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   When you're sitting across from your drunk uncle and next to your stupid brother in law while your emo nephew whines that "meat is murder", just think of this article and remind yourself that it could be worse

12 Dec 2012 04:38 PM   |   17443 clicks   |   The Morning News
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gopher321    [TotalFark]  
Yeah yeah yeah Christmas is what you make of it, we get it.

12 Dec 2012 04:39 PM
Gyrfalcon    [TotalFark]  
I always wondered about that particular Xmas carol...

12 Dec 2012 04:40 PM
iheartscotch     
Meat is murder; tasty, tasty murder.

12 Dec 2012 04:41 PM
doczoidberg     
I don't care; I still hate Christmas.

12 Dec 2012 04:41 PM
Jaws_Victim     
That article barely seemed to make a point.

12 Dec 2012 04:42 PM
luthia     
My love for you is like a truck...

12 Dec 2012 04:43 PM
groppet     
Sounds like fun. But I would never dress up in my sisters clothes she dresses like a common street walker. Now mom has some class and taste in her wardrobe.

12 Dec 2012 04:43 PM
namegoeshere    [TotalFark]  
In order to fully enjoy my family Christmas, I keep a crock pot full of mulled cider hot at all times. Next to the crock pot is a large bottle of rum.

It helps.

12 Dec 2012 04:43 PM
logggur     
Stick that in your ipad and smoke it.

/IMMIGRANTS

12 Dec 2012 04:45 PM
trivial use of my dark powers     
Hey kid--you kill once and it gets easier every time. Eat your rolls and shut up.

12 Dec 2012 04:45 PM
Marisyana    [TotalFark]  
For a long time in my family it wasn't Christmas until somebody got drunk and made somebody else cry.

12 Dec 2012 04:46 PM
iheartscotch     
Two words: Figgy pudding


/ I say again: Figgy pudding

12 Dec 2012 04:48 PM
abhorrent1    [TotalFark]  
figgy pudding? Why does everything British sound like it was named by a 4 year-old. Makes me want to smack them in their stupid gob.

12 Dec 2012 04:49 PM
desertgeek     
So your emo nephew is Morrissey?

/aka the arrogant, self-rightous prick

12 Dec 2012 04:50 PM
cgraves67     
Pass the murder and the mashed potatoes please.

12 Dec 2012 04:50 PM
douchebag/hater     

gopher321: Yeah yeah yeah Christmas is what you make of it, we get it.


Yeah, pretty much this.

The writer sees to be one unhappy fellow or at least a guy with more that one or two bad Christmases in his past.

Christmas IS what you make it,soooo....fark him.

12 Dec 2012 04:51 PM
Ohlookabutterfly     
Worse subby? You need to come out on a tear with me some friday night. Everything in that article sounds like FUN to me compared to hanging with my fambly.

12 Dec 2012 04:51 PM
Two16     
i46.tinypic.comView Full Size

12 Dec 2012 04:52 PM
Evil Mackerel     

desertgeek: So your emo nephew is Morrissey?

/aka the arrogant, self-rightous prick


Drop his butt off at a soup kitchen, let him see how good he has it.

12 Dec 2012 04:55 PM
majestic     

luthia: My love for you is like a truck...


Would you like to make some fark?

12 Dec 2012 04:57 PM
vudukungfu    [TotalFark]  
Now that the neo con parents both have altz, I tell them they are democrats.
Oh yeah, You voted straight ticket democrat all you life.
And you never had a problem with me smoking weed in the house before.
Good times.

12 Dec 2012 04:58 PM
Sofa King Smart     
I think Robert Earl Keen covered this already...

Mom got drunk and Dad got drunk at our Christmas party
We were drinking champagne punch and homemade eggnog
Little sister brought her new boyfriend
He was a Mexican
We didn't know what to think of him until he sang
Feliz Navidad, Feliz Navidad

Brother Ken brought his kids with him
The three from his first wife Lynn
And the two identical twins from his second wife Mary Nell
Of course he brought his new wife Kay
Who talks all about AA
Chain smoking while the stereo plays Noel, Noel
The First Noel

Carve the Turkey
Turn the ball game on
It's margaritas when the eggnog's gone
Send somebody to the Quickpak Store
We need some ice and an extension chord
A can of bean dip and some Diet Rites
A box of Pampers, Marlboro Lights
Halelluja everybody say cheese
Merry Christmas from the family

12 Dec 2012 05:05 PM
blatz514    [TotalFark]  

doczoidberg: I don't care; I still hate Christmas.


