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   The three most outrageous lies about celery. "It's delicious" is the biggest lie, of course

26 Jan 2013 09:28 PM   |   19731 clicks   |   Gawker
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St_Francis_P     
I'm hardly a fan of celery, but that article was a bit over the top. As kasy said in the comments,

All this article does is make me think that all Mallory eats is like, chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs and minute rice

26 Jan 2013 06:43 PM
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Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener     
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA.

img37.imageshack.us

You'd best smile when you talk about Dr. Brown's Cel-Ray celery flavored soda.

26 Jan 2013 08:20 PM
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make me some tea    [TotalFark]  
what is this I don't even

26 Jan 2013 08:21 PM
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SpikeStrip     
she sounds fat. garnish it.

26 Jan 2013 08:30 PM
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PainInTheASP    [TotalFark]  
My jar of peanut butter says YOU'RE WRONG!

26 Jan 2013 08:31 PM
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Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener     

PainInTheASP: My jar of peanut butter says YOU'RE WRONG!


img19.imageshack.us

Samuel L. Jackson would agree with you.

26 Jan 2013 08:33 PM
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BKITU    [TotalFark]  
i0.kym-cdn.com

26 Jan 2013 08:48 PM
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PhiloeBedoe     
The word celery comes from the ancient practice of paying Roman soldiers an allowance to buy it...

26 Jan 2013 08:57 PM
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rev. dave     
The best use for celery is hot wings, followed by pea soup and lastly bloody Mary. No other uses exist.

26 Jan 2013 09:04 PM
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Shostie    [TotalFark]  
I miss celery. My wife hates it and green pepper, so like 2/3 of the cajun trinity are right out the f*cking window.

26 Jan 2013 09:07 PM
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PacManDreaming     

rev. dave: The best use for celery is hot wings, followed by pea soup and lastly bloody Mary. No other uses exist.


Wrong. It's best when you eat it with just a little salt on it. Unless it's the light green inner stalks. They taste good by themselves.

I can eat an entire bunch of celery by itself. One of my favorite vegetables, ever.

26 Jan 2013 09:10 PM
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fusillade762    [TotalFark]  
I'm glad to find I'm not the only one who hates celery. Raw, anyway, I don't mind it cooked.

/also hate raw coconut, tapioca and rice pudding

26 Jan 2013 09:14 PM
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rev. dave     

PacManDreaming: rev. dave: The best use for celery is hot wings, followed by pea soup and lastly bloody Mary. No other uses exist.

Wrong. It's best when you eat it with just a little salt on it. Unless it's the light green inner stalks. They taste good by themselves.

I can eat an entire bunch of celery by itself. One of my favorite vegetables, ever.


Well, whenever I eat hot wings I cannot get enough of it. I coat it in wing sauce until the wing sauce is gone, use it to spoon out the blue cheese or ranch dressing. I will eat it until it is all gone. But if I buy some that is not used for making soup or wings, it just sits in the refrigerator until it goes bad.

26 Jan 2013 09:23 PM
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t3knomanser     

PacManDreaming: They taste good by themselves.


They don't taste like anything. A glass of tap water has more flavor than celery.

26 Jan 2013 09:24 PM
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Rannuci     

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA.

[img37.imageshack.us image 400x400]

You'd best smile when you talk about Dr. Brown's Cel-Ray celery flavored soda.


Dr. Brown's Cel-Ray is the best soda ever made.

26 Jan 2013 09:33 PM
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marius2    [TotalFark]  
How much does Fark get for these articles?

26 Jan 2013 09:33 PM
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Epicedion    [TotalFark]  
Lie #4 -- Author has any idea what the fark he's talking about.

26 Jan 2013 09:33 PM
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Paleorific     
Add me to the 'they don't taste like anything" bunch.

With salt... hmm this tastes like cool watery fibrous salt.

26 Jan 2013 09:34 PM
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Hector Remarkable     
Now, I see. Hitler and celery. Celery and Hitler. I was blind but now I see, celery. And I will fight you.

26 Jan 2013 09:34 PM
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HotWingAgenda    [TotalFark]  

rev. dave: The best use for celery is hot wings


Truer words.

26 Jan 2013 09:34 PM
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EdNortonsTwin     
I pass on the carrots just to get more celery with my mango habanero hot wings. Dipping all of the above in ranch mixed with habanero tabasco is the bomb.

I am spicy, and so can you.

26 Jan 2013 09:34 PM
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Thunderboy     

t3knomanser: PacManDreaming: They taste good by themselves.

They don't taste like anything. A glass of tap water has more flavor than celery.


Celery is incredibly flavorful. I don't know what it is that you've been eating, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't celery.

26 Jan 2013 09:35 PM
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WeenerGord     

Rannuci: Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA.

[img37.imageshack.us image 400x400]

You'd best smile when you talk about Dr. Brown's Cel-Ray celery flavored soda.

Dr. Brown's Cel-Ray is the best soda ever made.



Zappa liked it too!

26 Jan 2013 09:35 PM
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enry    [TotalFark]  

make me some tea: what is this I don't even


Forget it Jake, it's gawker.com.

26 Jan 2013 09:35 PM
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WeenerGord     

Thunderboy: t3knomanser: PacManDreaming: They taste good by themselves.

They don't taste like anything. A glass of tap water has more flavor than celery.

Celery is incredibly flavorful. I don't know what it is that you've been eating, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't celery.



Maybe they're all heavy smokers with no taste buds left.

26 Jan 2013 09:36 PM
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cirby     
Celery makes a great edible spoon for pimiento cheese.

