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   Office holiday party tips from a sassy gay man, like the kind you've seen on TV

14 Dec 2012 09:02 AM   |   6143 clicks   |   Huffington Post
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Glenford     
I read the headline as 'gassy man' and was intrigued until I clicked the link.

14 Dec 2012 09:06 AM
topcon     
Sorry, but I only take party tips from sassy fake-gay men.

i.imgur.comView Full Size

14 Dec 2012 09:09 AM
THX 1138     
whatsadolltodo.files.wordpress.comView Full Size

14 Dec 2012 09:11 AM
oldfarthenry    [TotalFark]  
i1151.photobucket.comView Full Size

Karen? Hello? Sassy gay man attempting to be sassy here!

14 Dec 2012 09:11 AM
bugmn99     
At this year's office party, my very drunk director and I ended up in a discussion about how it would be funny to dress our balls up like reindeer and chase our wives around on Christmas Eve. I must fail.

/serious contender for a promotion at this point

14 Dec 2012 09:11 AM
Harry Freakstorm     
From a non-gay man

!. Avoid them. The best way is the 'something came up at the last moment' excuse. "Yep. Ready to go. Oh wait. Something came up at the last moment. I'll catch up." Swipe candy from the office candy bowls while everyone is gone. They'll blame the cleaners.

2. Arrive late. Like right when everything is slowing down. You'll be remembered as attending and you can have you pick of the really desperate, already drunk ladies.

3. Never volunteer to arrange the Christmas Party. It will be your fault the Customer Service Rep lady got drunk and went off with that slimebag AS/400 programmer who sits in the computer room all day compiling jobs on DSP01 and slowing the system down.

4. Offer to help clean up. Free booze and food to stock pile and a chance to hit on the hawt caterers.

14 Dec 2012 09:15 AM
Carn     
The guy that wrote that article sounded pretty biatchy.

14 Dec 2012 09:15 AM
oldfarthenry    [TotalFark]  

bugmn99: At this year's office party, my very drunk director and I ended up in a discussion about how it would be funny to dress our balls up like reindeer and chase our wives around on Christmas Eve.


Um, Mrs. Henry has several large nutcrackers on guard to quell such behaviour.
My balls hurt just thinking about these monsters.

14 Dec 2012 09:17 AM
Diogenes    [TotalFark]  
Kind of a dud for gay dude.

Last year I got blind drunk at our party, took a dump in the punch bowl, and bent Santa over the sink in the bathroom and had my way with him. And you know what? It was a memorable party. All because of me.

14 Dec 2012 09:18 AM
Farce-Side     
All this advice sounds really terrible for my office Christmas parties. Then again, I'm married, I'm not gay, and I don't live in NY so, that might be a determining factor.

14 Dec 2012 09:19 AM
ModernLuddite     
A gay Christmas party sounds kinda fun.

14 Dec 2012 09:20 AM
Summoner101     

oldfarthenry: bugmn99: At this year's office party, my very drunk director and I ended up in a discussion about how it would be funny to dress our balls up like reindeer and chase our wives around on Christmas Eve.

Um, Mrs. Henry has several large nutcrackers on guard to quell such behaviour.
My balls hurt just thinking about these monsters.


Some people seem to take their sex toys very serious. Holiday themes? Jeez.

14 Dec 2012 09:21 AM
loki see loki do     
I thought gay fellas were supposed to be fun.

/thanks a lot, Mr. biatchy Buzzkill.
//and remember to fark the girl from graphics on the presidents desk.
///more memorable than a 3% raise.

14 Dec 2012 09:23 AM
Cheron     
I leave everything in your car. Go in, mingle, be seen and then just melt away. These are not your friends, at best they are your competitors.

14 Dec 2012 09:24 AM
Diogenes    [TotalFark]  

ModernLuddite: A gay Christmas party sounds kinda fun.


I used to belong to a local gay club. The Christmas parties were the best. Especially Secret Santa.

14 Dec 2012 09:29 AM
sotua     
I have mine tonight to I'm getting a kick...

Actually, I'm not. I hate night office parties. If you want to do something nice for us the employees, do it on your time, not ours. Host a nice lunch. Don't mess with our after-work time.

/new job so I'm attending. Do it for the first year, skip it ever after.

14 Dec 2012 09:34 AM
robohobo     
Who's sassier? Homosexual men or fat black women? There can be only one.

14 Dec 2012 09:35 AM
AtomPeepers     
This just seemed like a normal gay dude with some reasonable tips about how to keep your job and have a bit of fun at the Christmas party.

I demand more SASSY!!!

