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   Our first "naked, sword-wielding maniac" story of 2013 comes courtesy of San Jose, CA

01 Jan 2013 05:38 PM   |   5437 clicks   |   ABC Local
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Captain Steroid    [TotalFark]  
weknowmemes.comView Full Size

01 Jan 2013 02:11 PM
ZAZ    [TotalFark]  
The subject exited the vehicle naked and brandishing a large Samurai sword saying, "You're going to have to kill me" several times.

You don't want to die, cops shoot you dead. You want to die, they arrest you. Can't win.

01 Jan 2013 02:27 PM
Ennuipoet     
Why is always a Samurai sword with the naked guys?  You never hear about a naked guy with Claymore, or even a Bastard Sword.  If I ever lose and run about the streets naked, I am taking a battle axe!  People will remember me if I have a battle axe.

01 Jan 2013 03:55 PM
jake_lex    [TotalFark]  

Ennuipoet: Why is always a Samurai sword with the naked guys?  You never hear about a naked guy with Claymore, or even a Bastard Sword.  If I ever lose and run about the streets naked, I am taking a battle axe!  People will remember me if I have a battle axe.


Two-handed weapons are such a biatch in a situation like that, though.  And I doubt that the guy had the feat required to use a bastard sword one handed.

/rolls 1d20
//gets a 1

01 Jan 2013 04:38 PM
Apos     
Bath salts resurgence?

01 Jan 2013 05:13 PM
fluffy2097     
Ban assault sharp edges!

01 Jan 2013 05:42 PM
thorthor     
Is "naked, sword wielding" redundant?

01 Jan 2013 05:42 PM
Kibbler     
I...

Jeez.  I had an uncomfortably close connection to the Newtown thing (niece, she was not hurt).

I also personally encountered a hopped-up lunatic, in San Jose, just last September (nobody hurt then but it was very unsettling).  And it honestly makes me wonder if this is the same guy.

It's a small world after all.

01 Jan 2013 05:43 PM
DesktopHippie     

Ennuipoet: Why is always a Samurai sword with the naked guys?  You never hear about a naked guy with Claymore, or even a Bastard Sword.  If I ever lose and run about the streets naked, I am taking a battle axe!  People will remember me if I have a battle axe.


Naked, screaming and wielding a battle axe? I sure would.

01 Jan 2013 05:43 PM
demaL-demaL-yeH     
When you ban the open carry of rifles in California, the nutcases start to carry swords.


/Wait. I'm OK with that: Bullets are harder to outrun.

01 Jan 2013 05:44 PM
Britney Spear's Speculum     
Yes greenlight this one, not my misspelled headline with 9 comments

01 Jan 2013 05:44 PM
Kibbler     

fluffy2097: Ban assault sharp edges!


Give me my constitutional right to carry a bazooka onto a plane, or into a kindergarten, you compromising panytwaist.

01 Jan 2013 05:45 PM
MaudlinMutantMollusk     
Which was mightier?

01 Jan 2013 05:45 PM
had98c     
He should have used lightning bolt.

01 Jan 2013 05:46 PM
DesktopHippie     

demaL-demaL-yeH: When you ban the open carry of rifles in California, the nutcases start to carry swords.


/Wait. I'm OK with that: Bullets are harder to outrun.


Can't say for certain, but I'd be shocked if it's legal to carry a sword in public there either.

01 Jan 2013 05:47 PM
FunkOut    [TotalFark]  
I prefer my maniac swordwielders to be in metal bikinis.

01 Jan 2013 05:51 PM
WelldeadLink     
... naked and brandishing a large Samurai sword, if you know what I mean.

01 Jan 2013 05:51 PM
Zavulon     

DesktopHippie: demaL-demaL-yeH: When you ban the open carry of rifles in California, the nutcases start to carry swords.


/Wait. I'm OK with that: Bullets are harder to outrun.

Can't say for certain, but I'd be shocked if it's legal to carry a sword in public there either.


Years ago, there was an exception for "martial arts" swords, to allow for carrying them to and from class or something. Not sure if that's still the case. It might just fall under the general knife laws, which mostly say open carry of any fixed blade is legal.

01 Jan 2013 05:53 PM
Huck And Molly Ziegler     
Would a picture or two have inconvenienced someone that much? The naughty bits could be blurred out.

/or not

01 Jan 2013 05:54 PM
Stormneedle    [TotalFark]  
What a way to start a year.

01 Jan 2013 05:56 PM
GORDON     
Yeah but it is illegal to carry an unloaded rifle in cities in California... how could this have happened???

01 Jan 2013 05:57 PM
martid4    [TotalFark]  
They should have shot him in the peen with a taser, that would make him think twice about doing this again next week.

01 Jan 2013 05:58 PM
Fark Rye For Many Whores     
imageshack.usView Full Size

01 Jan 2013 05:59 PM
WordsnCollision     

Ennuipoet: Why is always a Samurai sword with the naked guys?  You never hear about a naked guy with Claymore, or even a Bastard Sword.  If I ever lose and run about the streets naked, I am taking a battle axe!  People will remember me if I have a battle axe.


plotn08.comView Full Size


/agrees

01 Jan 2013 06:00 PM
fluffy2097     

Kibbler: Give me my constitutional right to carry a bazooka onto a plane, or into a kindergarten, you compromising panytwaist.


