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   The best part of Christmas is when your relatives leave... in the back of a cop car

25 Dec 2012 08:01 PM   |   8170 clicks   |   Sun News Network
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fusillade762    [TotalFark]  
Or an ambulance. That works, too.

25 Dec 2012 07:38 PM
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Gyrfalcon     
As long as they leave.

25 Dec 2012 08:02 PM
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Haliburton Cummings     
"It's a family issue," Halton Regional Police Sgt. Derek Davis told The Toronto Sun."

ya think?

25 Dec 2012 08:02 PM
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No Time To Explain     

Gyrfalcon: As long as they leave.


Don't let the door hit you on the way out

25 Dec 2012 08:08 PM
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Digitalstrange     
According to my daughter that happened to my ex wife Christmas Eve.

25 Dec 2012 08:10 PM
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ParaHandy     
If it wasn't such a pussified country, he would have been shot and it would have been a clean kill. I would find it to be a massive imposition on my freedoms if I had to get all sweaty and soiled stabbing the asshole when if I had been in Murrica I could have just pumped a few rounds into him with the AR15 I keep for protection against first graders. That ambulance was wasting fossil fuel.

25 Dec 2012 08:11 PM
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gaslight    [TotalFark]  
Some people have all the luck.

25 Dec 2012 08:11 PM
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vudukungfu     
In before a Trailer Park Boys reference.

25 Dec 2012 08:13 PM
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vabeard     
Guy in a neighboring town shot his father-in-law in the head twice, then killed himself.
Merry Murder-Suicide Christmas.

25 Dec 2012 08:14 PM
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try fect taa daa     
Sent the kids and wife. Home alone. Best Xmas ever.

25 Dec 2012 08:14 PM
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davidphogan     

vabeard: Guy in a neighboring town shot his father-in-law in the head twice, then killed himself.
Merry Murder-Suicide Christmas.


It's the most wonderful time of the year.

25 Dec 2012 08:21 PM
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NannyStatePark     
You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here...

I'm getting too honest in my middle age to be around my shiat for brains family. It's like the people who go on Jerry Springer except they can use three syllable words.

Mom, Fark you,you egg donating welfare sponging shameful lazy biatch. For standing by while we suffered, and making us work as children to buy the booze that ultimately killed the man you let watch us beat you until i caught him cheating on you. The one who didnt think i was his until he saw my son. I wish you had died instead of my MIL.

I feel better now. Jail did not ensue.

25 Dec 2012 08:41 PM
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detritus     
See? This is what happens when countries allow assault weap.. oh wait.

25 Dec 2012 08:41 PM
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Pribar    [TotalFark]  
Cop car, ambulance, hearse, doesn't matter, as Gyrfalcon said as long as they leave I don't care

25 Dec 2012 08:47 PM
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InternetSecurityGuard     
Probably fightin' over the same cousin.

25 Dec 2012 08:49 PM
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skinink     

Stabbed thru the heart, and you're to blame,
Darling you give Canadians a bad name ***BA-BOOM!***


25.media.tumblr.com


Jeebus, that family hasn't even made it to Boxing Day.


25 Dec 2012 08:50 PM
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gaspode     
That would work for me. Ill help them take my mother in law to the cells but I cannot guarantee she wont 'fall down the stairs'

25 Dec 2012 08:52 PM
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phrawgh     
Society is falling apart, thanks to demons like those on here. We need to get God back in our families.

25 Dec 2012 09:00 PM
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no_tan_lines     

NannyStatePark: You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here...

I'm getting too honest in my middle age to be around my shiat for brains family. It's like the people who go on Jerry Springer except they can use three syllable words.

Mom, Fark you,you egg donating welfare sponging shameful lazy biatch. For standing by while we suffered, and making us work as children to buy the booze that ultimately killed the man you let watch us beat you until i caught him cheating on you. The one who didnt think i was his until he saw my son. I wish you had died instead of my MIL.

