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   Adoption agency: "Thanks for signing up to be adoptive parents. Now please wait a few years for us to find you a kid." Adoptive parents: "Or how about we create our own website and find one on our own?" Adoption agency: "Hey now wait"

13 Dec 2012 09:25 AM   |   10408 clicks   |   NPR
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ZAZ    [TotalFark]  
Wow. I gotta ask, what are they doing that they can promise babies in six to nine months?

Nine months is easy. Six months is a little harder, but if you harvest them before they are ripe you can sell them as rare "miniatures" for a higher price.

13 Dec 2012 08:55 AM
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Pocket Ninja    [TotalFark]  
I wonder how long it will be before the first articles start to appear alleging things like child trafficking and racial and sexual discrimination.

13 Dec 2012 09:06 AM
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St_Francis_P     

ZAZ: Wow. I gotta ask, what are they doing that they can promise babies in six to nine months?

Nine months is easy. Six months is a little harder, but if you harvest them before they are ripe you can sell them as rare "miniatures" for a higher price.


And if you set them on the window sill, they'll ripen naturally from the sun.

13 Dec 2012 09:13 AM
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ZAZ    [TotalFark]  
St_Francis_P: And if you set them on the window sill, they'll ripen naturally from the sun.

It you set them atop the piano, they'll entertain, amuse, sadden, and outrage.

13 Dec 2012 09:22 AM
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andyofne     
Cut through a lot of red tape and you're not paying the salaries for the staff at the adoption agency. I guess.

13 Dec 2012 09:31 AM
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soup     
If only Obummer would get rid of those useless government regulations, we could finally buy some adopted children at Walmart while shopping for sweatpants like the founding fathers intended.

13 Dec 2012 09:33 AM
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JackieRabbit     

Pocket Ninja: I wonder how long it will be before the first articles start to appear alleging things like child trafficking and racial and sexual discrimination.


Tomorrow probably. Selling babies has been lucrative forever already. This just makes it easier.

13 Dec 2012 09:35 AM
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bonoloveshisbeer     
New name for my imaginary adopted son: Zerxes.

/A kind and loving god
//This is madness

13 Dec 2012 09:35 AM
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Parthenogenetic     

soup: If only Obummer would get rid of those useless government regulations, we could finally buy some adopted children at Walmart while shopping for sweatpants like the founding fathers intended.


Walmart?! Puh-leeze, as though I would buy one of those shoddy, mass-produced, made in China children...

13 Dec 2012 09:35 AM
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trickymoo     
Zerxes Spencer

If that is his natural name, his parents are the COOLEST

/ Good for the two of them
// Good luck to the two of them.

13 Dec 2012 09:38 AM
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WhippingBoy     

Pocket Ninja: I wonder how long it will be before the first articles start to appear alleging things like child trafficking and racial and sexual discrimination.


Actually, the risk with rushing things like this is that the child and the parents won't be a good match and the adoption will eventually fail.

13 Dec 2012 09:40 AM
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dittybopper    [TotalFark]  

Parthenogenetic: soup: If only Obummer would get rid of those useless government regulations, we could finally buy some adopted children at Walmart while shopping for sweatpants like the founding fathers intended.

Walmart?! Puh-leeze, as though I would buy one of those shoddy, mass-produced, made in China children...


They only come in two flavors: Girl, or disabled boy.

13 Dec 2012 09:40 AM
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BolshyGreatYarblocks     
www.runstop.de

"Cut out the middleman! Cut out the middleman!"


""You'll often notice when you do a search [online], the first thing that jumps up is, 'We can pay for your college.' 'We can get you an apartment with a swimming pool,' " says Janice Goldwater, executive director of Adoptions Together, the brick-and-mortar agency in Maryland that's lost business to Internet providers. "That's a red flag, in my opinion, when somebody is being induced by things.""

And so spiritually less satisfying than saying, "I'm with CPS. Someone saw your child playing with matches in the street, and we've come to take her away and sell her for profit put her in an orphanage."

13 Dec 2012 09:41 AM
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Spartacus Outlaw     
Aaargh, there's that damned "reached out" again. It's driving me nuts!

13 Dec 2012 09:41 AM
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URAPNIS     
A couple with 2 gay looking dogs should not be allowed to adopt anything.

13 Dec 2012 09:42 AM
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Englebert Slaptyback     

BolshyGreatYarblocks


"Cut out the middleman! Cut out the middleman!"


I think that might be my favorite Benny Hill sketch.

"No, I called the undertaker."

