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   If you're cheating on your spouse and you don't want to get caught, be extra careful today

25 Dec 2012 10:41 AM   |   20978 clicks   |   Telegraph
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jayphat     
As someone who cleaned out their text history before getting in the car today, I'm getting a kick

25 Dec 2012 10:47 AM
CokeBear     
Thats why I use the Blackberry to communicate with the mistress, and the iPhone with the wife.

/Tell the wife the 'berry is for work.

25 Dec 2012 10:49 AM
sloshed_again     
If ya can't keep yer pants on at least keep yer fone off.

25 Dec 2012 10:49 AM
Gotfire     
Just finger bang your messages in morse code.

25 Dec 2012 10:51 AM
gadian     
I've seen people get caught more by buying gifts other people weren't supposed to find out about. I knew one dumbass that left his gifts for his other wife in the trunk of the first wife's car and another who left receipts laying around.

25 Dec 2012 10:54 AM
Amos Quito     
To avoid suspicion, I just text pics of my junk to everyone.

25 Dec 2012 10:57 AM
Digitalstrange     
This thread should be epic, a bunch of guys who can't get one woman pointing and laughing at guys who get caught trying to keep 2.

25 Dec 2012 10:59 AM
Lar Jorgen    [TotalFark]  
FTFA:It is meant to be a time of peace and love. But Christmas Day has become the day of the year when unfaithful husbands are most likely to be caught out, according to one of Britain's top divorce lawyers.

and:

But the other thing we find a lot is that there are a lot of text message 'bustings' on Christmas Day, usually because the husband leaves the phone around and the mistress is sending messages.

also:

Husbands will go off and call the mistress and then the wife will wonder where they were or who they were calling, they will either find the number on there or the text message.
It's interesting to note that wives in England don't cheat on their husbands.

25 Dec 2012 11:00 AM
cherryl taggart     

Amos Quito: To avoid suspicion, I just text pics of my junk to everyone.


So, you're the one I have on text block. Nice to meet you.

25 Dec 2012 11:01 AM
YouPeopleAreCrazy     

gadian: I've seen people get caught more by buying gifts other people weren't supposed to find out about. I knew one dumbass that left his gifts for his other wife in the trunk of the first wife's car and another who left receipts laying around.


Or, ordering something online, and the company calls you at home.
"Hi! This is Mary from Victoria's Secret. For being such a frequent customer, we'd like to offer you..."

oops

25 Dec 2012 11:03 AM
Cereal Fetish     

Gotfire: Just finger bang your messages in morse code.


southparkstudios.mtvnimages.comView Full Size

Approves.

25 Dec 2012 11:03 AM
Petit_Merdeux     

Lar Jorgen: It's interesting to note that wives in England don't get caught cheating on their husbands.



Subtle difference.

25 Dec 2012 11:12 AM
sloshed_again     

Digitalstrange: This thread should be epic, a bunch of guys who can't get one woman pointing and laughing at guys who get caught trying to keep 2.


If you do not want it, what's she doing in your home?
Wanting two or more is like slamming your hand in the car door.

25 Dec 2012 11:14 AM
MorteDiem     
I bought a girlfriend a Victorias Secret gift certificate one Christmas.
Then my wife wondered why I kept getting Victorias Secret catalogs in the mail.
I blamed it on signing up for a few free magazines online.

/no longer have the girlfriend, the wife or money

25 Dec 2012 11:15 AM
Lar Jorgen    [TotalFark]  

Petit_Merdeux: Lar Jorgen: It's interesting to note that wives in England don't get caught cheating on their husbands.


Subtle difference.


Good point!

25 Dec 2012 11:25 AM
LDM90     

MorteDiem: I bought a girlfriend a Victorias Secret gift certificate one Christmas.
Then my wife wondered why I kept getting Victorias Secret catalogs in the mail.
I blamed it on signing up for a few free magazines online.

