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   Mall employee on shooting: "I wish my boyfriend was there. He's played a lot of Call of Duty and has a lot of knowledge about guns and what to do in a tight spot"

12 Dec 2012 02:37 PM   |   7590 clicks   |   The Daily Beast
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itsdan    [TotalFark]  
"Hon, you stay here, I'm going to go tell the shooter his mother is a whore and try to get him to ragequit."

12 Dec 2012 02:36 PM
vudukungfu    [TotalFark]  
And what is his name, this guy/
the employee?

12 Dec 2012 02:38 PM
DarkPascual     

itsdan: "Hon, you stay here, I'm going to go tell the shooter his mother is a whore and try to get him to ragequit."


Done in 1...

12 Dec 2012 02:39 PM
MadHatter500     
Sure he does hon... it's called respawn.

12 Dec 2012 02:39 PM
Toddicusrex     
This chick's a keeper. She'd believe anything you told her.

12 Dec 2012 02:39 PM
GBB     
t2.gstatic.comView Full Size

12 Dec 2012 02:39 PM
Pocket Ninja    [TotalFark]  
It's a well known fact that the marine core watches online game boards and tries to recruit the elite Call of Duty gamers.

12 Dec 2012 02:40 PM
Flakeloaf     
I'd whiteknight her to you but I have to be at the mall in 26 minutes.

12 Dec 2012 02:41 PM
St_Francis_P     

GBB: [t2.gstatic.com image 237x212]


Beat me by ten seconds.

12 Dec 2012 02:41 PM
reillan     
let me just edit this sentence for my own amusement...

"I wish my boyfriend was there. [He]... has a lot of knowledge about ... what to do in a tight spot"

that's what she said.

12 Dec 2012 02:41 PM
elffster     
So there is hope for Freepers after all?


Good to know...good to know...

12 Dec 2012 02:42 PM
BHShaman     
Let's check in and see in this simulation how well that CoD and the Airsoft folks do with real firearms (shooting real ammo tipped with paint blotters) and in a simulation based on recent events....

Pops

12 Dec 2012 02:43 PM
ChipNASA     
If her "boyfriend" plays Call of Duty so much, he's never been in a "tight spot" in his life.

12 Dec 2012 02:44 PM
Marcus Aurelius    [TotalFark]  
If he was really on top of things, he would have noticed the shooter was firing an AR-15, and then simply waited for the thing to jam.

12 Dec 2012 02:44 PM
groppet     
Somehow I think his skills of sucking down Mt Dew and Cheetos while screaming "Motherfarking whore" Would help much

12 Dec 2012 02:45 PM
Treygreen13     
Well she has a point. He only got a 2 kill streak. You need 3 to even get a UAV.

12 Dec 2012 02:45 PM
Clutch2013     
No she did--

*reads article*

...Oh...yes...yes she did.

For that alone, this thread should consist solely of facepalm pics.

12 Dec 2012 02:45 PM
Coiled Hot 1     

ChipNASA: If her "boyfriend" plays Call of Duty so much, he's never been in a "tight spot" in his life.


Maybe her snatch??

12 Dec 2012 02:45 PM
Jument     
For her sake, I hope she's hot.

12 Dec 2012 02:46 PM
Abuse Liability     

Coiled Hot 1: ChipNASA: If her "boyfriend" plays Call of Duty so much, he's never been in a "tight spot" in his life.

Maybe her snatch??


That's a boatload of wishful thinking there Francis

12 Dec 2012 02:46 PM
Bit'O'Gristle     
Actually, that makes a bit of sense. COD gives you a good sense of taking cover and tactical situations. Not much good though for a unarmed civilian in that type of situation.

12 Dec 2012 02:47 PM
offmymeds     
"He's played a lot of Call of Duty and has a lot of knowledge about guns and what to do in a tight spot."

I know what she means. I've played a lot of Warhammer40k, so I know how to handle Ork invasions.

12 Dec 2012 02:47 PM
Glancing Blow     
If she was my daughter I'd have a vasectomy.

12 Dec 2012 02:48 PM
Slaves2Darkness     
Well if she had just been packing an M-4 or P90 then this whole tragedy could have been avoided. All she would have had to do is put a three round burst right into the guys eye and nobody else would have had to have gotten killed.

12 Dec 2012 02:48 PM
olapbill     
bunny hopping and running around akimbo while screaming racists comments is no way to go through life son.

12 Dec 2012 02:49 PM
thisiszombocom     
Well he's got a gf. Can't say that about most farkers

12 Dec 2012 02:49 PM
Slaves2Darkness     

offmymeds: "He's played a lot of Call of Duty and has a lot of knowledge about guns and what to do in a tight spot."

I know what she means. I've played a lot of Warhammer40k, so I know how to handle Ork invasions.


I've played a lot of Batteltech, so I know how to handle a 70 ton walking tank.

12 Dec 2012 02:49 PM
Treygreen13     

offmymeds: "He's played a lot of Call of Duty and has a lot of knowledge about guns and what to do in a tight spot."

I know what she means. I've played a lot of Warhammer40k, so I know how to handle Ork invasions.


Obviously, you stand on the highest pile of corpses you can and fire your pistol into the air.

