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   I'll take "Because it's FARKING DELICIOUS" for $1,000

12 Dec 2012 06:49 PM   |   15289 clicks   |   Time
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FriarReb98    [TotalFark]  
The three words missing from this headline is "when COOKED RIGHT." My mother, bless her heart, cannot make good bacon at all. It's physically impossible for her to do so. Think the emotional scars are why i haven't ever been hugely into bacon.

12 Dec 2012 04:25 PM
trivial use of my dark powers     
Eating bacon and onion pizza right now, getting a kick, etc

12 Dec 2012 04:32 PM
Gordian Cipher    [TotalFark]  
Cooking bacon in a microwave should be a crime!

/felt good to get that off my chest

12 Dec 2012 05:48 PM
alwaysjaded    [TotalFark]  
i881.photobucket.comView Full Size

i881.photobucket.comView Full Size


i881.photobucket.comView Full Size

12 Dec 2012 06:08 PM
mc_madness     
I thought the answer was poop

12 Dec 2012 06:50 PM
seventypercent    [TotalFark]  
I'm a very reasonable person, and I fully understand that different people have different tastes. However, that having been said, anti-bacon people should be rounded up and murdered.

12 Dec 2012 06:52 PM
dopirt     
I knew it was about bacon before opening TFA

12 Dec 2012 06:52 PM
StrandedInAZ     

seventypercent: I'm a very reasonable person, and I fully understand that different people have different tastes. However, that having been said, anti-bacon people should be rounded up and murdered.


12 Dec 2012 06:53 PM
Oldiron_79     
Bacon haters can go eat a bowl of dicks and die in a fire.

12 Dec 2012 06:53 PM
Dee Snarl     
If it's just that bacon is so yummy, why wasn't anyone spooging about it during the 70s, 80s or 90s??

12 Dec 2012 06:53 PM
topcon     
Much like zombies, it's a trend that's seen its time in the spotlight and now needs to go away.

I like bacon, and I'm not going to stop eating it, but I'm tired of reading about it.

12 Dec 2012 06:53 PM
skinink     
Hey, sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I'd never know 'cause I wouldn't eat the filthy motherfarker. Pigs sleep and root in shiat. That's a filthy animal. I ain't eat nothin' that ain't got sense enough to disregard its own feces.

12 Dec 2012 06:53 PM
KarmaSpork     
Few years back I posted a recipe for bacon twists. The outpouring of love made me tear up. I even had a haiku written for me.

/behold the power of bacon!

12 Dec 2012 06:56 PM
DrunkenBob     

Oldiron_79: Bacon haters can go eat a bowl of dicks and die in a fire.


That's pretty racist against Arabics. Pigs are deadly to them, it contaminates their soul with pathogens. They have no choice.

12 Dec 2012 06:56 PM
rnatalie    [TotalFark]  
I made candied bacon for a party last weekend. It was a big hit.

12 Dec 2012 06:57 PM
Dee Snarl     

skinink: Hey, sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I'd never know 'cause I wouldn't eat the filthy motherfarker. Pigs sleep and root in shiat. That's a filthy animal. I ain't eat nothin' that ain't got sense enough to disregard its own feces.


Right. If it's just that bacon is so yummy, why wasn't anyone spooging about it during the 70s, 80s or early 90s??

FTFM

/is Pulp Fiction the cultural moment when we all decided we lived and died for bacon...?

12 Dec 2012 06:57 PM
pounddawg     
Either you love bacon or your wrong.

12 Dec 2012 06:58 PM
WhippingBoy     
Or daughter has FASD. One of the consequences of that is that she's sensitive to textures and seems to lack any appetite whatsoever. It's been a challenge just to get her to eat, and meat is an especially difficult thing for her to eat. She also likes to play mind games with us, likely due to past psychological trauma.

Finally, we gave up and told her that if she really didn't want to eat meat, we wouldn't make her, and would provide a vegetarian alternative. She was thrilled with this, until we had a meal with bacon. She looked at us, and said "hey where's mine?". We explained that since she was no longer eating meat, she would no longer get bacon.