/no longer have the girlfriend, the wife or money


forums.allkpop.comView Full Size

25 Dec 2012 11:27 AM
Ordinary Genius     
I find that it's easier to not cheat and just be miserable. At least this way, I know that I can keep my money. And, maybe I can buy a wave runner. People that have those are always happy.

25 Dec 2012 11:34 AM
aninconvenienterection     

Amos Quito: To avoid suspicion, I just text pics of my junk to everyone.


brilliant!

25 Dec 2012 11:34 AM
Fark Rye For Many Whores     

gadian: I've seen people get caught more by buying gifts other people weren't supposed to find out about. I knew one dumbass that left his gifts for his other wife in the trunk of the first wife's car and another who left receipts laying around.


Utah?

25 Dec 2012 11:41 AM
0Icky0     
My wife asked for my mistress' phone number in case of emergency.
My wife is cool.

25 Dec 2012 11:46 AM
Buffet     
I don't send text messages, but I do receive them. No biatch better let me catch her snoopin' in my business!!

25 Dec 2012 11:48 AM
Milo Minderbinder     
Having a mistress is easy. Try having 2 girlfriends, each one thinking they are the only one. Holidays are a mess. Birthday is worse.

/wasn't me; watched a friend do it
//he lasted 10 months
///waaaay too much work

25 Dec 2012 11:51 AM
oldweevil     
Whenever I'm out with friends, my wife usually send me a text telling me not to sleep with any sluts. I always tell her they will be fine, upstanding, Christian women.

25 Dec 2012 11:53 AM
GreatGlavinsGhost    [TotalFark]  

Amos Quito: To avoid suspicion, I just text pics of my junk to everyone.


And I wish you'd stop already.

25 Dec 2012 11:56 AM
Digitalstrange     

sloshed_again: Digitalstrange: This thread should be epic, a bunch of guys who can't get one woman pointing and laughing at guys who get caught trying to keep 2.

If you do not want it, what's she doing in your home?
Wanting two or more is like slamming your hand in the car door.


Way to assume. I am not married currently and never cheated on my wife while I was. Cheated once in my life on a girlfriend who had already cheated on me. As you can imagine it wasn't a healthy relationship.

25 Dec 2012 12:04 PM
AirForbes1     
Being single as the result of a breakup that happened after my girlfriend (she's the one who introduced me to Fark) started cheating on me days before Christmas last year, I wish cheaters nothing but heartache and misery in 2013!

25 Dec 2012 12:06 PM
quartercomma     
How time marches on.

Back in my day the only thing you'd have to worry about was the dreaded 'reply all' mistake (true story--a prof at a big time college did the 'reply all' thing to his grad student mistress, and instead of telling her that his wife was out of town and to get ready for sweaty sexytime he told the entire faculty and student body) heh heh.

25 Dec 2012 12:16 PM
StopLurkListen     

jayphat: As someone who cleaned out their text history before getting in the car today, I'm getting a kick


Deleting them from your phone doesn't delete them from the phone company's records. FYI.

25 Dec 2012 12:22 PM
Another Government Employee     

StopLurkListen: jayphat: As someone who cleaned out their text history before getting in the car today, I'm getting a kick

Deleting them from your phone doesn't delete them from the phone company's records. FYI.


True. But the evidence needs a subpoena or third party request to be obtained.

25 Dec 2012 12:27 PM
semiotix     

quartercomma: true story--a prof at a big time college did the 'reply all' thing to his grad student mistress, and instead of telling her that his wife was out of town and to get ready for sweaty sexytime he told the entire faculty and student body


Wait, why was she CCing the entire campus on her message? Sounds like someone noticed his "reply all" habit and decided to work it into her revenge plans.

FROM:    *st­ude­n­t[nospam-﹫-backwards]e­g­ello­c­*edu
TO:      p­ro­fesso­r­*co­xman­[nospam-﹫-backwards]e­g­el­l­oc­*edu
CC:      everybody.list
SUBJ:    meeting

Dear Professor Coxman,

What will be the subject of our review session that you've scheduled for your house at 8:00 tonight?

