Lights please!
 
ahem.
 
And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.
 
And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the a city in Florida, a tumor, which Christ the Lord you need to check out because it is really quite mind-blowing.
 
And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the tumor wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and forwarding the link to their Aunt Millie, who is into offball medical horror stories for some reason, saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth, peace and goodwill towards men.
 
And that's what Fark.com is all about Charlie Brown.

Babies having tumors.

tut tut.

What a shameful world we live in.

The picture of her mom makes the rumor of being pregnant at 12 believable.

Thanks. Didn't need to see the tumor.

She waited a fark of a long time to take the kid to the doctor! I would make a snide remark about the state of the US healthcare system but meh. ;)

Ug. I really didn't need to see a picture of the damned thing. Had to close the browser before finishing reading.

/squeamish today for some reason

johnsoninca: The picture of her mom makes the rumor of being pregnant at 12 believable.

"Janet Roberts, pictured, said she was shocked to learn that her daughter's classmates were teasing the 12-year-old about her growing stomach"

Why shocked, Janet? If anything you should have been shocked if they treated it as if it were no big deal.

When the Daily Mail is looking for pictures for a story do they just raid Facebook accounts? Because these sure don't look like the photos I would hand over if I was in a story. I'd be handing over a copy of the kid's school picture, and some nice family shots, not "here is a picture I took of myself and my cleavage."

CapeFearCadaver: Ug. I really didn't need to see a picture of the damned thing. Had to close the browser before finishing reading.

/squeamish today for some reason

Could you be pregnant?

That's one BIG haggis!

Well, some kids...much like tumors, tend to be malignant. So I can see where there might have been some confusion.

What'd she name it?

Jument: She waited a fark of a long time to take the kid to the doctor! I would make a snide remark about the state of the US healthcare system but meh. ;)

That's what I'm thinking.
Whether she was pregnant or had something wrong with her, the mom should have gotten her checked well before that got to 19lbs.

LaraAmber: CapeFearCadaver: Ug. I really didn't need to see a picture of the damned thing. Had to close the browser before finishing reading.

/squeamish today for some reason

Could you be pregnant?

Immaculate conception?

Is no one else concerned about the rights of the tumor? They could have given it up for adoption.

Nice mother. Instead taking her to the doctor right away she decided to put the kid through a slut shaming.

Yanno... doctors can perform pregnancy tests too ya dumb bint. And if she thought she WAS pregnant wouldn't it be prudent to get some STD tests done as well? Sooooper geeeenius.

I also would have been worried the kid had been raped. Yeah those doctors... they do rape tests as well.

Looks like she got farked by the Brundlefly.

LaraAmber: Is no one else concerned about the rights of the tumor? They could have given it up for adoption.

I would have given it a good home... IN MAH BELLY!

mmm... delicious tumor meat. 

I guess, from now on when I want to have something hit the front page, I will just link it from the Daily Fail

Interesting that virginity or lack thereof was never considered a factor.

Sooo.... she was pregnant?

You could slice that up and make a bacon, lettuce and tumor sandwich.

I'd fark the mother....

She is black so just give her about two years and she really will be.

Taking names and kicking ass! You go, girlfriend!

Seeing as she started to "show" during the summer and that thing reached 19 pounds only a couple or three months later, I'd say that was one heck of a bouncing baby fetus. One for the record books. I wonder what would have happened if nobody did any pregnancy tests and she had carried the tumor to term?

Would it be bigger than she is? She looks like she's under 100 pounds.

Fun fact: a woman needs something like an extra 115 Calories a day to make a baby. That's a handful of Oreo cookies, regular. Strange but true.

That tumor equals very roughly 40,000 Calories (possibly more if it has a lot of fat), while a baby would take a bit more than 30,000 Calories. But, of course, little girls wouldn't think like that, so who knew?

Profedius: She is black so just give her about two years and she really will be.


If she were latina, both her kids could come to her quinceañera.

If she were white trash, they'd all end up on MTV.

give me doughnuts: Profedius: She is black so just give her about two years and she really will be.


If she were latina, both her kids could come to her quinceañera.

If she were white trash, they'd all end up on MTV.

You got that right! Sad world.

give me doughnuts: Profedius: She is black so just give her about two years and she really will be.


If she were latina, both her kids could come to her quinceañera.

If she were white trash, they'd all end up on MTV TLC.

give me doughnuts: Looks like she got farked by the Brundlefly.