12 Dec 2012 05:06 PM
Benevolent Misanthrope    [TotalFark]  
Actually, the old ways sound far more appealing to me than the current obligatory buying of crap for people who don't appreciate it and already have too much crap, going to a church you regularly avoid every other time of year, listening to dentist-office arrangements of bad songs about a fictional baby with superpowers, and fighting one's way through ghastly traffic to get to any store.

Seriously - I'd serve up a damn fine spread (including figgy pudding, if required) and open the bar for the young men of the neighborhood if only they promise never, ever to sing another Christmas carol in my presence.

12 Dec 2012 05:10 PM
pottie     
"...it wasn't unusual for groups of young men to celebrate Christmas by getting drunk, putting on their sisters' clothes, and heading over to the boss's house to scream and bang pots in the cold ..."


sounds like every other Wednesday night

12 Dec 2012 05:13 PM
Sofa King Smart     

Benevolent Misanthrope: Actually, the old ways sound far more appealing to me than the current obligatory buying of crap for people who don't appreciate it and already have too much crap, going to a church you regularly avoid every other time of year, listening to dentist-office arrangements of bad songs about a fictional baby with superpowers, and fighting one's way through ghastly traffic to get to any store.

Seriously - I'd serve up a damn fine spread (including figgy pudding, if required) and open the bar for the young men of the neighborhood if only they promise never, ever to sing another Christmas carol in my presence.


this comment seems very appropriate with your screen name.

12 Dec 2012 05:13 PM
Molavian     
Christmas is for ham and bourbon. My favorite holiday.

12 Dec 2012 05:14 PM
Hector Remarkable    [TotalFark]  
Figgy pudding, that's a euphemism for oral sex, right?

12 Dec 2012 05:22 PM
ladyfortuna     

Benevolent Misanthrope: Actually, the old ways sound far more appealing to me than the current obligatory buying of crap for people who don't appreciate it and already have too much crap, going to a church you regularly avoid every other time of year, listening to dentist-office arrangements of bad songs about a fictional baby with superpowers, and fighting one's way through ghastly traffic to get to any store.

Seriously - I'd serve up a damn fine spread (including figgy pudding, if required) and open the bar for the young men of the neighborhood if only they promise never, ever to sing another Christmas carol in my presence.


Agreed. Also what I got out of that article is that the upper crust was paranoid about the possibility of riots and it was sort of like angry trick-or-treating with better food. I say we revert the traditions, damn it - we're already backsliding on the society part, why the hell not?

12 Dec 2012 05:26 PM
Skyd1v     

Benevolent Misanthrope: Actually, the old ways sound far more appealing to me than the current obligatory buying of crap for people who don't appreciate it and already have too much crap, going to a church you regularly avoid every other time of year, listening to dentist-office arrangements of bad songs about a fictional baby with superpowers, and fighting one's way through ghastly traffic to get to any store.

Seriously - I'd serve up a damn fine spread (including figgy pudding, if required) and open the bar for the young men of the neighborhood if only they promise never, ever to sing another Christmas carol in my presence.


The Smrt button. I done clicked it.

12 Dec 2012 05:27 PM
KrispyKritter     

Evil Mackerel: desertgeek: So your emo nephew is Morrissey?

/aka the arrogant, self-rightous prick

Drop his butt off at a soup kitchen, let him see how good he has it.


i hate that dooshprick, and if a young M was my nephew I'd turn him into a cutter, voluntarily or not.

--- when I was young, dumb and full of cum me & a bud had a yearly tradition of getting whacked out of our skulls and hanging out all Christmas Eve in a pr0n theater. yes, this was back when an IBM mainframe took up an entire Annex building, involved incredible amounts of boxes of punched cards and banks of back-up tape drives. so old, dammit. so old.

and kids, the video on the huge screen was just a tiny square because they projected in 38MM or some such shiat. nasty thick black bush everywhere, and mustaches. and the men were rough too.

12 Dec 2012 05:30 PM
Lusebagage     
...Because nothing exemplifies "peace on earth" better than torturing and killing innocent animals.

