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   The real reason why Andrew Jackson, Abraham Lincoln, and JFK were assassinated, and other conspiracy theories about dead presidents

07 Jan 2013 05:58 PM   |   15006 clicks   |   truTV
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FirstNationalBastard    [TotalFark]  
Andrew Jackson was assassinated?

Did someone steal Obama's magical time machine and change history again?

07 Jan 2013 05:14 PM
King Something     

FirstNationalBastard: Andrew Jackson was assassinated?

Did someone steal Obama's magical time machine and change history again?


oooOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooo!

07 Jan 2013 06:01 PM
Clash City Farker     
Andrew Jackson is America's greatest President.

07 Jan 2013 06:08 PM
Fark Rye For Many Whores     

FirstNationalBastard: Andrew Jackson was assassinated?

Did someone steal Obama's magical time machine and change history again?


FTA: Lincoln and Kennedy were assassinated and Jackson would have been as well, if his would-be assassin's guns hadn't misfired. I didn't know either.

07 Jan 2013 06:08 PM
shintochick     
FTFA: How many times have we heard the phrase "all the gold in Fort Knox"?

Ummm, not in the past 30 years or so?

07 Jan 2013 06:10 PM
Fark Rye For Many Whores     

FirstNationalBastard: Andrew Jackson was assassinated?

Did someone steal Obama's magical time machine and change history again?


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andrew_ Jackson#Attack_and_assassination _a ttempt

07 Jan 2013 06:11 PM
SockMonkeyHolocaust    [TotalFark]  
It was the Bacon Vampire Illuminati and the Big Lebowski, wasn't it.

07 Jan 2013 06:12 PM
KrispyKritter     
Three times I voted Jackson, thinking him bullet-proof. He just had that cockiness, I liked him.

07 Jan 2013 06:12 PM
Snarky Acronym     
Most of the gold is in the basement of the Federal Reserve Bank in Manhattan, not Fort Knox.

07 Jan 2013 06:12 PM
Bull Moose 76     
That is the worst article on Fark today.

07 Jan 2013 06:12 PM
TheBigAndTheRed     
upload.wikimedia.orgView Full Size

07 Jan 2013 06:13 PM
olddeegee    [TotalFark]  
According to this, in the future Total Fark may cost more than 5 Ameros a month.

07 Jan 2013 06:13 PM
rob.d     
Fort Knox, ha, it's for tourists.

07 Jan 2013 06:13 PM
Raoul Eaton     

FirstNationalBastard: Andrew Jackson was assassinated?

Did someone steal Obama's magical time machine and change history again?


Yep. In this timeline, Jackson was assassinated, and most of the southern U.S. is occupied and run by Native Americans. It has worked out pretty well.

//also in this timeline, when you're hungry, it's customary to say "I'd kill for some crack"
/say that to a police officer and they'll kindly point out the nearest burger joint

07 Jan 2013 06:14 PM
djh0101010     
Well, that's 93 seconds of my life I won't get back. Learned everything I need to know about TruTV, though.

07 Jan 2013 06:15 PM
ariseatex     

Bull Moose 76: That is the worst article on Fark today.


Clearly you haven't seen the Politics tab articles today.

07 Jan 2013 06:15 PM
The_Y2P_Problem     

rob.d: Fort Knox, ha, it's for tourists.


www.chud.comView Full Size


Concurs.

07 Jan 2013 06:15 PM
thecpt     
Male Models, duh.

/feel like I'm taking crazy pills here.

07 Jan 2013 06:16 PM
acefox1     
This headline failed to ignite and makes me want to beat it nearly to death with Andrew Jackson's cane.

From the Cracked article about what a badass lunatic Andrew Jackson was:

Best Quote:

"I have only two regrets: I didn't shoot Henry Clay and I didn't hang John C. Calhoun."

That's right. In a life rich with murdering people for little-to-no reason, Jackson's only regret was that he didn't kill quite enough people. People like Calhoun who, it should be noted, was Jackson's vice president.

07 Jan 2013 06:19 PM
Someothermonkey     
He knows the real reason why.

img808.imageshack.usView Full Size

07 Jan 2013 06:20 PM
Fark Rye For Many Whores     
"announcing the birth of a new secular order on this earth."

Learn Latin, morans.

07 Jan 2013 06:20 PM
MetaCarpal     
Jackson shot first.

07 Jan 2013 06:21 PM
Olympic Trolling Judge     

thecpt: Male Models, duh.

/feel like I'm taking crazy pills here.


Win.

Someothermonkey: He knows the real reason why.

[img808.imageshack.us image 320x192]


Place.

...does that make me Show?

07 Jan 2013 06:22 PM
Brian Ryanberger     
The Rothschilds tried to assassinate Jackson after a long running battle over whether the US should control its own currency or if a group of assholes in Zurich should.

Don't mess with the bankers.