+1

Freudian slip here?


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Virtual Pariah: Whether she was pregnant or had something wrong with her, the mom should have gotten her checked well before that got to 19lbs.

If only there were some quick and easy test that we could perform to determine whether or not someone was pregnant. Hell, if you could do it at home that would be icing on the cake. I see opportunity here!

/I agree with you, this is a case of a really farking bad/stupid mom.

Ponzholio: What'd she name it?

Tumorsha

Ponzholio: What'd she name it?

Dristan.

My hand to God, when I was working my ay through college as a surgical tech, I scrubbed for a exploratory laparotomy that ended up being the removal of a 99 pound ovarian cyst.

/true story

When I was pregnant the doctor came in shaking her head because a 12 yr old she was treating had just gotten an ultrasound to take a closer look at the tumor they were worried she had and it was a five month fetus. The 12 yr old had sworn up and down she had never had sex. It must be a pretty scary world you live in when you'd rather think you had cancer than admit you'd had sex.

QT_3.14159: It must be a pretty scary world you live in when you'd rather think you had cancer than admit you'd had sex.

With cancer you get sympathy.
With sex you get called a slut and shamed.

/I know it was rhetorical, just had an itch to say it

Life_is_a_carnivore: Ponzholio: What'd she name it?

Tumorsha

2-Mo?

/only to come back with another smash hit album...

QT_3.14159: When I was pregnant the doctor came in shaking her head because a 12 yr old she was treating had just gotten an ultrasound to take a closer look at the tumor they were worried she had and it was a five month fetus. The 12 yr old had sworn up and down she had never had sex. It must be a pretty scary world you live in when you'd rather think you had cancer than admit you'd had sex.

Well, there's a pretty damned good chance she's protecting a rapey step-dad, and the terrible slut shaming she's going to get is from her mom. Given a choice between "cancer" and "my step dad was raping me so my mom threw me out on the street and told me to never come home again and now I'm a homeless 12 year old girl with a kid", I'm guessing most people would take cancer.

QT_3.14159: When I was pregnant the doctor came in shaking her head because a 12 yr old she was treating had just gotten an ultrasound to take a closer look at the tumor they were worried she had and it was a five month fetus. The 12 yr old had sworn up and down she had never had sex. It must be a pretty scary world you live in when you'd rather think you had cancer than admit you'd had sex.

Did your doctor never hear of HIPAA?

LaraAmber: QT_3.14159: When I was pregnant the doctor came in shaking her head because a 12 yr old she was treating had just gotten an ultrasound to take a closer look at the tumor they were worried she had and it was a five month fetus. The 12 yr old had sworn up and down she had never had sex. It must be a pretty scary world you live in when you'd rather think you had cancer than admit you'd had sex.

Did your doctor never hear of HIPAA?

No shiat...not the worst part of the story, but I would be pretty skeeved out to hear my doctor relating info about other patients.

here to help: I also would have been worried the kid had been raped. Yeah those doctors... they do rape tests as well.

What, precisely, is a rape test?

If you are referring to a rape kit, it would probably too late to do one of those if pregnancy was showing.

The article said that she had 3 negative pregnancy tests. (apparently the only one who rtfa?)

tentaculistic: The article said that she had 3 negative pregnancy tests. (apparently the only one who rtfa?)

Yes, her mother gave her three home pregnancy tests before taking her to the doctor because she look five months pregnant. I don't think anyone in this story gets a "parent of the year" award.

The Larch: I don't think anyone in this story gets a "parent of the year" award.

There'd be a whole lot less teenage parents if potential grandmothers were more skeptical of their daughter's "I've never had sex! Honest!" stories.

MycroftHolmes: What, precisely, is a rape test?

If you are referring to a rape kit, it would probably too late to do one of those if pregnancy was showing.

You know what I meant and on a 12 year old there is a good chance they could still check for scarring and other indicators. Hell, a trained psychologist could likely get a young victim to disclose if anything had happened better then derpity doo mumsie.

But way to exclude every other bleeding point I made to get your snark on. Good jerb.

here to help: LaraAmber: Is no one else concerned about the rights of the tumor? They could have given it up for adoption.

I would have given it a good home... IN MAH BELLY!

mmm... delicious tumor meat.

Oh... Oh,god I'm gonna be sick.

/never want to see that phrase again.

2nd generation crack babies always come out in a jello mold