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   Google and Microsoft trackers are showing different locations for Santa. This can only mean one thing: The jolly old elf is using multiple drone decoys

24 Dec 2012 09:53 PM   |   2957 clicks   |   Washington Post
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Indubitably     
To Santa

24 Dec 2012 09:56 PM
PsiChick     
Given that this is the stupidest fight ever, yes, yes he probably is.

24 Dec 2012 09:57 PM
starsrift     
As if explaining mall santas to the kids wasn't hard enough, now I have to come up with some bullshiat about why Santa's being shown in two different places?

fark it. 2012, it's time to tell the kids that Santa ain't real. I give up.

24 Dec 2012 09:57 PM
mekki     
I am actually having fun with the Google Santa Tracker. For a brief, fleeting moment, it makes me feel like a kid again. "HEE! HE'S ALMOST HERE! ...wait a minute"

/wrapping up toys at this moment with Santa decorated gift wrap

24 Dec 2012 10:00 PM
mat catastrophe     
The fact that there are competing Santa trackers just shows you how much a of a joyless bunch of ass-farking capitalists these farking halfwits are.

24 Dec 2012 10:01 PM
DetroitDave     
Multiple warheads for multiple targets......

/something just flashed down my chim

24 Dec 2012 10:01 PM
TheManofPA    [TotalFark]  

starsrift: As if explaining mall santas to the kids wasn't hard enough, now I have to come up with some bullshiat about why Santa's being shown in two different places?

fark it. 2012, it's time to tell the kids that Santa ain't real. I give up.


Actually read the article. It is brilliant at giving reasons for the disparity, the later paragraphs of page 1 are gold.

24 Dec 2012 10:02 PM
Huck And Molly Ziegler     
I don't see an article on my screen, just lots and lots of promos for other articles.

How long's it take to load up?

/on cable, could be faster
//maybe santa's P.R. censored it.

24 Dec 2012 10:03 PM
mekki     

starsrift: As if explaining mall santas to the kids wasn't hard enough, now I have to come up with some bullshiat about why Santa's being shown in two different places?

fark it. 2012, it's time to tell the kids that Santa ain't real. I give up.


What's so hard about telling them, "It's Elf Magic and since I never studied it, I don't have the foggiest."

Just use a smidge of your imagination, it's not that hard. And in a few years you won't have to worry about making up stuff at all because they'll be teenagers and won't listen to you, in the first place.

24 Dec 2012 10:04 PM
Optimal_Illusion     
The man is an actual Saint. Special dispensation from the Creator him/herself comes with the office. Both trackers are most likely accurate. That's all we need to know.

24 Dec 2012 10:04 PM
Fabric_Man     
Since he's probably traveling faster than light, I'd say there are multiple quantum states of Santa.

"Better get to bed, Timmy. If you observe Santa, your bicycle will change into a dollhouse!"

24 Dec 2012 10:04 PM
Buttbone McGillicutty     
img705.imageshack.usView Full Size

24 Dec 2012 10:05 PM
Billy Bathsalt     
Santa now,
he like the wind.
You never know where Santa at.
He like the cong.

Yeah Santa Cong.

24 Dec 2012 10:06 PM
mekki     

Fabric_Man: Since he's probably traveling faster than light, I'd say there are multiple quantum states of Santa.

"Better get to bed, Timmy. If you observe Santa, your bicycle will change into a dollhouse!"


Oh, I'm using this. Thanks!

24 Dec 2012 10:07 PM
rattchett     
Chaff and flares.

24 Dec 2012 10:08 PM
Charlie Freak    [TotalFark]  
Yule 1225, stop buzzer

24 Dec 2012 10:11 PM
ComaToast     
If it turns out there's more than one Santa, does this mean I'm polytheistic?

24 Dec 2012 10:13 PM
Therion    [TotalFark]  
www.mymavra.comView Full Size


Santa?

24 Dec 2012 10:13 PM
nytmare     

mekki: And in a few years you won't have to worry about making up stuff at all because they'll be teenagers and won't listen to you, in the first place.


I would listen to you either if you spent my childhood lying to me.

24 Dec 2012 10:14 PM
Duck_of_Doom     

Fabric_Man: Since he's probably traveling faster than light, I'd say there are multiple quantum states of Santa.


No, Santa's a Time Lord.  How else can he travel the entire world in a day delivering presents?  His sled is his TARDIS that holds all the billions of presents, so he never has to refill at the North Pole.  He often is known for different "companions" like Befana or Krampus.  And just like the Doctor's regenerations, he appears to different people at different times with different faces, hence all the differing outfits and appearances in different cultures.  NORAD works with Torchwood, so they have the better tracker.

24 Dec 2012 10:14 PM
fusillade762     
Apple maps has him somewhere near Neptune.

24 Dec 2012 10:14 PM
Indubitably     

fusillade762: Apple maps has him somewhere near Neptune.


To map

24 Dec 2012 10:19 PM
mekki     

nytmare: mekki: And in a few years you won't have to worry about making up stuff at all because they'll be teenagers and won't listen to you, in the first place.

I would listen to you either if you spent my childhood lying to me.