Only if you can't cut yourself on it!

NO SHARP EDGES! SHARP EDGES ARE MURDER MACHINES!

01 Jan 2013 06:04 PM
Bit'O'Gristle     

ZAZ: The subject exited the vehicle naked and brandishing a large Samurai sword saying, "You're going to have to kill me" several times.

You don't want to die, cops shoot you dead. You want to die, they arrest you. Can't win.


/Yes,if they want to charge you, or shoot at you, to get away,THATS  when you fire them up.  No fun riddling their bodies if they want it.

01 Jan 2013 06:07 PM
DubtodaIll     
If we want to get rid of mass shootings seems all we need to do is ban clothes. Which would also do wonders for the obesity epidemic, really I don't know why the Nudist lobby isn't all over this.

01 Jan 2013 06:10 PM
Gyrfalcon     

Zavulon: DesktopHippie: demaL-demaL-yeH: When you ban the open carry of rifles in California, the nutcases start to carry swords.


/Wait. I'm OK with that: Bullets are harder to outrun.

Can't say for certain, but I'd be shocked if it's legal to carry a sword in public there either.

Years ago, there was an exception for "martial arts" swords, to allow for carrying them to and from class or something. Not sure if that's still the case. It might just fall under the general knife laws, which mostly say open carry of any fixed blade is legal.


I guess it has to do with how easy it is to sneak up on someone with your chosen weapon. You know, because a handgun or knife can be kept in a pocket or whatever till it's time for the criminal to strike; whereas it's much harder to conceal your intentions strolling down the boulevard with a 14-foot sarissa over your shoulder. And while it's true that a rocket launcher does much more damage than, say, even a Glock; one would HOPE that someone hauling an RPG around the average suburb would be spotted right away and stopped. Or perhaps not.

Why carriers of edged weapons have to be naked nowadays is anyone's guess.

01 Jan 2013 06:13 PM
Saturn5     
Did the samurai sword have a high capacity clip?

01 Jan 2013 06:16 PM
Captain Steroid    [TotalFark]  

Britney Spear's Speculum: Yes greenlight this one, not my misspelled headline with 9 comments


i1197.photobucket.comView Full Size

01 Jan 2013 06:16 PM
Point02GPA    [TotalFark]  
If being naked and banishing a Samurai sword is such a power play, how come erection isn't part of the story?

01 Jan 2013 06:21 PM
gibbon1     

Zavulon: Years ago, there was an exception for "martial arts" swords, to allow for carrying them to and from class or something. Not sure if that's still the case. It might just fall under the general knife laws, which mostly say open carry of any fixed blade is legal.


Not sure about other places but California pretty much outlaws carrying any weapon that isn't a gun. As friend said, if you're going to carry a concealed weapon, carry a pistol, because it's a simple misdemeanor.

01 Jan 2013 06:24 PM
SirHolo     
Stay Classy!

dl.dropbox.comView Full Size

01 Jan 2013 06:26 PM
Ronin_S     

Ennuipoet: Why is always a Samurai sword with the naked guys?  You never hear about a naked guy with Claymore, or even a Bastard Sword.  If I ever lose and run about the streets naked, I am taking a battle axe!  People will remember me if I have a battle axe.


Samurai swords are light, cheap and its easier to name the flea markets that don't carry them then ones that do.

01 Jan 2013 06:29 PM
Nuclear Monk     

Ronin_S: Ennuipoet: Why is always a Samurai sword with the naked guys?  You never hear about a naked guy with Claymore, or even a Bastard Sword.  If I ever lose and run about the streets naked, I am taking a battle axe!  People will remember me if I have a battle axe.

Samurai swords are light, cheap and its easier to name the flea markets that don't carry them then ones that do.


Obscure polearms also seem to be neglected in the things-frequently-wielded-by-naked-fol k category.

01 Jan 2013 06:31 PM
RoyFokker'sGhost     

Nuclear Monk: Ronin_S: Ennuipoet: Why is always a Samurai sword with the naked guys?  You never hear about a naked guy with Claymore, or even a Bastard Sword.  If I ever lose and run about the streets naked, I am taking a battle axe!  People will remember me if I have a battle axe.

Samurai swords are light, cheap and its easier to name the flea markets that don't carry them then ones that do.

Obscure polearms also seem to be neglected in the things-frequently-wielded-by-naked-fol k category.


True. You don't have many stories involving a naked loonie wielding a bec-de-corbin or glave-guissarme these days.

01 Jan 2013 06:47 PM
Alonjar     
Clearly we need stricter sword control laws.

01 Jan 2013 07:04 PM
Ennuipoet     

RoyFokker'sGhost: True. You don't have many stories involving a naked loonie wielding a bec-de-corbin or glave-guissarme these days.