07 Jan 2013 06:23 PM
Artist     
Oh, and my grandmother was convinced that JFK was still alive on an island with Marilyn Monroe. Really. No, she did not have Alzehimer's. Just a nutty grannie!

07 Jan 2013 06:24 PM
Clash City Farker     
Did you know the Andrew Jackson had pirates in his army at the Battle of New Orleans?

/badass

07 Jan 2013 06:25 PM
GoSurfing     
Not to get all herpy derpy here, but damn this article pisses me off.

For instance, FTFA: "Its name implies that the country's richest institution is run with federal oversight. But according to author David Graeber's book Debt, "The Federal Reserve -- despite its name -- is technically not part of the government but a consortium of privately owned banks which otherwise operates without public oversight." The Fed's only government oversight is that the fact that the President appoints its Chairman"

What follows the bold words, is complete fact. If you read this paragraph the tone implies that "this whack-job alleges that The Federal Reserve is technically not a part of the government", and it isn't a part of the government, and everyone is taught this in high-school. It's a private corporation. Not going to bite on the other parts of this, but that is all legitimate.
Why is that worded so that you immediately dismiss that factual information, as if it is kook-talk?

07 Jan 2013 06:26 PM
Brian Ryanberger     

GoSurfing: Not to get all herpy derpy here, but damn this article pisses me off.

For instance, FTFA: "Its name implies that the country's richest institution is run with federal oversight. But according to author David Graeber's book Debt, "The Federal Reserve -- despite its name -- is technically not part of the government but a consortium of privately owned banks which otherwise operates without public oversight." The Fed's only government oversight is that the fact that the President appoints its Chairman"

What follows the bold words, is complete fact. If you read this paragraph the tone implies that "this whack-job alleges that The Federal Reserve is technically not a part of the government", and it isn't a part of the government, and everyone is taught this in high-school. It's a private corporation. Not going to bite on the other parts of this, but that is all legitimate.
Why is that worded so that you immediately dismiss that factual information, as if it is kook-talk?



Same reason Discovery-Times Channel did a 9/11 Conspiracy "investigation" that dealt with issues like missiles on planes, remote controlled planes and thermite instead of talking one word about the many real questions about 9/11. Same reason Alex Jones cashes an Illuminati check every month. Signal to noise ratio and all that.

07 Jan 2013 06:30 PM
LiQuid!     
i.imgur.comView Full Size

07 Jan 2013 06:33 PM
RevRaven     
Came for the Simon Gruber reference, leaving pleased.

07 Jan 2013 06:34 PM
iron de havilland    [TotalFark]  

Fark Rye For Many Whores: "announcing the birth of a new secular order on this earth."

Learn Latin, morans.


Et tu, Brute?

Novus ordo seclorum="New Order of the Ages"

Regarding the Amero, am I wrong in thinking that all grey and black market trade in Mexico is conducted in US$ anyway? If it were to happen, there are a couple of important lessons to learn from the euro:

1. Have a strong central bank.
b. Don't listen to JP Morgan Chase when they say Greece is totes ok to join brah.

07 Jan 2013 06:34 PM
Smelly Pirate Hooker     
I'm gonna go ahead and ignore people who can't spell four-letter words correctly.

07 Jan 2013 06:41 PM
pseudowho     
Weak article. I think it's more plausible that *if* Kennedy was assassinated by an organized group, rather than Lee Harvey acting on his own, it would be as a result of Kennedy's opposition to Operation Northwoods.

High-level people drafting proposals that involved killing US citizens would tend to want to cover that shiat up. Thank you, Freedom of Information Act.

07 Jan 2013 06:44 PM
macdaddy357     
Andrew Jackson? No, Michael Jackson was assassinated by the Lizardman Illuminati to keep him from publicly coming out as one of them.

07 Jan 2013 07:00 PM
Fano     

Clash City Farker: Andrew Jackson is America's greatest President.


James k Polk.

07 Jan 2013 07:02 PM
Fano     

GoSurfing: Not to get all herpy derpy here, but damn this article pisses me off.

For instance, FTFA: "Its name implies that the country's richest institution is run with federal oversight. But according to author David Graeber's book Debt, "The Federal Reserve -- despite its name -- is technically not part of the government but a consortium of privately owned banks which otherwise operates without public oversight." The Fed's only government oversight is that the fact that the President appoints its Chairman"

What follows the bold words, is complete fact. If you read this paragraph the tone implies that "this whack-job alleges that The Federal Reserve is technically not a part of the government", and it isn't a part of the government, and everyone is taught this in high-school. It's a private corporation. Not going to bite on the other parts of this, but that is all legitimate.
Why is that worded so that you immediately dismiss that factual information, as if it is kook-talk?


You know how when you read a post from a fark troll and they start with asking you to agree to a fact before they lead you off the rails? It's like that. Slam the door when they try the old "foot in the door" technique.

07 Jan 2013 07:07 PM
puckrock2000     

rob.d: Fort Knox, ha, it's for tourists.


underscoopfire.comView Full Size

Disagrees.

