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   Congratulations to the winners of Fark's 2012 Headline of the Year contests

05 Jan 2013 02:30 PM   |   17393 clicks   |   Fark

Below are the winners and runners-up for Fark's Headline of the Year contest for 2012. This year, like every year, there are simply too many good headlines, and all of us probably have a favorite or two (or twenty) that were brilliant, but sadly didn't quite get enough votes to win their respective contests. It's a shame. To those submitters: damn good work and feel free to take a bow in this thread for one you feel proud of.

For the winners, this is your thread. Congratulations to you. Below are the results of the Headline of the Year contest based on your votes.

HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: Alzheimer's Walk set for Saturday. Search and rescue set for Sunday
(submitter: justajonesin)

Runner-up: Missing algebra teacher found dead -- investigators looking to solve for why, query ex
(submitter: phlegmmo )

SPORTS HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: Suh sued studio
(submitter: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad )

Runner-up: Czech Republic, facing elimination if they lose, hold on to defeat Greece in Euro Cup. This marks the first time in three years that the Greeks haven't bounced a Czech
(submitter: kiwannabee )

GEEK HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: Stephen Hawking reaches 70. Must have been a really steep hill
(submitter: MrGronk )

Runner-up: Recent study finds six out of ten of us wake up grumpy every morning. The other four of us let her sleep in
(submitter: phlegmmo )

ENTERTAINMENT HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: Whitney Houston beats Bobby Brown to death
(submitter: WhoIsWillo )

Runner-up: Congratulations to Amy Winehouse. One year sober
(submitter: Misch )

POLITICS HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: French, Americans, Germans and Saudis now allied against Iran, but will have to come up with a less-awkward acronym before the bombings begin
(submitter: Gulper Eel )

Runner-up: Bill Clinton doesn't have interns anymore, so he nailed his keynote speech at the Democratic National Convention instead
(submitter: Tell Me How My Blog Tastes )

BUSINESS HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: After BJs, Costco is eager to penetrate deeper into Virginia
(submitter: Joelogon )

Runner-up: If Apple continues on its current trajectory, it could wind up at $1 trillion. If it uses Apple Maps, it could wind up at a gas station in Botswana
(submitter: NecessaryMeansFor_NecessaryMeansFor )

CONTEXT HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: Religious zealot set to take down Jets in New York City
(submitter: WhoIsWillo )

Runner-up: o_O
(submitter: shopball )

WORDPLAY/PUN HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: Mother-of-two disfigured by seven tumors on her face says, "Tumor would benign"
(submitter: phlegmmo )

Runner-up: Thieves steal 450 miniature bottles of alcohol. Police hunt someone who is a little drunk
(submitter: plymwebed )

Congratulations and kudos to the winners!
Showing 1-50 of 190 comments
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Silly Jesus     
Meh.

04 Jan 2013 01:36 PM
Whack-a-Mole     
Congrats to all and thanks for the lulz!

04 Jan 2013 01:36 PM
Smeggy Smurf     
Those were all terrible. Thanks for the laughs

04 Jan 2013 01:37 PM
calbert    [TotalFark]  
congrats all.

I knew MrGronk would take it with that Hawking one.

04 Jan 2013 01:37 PM
Unfreakable    [TotalFark]  
I was sort of bummed when I saw that phlegmmo had two early runners up and was worried he'd turn into our own version of 0-4 Super Bowl-losing Buffalo Bills, but he got the win with his context headline of the year.

Good work, everybody.

04 Jan 2013 01:37 PM
everybodylookattheirpants     
The Tebow headline was and still is my favorite.

04 Jan 2013 01:38 PM
Zoidfarb     
Seems I voted for mostly second place finishers this year.

04 Jan 2013 01:38 PM
Bob_Laublaw     
 but sadly didn't quite get enough votes to win their respective contests. It's a shame.

Democracy in action!!!!!!

04 Jan 2013 01:38 PM
Unfreakable    [TotalFark]  
- For the first-place winner: $250 Amazon gift card
- For the winners of each of the subtab, context, and pun contests: $100 Amazon gift card
- For the runners up in each contest: Six months of free TF

To those of you listed as the winner or runner up in the contests: contact me to work out how I'll get your prize to you.

04 Jan 2013 01:39 PM
SoupJohnB     
Always reminds me of Esquire mag's old "Dubious Achievement Awards."

/they still do that issue?