13 Dec 2012 09:44 AM
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WhippingBoy     
Impatient parents: "We want a baby and we want it NOW!!!"
Government Agency: "OK, we're going to have to do some checks to make sure that the baby is healthy, make sure that you're not going to use it for child porn, and..."
Impatient parents: "NOW!!! NOW!!! NOW!!!"

Shady character steps out of the shadows

Shady character: "I'll get you a baby post-haste!"
Impatient parents: "YES! You're the answer to all our dreams"

Five years pass

Impatient parents: "Augh!!!! Our adopted child has FASD and has killed and skinned another family pet!!! Send it back! Send it back!!!"

13 Dec 2012 09:46 AM
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Kyro    [TotalFark]  

WhippingBoy: Impatient parents: "We want a baby and we want it NOW!!!"
Government Agency: "OK, we're going to have to do some checks to make sure that the baby is healthy, make sure that you're not going to use it for child porn, and..."
Impatient parents: "NOW!!! NOW!!! NOW!!!"


Background checks and medical exams don't take three years.

Meanwhile that child just sat in an orphanage or a foster home all that time. I wonder if that'll have any impact on the kid's mental health.

13 Dec 2012 09:50 AM
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Bleyo     
A gay couple with a poodle named Paisley? That's so gay it almost makes it back to "ironically straight".

13 Dec 2012 09:51 AM
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JackieRabbit     
I have to wonder if Leonard Smalls would have gone high-tech?

13 Dec 2012 09:54 AM
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Louis the Unlucky     
Wait, you mean private citizens can do things faster than a government agency!? WHOA! And, a government agency might have some legitimate oversight or legal obligation to the public that it serves so it needs to be involved to meet that obligation!? NO WAY!

I've got this crazy idea. How about we let private citizens handle the process and government agencies just do oversight and enforcement. That would be almost a best case scenario. Less Government, more private businesses, stuff takes less time...we all win...right?

Never mind, it'll never work. There'll be one or two instances where abuse slips through the cracks, a public outcry led by the media, calls for more oversight by government officials, and it'll all end up back in the government's hands.

Sorry, I don't know what I was thinking.

13 Dec 2012 09:54 AM
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megalynn44    [TotalFark]  
My husband & I will be entering the adoption waters this Spring if our next round of in vitro fails. We've already been trying for 2 years. The prospect of 3 more is utterly heartbreaking to be quite honest. It's so scary because I do not think I could emotionally handle being conned in that way- giving someone money for a baby and it not working out.

13 Dec 2012 10:02 AM
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DeathCipris     
I am gonna start my own orphanage! With blackjack! And hookers!

www.theinfosphere.ru

/Side note: GIS for honest bender's orphanarium is terrifyingly weird...
//Spoiler Alert: There were pictures of shirts with "Sideshow Bob" on them, not the one from The Simpsons.
///Also picts of the Kennedy Assassination? WTF?

13 Dec 2012 10:06 AM
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Balchinian     
"When we entered the pool, we were looking at generally a two- to three-year wait," says James. "And about six months in they reached out to let us know the wait actually would be probably much longer than that."

Why? He was told that many pregnant women are bypassing agencies and seeking prospective parents across the country through the Internet.


That's what he was told. My guess is the real reason is that the review staff saw the photo and said "Oh HELL no! We don't want some poor baby exposed to that kind of evil. A couple like that is one of the worst sorts of envirionments imaginable for a child. I mean one in the house would be bad enough, but two?? No way. The fact that they are a matched set is just icing on the cake. There is no way I am placing a child into a home with poodles."

13 Dec 2012 10:08 AM
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Millennium     

trickymoo: Zerxes Spencer

If that is his natural name, his parents are the COOLEST


I'm holding out for Zerxes Tire-Iron Dada myself.

/obscure?

13 Dec 2012 10:10 AM
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WhippingBoy     
When my wife and I went through the adoption process, it took a year and a half. Looking back, I can honestly say that I wish it would have taken longer (we're currently working through some "bonding" issues related to the adoption). Unfortunately, it's almost impossible to convince a woman who desperately wants a baby that waiting a bit longer is in everybody's best interests.

13 Dec 2012 10:12 AM
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dittybopper    [TotalFark]  

megalynn44: My husband & I will be entering the adoption waters this Spring if our next round of in vitro fails. We've already been trying for 2 years. The prospect of 3 more is utterly heartbreaking to be quite honest. It's so scary because I do not think I could emotionally handle being conned in that way- giving someone money for a baby and it not working out.