14 Dec 2012 09:35 AM
LikeALeafOnTheWind     
I totally read that as Gassy gay.. i dont think we need his advice.

14 Dec 2012 09:41 AM
rogue_L_chick     
In my former field, the last two companies I worked for ended up cancelling the holiday parties because of "deplorable behavior" (I was not directly responsible, but didn't exactly help the situation, either.)

Now? Bland turkey and terrible dressing sitting in chafing dishes for 3 hours, waiting for the minute one can run and grab some food, and go back to their desk to eat and work.

14 Dec 2012 09:42 AM
NashMcNash     
Had our company party last night at a local restaurant. Got pretty drunk and sang a Meat Loaf song karaoke. Power move. Went home and cried.

14 Dec 2012 09:51 AM
robohobo     
My office Christmas party is just my mother-in-law and I getting sauced on the couch.

/good times

14 Dec 2012 09:53 AM
wellreadneck    [TotalFark]  
I'm sure you meant "girl friend" instead of "girlfriend". "Fag hag" would be succinct, but "fruit fly" would probably be a more appropriate in an article bemoaning breeder faux pas.

14 Dec 2012 09:55 AM
Savage Bacon     
So, is this a new thing? Putting snarky asides in hashtag form, like "(#fashionfail)" as if you're on Twitter?

All this does is make him look like some party recluse who just sits at the bar typing updates on everything he sees, softly cackling to himself and taking smug, yet sensible sips of his third Manhattan.

One wonders if this guy can manage to have any fun that doesn't stem from ridiculing others.

14 Dec 2012 09:56 AM
pute kisses like a man     
once when i worked for a company, I had to organize the christmas party and give a large presentation. it was not fun. fortunately, I didn't prepare for the presentation at all, had someone else make the power point presentation, and just drank a bunch before it was my time. winged it, made jokes, said stuff, kept people entertained, didn't say anything that matters. i think it was a success.

/ i had already put in my notice, i was leaving to go to grad school. it's really liberating to work someone place for a long time while on notice that you're leaving.

14 Dec 2012 09:58 AM
hstein3     
Oh, let's see here:

Don't Dress Inappropriately - Since it's held in the middle of the work day around here, I'm not sure this is possible.

Don't Get Drunk - Work-day potluck with a no booze policy? I don't think that'll be an issue.

No Flirting (Not Even With the Help) - Yeah, not an issue, not in these parts.

Don't Talk Sh*t in the Bathroom - This must be a tip for the ladies; you could hear a pin drop in the men's room.

Tick TOck Goes the Clock - I prefer the "not showing up" option. Problem solved.

14 Dec 2012 10:02 AM
jennies1897     
I was out super late last night for a concert. It was awesome. New job, I should go to the Christmas party tonight, but I probably won't.

14 Dec 2012 10:04 AM
bugmn99     

Savage Bacon: So, is this a new thing? Putting snarky asides in hashtag form, like "(#fashionfail)" as if you're on Twitter?

All this does is make him look like some party recluse who just sits at the bar typing updates on everything he sees, softly cackling to himself and taking smug, yet sensible sips of his third Manhattan.

One wonders if this guy can manage to have any fun that doesn't stem from ridiculing others.


He does, but it involves a lot of sodomy.

14 Dec 2012 10:07 AM
satorivt     
My christmas party is a two hour affair this afternoon where we go say to the big wigs and grab a couple of snacks, no alcohol, dj, music, or fun. Then we head back to our desk to work.

14 Dec 2012 10:10 AM
fireclown     

robohobo: Who's sassier? Homosexual men or fat black women? There can be only one.


guyism.comView Full Size


SASSY!

14 Dec 2012 10:14 AM
fireclown     
Ours kind of sucks. Fellow farkers hear my call: we're a company of about 20 people, and there will be some families present. THe party is lunch, at the end of a half day. What can I do to make this not suck big donkey balls. Difficulty: no balls of any kind.

14 Dec 2012 10:16 AM
Sultan Of Herf     

Savage Bacon: So, is this a new thing? Putting snarky asides in hashtag form, like "(#fashionfail)" as if you're on Twitter?



That irked me as well...everything that is Twitter is bad enough, but writing Twitter style in other forms of media is just...well it comes off as trying to hard, and even a bit hipster.



As far as my company xmas party...I dont go. No one from my shift goes. We are 3rd shift and they do the party at 2pm on a weekday. Right at the change between 1st and 2nd shift. They get to go to the party and get paid for it, and they would already be there anyways so no inconvenience. People on my shift would have to interrupt our sleep and drive to work for it. Then have to come back to work that night. No thanks.

14 Dec 2012 10:24 AM
Diogenes    [TotalFark]  

fireclown: Ours kind of sucks. Fellow farkers hear my call: we're a company of about 20 people, and there will be some families present. THe party is lunch, at the end of a half day. What can I do to make this not suck big donkey balls. Difficulty: no balls of any kind.