Professionally,
Your graduate student

=========

FROM:    p­ro­fesso­r­*co­xman­[nospam-﹫-backwards]e­g­el­l­oc­*edu
TO:      [reply-all]
SUBJ:    RE: meeting

The subject will be your spankable little ass, my dear! And you've been a very naughty pupil and will need many spankings tonight, ho ho! Seriously, though, you're going to want to bring Astroglide.

=========

FROM:    d­ea­n*w­o­rm­e­r[nospam-﹫-backwards]e­gell­o­c*ed­u
TO:      p­ro­fesso­r­*co­xman­[nospam-﹫-backwards]e­g­el­l­oc­*edu
SUBJ:    RE: RE: meeting

Cox-MAAAAAAAAAANNNNNN!!!


25 Dec 2012 12:42 PM
KiwDaWabbit     
My ex-girlfriend said that it would be okay to have sex with other people, which only made me suspicious. I came to find out after we broke up that, before our relationship, she was a cum dumpster who took money for sex. So, my guess is that she felt so guilty about lying to me about her past and deciding that she couldn't have sex with me that she thought this would make up for it.

I'm glad we didn't end up married.

To me, any type of misrepresentation is wrong. Don't just get into a situation that will hurt another because it's "comfortable" to you. Move past being a five year-old maturity-wise and be honest with other people in your relationships or don't have them.

/Merry Christmas

25 Dec 2012 12:49 PM
The Green Intern     
This is why I made sure my wife and girlfriend knew each other and liked each other in bed.

25 Dec 2012 12:53 PM
Brick-House     
www.dudelol.comView Full Size


Long Live the King

25 Dec 2012 12:54 PM
WhippingBoy     
Crap, now I'm kinda nervous. I don't *think* my gf will try texting me, but if she does, it could end up ruining Christmas for the kids. Better "misplace" my phone for the day.

25 Dec 2012 01:23 PM
lack of warmth     

Ordinary Genius: I find that it's easier to not cheat and just be miserable. At least this way, I know that I can keep my money. And, maybe I can buy a wave runner. People that have those are always happy.


I am hoping for an ATV myself. I want something I can ride year round.

25 Dec 2012 01:26 PM
exvaxman    [TotalFark]  
There was an airline in the early 70's that f'd up big time. A promotion was run for business class tickets where it was a buy one/get one free assuming the wives would be taken with on a business trip. What was awesome in the history of failed promotions was sending a "thank you" card a couple of weeks after the trip was made addressed to the wife saying that they hoped that she enjoyed the trip.

25 Dec 2012 01:39 PM
Generation_D    [TotalFark]  

The Green Intern: This is why I made sure my wife and girlfriend knew each other and liked each other in bed.


That works til the family of either of them wants to come over for holiday dinner or something.

25 Dec 2012 01:46 PM
Benni K Rok     

Digitalstrange: This thread should be epic, a bunch of guys who can't get one woman pointing and laughing at guys who get caught trying to keep 2.


I've got a woman, at least until we're done, then I get to throw her back. It's a thing.

25 Dec 2012 01:56 PM
Tumunga     
I would never, ever, have to worry about those four fights. They're for richers who have nothing better to fight about.

Now, anybody trying to eat both crusty ends of the meat loaf, without me having at least 1 of them, that there's an ass whoopin.

25 Dec 2012 02:03 PM
Rev.Veggie.Spam    [TotalFark]  

Tumunga: I would never, ever, have to worry about those four fights.


I think you want this thread:

http://www.fark.com/comments/7503247/ Four-common-holiday-fights-how-y o u-can-avoid-them-Or-start-them-if-Chri stmas-has-gotten-dull-no-one-has -found-Baileys-Because-its-not-Christm as-until-someone-leaves-in-tears

(Wow, Fark comment links can be long).

This thread... well, I think it speaks for itself.