Consider being a foster parent. It's a very, very worthwhile calling, and you never know, you might hit the lottery: The distaffbopper and I went through the training and background checks to become foster parents because all the adoption options we had were either too expensive, or the kids had fairly bad developmental disabilities*, or they required commitments we didn't necessarily like, for example open adoption (what if the birth mom turns out to be a really bad influence?).

Two months after we completed our certification process, a newborn was dropped off anonymously under our states Safe Haven Law. We took him home from the hospital and were his foster for 18 months, when we were able to finalize the adoption.

*Not that they don't need a home too, but that's a calling. You have to want to do it to take it on willingly. Takes a special kind of person to walk into a situation like that eyes wide open.

13 Dec 2012 10:12 AM
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WhippingBoy     

dittybopper: megalynn44: My husband & I will be entering the adoption waters this Spring if our next round of in vitro fails. We've already been trying for 2 years. The prospect of 3 more is utterly heartbreaking to be quite honest. It's so scary because I do not think I could emotionally handle being conned in that way- giving someone money for a baby and it not working out.

Consider being a foster parent. It's a very, very worthwhile calling, and you never know, you might hit the lottery: The distaffbopper and I went through the training and background checks to become foster parents because all the adoption options we had were either too expensive, or the kids had fairly bad developmental disabilities*, or they required commitments we didn't necessarily like, for example open adoption (what if the birth mom turns out to be a really bad influence?).

Two months after we completed our certification process, a newborn was dropped off anonymously under our states Safe Haven Law. We took him home from the hospital and were his foster for 18 months, when we were able to finalize the adoption.

*Not that they don't need a home too, but that's a calling. You have to want to do it to take it on willingly. Takes a special kind of person to walk into a situation like that eyes wide open.


I think this is excellent advice. You get to "try before you buy", and the kid gets a decent foster home (with parents who want children, as opposed to people who want an extra source of income).

13 Dec 2012 10:15 AM
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Englebert Slaptyback     

trickymoo


Zerxes Spencer

If that is his natural name, his parents are the COOLEST


Why, because they misspelled 'Xerxes'? That's not cool at all.

13 Dec 2012 10:15 AM
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Bloody William     
media.npr.org

Their kid is going to grow up sooooooo gay.

13 Dec 2012 10:18 AM
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devildog123    [TotalFark]  
We have friends going through the adoption process, and they're using a mix of internet and traditional services. It's amazing how much crap you have to go through to get a kid in this country. Morons can practically poop one out on demand, but if you can't, you go through a screening process that makes getting a security clearance look easy.

13 Dec 2012 10:19 AM
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Crewmannumber6     

megalynn44: My husband & I will be entering the adoption waters this Spring if our next round of in vitro fails. We've already been trying for 2 years. The prospect of 3 more is utterly heartbreaking to be quite honest. It's so scary because I do not think I could emotionally handle being conned in that way- giving someone money for a baby and it not working out.


I was adopted, my wife & I adopted our first, and have since been reunited with my birthfamily. If you choose to not have an open adoption, then at the very least keep it possible for your child to reconnect in their later years. My parents will always be my parents, but I cannot describe the grattitude I have for this gift I've been given this late in my life. They won't have to chose between their adopted family and their biological family if you don't force them to.

13 Dec 2012 10:20 AM
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megalynn44    [TotalFark]  
The other great part of not being able to make a baby yourself is people feel really empowered to tell you what to do.....

13 Dec 2012 10:20 AM
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busy chillin'     

megalynn44: The other great part of not being able to make a baby yourself is people feel really empowered to tell you what to do.....


Good luck. And don't let Farkers get you down.

/I guess I just told you what to do. sorry.

13 Dec 2012 10:23 AM
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Englebert Slaptyback     

megalynn44


The other great part of not being able to make a baby yourself is people feel really empowered to tell you what to do.....


*shrug* You put the information out there. If you didn't want a response you probably should have kept it to yourself.

13 Dec 2012 10:24 AM
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Glockenspiel Hero     

megalynn44: My husband & I will be entering the adoption waters this Spring if our next round of in vitro fails. We've already been trying for 2 years. The prospect of 3 more is utterly heartbreaking to be quite honest. It's so scary because I do not think I could emotionally handle being conned in that way- giving someone money for a baby and it not working out.


