09 AM
dprathbun     
More iodine?

12 Dec 2012 04:18 AM
Oznog     

Cthulhu_is_my_homeboy: alienated: I can get where you are coming from, and I am not a luddite by any means, but whisky is best made from an artistic / alchemist standpoint, imho. Heart and soul, not a sliderule. Can you dig it ?

Agreed. Making McWhiskey would be...wrong somehow.

There's a psychological aspect to knowing that the product you're enjoying took effort and passion, and was made the hard way, that improves the enjoyment.

Of course, you could probably bottle the neurotransmitters that produce that emotion too. Okay, maybe I am turning into a Luddite.


I'm pretty sure this is standard for liquors these days. It doesn't necessarily exclude "passion" or "craftsmanship". Ultimately this science and these methods ARE about having control over the final product and absolute consistency, a quality product.

And all you can respond with is "whatever, it is 10 years old?" I'm sure that makes a technician pull his hair out- "I can use wood chips, controlled oxidation, and filtering to get you the EXACT SAME product as 10, 15, 20 year whiskey. I spent my life working on this technology and you're insisting it's a fake, even though no taste-tester in the world would disapprove??"

12 Dec 2012 04:34 AM
Blueintheballs     
The 3 wise single malts that will be rocking up at my stable this Christmas:

www.miss-thrifty.co.ukView Full Size


www.thegreenwellystop.co.ukView Full Size


img.thewhiskyexchange.comView Full Size


Happy Xmas!!

12 Dec 2012 05:01 AM
OhioUGrad     
I'll stick to cheap liquor, who cares about taste when you're getting drunk

/only scored an 8 on that test a little further down on Fark

12 Dec 2012 05:03 AM
Enemabag Jones     
Travel forward in time. Then find the location next to the fruit bowl on the table in the Enterprise where Picard's hand was artificially aged due to space time issues and leave it there for a while.

12 Dec 2012 05:06 AM
L Ron Hubbard's Last Fart     

StopLurkListen: [d24w6bsrhbeh9d.cloudfront.net image 620x440]


You should link to the the real comic instead of content thieves.

Toothpaste for Dinner is consistently funny, and the crude style makes it funnier.

12 Dec 2012 05:13 AM
dready zim     
"This article originally characterized the world's second-oldest whiskey as the world's oldest. It also mistakenly referred to that spirit as a blend, rather than a single malt scotch. While blends consist of whiskeys from more than one distillery, single malts come from just one distillery.

The article also originally included the whiskey company Adelphi in a list of brands that blend spirits and apply filters and flavorings. Although Adelphi does market one blend, it is primarily a bottler of single casks and does not use flavorings or filters.

Additionally, this article originally stated that it is illegal to modify bourbon in any way after it is aged but before it is bottled. While U.S. law prohibits makers from adding flavorings or spices to bourbon at that stage, makers can legally add purified water in order to reduce the whiskey's strength.

Lastly, the article originally stated that experts agreed that bourbon doesn't necessarily get better with age, but the question is under considerable debate."


That`s fine reporting there, Lou.

12 Dec 2012 05:18 AM
Phil Moskowitz     
Talking about corn swill and single malt in the same article. Pff.

12 Dec 2012 05:21 AM
Omahawg     
sigh.

i had to give up whisky.

'cause mean black-out

now i'm down to gin and rum and running out of room and time.

12 Dec 2012 05:28 AM
Oznog     
newsgrift.comView Full Size


You want a 10 year old whiskey in 10 hours?
I can get you a 10 year old whiskey in 10 hours, believe me.
There are ways, Dude.
You don't wanna know about it, believe me.

Hell, I can get you a 10 year old whiskey by 3 o'clock this afternoon... WITH a matching gift set! These farking amateurs...

12 Dec 2012 05:51 AM
State_College_Arsonist     

StopLurkListen: [d24w6bsrhbeh9d.cloudfront.net image 620x440]


Olives are tasty, especially the olives stuffed with anchovies or tuna. Gin reminds me of floor cleaner, though, so I'm with you on that one.

/very dirty, dry vodka Martini on the rocks, barkeep

12 Dec 2012 05:52 AM
bentheguard    [TotalFark]  
Wife bought me my first bottle of Lagavulin 12 year. I am in love!!

/with the scotch
//ok, with the wife too

12 Dec 2012 06:05 AM
Quantum Apostrophe     
Download whiskey files. Set "Age" slider to "10". 3D print.
/It's the bonanza of the future
//Drink it in the lobby of the Space Elevator
///FOR THE SPECIES!