//always funny

04 Jan 2013 01:39 PM
Peaceboy    [TotalFark]  
Nice work, everyone, congratulations!

04 Jan 2013 01:40 PM
Arkanaut    [TotalFark]  
ENTERTAINMENT HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: Whitney Houston beats Bobby Brown to death
(submitter: WhoIsWillo )

Runner-up: Congratulations to Amy Winehouse. One year sober
(submitter: Misch )

Man, we are such terrible people.

//congrats to all and thanks for the lulz.

04 Jan 2013 01:40 PM
Need a Dispenser Here     

Arkanaut: ENTERTAINMENT HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: Whitney Houston beats Bobby Brown to death
(submitter: WhoIsWillo )

Runner-up: Congratulations to Amy Winehouse. One year sober
(submitter: Misch )

Man, we are such terrible people.

//congrats to all and thanks for the lulz.


Hah, I was going to comment the same thing. We're all morbid farks around here.

04 Jan 2013 01:40 PM
swaxhog     
Why are all the runner up headlines funnier?

04 Jan 2013 01:41 PM
Big Merl    [TotalFark]  
I submitted this with a better headline.

04 Jan 2013 01:41 PM
mitchcumstein1    [TotalFark]  
Have a year WhoIsWillo.

04 Jan 2013 01:43 PM
B.L.Z. Bub     
Y U NO LINK TO THREADS?!?

04 Jan 2013 01:45 PM
OlDood     
prize: a year of TotalFark.
2nd prize: 2 years of TotalFark

04 Jan 2013 01:46 PM
Popcorn Johnny     
What are the prizes for the winners?

04 Jan 2013 01:46 PM
SomeBrunette    [TotalFark]  
Another funny year!  Congrats to the winners!

04 Jan 2013 01:46 PM
GQueue     

Unfreakable: For the runners up in each contest: Six months of free TF


And for the third place winners, 12 months of free TF?

04 Jan 2013 01:46 PM
Calvin Butterball     
Maybe I'm late to the party, but what about the epic headline from February 1st: "Don Cornelius kicks off Black History Month with a bang?"

Was it considered too tasteless?

/Hadn't laughed and shook my head "no" in a long, long time

04 Jan 2013 01:47 PM
Unfreakable    [TotalFark]  

Popcorn Johnny: What are the prizes for the winners?


I posted it about ten posts ago.

/post

04 Jan 2013 01:47 PM
Unfreakable    [TotalFark]  

Calvin Butterball: Maybe I'm late to the party, but what about the epic headline from February 1st: "Don Cornelius kicks off Black History Month with a bang?"

Was it considered too tasteless?

/Hadn't laughed and shook my head "no" in a long, long time


It didn't get enough votes to make it to the final contest.

04 Jan 2013 01:48 PM
Dancin_In_Anson    [TotalFark]  
Congratulations guys! Great stuff!

04 Jan 2013 01:48 PM
dukeblue219     

swaxhog: Why are all the runner up headlines funnier?


This. I regret that I missed the voting this year... given all the headlines I laughed out loud at this year I thought the overall winner was kind of "meh." But hey, congrats to those who won because I sure as hell didn't come up with any funnies this year.

04 Jan 2013 01:49 PM
Robigus     
Awesome job to one and all, congrats!

04 Jan 2013 01:50 PM
King Something     

Unfreakable: Popcorn Johnny: What are the prizes for the winners?

I posted it about ten posts ago.

/post


You said "post" thrice.

04 Jan 2013 01:50 PM
Rindred     
Still no justice for "Clown car drops transmission on lap 20"

04 Jan 2013 01:50 PM
Earguy    [TotalFark]  
I'm satisfied.  Well done, Farkers!

Funny for me, I don't recognize the names of most of the submitters.  Do they post an lurk, or am I just in the wrong threads?

04 Jan 2013 01:52 PM
The Italian Farker    [TotalFark]  

Unfreakable: - For the first-place winner: $250 Amazon gift card
- For the winners of each of the subtab, context, and pun contests: $100 Amazon gift card
- For the runners up in each contest: Six months of free TF

To those of you listed as the winner or runner up in the contests: contact me to work out how I'll get your prize to you.


2013 New Years Resolution: WIN

Congrats to everyone and thanks for the laughs....

04 Jan 2013 01:52 PM
DenisVengeance    [TotalFark]  
That Whitney Houston HL had me laughing for days. Congrats!

04 Jan 2013 01:53 PM
WhoIsWillo     
Wow. Thanks for everyone who voted, and everyone who submitted. I love this site, and I thank everyone on here. Even you grumpy bastards.