I feel better now. Jail did not ensue.


981 miles away...that one mile is absolutely necessary.
Gibbs Rule #13 is always in play. I'll be damned if I would spend any amount of time in lock up
just to remove someone from the planet. Better to let them live and suffer their own gross stupidity.

25 Dec 2012 09:03 PM
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NannyStatePark     
You are so damn lucky...I am resisting the urge to throw a sack of broken ornaments in my Moms driveway right now, she's only 15 mins. away hamming it up with my codependent but loveable sister.

I tried to make it work with her as an adult, but the last birthday we planned wasn't good enough for her so she hasn't spoken to me for three years, and y'all heard what she would if she tried now!

25 Dec 2012 09:09 PM
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Real Women Drink Akvavit    [TotalFark]  

phrawgh: Society is falling apart, thanks to demons like those on here. We need to get God back in our families.


That's why we hold  Blót to AlVater Odin and Thor in my family on  a regular basis. Keeps the Jotnar away and everyone behaving honorably.

25 Dec 2012 09:10 PM
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Lt. Cheese Weasel    [TotalFark]  
Again, no cajun xmas is right until there is blood or the tree is on fire.

25 Dec 2012 09:12 PM
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ShobuZukuri     
ts2.mm.bing.net

25 Dec 2012 09:21 PM
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ParaHandy     

NannyStatePark: You are so damn lucky...I am resisting the urge to throw a sack of broken ornaments in my Moms driveway right now, she's only 15 mins. away hamming it up with my codependent but loveable sister.

I tried to make it work with her as an adult, but the last birthday we planned wasn't good enough for her so she hasn't spoken to me for three years, and y'all heard what she would if she tried now!


PDNOS would be my initial diagnosis.

25 Dec 2012 09:21 PM
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Cyrusv10     
That's IT. They need to ban assault knives.

25 Dec 2012 09:23 PM
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NannyStatePark     

phrawgh: Society is falling apart, thanks to demons like those on here. We need to get God back in our families.


My in laws tried to get God back into a burn unit today with their children and some fellow church members. I'm sure the burn victims enjoyed being an example of Hellfire to a bunch of children and their mentally unbalanced parents today. If Jesus is real, he'd be pissed they did that in His name and disappointed I celebrated His birth with them.

Yeah, I'm getting it from both sides again this year.

25 Dec 2012 09:23 PM
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Thingster     
And I thought it was bad when my uncle decides to rip his shirt off and challenge everyone to grappling or arm wrestling.

25 Dec 2012 09:32 PM
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phrawgh     

NannyStatePark: phrawgh: Society is falling apart, thanks to demons like those on here. We need to get God back in our families.

My in laws tried to get God back into a burn unit today with their children and some fellow church members. I'm sure the burn victims enjoyed being an example of Hellfire to a bunch of children and their mentally unbalanced parents today. If Jesus is real, he'd be pissed they did that in His name and disappointed I celebrated His birth with them.

Yeah, I'm getting it from both sides again this year.


It's never too early for children to learn about Hell. The devil never rests. I'm sure these burn victims are being punished by the Lord for something they, or their ancestors, did in the past. It doesn't make it easier to see. God is love and He made us love too. Take comfort in knowing these lost souls might save a child of God from following in their sinful path. There is always a plan!

25 Dec 2012 09:33 PM
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DancingElkCondor     
No names, no ethnicity mentioned, no charges yet filed....I'm guessing these aren't your traditional redneck Canadians

25 Dec 2012 09:34 PM
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NannyStatePark     

phrawgh: NannyStatePark: phrawgh: Society is falling apart, thanks to demons like those on here. We need to get God back in our families.

My in laws tried to get God back into a burn unit today with their children and some fellow church members. I'm sure the burn victims enjoyed being an example of Hellfire to a bunch of children and their mentally unbalanced parents today. If Jesus is real, he'd be pissed they did that in His name and disappointed I celebrated His birth with them.

