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   "You mean that Jesus might have had severe diarrhea?" "Yep, That's exactly what I mean." Holy crap

07 Jan 2013 04:08 PM   |   17054 clicks   |   CNN
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PapaChester     
Was Japanese.

07 Jan 2013 01:51 PM
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Slaxl    [TotalFark]  
 If Jesus got dysentry then Arius was right.

07 Jan 2013 01:55 PM
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jehovahs witness protection     
I was laughing at the headline before clicking the link.

+1 subby

07 Jan 2013 02:01 PM
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vpb    [TotalFark]  
i wonder if anyone ever passed off a desiccated turd as a Jesus relic?  There was a whole industry for that sort of thing.

65.96.0.19

This is his poo!

07 Jan 2013 02:08 PM
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downstairs    [TotalFark]  
www.jimbo.info

07 Jan 2013 03:14 PM
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Ed Finnerty     
So the Shroud of Turin may be the Toilet Paper of Turin?

07 Jan 2013 03:33 PM
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vudukungfu     
Fakkir, heal thyself.

07 Jan 2013 04:09 PM
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had98c     

Ed Finnerty: So the Shroud of Turin may be the Toilet Paper of Turin?


Ewwwww. He wiped his face with it?

07 Jan 2013 04:09 PM
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leftyguitar     

vpb: This is his poo!


Hahaha, outstanding.

07 Jan 2013 04:10 PM
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Peaceboy    [TotalFark]  
I dunno, I think if I had the ability to turn water into wine I'd also do something about that emergency roadside diarrhea.

07 Jan 2013 04:11 PM
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leftyguitar     

Ed Finnerty: So the Shroud of Turin may be the Toilet Paper of Turin?


Shroud Of Turdin?

07 Jan 2013 04:11 PM
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LeroyBourne     
So he's answering Joan Osborne's question?

07 Jan 2013 04:12 PM
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Hack Patooey    [TotalFark]  

Peaceboy: I dunno, I think if I had the ability to turn water into wine I'd also do something about that emergency roadside diarrhea.


Where do you think all those loaves and fishes came from?

07 Jan 2013 04:12 PM
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blatz514    [TotalFark]  
amberbooks.com

07 Jan 2013 04:12 PM
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Sock Ruh Tease     
i.imgur.com

07 Jan 2013 04:12 PM
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JasonOfOrillia    [TotalFark]  
Everybody poops

07 Jan 2013 04:12 PM
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MyNameIsMofuga    [TotalFark]  
The best part about hanging around with Jesus when he had dysentery was when he turned the explosive diarrhea into delicious chocolate milk shakes.

07 Jan 2013 04:14 PM
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HAMMERTOE     
Holy Hershey squirts, Batman!

07 Jan 2013 04:14 PM
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TwilightZone     
How can a purely fictional character have any disease? That's like saying Zeus had gallstones.

07 Jan 2013 04:16 PM
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Vegan Meat Popsicle     
Johnnie Moore is ... a professor of religion and vice president at Liberty University.

You're asking me to read an awful lot of words about something that happened 2000 years ago when those words come from a guy who is completely unqualified to talk about anything that happened on this planet before he was about five years old...

07 Jan 2013 04:16 PM
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Charlie Chingas     
I hear he was quite fond of the Portuguese breakfast, followed by a Tijuana milkshake. Dirty indeed.

07 Jan 2013 04:16 PM
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darth_badger     
I bet His poops smelled like fresh baked cookies.

07 Jan 2013 04:16 PM
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croesius     
That might explain all the foot washing. Splashback is a biatch

07 Jan 2013 04:18 PM
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Parthenogenetic     

downstairs: [www.jimbo.info image 558x220]


i.imgur.com

07 Jan 2013 04:18 PM
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RogermcAllen     

Hack Patooey: Peaceboy: I dunno, I think if I had the ability to turn water into wine I'd also do something about that emergency roadside diarrhea.

Where do you think all those loaves and fishes came from?


One of my favorite miracle explanations is that Jesus loved to trip on shrooms (how he spoke to god, angels, etc.). The active ingredients in shrooms are excreted in urine which is darkly colored. Jesus created the bread by breaking up dried shrooms (look like bread). Jesus created wine by staining water with his dark urine. Everyone was tripping balls, so they weren't hungry.

07 Jan 2013 04:20 PM
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TofuTheAlmighty     
A fictional character had the runs.

It's not news, it's CNN.

07 Jan 2013 04:20 PM
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Sock Ruh Tease     

Parthenogenetic: downstairs: [www.jimbo.info image 558x220]

[i.imgur.com image 600x396]


Meat mingling with the dairy? Oy vey... no wonder he had the runs.

07 Jan 2013 04:20 PM
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ChrisDe     
No! Jesus was a Caucasian man that spoke English!

07 Jan 2013 04:20 PM
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Inchoate     

Vegan Meat Popsicle: Johnnie Moore is ... a professor of religion and vice president at Liberty University.

You're asking me to read an awful lot of words about something that happened 2000 years ago when those words come from a guy who is completely unqualified to talk about anything that happened on this planet before he was about five years old...


At least from a religion standpoint, the article is pretty reasonable.
Christian or not (I'm not), most of the story of Jesus is a lot more interesting, poignant, and morally relevant if people consider Jesus as the prosaic, vulnerable human he was, not some snow-white beneficent angel.

07 Jan 2013 04:20 PM
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maniacbastard     
If Jesus was gay to, I'd bet he had something that would plug him up nicely.

07 Jan 2013 04:21 PM
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RatMaster999     
Of course he was dirty.

When did you last see a clean gardener?

