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   Women at home jewelry party foil armed home invasion attempt by chanting 'Jesus'. Father Merrin wonders how it could be that easy

28 Jan 2013 11:35 AM   |   4385 clicks   |   News4Jax
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KangTheMad    [TotalFark]  
Ok, that would creep me out enough to make me leave too.

28 Jan 2013 11:37 AM
WordyGrrl     
I've heard this joke before. The pitbull's name was Jesus.

28 Jan 2013 11:38 AM
thorthor     

KangTheMad: Ok, that would creep me out enough to make me leave too.


Just what I was thinking. Florida, you never fail to amuse.

28 Jan 2013 11:38 AM
xanadian    [TotalFark]  
I can picture the women chanting it like they do on the Jerry Springer show.

JEEE-SUS! JEEE-SUS! JEEE-SUS!

Now watch as St. Peter hucks a chair at the host.

28 Jan 2013 11:39 AM
beerrun     
www.butnotyet.comView Full Size

They were calling this guy.

28 Jan 2013 11:40 AM
iron_city_ap     
I was coming here to say pretty much everything that has already been said.

28 Jan 2013 11:41 AM
AverageAmericanGuy    [TotalFark]  
The bed must be on the floor!
The bed must be on the floor!
The bed must be on the floor!

28 Jan 2013 11:42 AM
The Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves     
If you chant "sausage" and record it, play it backward it sounds like you are chanting "Jesus".

28 Jan 2013 11:42 AM
cryinoutloud    [TotalFark]  
The jewelry show was at this lady's house.

www.bestfunnyblog.comView Full Size

28 Jan 2013 11:45 AM
Farce-Side     

The Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves: If you chant "sausage" and record it, play it backward it sounds like you are chanting "Jesus".


Are you that guy from the Da Vinci Code? I think you've just unlocked one of the biggest secrets of the Vatican.

28 Jan 2013 11:45 AM
slackananda     
A group of ladies in Lake City
Partied for jewelry pretty
A man with a gun
Tried ruining the fun
Said Jesus, "That's a bit shiatty"

/This or course assumes he answered the call and chased the intruder away

28 Jan 2013 11:46 AM
Prof. Frink     
Is that like the Indian bus-rape victim, who apparently could have stopped the whole thing by holding the guy's hand and calling him "brother" or saying "Allah" or something?

28 Jan 2013 11:47 AM
USCLaw2010     
Is this an exorcist joke? I thought the priest in that movie was Father Merrin.

28 Jan 2013 11:48 AM
nmemkha     
technoccult.netView Full Size

28 Jan 2013 11:48 AM
blatz514    [TotalFark]  
Lake City police say Derek Lee

He's really fallen on hard times...

birdbytes.files.wordpress.comView Full Size

28 Jan 2013 11:49 AM
BitwiseShift     
1. At least he got to keep his family jewels.

2. In a Hindu country, would they start with Shiva, Ganesh or Krishna, and how long would the chant take.

3. People will fall in love with that story in the lockup.

//got nothing

28 Jan 2013 11:50 AM
No Such Agency     
I think that if I tried to rob people and discovered they were mentally retarded, I'd have a crisis of conscience too.

www.prisonflicks.comView Full Size

28 Jan 2013 11:51 AM
Pinner     
Religion: Freaking people out since, well... since forever!

28 Jan 2013 11:51 AM
stuffy     
Only goes to show. Even gun wielding thugs are afraid of the crazy.

28 Jan 2013 11:52 AM
FatherChaos    [TotalFark]  
Jesus: Biggest troll EVER.

sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.netView Full Size

28 Jan 2013 11:54 AM
Nightsweat     
SWIPER NO SWIPING!

/didn't work for raper, no raping...

28 Jan 2013 11:56 AM
Nightsweat     

AverageAmericanGuy: The bed must be on the floor!
The bed must be on the floor!
The bed must be on the floor!


The bed is on my foot.

28 Jan 2013 11:58 AM
AirForceVet    [TotalFark]  
Bet the NRA will never comment on this story, but it'll be replayed continuously on the 700 Club.

/They are lucky the idiot didn't shoot someone.

28 Jan 2013 12:00 PM
SocraticIrony     
He figured their pockets were as empty as their heads and moved along.

28 Jan 2013 12:00 PM
Millennium     
upload.wikimedia.orgView Full Size


Unavailable for comment.

/obscure?

28 Jan 2013 12:02 PM
RedVentrue     
Now we know who is scarier.

28 Jan 2013 12:03 PM
someonelse     

USCLaw2010: Is this an exorcist joke? I thought the priest in that movie was Father Merrin.


It was.

28 Jan 2013 12:04 PM
someonelse     

Millennium: [upload.wikimedia.org image 307x410]

Unavailable for comment.

/obscure?


No, but that's from the other big 1970s kid-possessed-by-the-devil movie.

28 Jan 2013 12:07 PM
whither_apophis     

xanadian: I can picture the women chanting it like they do on the Jerry Springer show.

JEEE-SUS! JEEE-SUS! JEEE-SUS!

Now watch as St. Peter hucks a chair at the host.


I was thinking more like "Eddie Murphy's aunt falling down the stairs" Jesus.

28 Jan 2013 12:11 PM
Bathia_Mapes    [TotalFark]  

Nightsweat: AverageAmericanGuy: The bed must be on the floor!
The bed must be on the floor!
The bed must be on the floor!