04 Jan 2013 01:53 PM
Sim Tree    [TotalFark]  
I didn't want to mention it during the voting, but I appreciated the in-thread compliments for "Printer ink tanker truck overturns. Damages estimated at seven hundred trillion dollars."

04 Jan 2013 01:53 PM
phlegmmo    [TotalFark]  

Unfreakable: I was sort of bummed when I saw that phlegmmo had two early runners up and was worried he'd turn into our own version of 0-4 Super Bowl-losing Buffalo Bills, but he got the win with his context headline of the year.

Good work, everybody.


After also earning runner-up in Geek last year, I was beginning to think the same thing.  It's all good, though.

Congrats to everyone.  Thanks for the laughs.

04 Jan 2013 01:53 PM
Smeggy Smurf     

WhoIsWillo: Wow. Thanks for everyone who voted, and everyone who submitted. I love this site, and I thank everyone on here. Even you grumpy bastards.


I don't like you.

/grumpy

04 Jan 2013 01:56 PM
dugitman    [TotalFark]  
Congrats to the wieners. Funny stuff.

04 Jan 2013 01:57 PM
Contrabulous Flabtraption    [TotalFark]  
I didn't win anything again so fark you all

04 Jan 2013 01:57 PM
Tango_down     

Silly Jesus: Meh.


Yeah that is exactly what I said.

04 Jan 2013 01:57 PM
dahmers love zombie    [TotalFark]  
Excellent work, everyone.  This just makes me want to spend even more hours and hours and hours submitting headlines in the hopes that I will, one day, receive an Amazon gift card.

/off to scour the bowels of the internets looking for stuff

04 Jan 2013 02:02 PM
Misch    [TotalFark]  

Unfreakable: - For the runners up in each contest: Six months of free TF

To those of you listed as the winner or runner up in the contests: contact me to work out how I'll get your prize to you.



Woo hoo!

04 Jan 2013 02:05 PM
Spadababababababa Spadina Bus     
Congrats, winners. I was really pulling for "Burma Planes", but a couple of my other faves made the list so I'm happy.

04 Jan 2013 02:05 PM
katemonster    [TotalFark]  
 I liked a lot of these... my favorites were the Alzheimer's Walk, Whitney Houston, Bill Clinton & interns, Religious zealot and "Tumor would benign."

04 Jan 2013 02:06 PM
Angry Buddha     
Whitney Houston beats Bobby Brown to death

I was bummed to see this win since it's blatantly plagiarized. The "Ike beats Tina to death" headline from 2007 also made a hell of a lot more sense.

That said, congrats to the winners. there's some funny Farkers up in this joint!

"Congratulations to Amy Winehouse. One year sober" was the most awful and my favorite.

04 Jan 2013 02:07 PM
drongozone     

SoupJohnB: Always reminds me of Esquire mag's old "Dubious Achievement Awards."

/they still do that issue?

//always funny


Why is man laughing?

www.looptvandfilm.comView Full Size

04 Jan 2013 02:08 PM
mbillips     
Those are all great, but I have to say the overall winner is the weakest. Kinda obvious compared to the rest.

04 Jan 2013 02:11 PM
toraque    [TotalFark]  

Contrabulous Flabtraption: I didn't win anything again so fark you all


I dunno.  I had headlines that made it into both the main and context finals, plus a couple more in the semifinals.  I'd say that's as pretty good an effort at shoring up my emotionally bankrupt and hollow existence with some ultimately meaningless internet affirmation as you can get, really.


Still bummed my 'Montenegro, please' headline didn't make it farther, though.

04 Jan 2013 02:11 PM
Gig103    [TotalFark]  
How close was the main headline contest? I thought both were good but felt the algebra joke was smarter and more worthy.

04 Jan 2013 02:11 PM
sprawl15     
what about best redlit headlines

04 Jan 2013 02:12 PM
Unfreakable    [TotalFark]  

Gig103: How close was the main headline contest? I thought both were good but felt the algebra joke was smarter and more worthy.


Personally, I did too (that one was my favorite), but the vote difference was around 50-75 votes. To me, it was one of those great Fark headlines--brilliantly executed in the moment as the story came up. That was the only headline I voted for in the mainpage contest.

04 Jan 2013 02:15 PM
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