Yeah, I'm getting it from both sides again this year.

It's never too early for children to learn about Hell. The devil never rests. I'm sure these burn victims are being punished by the Lord for something they, or their ancestors, did in the past. It doesn't make it easier to see. God is love and He made us love too. Take comfort in knowing these lost souls might save a child of God from following in their sinful path. There is always a plan!


You know, if God called me up to settle my doubts I would.

25 Dec 2012 09:40 PM
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fusillade762    [TotalFark]  

phrawgh: Society is falling apart, thanks to demons like those on here. We need to get God back in our families.


You're trolling the religion angle HARD today. Is this a Christmas thing?

25 Dec 2012 09:41 PM
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Seasons I'v Withered     

ParaHandy: If it wasn't such a pussified country, he would have been shot and it would have been a clean kill. I would find it to be a massive imposition on my freedoms if I had to get all sweaty and soiled stabbing the asshole when if I had been in Murrica I could have just pumped a few rounds into him with the AR15 I keep for protection against first graders. That ambulance was wasting fossil fuel.


Yell us how you really feel...

25 Dec 2012 09:47 PM
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Real Women Drink Akvavit    [TotalFark]  

Lt. Cheese Weasel: Again, no cajun xmas is right until there is blood or the tree is on fire.


I didn't know Grumpy Cat was Cajun!
s3-ec.buzzfed.com

25 Dec 2012 09:47 PM
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phrawgh     

fusillade762: phrawgh: Society is falling apart, thanks to demons like those on here. We need to get God back in our families.

You're trolling the religion angle HARD today. Is this a Christmas thing?


Praise the Lord, even though it's the day after CHRISTmas I'm full of cheer and spreading the Good News! Rejoice!

25 Dec 2012 09:49 PM
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SpeedyBB    [TotalFark]  

skinink: Stabbed thru the heart, and you're to blame,
Darling you give Canadians a bad name ***BA-BOOM!***
[25.media.tumblr.com image 850x543]
Jeebus, that family hasn't even made it to Boxing Day.


Why do the posed publicity stills of these musical goofs always make them look so repellant?

No, really. Even guys who'd be great for a pickle-tickle get a look like HEY I'M EITHER THE BIGGEST TURNOFF IN THE UNIVERSE OR MAYBE I'M DEBBY DOWNER.

I'm including (thinking of) shots of Sting, MJ, any boy-band, and then there's that portrait of John and Yoko that came out on a RS cover just before he got popped. Having seen that shot, where the loving couple look like Dachau inmates instead of rich doper musicians (in her case "musician"), I immediately concluded he'd done himself in. Wrong conclusion but when the camera lies like that...

25 Dec 2012 09:53 PM
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Lt. Cheese Weasel    [TotalFark]  
I'm so floaty right now. Sparkly tingly and buzzy.

25 Dec 2012 09:53 PM
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phunkey_monkey     
If you have the mother-in-law from hell, seeing her leave in the back of the coroners wagon after she had a fatal heart attack would be the best X-mas present ever!!!

25 Dec 2012 09:53 PM
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SpeedyBB    [TotalFark]  

phrawgh: Society is falling apart, thanks to demons like those on here. We need to get God back in our families.


Yeah, He'd smite the sonza-biatches. That'll show 'em.

Talk about a Christmas dinner, all the in-laws gathered around sullen & drunk, and The Old Testicle God shows up unannounced. Fun times.

25 Dec 2012 09:55 PM
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SpeedyBB    [TotalFark]  

NannyStatePark: You are so damn lucky...I am resisting the urge to throw a sack of broken ornaments in my Moms driveway right now, she's only 15 mins. away hamming it up with my codependent but loveable sister.

I tried to make it work with her as an adult, but the last birthday we planned wasn't good enough for her so she hasn't spoken to me for three years, and y'all heard what she would if she tried now!


The broken ornaments gag won't work. They're too thin-shelled to do anything to car tires.