Even a flail or a holy water sprinkler!  Do Clerics never freak out, strip and threaten passers by?

01 Jan 2013 07:08 PM
NephilimNexus     
But... but... the media told me that mental health isn't a real issue and that only guns kill people!

01 Jan 2013 07:20 PM
StoPPeRmobile    [TotalFark]  

Ennuipoet: RoyFokker'sGhost: True. You don't have many stories involving a naked loonie wielding a bec-de-corbin or glave-guissarme these days.

Even a flail or a holy water sprinkler!  Do Clerics never freak out, strip and threaten passers by?


Check the other thread. Guy used a hammer.

Are pole arms banned?

01 Jan 2013 07:21 PM
BalugaJoe     
A witness said it sounded like a sword from the Meiji period.

01 Jan 2013 07:29 PM
Tadpole    [TotalFark]  
Apparently I'm doing it wrong with my gold guilded ninja sword..... Where do I learn these Naked Ninja powers? I here this is the final level before advancing to True Invisibilty.

01 Jan 2013 07:32 PM
StoPPeRmobile    [TotalFark]  
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01 Jan 2013 07:32 PM
bigstoopidbruce     
I'm sorry, I guess I would make a terrible cop. I see a naked, sword-weidling man who is driving around with an AR 15 or whatever it is, I'm not going to get involved in an hours-long stand off. I'd take the guy out. Might aim for the knees and see what happens, but I couldn't stand there for two hours watching the guy jibber and cavort like he has half a working brain.

01 Jan 2013 07:33 PM
demaL-demaL-yeH     

NephilimNexus: But... but... the media told me that mental health isn't a real issue and that only guns kill people!


Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz is tired of your prank calls.

01 Jan 2013 07:33 PM
demaL-demaL-yeH     

bigstoopidbruce: I'm sorry, I guess I would make a terrible cop. I see a naked, sword-weidling man who is driving around with an AR 15 or whatever it is, I'm not going to get involved in an hours-long stand off. I'd take the guy out. Might aim for the knees and see what happens, but I couldn't stand there for two hours watching the guy jibber and cavort like he has half a working brain.


Paperwork. Too much paperwork to shoot an obvious nutcase who asked to be shot.

01 Jan 2013 07:34 PM
Gyrfalcon     

bigstoopidbruce: I'm sorry, I guess I would make a terrible cop. I see a naked, sword-weidling man who is driving around with an AR 15 or whatever it is, I'm not going to get involved in an hours-long stand off. I'd take the guy out. Might aim for the knees and see what happens, but I couldn't stand there for two hours watching the guy jibber and cavort like he has half a working brain.


Why not? Dude, that's going to be the funniest thing you're going to see all week!

01 Jan 2013 07:39 PM
Ennuipoet     

StoPPeRmobile: Are pole arms banned?


Depends upon your deity I suppose, but edge weapons are generally a no-no.

01 Jan 2013 07:50 PM
Rat     
© I googled naked samurai and it took me a while to make it back to FARK

01 Jan 2013 07:54 PM
DesktopHippie     

Gyrfalcon: Zavulon: DesktopHippie: demaL-demaL-yeH: When you ban the open carry of rifles in California, the nutcases start to carry swords.


/Wait. I'm OK with that: Bullets are harder to outrun.

Can't say for certain, but I'd be shocked if it's legal to carry a sword in public there either.

Years ago, there was an exception for "martial arts" swords, to allow for carrying them to and from class or something. Not sure if that's still the case. It might just fall under the general knife laws, which mostly say open carry of any fixed blade is legal.

I guess it has to do with how easy it is to sneak up on someone with your chosen weapon. You know, because a handgun or knife can be kept in a pocket or whatever till it's time for the criminal to strike; whereas it's much harder to conceal your intentions strolling down the boulevard with a 14-foot sarissa over your shoulder. And while it's true that a rocket launcher does much more damage than, say, even a Glock; one would HOPE that someone hauling an RPG around the average suburb would be spotted right away and stopped. Or perhaps not.

Why carriers of edged weapons have to be naked nowadays is anyone's guess.


Yeah, that's kinda how it works in Ireland. A lot of gun and blade types are either illegal to carry in the open or banned outright, but we kept the stuff that's useful or stupidly difficult to conceal. Makes it easier for the police to focus on the people who are actually breaking the law. It's the same in the UK. They banned a bunch of semi-autos and high calibre guns after some guy in Hungerford wiped out a bunch of his neighbours, and then handguns after some guy in Dublane killed most of a classroom of kids, but they didn't bother banning shotguns after some guy in Cumbria shot 12 people with one because they figured all reasonable precautions had already been taken in terms of gun types available. They're focusing instead on extending the checks on gun owners they put in after Dublane - particularly making doctors aware if their patients are gun owners so they can altert the authorities if someone they're treating is suicidal. Last I checked, they hadn't sorted out the ins and outs of it though. There are a hell of a lot of privacy and data protection issues to consider.

01 Jan 2013 07:55 PM
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