Clash City Farker: Did you know the Andrew Jackson had pirates in his army at the Battle of New Orleans?

/badass


upload.wikimedia.orgView Full Size


Jewish pirates, no less.

07 Jan 2013 07:07 PM
rockforever     

Clash City Farker: Andrew Jackson is America's greatest President.


HA, troll

07 Jan 2013 07:09 PM
zamboni    [TotalFark]  

FirstNationalBastard: Andrew Jackson was assassinated?

Did someone steal Obama's magical time machine and change history again?


Forget it... he's rolling.

07 Jan 2013 07:09 PM
Fark Rye For Many Whores     

iron de havilland: Fark Rye For Many Whores: "announcing the birth of a new secular order on this earth."

Learn Latin, morans.

Et tu, Brute?

Novus ordo seclorum="New Order of the Ages"


God damn it. Ok so, I don't really understand any differences between stages of Latin's development but I play one on the interwebs.

/kai su teknon
//go ahead
///i am ready
////what's wrong with my koine
//that's koine right?

07 Jan 2013 07:22 PM
Fark Rye For Many Whores     

Fark Rye For Many Whores:
/kai su teknon
//go ahead
///i am ready
////what's wrong with my koine
//that's koine right?


What has happened to my slash skills.

07 Jan 2013 07:24 PM
TommyDeuce     
Jackson was assassinated about as much as Ford was.

07 Jan 2013 07:31 PM
Deep Contact     
The Men Who Killed Kennady was a very good series, it makes sense why LBJ killed him.

07 Jan 2013 07:33 PM
whither_apophis     
It was because of the electric car!

/obscure

07 Jan 2013 07:35 PM
Spanky McStupid     

Fano: Clash City Farker: Andrew Jackson is America's greatest President.

James k Polk.


Millard Fillmore.

07 Jan 2013 07:37 PM
farkmedown     
"Or that some of the statues written to enforce the amendment indicate the payment of income tax is voluntary"

Lost interest about there.

07 Jan 2013 07:37 PM
Just Another OC Homeless Guy     

KrispyKritter: Three times I voted Jackson, thinking him bullet-proof. He just had that cockiness, I liked him.


Actually the gold WAS in the basement of the WTC. The Tower Takedowns and the murder of thousands on 911 were cover for the biggest heist in history, orchestrated by the Rothschilds, planned by an un-named Muslim/Kenyan community activist out of Chicago, implemented by Dick Cheney, and transported by a fleet of North Korean nuclear submarines through a secret underground water channel via Agartha. The gold is now being stored in a secret Illuminati Bank in the Himalayas, in Nepal. These are true facts.

07 Jan 2013 07:44 PM
Just Another OC Homeless Guy     

Snarky Acronym: Most of the gold is in the basement of the Federal Reserve Bank in Manhattan, not Fort Knox.


Hrmph! The Conspiracy is everywhere. It made my post appear with the wrong source post, simply to try to invalidate the facts. Once again:

Actually the gold WAS in the basement of the WTC. The Tower Takedowns and the murder of thousands on 911 were cover for the biggest heist in history, orchestrated by the Rothschilds, planned by an un-named Muslim/Kenyan community activist out of Chicago, implemented by Dick Cheney, and transported by a fleet of North Korean nuclear submarines through a secret underground water channel via Agartha. The gold is now being stored in a secret Illuminati Bank in the Himalayas, in Nepal. These are true facts.

07 Jan 2013 07:47 PM
Olympic Trolling Judge     

Just Another OC Homeless Guy: Actually the gold WAS in the basement of the WTC. The Tower Takedowns and the murder of thousands on 911 were cover for the biggest heist in history, orchestrated by the Rothschilds, planned by an un-named Muslim/Kenyan community activist out of Chicago, implemented by Dick Cheney, and transported by a fleet of North Korean nuclear submarines through a secret underground water channel via Agartha. The gold is now being stored in a secret Illuminati Bank in the Himalayas, in Nepal. These are true facts.


That is a thing of beauty right there. If only you could have fit the Reptilians and the Masons in somehow.

07 Jan 2013 07:50 PM
ExperianScaresCthulhu     

GoSurfing: Not to get all herpy derpy here, but damn this article pisses me off.

For instance, FTFA: "Its name implies that the country's richest institution is run with federal oversight. But according to author David Graeber's book Debt, "The Federal Reserve -- despite its name -- is technically not part of the government but a consortium of privately owned banks which otherwise operates without public oversight." The Fed's only government oversight is that the fact that the President appoints its Chairman"

What follows the bold words, is complete fact. If you read this paragraph the tone implies that "this whack-job alleges that The Federal Reserve is technically not a part of the government", and it isn't a part of the government, and everyone is taught this in high-school. It's a private corporation. Not going to bite on the other parts of this, but that is all legitimate.
Why is that worded so that you immediately dismiss that factual information, as if it is kook-talk?


Good catch.

07 Jan 2013 07:55 PM
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