12 Dec 2012 05:30 PM
Colin O'Scopy     
Subby's headline sounds a lot worse than the article!!

12 Dec 2012 05:31 PM
facebookapi123     

gopher321: Yeah yeah yeah Christmas is what you make of it, we get it.


Nice.

12 Dec 2012 05:32 PM
Ow! That was my feelings!     

Lusebagage: ...Because nothing exemplifies "peace on earth" better than torturing and killing innocent animals.


Your family gets to torture and kill animals for Christmas? Damn, some people are just born lucky.

12 Dec 2012 05:38 PM
ladyfortuna     
Krispy, are you already drunk for the day?

12 Dec 2012 05:43 PM
Lsherm    [TotalFark]  

Jaws_Victim: That article barely seemed to make a point.


And even though it wasn't that long, it seemed like he took 10,000 words to barely make a point. I've read shampoo bottles with more pull.

12 Dec 2012 05:45 PM
luthia     

majestic: luthia: My love for you is like a truck...

Would you like to make some fark?


That's beautiful man

12 Dec 2012 05:52 PM
theMagni    [TotalFark]  

namegoeshere: In order to fully enjoy my family Christmas, I keep a crock pot full of mulled cider hot at all times. Next to the crock pot is a large bottle of rum.

It helps.


What's the crock pot of mulled cider for?

12 Dec 2012 05:57 PM
namegoeshere    [TotalFark]  

theMagni: namegoeshere: In order to fully enjoy my family Christmas, I keep a crock pot full of mulled cider hot at all times. Next to the crock pot is a large bottle of rum.

It helps.

What's the crock pot of mulled cider for?


Camouflage. And to keep the kiddies out of the rum.

12 Dec 2012 06:00 PM
LaraAmber     
Ugh on the whole article. Lots of interpretation with no sources for any of his story. Oh wait, what is this I see...

So let me get this straight, you're not a historian but you read this book by a historian and use that one book to the basis of your article writing it as though you are the expert? The only acknowledgment to this is a tiny tagline at the end? Would it have been too much work to ask the historian to write the article?

12 Dec 2012 06:04 PM
UsikFark     

theMagni: namegoeshere: In order to fully enjoy my family Christmas, I keep a crock pot full of mulled cider hot at all times. Next to the crock pot is a large bottle of rum.

It helps.

What's the crock pot of mulled cider for?


The kids.

12 Dec 2012 06:04 PM
nolanomad     

KrispyKritter: Evil Mackerel: desertgeek: So your emo nephew is Morrissey?

/aka the arrogant, self-rightous prick

Drop his butt off at a soup kitchen, let him see how good he has it.

i hate that dooshprick, and if a young M was my nephew I'd turn him into a cutter, voluntarily or not.

--- when I was young, dumb and full of cum me & a bud had a yearly tradition of getting whacked out of our skulls and hanging out all Christmas Eve in a pr0n theater. yes, this was back when an IBM mainframe took up an entire Annex building, involved incredible amounts of boxes of punched cards and banks of back-up tape drives. so old, dammit. so old.

and kids, the video on the huge screen was just a tiny square because they projected in 38MM or some such shiat. nasty thick black bush everywhere, and mustaches. and the men were rough too.


*ilovethisthreadsomuch.jpg*

12 Dec 2012 06:19 PM
DownDaRiver     
Anytime the term 'family friendly' is used as a descriptor of an event. You just know that it used be fun. But now its lame.

12 Dec 2012 06:26 PM
theMagni    [TotalFark]  

namegoeshere: theMagni: namegoeshere: In order to fully enjoy my family Christmas, I keep a crock pot full of mulled cider hot at all times. Next to the crock pot is a large bottle of rum.

It helps.

What's the crock pot of mulled cider for?

Camouflage. And to keep the kiddies out of the rum.


Ah okay, now it makes sense.

12 Dec 2012 06:44 PM
Indubitably     
Doods, as a major male in my family, I would teach nephew to stfu at the dinner table, and just eat. *)

12 Dec 2012 07:32 PM
Benevolent Misanthrope    [TotalFark]  

ladyfortuna: I say we revert the traditions, damn it - we're already backsliding on the society part, why the hell not?


As long as we keep gender and marriage equality, I'm all for it.

12 Dec 2012 10:32 PM
dukef     
That doesn't sound worse....

12 Dec 2012 11:28 PM
Max Awesome     
The font on that article was far too small for my old eyes to read.

13 Dec 2012 02:15 AM
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