12 Dec 2012 02:49 PM
WhippingBoy     
"Well, hey, I didn't spend all those years playing Dungeons and Dragons and not learn a little something about courage"

12 Dec 2012 02:49 PM
Johnstarr     
I was going to write a whole "this is part of the problem" post. But then I had an aneurism from the stupid.

12 Dec 2012 02:50 PM
Pockafrusta     

GBB: [t2.gstatic.com image 237x212]


We have a winner. Well done.

12 Dec 2012 02:50 PM
LegacyDL     
So her boyfriend would have killed 5 innocent people to get a UAV killstreak to locate the shooter, then kill 2 more civilians to unlock his harrier and then use the harrier to take down the shooter?

12 Dec 2012 02:51 PM
olapbill     

Slaves2Darkness: offmymeds: "He's played a lot of Call of Duty and has a lot of knowledge about guns and what to do in a tight spot."

I know what she means. I've played a lot of Warhammer40k, so I know how to handle Ork invasions.

I've played a lot of Batteltech, so I know how to handle a 70 ton walking tank.


I've played a lot with myself. I know how to handle pricks.

12 Dec 2012 02:51 PM
Coiled Hot 1     

Abuse Liability: Coiled Hot 1: ChipNASA: If her "boyfriend" plays Call of Duty so much, he's never been in a "tight spot" in his life.

Maybe her snatch??

That's a boatload of wishful thinking there Francis


Maybe your mom then, oh wait never mind. Francis....

12 Dec 2012 02:51 PM
DeathCipris     

Slaves2Darkness: offmymeds: "He's played a lot of Call of Duty and has a lot of knowledge about guns and what to do in a tight spot."

I know what she means. I've played a lot of Warhammer40k, so I know how to handle Ork invasions.

I've played a lot of Batteltech, so I know how to handle a 70 ton walking tank.


I want fusion reactors so those can become real...I'd join whatever I had to to pilot one of them things.

12 Dec 2012 02:51 PM
Pockafrusta     
If he played BF3, he would have single seated him with a TV missle.

12 Dec 2012 02:52 PM
davebarnes     

Glancing Blow: If she was my daughter I'd have a vasectomy.

Only Richard Mourdock thinks an post-birth vasectomy prevents the conception.

12 Dec 2012 02:52 PM
way south     
dl.dropbox.comView Full Size


ChipNASA: If her "boyfriend" plays Call of Duty so much, he's never been in a "tight spot" in his life.


Her Boyfriend works as a model.
He's from Canada... you havn't met him.

12 Dec 2012 02:52 PM
cwolf20     
Too bad it's not battlefield 1942 and the lot is full of volvos... lay a couple mines on one and hop in with 3 friends. you'll be invisible.

Spoken by a guy who played entirely too much of that game years ago

12 Dec 2012 02:54 PM
ToxicMunkee     
I'm still waiting for a controller that can buck like a gun. All they have are pussy "vibrations" so that my hands can feel when I blow up gas depots and sh*t.

http://bvvp...bvvp....bvvvvvvvvvvvvv vp/

12 Dec 2012 02:55 PM
titwrench     
He bagged her by drawing a picture of her. He spent like 3 hours just shading the upper lip. Then he caught her a delicious bass.

12 Dec 2012 02:55 PM
God Is My Co-Pirate     
I've played a lot of Borderlands, so I know how to handle exploding midgets.

12 Dec 2012 02:55 PM
Kit Fister     
Hmmm, I'm going to personally send this kid to down to Thunder Ranch, or to one of Hilton Yam or Larry Vickers' training courses. Let's see what he does in the realworld.

12 Dec 2012 02:55 PM
Lumbar Puncture     
Hope he's a Buddhist as well if he thinks respawning is an option.

12 Dec 2012 02:56 PM
ToxicMunkee     
I wish I knew why, when I change text to italics, that http:// is added.

12 Dec 2012 02:56 PM
Blues_X    [TotalFark]  
"I'm stuck in the back room of build a bear," added @RyFrisco.

Surround yourself with stuffing!

12 Dec 2012 02:56 PM
Albert911emt     
Someone actually said that stupid sh*t? I mean, someone actually put those words together into that sentence, and then said it out loud? Wow.

12 Dec 2012 02:56 PM
Insatiable Jesus     
I can see where having played those types of games might make one better suited than the average person to getting out of a hairy situation involving gunfire. Even in an FPS game cover and concealment are critical. An instinctive understanding of the fact that reload cycle takes time might save somebody's life. Maybe you see the mass shooter drop his AR and pull out a pistol at 50 yards and know that he probably doesn't have a chance in hell of hitting you and you take that moment to run. Or knowing that checking behind you is key.

Not saying it makes anybody an expert at small arms combat, only that some things might be learned that otherwise you would be ignorant of.

12 Dec 2012 02:57 PM
BolshyGreatYarblocks     

ChipNASA: If her "boyfriend" plays Call of Duty so much, he's never been in a "tight spot" in his life.


Maybe it's a loose spot, and she's just flattering herself?

12 Dec 2012 02:57 PM
Treygreen13     

Pockafrusta: If he played BF3, he would have single seated him with a TV missle.


Hahahahaha. Classic.

"I wish my boyfriend were here. He plays a lot of Battlefield 3, so he would have hopped in a jet, flew it to the mall, jumped out, and then while parachuting down no-scoped that punk out of his vehicle on his way to do the shooting."

12 Dec 2012 02:57 PM
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