25 Dec 2012 02:12 PM
yagottabefarkinkiddinme     
Whenever I'm out with friends, my wife usually send me a text telling me not to sleep with any sluts. I always tell her they will be fine, upstanding, Christian women.

I'm stealing this.

25 Dec 2012 02:32 PM
exvaxman    [TotalFark]  

Whenever I'm out with friends, my wife usually send me a text telling me not to sleep with any sluts. I always tell her they will be fine, upstanding, Christian women.




One of my co-workers was a fundie. His 20% salary contributions kept the church open. While driving the family to a new job over Xmas break, she waited until they were in Colorado to break the news to him that she had gotten onto a "dating site" and had slept with 50+ guys while he was away for three months. He turned the car around and dropped her off at her parent's home, stating why. I gave him his old job back while they worked things out, but what I will never forget is the anguish in his voice as he said to me "I could handle the golf pro, the (fireman)? but a lawyer?


25 Dec 2012 03:01 PM
KiwDaWabbit     

exvaxman: One of my co-workers was a fundie. His 20% salary contributions kept the church open. While driving the family to a new job over Xmas break, she waited until they were in Colorado to break the news to him that she had gotten onto a "dating site" and had slept with 50+ guys while he was away for three months. He turned the car around and dropped her off at her parent's home, stating why. I gave him his old job back while they worked things out, but what I will never forget is the anguish in his voice as he said to me "I could handle the golf pro, the (fireman)? but a lawyer?


Jesus Christ. What an awful person.

25 Dec 2012 03:09 PM
Fark_Guy_Rob     
Most people cheat when they stop caring about their current relationship. They are just too chicken to end it until something else comes along. Their apathy along with laziness and stupidity is why they get caught.

I've got more respect for someone who cheats successfully than one who cheats and gets caught.

'How was I supposed to know that my girlfriend might look at my cell phone? I mean, I couldn't have seen that coming!'

25 Dec 2012 03:18 PM
Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom     
If you suspect your SO is cheating, then he/she probably is, and has been for a while.

I knew someone who suspected his fiance of cheating, and he was telling me about his keyloggers that record everything typed on a computer, and I was like "Dude, its over. If you're seriously thinking about buying one of those, you already have your answer."

25 Dec 2012 03:44 PM
bronyaur1    [TotalFark]  
I have a sure-fire way to avoid getting caught when I cheat on my wife.

I don't cheat.

25 Dec 2012 03:46 PM
Vector R     

LDM90: MorteDiem: I bought a girlfriend a Victorias Secret gift certificate one Christmas.
Then my wife wondered why I kept getting Victorias Secret catalogs in the mail.
I blamed it on signing up for a few free magazines online.

/no longer have the girlfriend, the wife or money

[forums.allkpop.com image 453x378]


I was going to go for the who Nelson from the Simpson's "Haa haaa!" bit, but that works great too.

25 Dec 2012 03:49 PM
LoneWolf343     

KiwDaWabbit: My ex-girlfriend said that it would be okay to have sex with other people, which only made me suspicious. I came to find out after we broke up that, before our relationship, she was a cum dumpster who took money for sex. So, my guess is that she felt so guilty about lying to me about her past and deciding that she couldn't have sex with me that she thought this would make up for it.

I'm glad we didn't end up married.

To me, any type of misrepresentation is wrong. Don't just get into a situation that will hurt another because it's "comfortable" to you. Move past being a five year-old maturity-wise and be honest with other people in your relationships or don't have them.

/Merry Christmas


You sound like a the best kind of person in real life.

25 Dec 2012 03:57 PM
KiwDaWabbit     
I never said that I was perfect or even a good person.

However, if a person goes around doing shiatty things to people, hurting them deeply, and always having the excuse "gee, I'm only human", then, yeah, I have a problem with that.

25 Dec 2012 04:06 PM
The Gordie Howe Hat Trick     
Got caught by modern technology and being lazy. Against all odds, she took me back.

Having cell phone/email and cheating on your spouse means sleeping with one eye open.

25 Dec 2012 04:50 PM
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