There is, however, a plethora of other dastardly deeds one may implement on an automobile, some evident and others hidden, that will cause immense suffering and frustration. Just pop down to your friendly innarwebs for handy suggestions.

/ I Just remembered, right out of the blue, an incident in college 50 years ago. where I discovered someone had loosened the tire lugs on my '61 Valiant, just before I was to go rallying up a mountain road. Only time I know of where someone aimed to kill me. Or give me a fright, who knows. College kids are so stupid anyway.

25 Dec 2012 10:03 PM
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SpeedyBB    [TotalFark]  

Thingster: And I thought it was bad when my uncle decides to rip his shirt off and challenge everyone to grappling or arm wrestling.


Is that grappling or "grappling"? Arm wrestling or "arm wrestling?"

25 Dec 2012 10:06 PM
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KhamanV     
Sounds about right. I nearly threw my racist father in law out of the car this morning because he couldn't keep his farking mouth shut about the fecal matter he calls his 'opinions' about other people's ethnicity for five minutes and I'd had enough for the year.

Christmas sucks, but his kids like me better than him, so new year's oughta be alright.

25 Dec 2012 10:13 PM
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Bucky Katt    [TotalFark]  
Grandma?

25 Dec 2012 10:18 PM
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nmemkha     
Christmas is a magical time when families come together to be reminded of why they live five states apart.

25 Dec 2012 10:28 PM
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Thingster     

SpeedyBB: Thingster: And I thought it was bad when my uncle decides to rip his shirt off and challenge everyone to grappling or arm wrestling.

Is that grappling or "grappling"? Arm wrestling or "arm wrestling?"


He wrestled in HS (30 years ago) so he thinks he's still a bad ass when he gets liquored up. He then tears his shirt off and starts challenging people.

Everyone laughs at him and says no (which he takes as us forfeiting), then he tries to show how manly he is by trying to arm wrestle everyone.

No euphemisms or innuendo involved.

25 Dec 2012 10:37 PM
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Lt. Cheese Weasel    [TotalFark]  

nmemkha: Christmas is a magical time when families come together to be reminded of why they live five states apart.


I really like it when uncle ted get drunk and tells my dad what a loser he is, And ted has not held one job for more than 5 months. My dad kicks teds ass. We have pie and ice cream. Cajun christmases are like that.

25 Dec 2012 11:01 PM
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ladyfortuna     
I was all too happy to leave, albeit under my own power and direction. I was done with this holiday stuff LAST night, today was an exercise in willpower.

And now, BOOZE.

25 Dec 2012 11:14 PM
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Linkster    [TotalFark]  

phrawgh: Society is falling apart, thanks to demons like those on here. We need to get God back in our families.


Which God might that be?

What does God need with a Star Ship? Or money for that matter.

Your Religious Zealot Status remains, however your color changed to Asparagus piss Yellow!

Try reading other Religious Texts, you could learn something, however I doubt it!

Pray for me Brother, I'll have another drink, and we will Both feel better.

25 Dec 2012 11:21 PM
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Utard_Free     
♫Ain't no xmas like a Canadian xmas cause a Canadian xmas gets all stabbey♫

or

♫The knife, the knife, the knife is in his chest. We don't need no hospital. Let the motherfarker bleed.♫

25 Dec 2012 11:36 PM
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Curious    [TotalFark]  
Police were guarding the house, which forensic officers will search later for the weapon and clues to the near-fatal stabbing.

so the rest of the family is literally out in the cold while the forensic officers enjoy their Christmas off?

25 Dec 2012 11:51 PM
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Shirley Ujest     

KhamanV: Sounds about right. I nearly threw my racist father in law out of the car this morning because he couldn't keep his farking mouth shut about the fecal matter he calls his 'opinions' about other people's ethnicity for five minutes and I'd had enough for the year.

Christmas sucks, but his kids like me better than him, so new year's oughta be alright.


Bravo to you for taking out the trash!

25 Dec 2012 11:54 PM
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