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   If you drink coffee, you may or may not die. We are not sure. But to be safe, buy a grave plot. Have a nice day

19 Dec 2014 12:28 PM   |   5126 clicks   |   New England Journal of Medicine
Showing 1-47 of 47 comments
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Sir Cumference the Flatulent    [TotalFark]  
They can have my coffee when they pry it from my cold, dead, still-twitching fingers..

25 Dec 2012 08:29 AM
St_Francis_P     
Conclusions

In this large prospective study, coffee consumption was inversely associated with total and cause-specific mortality.

Off to brew more coffee.

25 Dec 2012 08:31 AM
Sir Cumference the Flatulent    [TotalFark]  

St_Francis_P: Conclusions

In this large prospective study, coffee consumption was inversely associated with total and cause-specific mortality.

Off to brew more coffee.


A buddy of mine got his hands on a case of caffeinated bottled water. He used it to brew coffee. He was able to smell time.

25 Dec 2012 08:35 AM
NFA    [TotalFark]  
Coffee, robber of life.

25 Dec 2012 08:40 AM
Sin_City_Superhero    [TotalFark]  
If you drink coffee, you may or may not die. We are not sure.

I assure you that you will die if you drink coffee.  Hell, you don't even have to drink coffee.  You're gonna die eventually, either way.  It ain't like drinking coffee will make you live forever.

25 Dec 2012 09:57 AM
whizbangthedirtfarmer     
"The association between coffee and risk of death remains unclear." Well, hell, that's a fine basis for an article.

25 Dec 2012 11:05 AM
Pumpernickel bread     
They aren't drawing any causal conclusions, but what they are saying is there is a slight negative relationship between coffee drinking and mortality

25 Dec 2012 11:07 AM
gonjie     
Rule 1 - Never touch my bacon.
Rule 2 - Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line
Rule 3 - Do not touch my coffee.

25 Dec 2012 11:11 AM
skinink     
If you drink Starbucks coffee, you will die poor.

25 Dec 2012 11:11 AM
Sock Ruh Tease     
100% of coffee drinkers eventually die.

25 Dec 2012 11:12 AM
Nina Haagen Dazs    [TotalFark]  
Two things I know for sure. One, I make a damn fine cup of coffee. Two, I'm gonna die.

25 Dec 2012 11:18 AM
Fark Rye For Many Whores     
I can't stop drinking coffee so here's my backup plan: If I die (and I'm not convinced of this idea) and my will says "leave me out for the wild cats to eat" and then they shiat me out and if I (as cat shiat) fetch a high enough price at the bean auction (slipping myself in there as large, already-roasted beans) will I then become immortal and live as a self-aware stain on the inside of the world's coffee cups?

25 Dec 2012 11:19 AM
I. R. Rottweiler     
I am a chemist, and coffee is the lifeblood of science, so I am required to drink it.

/ Mad scientist code book, section 7, paragraph 3.

25 Dec 2012 11:23 AM
Ima4nic8or     
There is a much bigger problem than this. It may be hard to believe but 100% of Americans have their lives ended by death. Its an absolute crisis that nobody is doing anything about.

25 Dec 2012 11:23 AM
mikalmd     
I'd feel like a fool lying in a hospital bed dieing of nothing...

25 Dec 2012 11:26 AM
computerguyUT     
I thought only guns caused death?

This is ridiculous. I was planning on living forever.

25 Dec 2012 11:28 AM
Ravijn     

Sir Cumference the Flatulent: St_Francis_P: Conclusions

In this large prospective study, coffee consumption was inversely associated with total and cause-specific mortality.

Off to brew more coffee.

A buddy of mine got his hands on a case of caffeinated bottled water. He used it to brew coffee. He was able to smell time.


Caffeinated bottled water?

"I'm never gonna get used to the 31st century. Caffeinated bacon? Baconated grapefruit? ADMIRAL Crunch?"

25 Dec 2012 11:36 AM
kevinatilusa     
If you outlaw death, only outlaws will die.

25 Dec 2012 11:39 AM
JWideman     

computerguyUT: I thought only guns caused death?

This is ridiculous. I was planning on living forever.


Drink enough coffee, and maybe you will.

25 Dec 2012 11:40 AM
flyinghouse99     
Well then, I'll take my chances. At least that way there is a smaller chance of people dying by my hands.

25 Dec 2012 11:52 AM
Mega Steve     
Begun, the Coffee Wars have

25 Dec 2012 12:02 PM
revrendjim    [TotalFark]  

25 Dec 2012 12:35 PM
Dazman51     
I just buy this http://www.deathwishcoffee.com/index.h tml

25 Dec 2012 12:41 PM
Faarkieboy     
*Sip.*

25 Dec 2012 12:55 PM
whither_apophis     

Ima4nic8or: There is a much bigger problem than this. It may be hard to believe but 100% of Americans have their lives ended by death. Its an absolute crisis that nobody is doing anything about.


Despite years of research and millions of dollars, death continues to be our nation's leading killer.

/off to buy zinc oxide shares..

25 Dec 2012 01:13 PM
Meatybrain     
... a grave plot.

A grave plot would be when the Masons and the Jews and Santa got together to blow up Baltimore.

You're thinking of a burial plot. Much differenter.

25 Dec 2012 01:17 PM
TwowheelinTim    [TotalFark]  

Sin_City_Superhero: If you drink coffee, you may or may not die. We are not sure.

I assure you that you will die if you drink coffee.  Hell, you don't even have to drink coffee.  You're gonna die eventually, either way.  It ain't like drinking coffee will make you live forever.


It took much longer than it should have for this to be posted. It should have been at the top.

We're guaranteed only one thing in life. Too bad so many lose sight of this and don't live accordingly.