She FREAKED out, started bawling, and begged us for bacon, with the promise that she would, from this point forward, eat other meat without making a scene. We haven't had (much) of a problem feeding her since.

God bless you, bacon!

12 Dec 2012 06:59 PM
carnifex2005     

Dee Snarl: If it's just that bacon is so yummy, why wasn't anyone spooging about it during the 70s, 80s or 90s??


People were splooging about it during that time but not as obnoxiously.

12 Dec 2012 07:00 PM
almandot     
Didn't that other thread about "things that need to disappear in 2013" just biaytch about bacon too?

Where the hell is this bacon hate coming from? It's godsend.

/a jew
//omnomnomnombacooooon
///ham rarely sausage is ewww

12 Dec 2012 07:01 PM
jimmyego    [TotalFark]  
That's not how Jeopardy works.

12 Dec 2012 07:01 PM
you are a puppet     
eater.comView Full Size

12 Dec 2012 07:01 PM
carnifex2005     

Dee Snarl: skinink: Hey, sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I'd never know 'cause I wouldn't eat the filthy motherfarker. Pigs sleep and root in shiat. That's a filthy animal. I ain't eat nothin' that ain't got sense enough to disregard its own feces.

Right. If it's just that bacon is so yummy, why wasn't anyone spooging about it during the 70s, 80s or early 90s??

FTFM

/is Pulp Fiction the cultural moment when we all decided we lived and died for bacon...?


I blame Epic Meal Time.

12 Dec 2012 07:01 PM
rustypouch     
Bacon: the food so good, it's used to make already delicious foods even better.

12 Dec 2012 07:01 PM
Arachnophobe     

topcon: Much like zombies, it's a trend that's seen its time in the spotlight and now needs to go away.

I like bacon, and I'm not going to stop eating it, but I'm tired of reading about it.


I tried to find an image of 'THIS' spelled out with bacon, but the internet failed me. So... um... THIS.

12 Dec 2012 07:02 PM
ScotterOtter     
prosciutto > bacon

12 Dec 2012 07:04 PM
Mega Steve     

skinink: Hey, sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I'd never know 'cause I wouldn't eat the filthy motherfarker. Pigs sleep and root in shiat. That's a filthy animal. I ain't eat nothin' that ain't got sense enough to disregard its own feces.


What about vegetables that grow in manure? They have particles of shiat up in them!

Wash the farking pig off and get on with your life.

12 Dec 2012 07:04 PM
Gyrfalcon     

topcon: Much like zombies, it's a trend that's seen its time in the spotlight and now needs to go away.

I like bacon, and I'm not going to stop eating it, but I'm tired of reading about it.


What about bacon zombies?

12 Dec 2012 07:05 PM
spamdog     

carnifex2005: I blame Epic Meal Time.


fark! That's where it came from.

12 Dec 2012 07:05 PM
WhippingBoy     

Dee Snarl: Right. If it's just that bacon is so yummy, why wasn't anyone spooging about it during the 70s, 80s or early 90s??


Lack of Internet.

12 Dec 2012 07:05 PM
Draskuul     
I like bacon, but recently had the misfortune of trying Bacon Soda.

You know something is bad when the guy at the register tries to talk you out of it. He even looked at my brother (who was going to try it too anyway) and told him to be careful not to stand in front of me when I drank it. He also said--as I opened it up at the register--that we wouldn't make it back to our car before we poured it out.

We mentioned to him that we had tried the Bacon Shakes that Jack in the Box did a while back, which were great. He said that the employees at the shop (who are mandated to taste every drink they stock) theorized that it was the more fatty and solid nature of the shakes that made it work.

He was right.

It smelled like sticking your nose into a jar of fake bacon bits. Not at all an unpleasant smell, really. We took two small sips each and realized we had made a huge mistake, and we would regret it. We stopped at a trashcan halfway to the car, emptied it, then waited around a minute in case we finally decided we had to puke. Somehow we didn't.