Do it. We got off the infertility treadmill earlier than you, but it's a decision I've never regretted. My advice (and if you want to email to discuss offline let me know)

1) Work with a reputable agency rather than a private lawyer. If you find a good agency there's a lot less chance of being "scammed"
2) Look carefully over the options though- it can be expensive and a lot of folks get tracked into things like expensive foreign adoptions simply because they aren't willing to look at what's available here. Healthy white infant is difficult (but not impossible), but remove any one of those three and suddenly there are tons more kids available.
3) I know a lot of folks freak about the open adoption thing. Don't- it's nowhere near as scary as you might imagine. Both of ours are open and we've had zero issues.

/No regrets on the adoption. Last night I might have expressed some regret about having kids. Mostly in grumbled four letter words...

13 Dec 2012 10:25 AM
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Parthenogenetic     

Louis the Unlucky: Wait, you mean private citizens can do things faster than a government agency!? WHOA! And, a government agency might have some legitimate oversight or legal obligation to the public that it serves so it needs to be involved to meet that obligation!? NO WAY!

I've got this crazy idea. How about we let private citizens handle the process and government agencies just do oversight and enforcement. That would be almost a best case scenario. Less Government, more private businesses, stuff takes less time...we all win...right?

Never mind, it'll never work. There'll be one or two instances where abuse slips through the cracks, a public outcry led by the media, calls for more oversight by government officials, and it'll all end up back in the government's hands.

Sorry, I don't know what I was thinking.


I don't either, since TFA stated those guys were working with a private adoption agency, not the gubmint.

13 Dec 2012 10:26 AM
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mkultra4013    [TotalFark]  
Given the run-around and expense that my aunt and uncle had to go through to adopt their 2 kids (my cousins) in 1991, and what some friends of mine recently went through, I am completely unsurprised that the internet has made a bypass around adoption services.

Don't get me wrong: I want to see that kids in the adoptive or foster care system go to good nurturing homes and loving families, no matter how the families are set up. I could see a path for abuse, but I have to wonder how much value these adoption agencies add to the mix relative to their costs.

/yeah, yeah, yeah...I know the Firefly quote about middlemen and their income.
//don't really care, because it's a kid's life and well-being that I'm ranting about.

13 Dec 2012 10:28 AM
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No Such Agency     
Balchinian:
There is no way I am placing a child into a home with poodles.

IIRC poodles are bitey, so you have a bit of a point.

Englebert Slaptyback:
they misspelled 'Xerxes'? That's not cool at all.

2.bp.blogspot.com

13 Dec 2012 10:29 AM
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croesius     

megalynn44: My husband & I will be entering the adoption waters this Spring if our next round of in vitro fails. We've already been trying for 2 years. The prospect of 3 more is utterly heartbreaking to be quite honest. It's so scary because I do not think I could emotionally handle being conned in that way- giving someone money for a baby and it not working out.


Kudos to you and yours. Adoption is a wonderfully noble thing, regardless of the reasons behind it. Mrs. Croesius had a child in college, and scheduled an open adoption as she knew she couldn't give him the life he deserved and needed. Not too versed as to the popularity of open adoptions, but it has been a good thing for all involved. He has a terrific loving family, still gets bier day cards and occasional calls from her, and we visit when we get up in that neck of the woods. Long story short, good on you for your desire to enrich multiple lives.

/odd thing is, his adoptive parents gave him the same name I have...and this was 8 years prior to me meeting her.

13 Dec 2012 10:29 AM
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Silverstaff     
My little CSB about adoptions,

I know a young woman who adopted her child out privately, like in this article.

She was 18 at the time, had been kicked out of her house (and had a pretty abusive home life to begin with). She was sharing a tiny apartment with a roommate, and barely making ends meet with a job at Subway.

A condom broke, she ended up pregnant. At the mention of the word pregnant, the father vanished like a fart in the wind, never to be seen or heard from again.

She was NOT looking forward to being a poor single mother almost certainly on welfare. She realized just how way in over her head she was.

She seriously considered abortion, very seriously. She changed her mind at almost the last minute (as in made the appointment, then cancelled), and decided to look into adopting the baby out.

Doing it through the State sounded like a nightmare to her. Basically she would still have to pay all the pregnancy related expenses (or wade through whatever public assistance was available), and her child would vanish forever minutes after birth, records sealed so she would never see him again.

Well, going through the internet, she found an adoption service that was run by a Church. Yeah, she wasn't exactly religious, and neither were the adoptive parents she found, but I'll give that Church credit that they actually did something about their pro-life beliefs by genuinely helping adoptions happen instead of just trying to ban abortion and hope it goes away.