25 Dec 2012 01:19 PM
simplicimus     

Meatybrain: ... a grave plot.

A grave plot would be when the Masons and the Jews and Santa got together to blow up Baltimore.

You're thinking of a burial plot. Much differenter.


Baltimore? Who would care?

25 Dec 2012 01:20 PM
earthworm2.0     
My coffee died.

25 Dec 2012 01:23 PM
actionsaurus     
Studies show that 1 out of every 1 person will die.

25 Dec 2012 01:33 PM
Meatybrain     

simplicimus: Meatybrain: ... a grave plot.

A grave plot would be when the Masons and the Jews and Santa got together to blow up Baltimore.

You're thinking of a burial plot. Much differenter.

Baltimore? Who would care?


www.washingtoncitypaper.comView Full Size

This guy.

25 Dec 2012 01:53 PM
cyberspacedout    [TotalFark]  
Wait, may or may not die? If there's a special roast that causes immortality, please let me know.

25 Dec 2012 02:28 PM
St_Francis_P     

cyberspacedout: Wait, may or may not die? If there's a special roast that causes immortality, please let me know.


A splash of this in your coffee and you're all set:

4.bp.blogspot.comView Full Size

25 Dec 2012 02:35 PM
lyanna96     
From TFA:

First the bad:
"As compared with persons who did not drink coffee, coffee drinkers were more likely to smoke cigarettes and consume more than three alcoholic drinks per day, and they consumed more red meat. Coffee drinkers also tended to have a lower level of education; were less likely to engage in vigorous physical activity; and reported lower levels of consumption of fruits, vegetables, and white meat. However, coffee drinkers, especially women who drank coffee, were less likely to report having diabetes."

Then the good:
"As compared with men who did not drink coffee, men who drank 6 or more cups of coffee per day had a 10% lower risk of death, whereas women in this category of consumption had a 15% lower risk. Similar associations were observed whether participants drank predominantly caffeinated or decaffeinated coffee."

25 Dec 2012 02:35 PM
Lionel Mandrake    [TotalFark]  
If I drink coffee, I may or may not die.

But if I don't drink coffee, I will kill.

25 Dec 2012 02:40 PM
LouDobbsAwaaaay     
You'll die if you try to drink it too fast. But that's true of all beverages.

25 Dec 2012 02:57 PM
katerbug72     
If you drink coffee, you will die. If you don't drink coffee, you will die. What I'm trying to say is, you'll die.

25 Dec 2012 03:15 PM
cyberspacedout    [TotalFark]  

St_Francis_P: cyberspacedout: Wait, may or may not die? If there's a special roast that causes immortality, please let me know.

A splash of this in your coffee and you're all set:

[4.bp.blogspot.com image 800x600]


And what is trioxin 245? IIRC, they didn't go over it in my highschool chemistry class long ago. I know of dioxin, and trioxin doesn't sound all that tasty.

25 Dec 2012 03:30 PM
St_Francis_P     

cyberspacedout: St_Francis_P: cyberspacedout: Wait, may or may not die? If there's a special roast that causes immortality, please let me know.

A splash of this in your coffee and you're all set:

[4.bp.blogspot.com image 800x600]

And what is trioxin 245? IIRC, they didn't go over it in my highschool chemistry class long ago. I know of dioxin, and trioxin doesn't sound all that tasty.


Fictitious, in this case: http://zombie.wikia.com/wiki/Trioxin

25 Dec 2012 03:48 PM
Mikeyworld     
To hell with a grave plot, Sign up on a body donor program in your local teaching hospital and let them clean up the remains.

/Yearly service for all donors on Memorial Day
//No having relatives peeing in inappropriate places....
///No paying for land you're not gonna enjoy

25 Dec 2012 04:08 PM
The Gordie Howe Hat Trick     
I'm coming Elizabeth!!

25 Dec 2012 04:37 PM
hubiestubert    [TotalFark]  
lh6.googleusercontent.comView Full Size

25 Dec 2012 04:58 PM
KimNorth     
I knew it was all down hill when I seen the sign at star bucks warning of the cancer risks from drinking coffiee. I do live it California and they have signs on the freeway warning to not breath some days soo......

25 Dec 2012 09:21 PM
Mutt Farkinov     

cyberspacedout: St_Francis_P: cyberspacedout: Wait, may or may not die? If there's a special roast that causes immortality, please let me know.

A splash of this in your coffee and you're all set:

[4.bp.blogspot.com image 800x600]

And what is trioxin 245? IIRC, they didn't go over it in my highschool chemistry class long ago. I know of dioxin, and trioxin doesn't sound all that tasty.


If it wasn't for zinc oxide, you wouldn't have that can of trioxin 245.

25 Dec 2012 09:50 PM
cyberspacedout    [TotalFark]  

St_Francis_P: cyberspacedout: St_Francis_P: cyberspacedout: Wait, may or may not die? If there's a special roast that causes immortality, please let me know.

A splash of this in your coffee and you're all set:

[4.bp.blogspot.com image 800x600]

And what is trioxin 245? IIRC, they didn't go over it in my highschool chemistry class long ago. I know of dioxin, and trioxin doesn't sound all that tasty.

Fictitious, in this case: http://zombie.wikia.com/wiki/Trioxin


Ah, so you mean the living dead. That's not exactly immortal, is it?

26 Dec 2012 12:28 AM
capt.hollister    [TotalFark]  
If you are alive today, it is a given that sometime in the future you will die. Go ahead, have that coffee. Might as well live while you're alive.

26 Dec 2012 01:44 AM
Mr. Coffee Nerves    [TotalFark]  
You just gotta embrace moderation.

No more than 1,250 cups per day. It's just common sense.

26 Dec 2012 05:39 AM
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