The worst part? Those two small sips led to an hour of burps that just nauseated you all over again.

12 Dec 2012 07:06 PM
Greta_VanHouten     
Potatoes and onions fried in bacon drippings with little bits of bacon stuck to the skillet...

Muslims, Jews & vegetarians are really missing out on something delightful.

12 Dec 2012 07:06 PM
jack21221     

WhippingBoy: Or daughter has FASD. One of the consequences of that is that she's sensitive to textures and seems to lack any appetite whatsoever. It's been a challenge just to get her to eat, and meat is an especially difficult thing for her to eat. She also likes to play mind games with us, likely due to past psychological trauma.


When using an uncommon acronym, you really should spell out what it stands for instead of making everybody who wants to understand you google it. Plus, I am a little dyslexic and googled FSAD, and wondered why your daughter's Female Sexual Arousal Disorder would affect her appetite.

12 Dec 2012 07:07 PM
Tornado of Zoo Animals     
You bacon lovers now know how bronies feel.

Think about it.

12 Dec 2012 07:07 PM
WhippingBoy     

jack21221: WhippingBoy: Or daughter has FASD. One of the consequences of that is that she's sensitive to textures and seems to lack any appetite whatsoever. It's been a challenge just to get her to eat, and meat is an especially difficult thing for her to eat. She also likes to play mind games with us, likely due to past psychological trauma.

When using an uncommon acronym, you really should spell out what it stands for instead of making everybody who wants to understand you google it. Plus, I am a little dyslexic and googled FSAD, and wondered why your daughter's Female Sexual Arousal Disorder would affect her appetite.


The important thing is that bacon cured her.

12 Dec 2012 07:09 PM
Lligeret     
Bacon pancakes
makin' bacon pancakes
take some bacon and I'll put it in a pancake
bacon pancakes that's what it's gonna make
bacon pancaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake

12 Dec 2012 07:10 PM
God-is-a-Taco     
timebusinessblog.files.wordpress.comView Full Size

LOOK! It's planking on the plate! LOL! 

I'm going to put it in my Zombie Survival Kit (along with some Oatmeal comics) so I have the energy to Gangnum style.

12 Dec 2012 07:11 PM
generallyso     

Dee Snarl: If it's just that bacon is so yummy, why wasn't anyone spooging about it during the 70s, 80s or 90s??


This. The obsession is marketing, just like the obsession kids used to have about milk.

12 Dec 2012 07:12 PM
WhippingBoy     
Turn around baby let me take you from behind Makin' bacon is on my mind...

/obscure?

12 Dec 2012 07:13 PM
WhippingBoy     

generallyso: Dee Snarl: If it's just that bacon is so yummy, why wasn't anyone spooging about it during the 70s, 80s or 90s??

This. The obsession is marketing, just like the obsession kids used to have about milk.


No. We were spooging about it. Just there was no Internet, so no one else knew.

12 Dec 2012 07:14 PM
Point02GPA    [TotalFark]  
If God ever decided to have a meal with me, I'd offer her bacon and I'd feel good about it.

12 Dec 2012 07:14 PM
Lsherm    [TotalFark]  

Dee Snarl: If it's just that bacon is so yummy, why wasn't anyone spooging about it during the 70s, 80s or 90s??


Because we just farking ate it like normal people. We didn't have this newfangled "internet" so people could turn bacon into some kind of hipster cred. BACON IS NOT HIP! You ate bacon because your mother or your wife couldn't properly make biscuits at breakfast and you needed something to wash the taste out of your mouth. You ate bacon because you had to cook the eggs in something, and butter was for the French. You ate bacon because that's what your father, and his father, and his father before that ate. You ate bacon because you had hair on your chest and you wanted more. You ate bacon because compared to Spam, it tasted and smelled like a $100,000 call girl.

What you didn't do was TALK about bacon. Everyone knew it was good. The only time bacon was talked about was if whoever served it to you couldn't cook it properly, and those discussions were usually about hiding the body, because what good is a person who can't cook bacon?