07 Jan 2013 04:22 PM
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Brian Ryanberger     
Is this the thread where liberals make fun of Jesus and get themselves put on a list of people going to hell?

07 Jan 2013 04:22 PM
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OscarTamerz     
So that Christian believes that Jesus could raise Lazarus from the dead and save himself from crucifixion at any point but couldn't cure his own illnesses. I'd say that is blasphemy in the Christian faith.

07 Jan 2013 04:23 PM
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Uzzah    [TotalFark]  
medievalotaku.files.wordpress.com

"Dude, pull my finger ... No, just do it. C'mon..."

www.miamibeach411.com

1.bp.blogspot.com

07 Jan 2013 04:25 PM
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Wayne 985     
Don't only Catholics believe that Jesus is God? I was raised as a non-denominational Protestant and attended a Baptist church, where it was made clear that he was meant to be the son of God, almost like a prince regent.

Are there Protestant sects who believe the two are synonymous?

07 Jan 2013 04:25 PM
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Kibbler     
Putting aside the rather lurid dysentery angle, the rest of the article demonstrates someone who has actually read the gospels, and not just skimmed over them.

That puts him in the 0.1%.  Based on my experience anyway.

07 Jan 2013 04:25 PM
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mayIFark     
Jesus, Javier or Cesar, whatever their name might be, they all like tacos. It might be from that.

07 Jan 2013 04:26 PM
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Supes     

TwilightZone: How can a purely fictional character have any disease? That's like saying Zeus had gallstones.


There's more evidence for a historical Jesus than an historical Zeus... Whether he was divine or not, you can make a credible argument an individual named Jesus existed.

07 Jan 2013 04:26 PM
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HailRobonia     

TwilightZone: How can a purely fictional character have any disease? That's like saying Zeus had gallstones.


I dunno about that, but Taranis had Gaulstones.

07 Jan 2013 04:26 PM
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Cuthbert Allgood     

HAMMERTOE: Holy Hershey squirts, Batman!


Jesus Hershey-squirts Christ!

//we now know what the H. stood for.

07 Jan 2013 04:29 PM
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Ilmarinen     

Brian Ryanberger: Is this the thread where liberals make fun of Jesus and get themselves put on a list of people going to hell?


Is saying he was human "making fun of Jesus"?
Also, if heaven is full of conservatives, count me out. Hell, here I come.

/if I die before Pete Townshend maybe Moon and Entwistle will let me play guitar in their band for a while

07 Jan 2013 04:30 PM
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Allen. The end.     
That article was SO VERY badly written. I'll not get into a whole "Jesus v. Whatever" argument because there is no need...but look at this, FTA:

The brilliance of Christianity is the image of a God, named Jesus, arrived with dirty hands.

What? OK; so perhaps an editor could have remedied this little overlooking of basic English diction. Then, we are given this:

FTA: "Jesus came in a time period when Greco-Roman gods were housed in gigantic temples and portrayed with superhuman powers and with superhuman physiques. Gods were believed to be far away from people on their mountains or hemmed up in their sanctuaries."

This is completely untrue. Every Roman citizen had at least one temple or shrine in their homes to pay specific regard to individual dieties. The completely...well, made-up idea that Roman and Greek gods and goddesses were viewed as distant is completely ridiculous. I mean, look - there's Mount Olympus right there! Hell, half of the gods can't go a week without molesting a mere mortal! This man is a christer who is twisting history and sociology to fit his own desires.

07 Jan 2013 04:31 PM
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suthrnrunt     

Peaceboy: I dunno, I think if I had the ability to turn water into wine I'd also do something about that emergency roadside diarrhea.


news flash... that wasn't wine ;-) it _was_ his roadside emergency that colored and flavored that water

07 Jan 2013 04:31 PM
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Millennium     
The Judeo-Christian God is pretty big on cleanliness, both ritual and physical. The technology of the time obviously limited what one could do compared to today; Jesus had no Sonicare, no antibacterial soap, and (probably) no clue what a loofah was. But he probably still had better personal hygiene than half the Politics tab.

07 Jan 2013 04:32 PM
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theewhiterhino     

Brian Ryanberger: Is this the thread where liberals make fun of Jesus and get themselves put on a list of people going to hell?


You know who else makes a list?


Santa

i234.photobucket.com

07 Jan 2013 04:33 PM
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suthrnrunt     

Supes: TwilightZone: How can a purely fictional character have any disease? That's like saying Zeus had gallstones.

There's more evidence for a historical Jesus than an historical Zeus... Whether he was divine or not, you can make a credible argument an individual named Jesus existed.


just like you can prove that robin hood existed and merlin?

oh wait... no, no you can't.

07 Jan 2013 04:33 PM
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Kibbler     
"Hey Jesus, c'mon man, we're late."

"Hang on, I'm in the can burnin' a last supper."

07 Jan 2013 04:34 PM
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bearded clamorer    [TotalFark]  
"Imodium BCE" just doesn't sound right.

07 Jan 2013 04:36 PM
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Prank Call of Cthulhu     
I guess that's what the Bible means when it says, "And it came to pass."

07 Jan 2013 04:38 PM
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Felix_T_Cat     

Millennium: The Judeo-Christian God is pretty big on cleanliness, both ritual and physical. The technology of the time obviously limited what one could do compared to today; Jesus had no Sonicare, no antibacterial soap, and (probably) no clue what a loofah was. But he probably still had better personal hygiene than half the Politics tab.


I'm intrigued that water poured through the red heifer's ashes was used in purifying rituals. That sounds close to the process for producing lye.

07 Jan 2013 04:40 PM
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