You would? Thank you.

Seriously, you obviously don't have children if you think telling them that Santa Claus is real is going to scar them for life. When a child comes up to you to play pretend and says, "I'm a knight!" Do you go, "No, you're not. There hasn't been Crusade like knights for centuries. Stop lying" or do you play along and continue the lie?

24 Dec 2012 10:20 PM
Twitch Boy    [TotalFark]  
Meanwhile, Apple Maps has him passing Jupiter.

24 Dec 2012 10:20 PM
Ishkur    [TotalFark]  
No, dumbmitter: It means SANTA IS A NINJA.

God, people are so stupid sometimes.

24 Dec 2012 10:22 PM
OtherLittleGuy     
Santa is working with quantum physics and Heisenberg uncertainty principles.

/and yes, I expect a Walter White pic as a reply

24 Dec 2012 10:22 PM
madgonad     
It is odd that Microsoft would have a different result than Google. Doesn't Bing just copy Google's results and present them as their own?

/remember the honeypot trap Google left for Bing...

24 Dec 2012 10:22 PM
Indubitably     

Twitch Boy: Meanwhile, Apple Maps has him passing Jupiter.


Out to Nibiru...

24 Dec 2012 10:22 PM
soaboutthat     
Norad's Santa is much nicer.

24 Dec 2012 10:22 PM
Relatively Obscure    [TotalFark]  
So, is this the "My parents told me Santa was real and now I'm a 25-35 year-old emotional cripple because of it and my parents are monsters" thread?

'Cause those are awesome.

24 Dec 2012 10:24 PM
The Evil That Lies In The Hearts Of Men     

mat catastrophe: The fact that there are competing Santa trackers just shows you how much a of a joyless bunch of ass-farking capitalists these farking halfwits are.


Next thing you know they'll be launching patent infringement claims at each other over their Santa Tracking technology.

24 Dec 2012 10:25 PM
CokeBear     

Twitch Boy: Meanwhile, Apple Maps has him passing Jupiter.


Now Apple Maps is showing him at Uranus.

24 Dec 2012 10:25 PM
Mad_Radhu     
If he is using drone decoys, this can only mean one thing:

img23.imageshack.usView Full Size

24 Dec 2012 10:26 PM
ArcadianRefugee     
I was gonna say this

soaboutthat: Norad's Santa is much nicer.


but this is funnier

Duck_of_Doom: NORAD works with Torchwood, so they have the better tracker.


24 Dec 2012 10:26 PM
Huck And Molly Ziegler     
One is a decoy to draw enemy fire. The other delivers the goods.

24 Dec 2012 10:27 PM
Indubitably     
To wonder

24 Dec 2012 10:27 PM
wildsnowllama     
I would trust google's location as Santa forgot to decline on his Android phone...

24 Dec 2012 10:27 PM
PainInTheASP    [TotalFark]  
Clone symbiotes.  I tell you, this whole Santa thing is a scam.  Wake up sheeple!

24 Dec 2012 10:28 PM
Lenny_da_Hog     
It's so cute and darling how much trouble we go through to violate children's trust.

24 Dec 2012 10:29 PM
Crudbucket     

OtherLittleGuy: Santa is working with quantum physics and Heisenberg uncertainty principles.

/and yes, I expect a Walter White pic as a reply


www.moviespad.comView Full Size

24 Dec 2012 10:29 PM
phrawgh     
It's sort of embarrassing we can't get a steady target lock on the farker. He shows up red on AMDWS.

24 Dec 2012 10:35 PM
NewportBarGuy    [TotalFark]  
Apple Maps last had him shot down over the Sea of Japan. He spun in. There were no survivors.

24 Dec 2012 10:37 PM
bionicjoe    [TotalFark]  
Just further proof that Bing ain't worth shiat.

/the fark is Kwanzaa?

24 Dec 2012 10:43 PM
fappomatic     
The reason for the discrepancy is GOOGLE can't track an EPIRB. He hit some turbulence and had to bail.

24 Dec 2012 10:51 PM
Huck And Molly Ziegler     

NewportBarGuy: Apple Maps last had him shot down over the Sea of Japan. He spun in. There were no survivors.


I just dropped my dessert fork.

24 Dec 2012 10:55 PM
Romanes Eunt Domus     
I remember watching the relevant episode of TNG. Santa must have been duplicated via transporter mishap and one of the Santa's goes his middle name instead.

24 Dec 2012 10:55 PM
Romanes Eunt Domus     
^ goes by

3.bp.blogspot.comView Full Size

24 Dec 2012 10:58 PM
aagrajag     
Or, they're using the same GPS unit as the one in my brand-new Vaio that shows me as being in Chiba when I'm actually in Nagano.

//grumble

24 Dec 2012 10:58 PM
To The Escape Zeppelin!     

Mad_Radhu: If he is using drone decoys, this can only mean one thing:

[img23.imageshack.us image 800x450]


Santa wants to get in close underneath the air defenses to make sure all the presents reach their targets.

24 Dec 2012 10:59 PM
ABQGOD     
Two words: selective availability

24 Dec 2012 11:03 PM
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