26 Jan 2013 09:36 PM
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LemSkroob     
Doesn't celery (and iceberg lettuce) have very low nutritional value? Basically just water and indigestible plant matter, no?

26 Jan 2013 09:37 PM
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carnifex2005     
i.imgur.com

26 Jan 2013 09:37 PM
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Epicedion    [TotalFark]  

HotWingAgenda: rev. dave: The best use for celery is hot wings

Truer words.


You sound like you have an agenda on the subject.

26 Jan 2013 09:37 PM
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Skr     
It gets stuck in my teeth in a most horrible fashion. Basically I only eat it when it is rendered down into goo as a Chow Mein ingredient.

26 Jan 2013 09:37 PM
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star_topology     

cirby: Celery makes a great edible spoon for pimiento cheese.


And similarly, guacamole!

/Better for you than those fried "chips," too, fatty

26 Jan 2013 09:38 PM
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star_topology     

Skr: It gets stuck in my teeth in a most horrible fashion. Basically I only eat it when it is rendered down into goo as a Chow Mein ingredient.


Happens to me sometimes, too. Like a flossing accident.

26 Jan 2013 09:38 PM
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Representative of the unwashed masses     
It belongs slathered in this...

blog.chewyland.com

Oh yeah...

26 Jan 2013 09:39 PM
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Frankenstorm     
Celery and hummus is yummy. (I like Sabra Roasted Garlic Hummus.) YMMV

26 Jan 2013 09:39 PM
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Mr. Shabooboo     
I don't like stringy celery . If something calls for celery, I'll put in celery seeds instead.That also spreads
out the flavoring from just one stringy green blob to the whole dish.

26 Jan 2013 09:39 PM
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Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom     
All I know about celery is 3 things: it has negative calories, it was promoted for use as toilet paper in old-timey ads, and foley artists use it for bone break sound fx. That's about the extent of my celery knowledges.

26 Jan 2013 09:39 PM
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Fish in a Barrel     

fusillade762: /also hate raw coconut, tapioca and rice pudding


The texture of rice pudding triggers every neuron in my brain to send out a distress signal. It is completely anathema.

26 Jan 2013 09:40 PM
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ski9600     

rev. dave: The best use for celery is hot wings, followed by pea soup and lastly bloody Mary. No other uses exist.


I had a bite of the beef and veg stoup I made that contained two big hunks of celery today. I was not offended, and it was a bit different than the bites that had a big hunk of potato, or the ones that were corn, tomato and meat in a good way. I guess I'd say it tastes "fresh" even though it was cooked in a stoup. As compared to like the whole canned tomatoes in the stoup which I can't detect any flavor at all from them.
I do not like celery raw though, too stringy even with peanut butter. Although I haven't tried it since I was six so maybe I should.
/evoo

26 Jan 2013 09:40 PM
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CigaretteSmokingMan     
25.media.tumblr.com

If nothing else, I'm sure it's good for my teeth.

26 Jan 2013 09:40 PM
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born_yesterday     

LemSkroob: Doesn't celery (and iceberg lettuce) have very low nutritional value? Basically just water and indigestible plant matter, no?


Ten calories a stalk, trace amounts of vitamins A and C, one gram fiber. So, yeah.

26 Jan 2013 09:40 PM
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Thisbymaster     
Celery and carrots make a nice base for a soap, that is the only way I use it.

26 Jan 2013 09:41 PM
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fusillade762    [TotalFark]  

Hector Remarkable: Now, I see. Hitler and celery. Celery and Hitler. I was blind but now I see, celery. And I will fight you.


Celery caused the Holocaust.

26 Jan 2013 09:41 PM
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Zeppelininthesky     
I love celery. It is good in a salad and with hot wings. Just sprinkle it with salt.

26 Jan 2013 09:42 PM
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W.C.fields forever    [TotalFark]  
Which begs the Question..How much celery is in water?

26 Jan 2013 09:42 PM
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jaytkay     

cirby: Celery makes a great edible spoon for pimiento cheese.


star_topology: And similarly, guacamole!


Peanut butter, too.

26 Jan 2013 09:42 PM
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Zugswang     
Sounds like this article was written by someone who doesn't do a lot of cooking. If your celery is brown and mushy, it means you cooked it to death, and you chop the celery for most soups (apparently, this person has also never heard of mirepoix).

Also, protip, If you're cooking celery (or any green leafy veggie), and want to keep it from becoming drab, just toss in a little baking soda, and they will be flavorful and beautifully colored. For anything like carrots, or red cabbage (basically, anything that isn't pigmented by chlorophyll) add a little vinegar for the same effect.

Bam. Cooked veggies as delicious as they are visually appealing.

26 Jan 2013 09:42 PM
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Alex Broughton Butt Chugger     

carnifex2005:


Ha! Awesome.

26 Jan 2013 09:42 PM
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Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener     

Rannuci: Dr. Brown's Cel-Ray is the best soda ever made.


You see?!

Rannuci *gets* it!

Welcome to the Favorites list, mang.

26 Jan 2013 09:42 PM
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jaytkay     
TFA: "...celery contributes nothing [to soup]..."

That writer does not know how to cook.

26 Jan 2013 09:43 PM
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lordargent     
Celery ... barely qualifies as food, it's mostly water and fiber and not much in the way of nourishment.

Fark Classic : what does 200 calories look like

200 calories of celery => 1425 grams of celery => 3.14159 pounds

You need to eat 3 pounds of celery to get 200 calories of energy!

26 Jan 2013 09:43 PM
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