Tell all the families that they need to keep their kids at the other end of the restaurant because you just had to register as a sex offender earlier that day.

Trust me...they'll be talking about that lunch for years.

14 Dec 2012 10:29 AM
zenobia     

fireclown: Ours kind of sucks. Fellow farkers hear my call: we're a company of about 20 people, and there will be some families present. THe party is lunch, at the end of a half day. What can I do to make this not suck big donkey balls. Difficulty: no balls of any kind.


Nothing. Which is what my company does for us for Xmas.

14 Dec 2012 10:31 AM
not5am     

hstein3: Oh, let's see here:


so it's not meant for you. this is a fairly standard advice for anyone that works for a company with an afterhours open bar chistmas party. my company holds one off site in manhattan with an open bar. female co-workers will generally bring a change of clothes with them to work for the party, as they go out clubbing afterwards. an open bar and scantily dressed women is an easy mix for disaster.

csb, had the company christmas party last week. someone was plastered enough to grab a female co-worker's ass in view of everyone. he was fired the next day. (and yes, she was in a tight dress with a low cut for after partying).

14 Dec 2012 10:34 AM
megarian    [TotalFark]  
"Gay Christmas Party" has much different search results since Google became a prude.

14 Dec 2012 10:41 AM
megarian    [TotalFark]  
Also, I've been a bartender in a college town for quite a while.

The Christmas parties were almost too much. I would save for months to afford the bail money.

14 Dec 2012 10:48 AM
LeafyGreens     
That's not a sassy gay man. That's an uptight-biatch-from-HR gay man.

14 Dec 2012 10:53 AM
Delay     
Don't dance Gangnam style.

Link

14 Dec 2012 11:00 AM
velina1115     
Did I miss the holiday bonus coco of the month club thread? Anyone know where it is?

14 Dec 2012 11:23 AM
Big Red     
Last place I worked, they gave out annual bonuses at the company party. You only received it if you attended. They didn't pay me enough to go to a cheesy hotel conference room on my own time, eat bad food, and pretend to like my coworkers or bosses for 3 hours. It was worth not getting the bonus.

14 Dec 2012 11:27 AM
cherryl taggart     
Last nice Christmas party I attended was in 2003. Open bar, no kids, several rooms reserved for anyone to sleep it off in, owners paid for it all. Since I did the financial stuff for the business, I would have seen any invoices. It was nice, but I doubt we'll see the likes of that ever again.

14 Dec 2012 11:39 AM
grumpyoldmann     
The owner of the company where I work cancelled the party one year so he could spend the money on salaries to keep several field personnel from being laid off due to lack of work. Best Christmas ever.

14 Dec 2012 11:52 AM
Jamdug!     
Basically:

1. Act in a business-like manner.

Okay, not a problem.

14 Dec 2012 12:04 PM
DerAppie     
Wow, you people work at crappy places if you can't even find two or three co-workers you'd enjoy free beers with.

I used to work at a place where just about the entire male workforce had drinks at the end of the day (women always left) and we went to a bar for a few drinks every payday.

14 Dec 2012 12:20 PM
Cheron     

Jamdug!: Basically:

1. Act in a business-like manner.

Okay, not a problem.


The christmas party is just another business meeting.

/At 47 I'm one of the youngest employees at my company and the idea of my female coworkers all decked out is giving me the dry heaves

14 Dec 2012 12:49 PM
Spiralmonkey    [TotalFark]  
I hate the office party with a vengeance, but the sad fact is that you've got to be a 'team player' to get a promotion - fark the idea of being good at your job, working hard, improving your skills, nope, all that's needed at my workplace is to be your department head's buddy. Better still a board room level buddy. I've lost count of the tedious hours spent at these things, and every point in the article is valid. You are judged on your social skills as much as anything else. My strategy is to turn up, be nice to people, have a couple of drinks, locate my friends, leave, go on to somewhere we want to be.

There was one memorable party that took place about 10 years ago - 2 punchups, 2 breakups, 1 public sex act and 1 loud and angry resignation. Good times.

14 Dec 2012 12:51 PM
i upped my meds-up yours     
Know how I know I'm not gay? I saw a headline about an Anne Hathaway wardrobe malfunction and left the page immediately.

/Apparently she was getting out of a limo at her premiere and you could see all the way to Hathaway.

14 Dec 2012 03:44 PM
stewbert     
Not looking forward to our holiday potluck next week. I really don't want to go, but since it'll be a slow week, the 2 hour lunch break might be just enough of an incentive. Not sure what to bring. I'll probably grab some fruit/veggies at Safeway just beforehand.

But seriously, I may just eat my lunch and spend the extra hour with you, Fark.

14 Dec 2012 07:22 PM
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