12 Dec 2012 07:16 PM
Molavian     
Perhaps he should wash the taste of the meat he does enjoy out of his mouth and try bacon again.

12 Dec 2012 07:16 PM
enry    [TotalFark]  
Had maple bacon cupcakes two weeks ago. Even though I love bacon, I thought it would be a bit much.

It wasn't. Had a nice maple taste and the pieces of crispy bacon on the top added just the right amount of flavor without being greasy or overpowering the rest of the cupcake.

12 Dec 2012 07:20 PM
Reverend Monkeypants     

skinink: Hey, sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I'd never know 'cause I wouldn't eat the filthy motherfarker. Pigs sleep and root in shiat. That's a filthy animal. I ain't eat nothin' that ain't got sense enough to disregard its own feces.


In the defense of pigs
The only reason they root around in their own shiat is because we stuck them in there with it. They're generally clean animals. Insanely omnivorous though.

Also: See factory farmed cows
Like spreading manure over the grass that the cows eat and then feeding the cows dead cows that are ground up.
That is how mad-cow disease spreads, hello
Big picture of a bunch of cows standing around giant mounds of poo

12 Dec 2012 07:20 PM
Contents Under Pressure     
I think the notion of bacon as a trendy thing is overdone.

It is however, tasty.... as bacon.

I had bacon flavored vodak one evening. The host of the soiree looked at my expression after I sipped it and wondered what to do with the rest of it since it was so bad. I realized that all it had was the smoke flavor and suggested he use it to marinate meat. Otherwise, it'd do as paint thinner.

Best way to eat bacon:

Box of dates, package of bacon, toothpicks, cookie sheet. Wrap each date in a strip of bacon and place on cookie sheet. Broil til it's done. Make sure you are alone in the house, else there will be a fistfight.

Second best:

Cook bacon. Put maple syrup to taste on it.

12 Dec 2012 07:22 PM
skinink     

Lsherm: Dee Snarl: If it's just that bacon is so yummy, why wasn't anyone spooging about it during the 70s, 80s or 90s??

Because we just farking ate it like normal people. We didn't have this newfangled "internet" so people could turn bacon into some kind of hipster cred. BACON IS NOT HIP! You ate bacon because your mother or your wife couldn't properly make biscuits at breakfast and you needed something to wash the taste out of your mouth. You ate bacon because you had to cook the eggs in something, and butter was for the French. You ate bacon because that's what your father, and his father, and his father before that ate. You ate bacon because you had hair on your chest and you wanted more. You ate bacon because compared to Spam, it tasted and smelled like a $100,000 call girl.

What you didn't do was TALK about bacon. Everyone knew it was good. The only time bacon was talked about was if whoever served it to you couldn't cook it properly, and those discussions were usually about hiding the body, because what good is a person who can't cook bacon?


Hell, bacon isn't even the best part of breakfast. Give me scrambled eggs or toast with butter or jam instead of bacon.

12 Dec 2012 07:25 PM
Indubitably     
To Twelve?

12 Dec 2012 07:25 PM
X-Geek     

12 Dec 2012 07:25 PM
SDRR     

WhippingBoy: Or daughter has FASD. One of the consequences of that is that she's sensitive to textures and seems to lack any appetite whatsoever. It's been a challenge just to get her to eat, and meat is an especially difficult thing for her to eat. She also likes to play mind games with us, likely due to past psychological trauma.

Finally, we gave up and told her that if she really didn't want to eat meat, we wouldn't make her, and would provide a vegetarian alternative. She was thrilled with this, until we had a meal with bacon. She looked at us, and said "hey where's mine?". We explained that since she was no longer eating meat, she would no longer get bacon.

She FREAKED out, started bawling, and begged us for bacon, with the promise that she would, from this point forward, eat other meat without making a scene. We haven't had (much) of a problem feeding her since.

God bless you, bacon!


AMEN!

12 Dec 2012 07:25 PM
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