So, the deal that was worked out was that the Church would help my friend get all the public assistance she was eligible for during her pregnancy, the adoptive family would help out to make sure she got plenty of the right nutrition and any gaps in prenatal care that existed, and cover her hospital stay for the childbirth. They were there with her for the birth, and her son was handed over after several hours.

They agreed on a name together for him. They added each other on Facebook so she could keep tabs on her biological sons growth.

He's about 7 now. He knows his biological mother as a distant cousin. That's the excuse for why she's sometimes at family Christmas parties or shows up to his birthdays.

It turned out a lot better for him, and for her, and pretty much everybody involved than if it had been done through the traditional state method.

13 Dec 2012 10:29 AM
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croesius     

croesius: megalynn44: My husband & I will be entering the adoption waters this Spring if our next round of in vitro fails. We've already been trying for 2 years. The prospect of 3 more is utterly heartbreaking to be quite honest. It's so scary because I do not think I could emotionally handle being conned in that way- giving someone money for a baby and it not working out.

Kudos to you and yours. Adoption is a wonderfully noble thing, regardless of the reasons behind it. Mrs. Croesius had a child in college, and scheduled an open adoption as she knew she couldn't give him the life he deserved and needed. Not too versed as to the popularity of open adoptions, but it has been a good thing for all involved. He has a terrific loving family, still gets bier day cards and occasional calls from her, and we visit when we get up in that neck of the woods. Long story short, good on you for your desire to enrich multiple lives.

/odd thing is, his adoptive parents gave him the same name I have...and this was 8 years prior to me meeting her.


Hmmm.... bier day = birthday. He's no quite old enough for biers yet.

13 Dec 2012 10:30 AM
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WhippingBoy     

megalynn44: The other great part of not being able to make a baby yourself is people feel really empowered to tell you what to do.....


I mean absolutely no offence by this, but if you can't ignore comments from the peanut gallery, you may not quite be ready to adopt.

13 Dec 2012 10:32 AM
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dittybopper    [TotalFark]  

devildog123: We have friends going through the adoption process, and they're using a mix of internet and traditional services. It's amazing how much crap you have to go through to get a kid in this country. Morons can practically poop one out on demand, but if you can't, you go through a screening process that makes getting a security clearance look easy.


It actually does: I've held a Top Secret SCI clearance, *AND* adopted a kid, and I had to do more work by far for the adoption. Might not be a fair comparison, though: I got the clearance when I was 18 years old and hadn't done much. I didn't become a foster parent / adopt until I was in my late 30's. There is a lot more stuff you need to do: Home inspections, more complex financial disclosures, *TRAINING*, etc.

13 Dec 2012 10:35 AM
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ArkAngel    [TotalFark]  

Pocket Ninja: I wonder how long it will be before the first articles start to appear alleging things like child trafficking and racial and sexual discrimination.


Racial discrimination is actually the standard for most government-based adoption placement. It's exceptionally hard in most place for a white family to adopt a black child.

13 Dec 2012 10:37 AM
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SpectroBoy     

upload.wikimedia.org
About 50% of the human race is middle-men and they don't take kindly to being eliminated

13 Dec 2012 10:37 AM
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Tom_Slick     

Silverstaff: My little CSB about adoptions,


Very cool, a very similar situation happened with a friend's sister, her daughter is now 20 (mom is 35) and knows her as her long time baby sitter and family friend.

13 Dec 2012 10:38 AM
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dittybopper    [TotalFark]  

Glockenspiel Hero: 2) Look carefully over the options though- it can be expensive and a lot of folks get tracked into things like expensive foreign adoptions simply because they aren't willing to look at what's available here. Healthy white infant is difficult (but not impossible), but remove any one of those three and suddenly there are tons more kids available.


That's not necessarily true: Adoptable healthy infants, regardless of race, are very scarce. By "healthy", I mean no developmental issues, no FASD, etc.

13 Dec 2012 10:40 AM
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Tommy Moo     
Good. Cut out the middleman. Next up: real estate agents. Why is there still not a site that lets people sell their houses around these people who collect 6% to tell you things you either already know or could learn from any homeowner? The only one I know of is Craigslist. There's nothing legally preventing someone from opening a more splashy site that focuses only on property sales and charges, say, $100/week to list.

13 Dec 2012 10:40 AM
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BarkingUnicorn    [TotalFark]  
"For some women it's very important to have a family that is not around them," Kane says.

Totally out of context, but true. :-)

13 Dec 2012 10:40 AM
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