The bed is on my foot.


Your mama sews socks that smell!

28 Jan 2013 12:11 PM
Ambitwistor     
THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!

28 Jan 2013 12:36 PM
thorthor     
People often suggest that a particular state deserves a tag like Florida has. I suggest a second website "FLArk".

28 Jan 2013 12:40 PM
SuperNinjaToad     
"I have forgiven him and prayed for his salvation," said Hagler. "I'm hoping this situation has led him to trust the lord and turn his life around."

I'm all about people turning their life around and even genuinely accept Christ BUT I failed to see how the specifics of this incident would necessarily make the person do that.

Serving the soup kitchen sure... donating to charity.. yup, helping strangers.. definitely... genuinely forgiving and loving someone who had caused you harm.. definitely, BUT reporting someone to the cops and sending him to jail (while the right thing to do).. I don't think the perp would think that as a nice gesture and a catalyst to commit his life to Christ.!

28 Jan 2013 12:41 PM
generallyso     
That's right up there with robbers being foiled by store clerks telling them they'll have to wait in line. Education and intelligence are not common among violent criminals.

28 Jan 2013 12:44 PM
Quick Fixer     
Ah good. The ol' "Criminals are a superstitious, cowardly lot" tactic.

Batman would be proud... If only he hadn't died saving Gotham from that nuclear bomb. :(

28 Jan 2013 01:16 PM
Karac     

Millennium: [upload.wikimedia.org image 307x410]

Unavailable for comment.

/obscure?


I thought his name was Killer and/or Nibbles.

28 Jan 2013 01:26 PM
AcneVulgaris     

KangTheMad: Ok, that would creep me out enough to make me leave too.


I would have shot them, one by one, each time yelling out "WHERE IS YOUR JESUS NOW?"

28 Jan 2013 01:33 PM
way south     

Quick Fixer: Ah good. The ol' "Criminals are a superstitious, cowardly lot" tactic.

Batman would be proud... If only he hadn't died saving Gotham from that nuclear bomb. :(


Yea, that was a sad ending.
Tony stark died the same way.
So did Will smith in Independence day.
Hollywood really needs to stop with these downer endings.

/I find its much its so much easier to get out of the theater if you leave before the rush.

28 Jan 2013 01:34 PM
SN1987a goes boom     

KangTheMad: Ok, that would creep me out enough to make me leave too.


Who wants to break into a cult meeting?

28 Jan 2013 01:39 PM
berylman     
I am sure they were sincere but this would actually suffice as an effective passive-aggressive method of robbery determent. While not directly threatening doing the whole Jesus bit would certainly convey the impression that the robbery will not go as smoothly as planned and stall for time. Or you could just get shot because the dude is not in the mood for nonsense. Anyways I will give it a shot at next mugging.

28 Jan 2013 01:46 PM
Marcintosh     
It's official. I'm now officially afraid to go south of the mason dixon.

the power of christ compels you ahahahahaha-
apologies for the commercial but this is worth the wait


Link

28 Jan 2013 01:47 PM
Day_Old_Dutchie     

Millennium: [upload.wikimedia.org image 307x410]

Unavailable for comment.

/obscure?


A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables; and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.

Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot perked on the top of a cage. "Did you say that?", he hissed at the parrot.

"Yep," the parrot confessed, then continued, "I'm just trying to warn you."

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"

"Moses," replied the bird.

"Moses?"-the burglar laughed. "What kind of weirdo would name a bird Moses?"

"The kind of weirdo that would name a Rottweiler, Jesus," loudly squawked the parrot.

28 Jan 2013 02:17 PM
OccamsWhiskers     
If Jesus has taught us anything, it's to hang on to our petty possessions no matter the apparent risk.

28 Jan 2013 02:26 PM
ironrat     
Chanting "satan" or "Cthulhu" would also work

28 Jan 2013 02:26 PM
Arkanaut    [TotalFark]  

way south: Quick Fixer: Ah good. The ol' "Criminals are a superstitious, cowardly lot" tactic.

Batman would be proud... If only he hadn't died saving Gotham from that nuclear bomb. :(

Yea, that was a sad ending.
Tony stark died the same way.
So did Will smith in Independence day.
Hollywood really needs to stop with these downer endings.

/I find its much its so much easier to get out of the theater if you leave before the rush.


I was just wondering the other day, did Luke ever find out what happened to his father?

28 Jan 2013 02:28 PM
MrDon    [TotalFark]  
Imagine what would have happened if the ladies all reached into their purses and pulled out Glocks and then started chanting, "Jesus in the name of everything Holy make my aim true."

BTW - That area of Florida is very Baptist and "Church Minded". It is actually a very nice part of
"Old Florida"

28 Jan 2013 02:42 PM
Lee451    [TotalFark]  
Still sounds like a major case of sour grapes in these comments.

/God: Don't knock Him until you have tried Him...

28 Jan 2013 02:47 PM
berylman     

OccamsWhiskers: If Jesus has taught us anything, it's to hang on to our petty possessions no matter the apparent risk.


Lolza... funniest thing read today.

28 Jan 2013 02:54 PM
BarkingUnicorn     
Well, this incident proves that guns are unnecessary for home defense.

28 Jan 2013 02:55 PM
DeathCipris     

WordyGrrl: I've heard this joke before. The pitbull's name was Jesus.


Win.

28 Jan 2013 03:08 PM
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