12 Dec 2012 06:05 AM
abhorrent1     
Re-sell surplus whiskey from other makers?

/dnrtfa

12 Dec 2012 06:18 AM
BigBooper     
Pffft. You people and your expensive liquor. Give me a bottle of Everclear and I'll get the job done for a fraction of the price.

12 Dec 2012 06:30 AM
alienated     

Oznog: [newsgrift.com image 325x150]

You want a 10 year old whiskey in 10 hours?
I can get you a 10 year old whiskey in 10 hours, believe me.
There are ways, Dude.
You don't wanna know about it, believe me.

Hell, I can get you a 10 year old whiskey by 3 o'clock this afternoon... WITH a matching gift set! These farking amateurs...


well played. You do in fact win, um, something. :)

12 Dec 2012 06:33 AM
Honest Bender    [TotalFark]  

Oznog: I recall reading about the furor over winemakers "cheating" by aging with wood chips instead of wooden BARRELS. Due to the vastly increased surface area, it achieves a similar product in weeks instead of years. The EU strictly outlawed this practice, up until 2006. The French have been denouncing it ever since.

The process of aging is not magic, a materially identical effect can generally be had from science. But it's not always simple- oxygenation affects the flavor through oxidation, for example, but carefully pumping oxygen can achieve the same results much faster. Any particular component is just a chemical, and you could probably produce it in gallons in a short time if you understood its nature. Neither one radiates out magic time radiation.

If I were doing it, honestly, for full process control you'd want the different flavor components identified, made independently by whatever technology maximizes them with a measurable process control, and blend them to produce an ideal product with absolute consistency. Far more cost-effective, you get exactly what you're looking for without endless trial-and-error, and you can reproduce what you did over and over.


And in the process, you turn this:

www.popularmechanics.comView Full Size


Into this:

i.telegraph.co.ukView Full Size

12 Dec 2012 06:40 AM
oxycodon     
Sitting in front of me:

www.shop4whisky.comView Full Size

www.hampersdelivery.comView Full Size

12 Dec 2012 07:01 AM
turboke     

Blueintheballs: The 3 wise single malts that will be rocking up at my stable this Christmas:

[www.miss-thrifty.co.uk image 850x987]

[www.thegreenwellystop.co.uk image 785x1000]

[img.thewhiskyexchange.com image 270x360]

Happy Xmas!!


I have no experience with Welsh whisky. How does it hold up compared to Scotch?

Talisker 10 is a household staple, really. Get a nice glass bottle, stuff some peppercorns in it, add Talisker and let it sit. Quite decorative if you're into using food items for decoration. And one hell of a no-fat pepper sauce for your steak. Get a food grade spray/mister bottle. Spray Talisker on your thinly sliced fresh salmon. Add other condiments as you deem fit.

12 Dec 2012 07:13 AM
BigBooper     

Honest Bender: And in the process, you turn this:


The first lab produced diamonds were nothing like natural diamonds. Now, diamonds can be produced that are completely indistinguishable from natural ones. They are exactly the same down to the sub-atomic level.

If I have two whiskeys that are chemically identical, then why does it matter how that whiskey was made? Yes, one has been aged in a flask for twenty years, and one was made in a factory in a matter of days to mimic that process. But if the factory process has been perfected so that the two liquids are exactly the same, then why should I pay much more for the whiskey that took longer to produce? You can talk about real vs. fake, and art vs. mass production, but if you, me, and nobody else can tell the difference in a blind taste test, than I say bring me the cheap booze!

12 Dec 2012 07:22 AM
verbaltoxin     

BigBooper: Honest Bender: And in the process, you turn this:

The first lab produced diamonds were nothing like natural diamonds. Now, diamonds can be produced that are completely indistinguishable from natural ones. They are exactly the same down to the sub-atomic level.

If I have two whiskeys that are chemically identical, then why does it matter how that whiskey was made? Yes, one has been aged in a flask for twenty years, and one was made in a factory in a matter of days to mimic that process. But if the factory process has been perfected so that the two liquids are exactly the same, then why should I pay much more for the whiskey that took longer to produce? You can talk about real vs. fake, and art vs. mass production, but if you, me, and nobody else can tell the difference in a blind taste test, than I say bring me the cheap booze!


Because, because, FIX OLD NO NEW.

12 Dec 2012 07:46 AM
verbaltoxin     
Don't bother telling the average farker you could do something better with technology or science. They want their peat bog juice to sit and rot the old fashioned way.

12 Dec 2012 07:48 AM
MythDragon     
10 year old whisky in 10 seconds!
www.imgimg.comView Full Size

12 Dec 2012 07:52 AM
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