A straight-up ripoff of Ken Jenning's new book. Jeez, they aren't even trying at TruTV.

You DO only get chicken pox once.  The misconception, if there is one, is that you ever get rid of it.  You don't.

Too bad they didn't have the courage to address the adage, "He who smelt it, dealt it."

Honest Bender: You DO only get chicken pox once.  The misconception, if there is one, is that you ever get rid of it.  You don't.

Shingles sucks.
I'm lucky. It's way down in my spine, so I get two little stripes across the top of my feet.Burns and itches l.like hell. I feel really bad for the people who get the big outbreaks across their backs.

//jesus I'm farking old

Who didn't know all of that shiat? I didn't know about the chicken pox thing though. I do know if you get the chicken pox you have the shingles virus and my mom got it and said it was farking horrendous. The assholes who hold parties to give their friends' kids chicken pox though need to get their ass kicked.

cretinbob: Honest Bender: You DO only get chicken pox once.  The misconception, if there is one, is that you ever get rid of it.  You don't.

Shingles sucks.
I'm lucky. It's way down in my spine, so I get two little stripes across the top of my feet.Burns and itches l.like hell. I feel really bad for the people who get the big outbreaks across their backs.

//jesus I'm farking old

If it makes you feel any better, my wife got it at the age of 26. Stress related depression of her immune system.

I had chicken pox as an adult. It was no fun at all.

The sex is better when you're married because it isn't just sex you are "making love"

I had chicken pox twice as a child, several years apart.

The following were surprisingly not on the list.

Dont worry its only a cold sore
The Check is in the mail
I wont come in your mouth

Honest Bender: You DO only get chicken pox once.  The misconception, if there is one, is that you ever get rid of it.  You don't.

Well, true in a way, I guess. I've two bouts of Chicken Pox, once as a child, once as an adult, as well as shingles. So the question is, was it the same virus twice, or another, slightly different strain? It was 40 years between bouts, so the virus could have mutated.

Other myths not listed:

You should get married
You should have children
Love is real.
You will find someone/there's someone out there for everyone
Happiness exists

You can't get herpes from a toilet seat.

If you swallow a seed, it can attach itself to your stomach lining and whatever plant it is might begin to grow inside you. If the plant is large enough, this can cause death or extreme infection.

If you miss even a trace of feces when wiping after a bowel movement, parasites attracted to the smell might crawl into your anus at night and hatch their eggs there.

Your brain can only handle a certain amount of spinning before it shuts down and you die. This number is different for every person. Keep this in mind next time you feel tempted by a merry-go-round

Every human being is only granted 6000 orgasms in their life. Use them wisely. Remember that a sneeze is basically a mouth orgasm, and they do count.

All women are 1 drink away from a passionate lesbian encounter.

If you fall asleep in a closed room where a fan is running, you will die from suffocation.

Most hand sanitizers contain extremely high concentrations of alcohol and can actually be lethally toxic to young children and the elderly.

Air fresheners will slowly, over time, erode your olfactory nerves and can cause nasal cancer. Plug-in air fresheners accelerate this effect.

If you sneeze and fart at the same time, your digestive tract will explode inside you.

Sometimes, if you shift your eyes quickly, you may see spots swirling across your vision. These are brain-eating bacteria trying to burrow into your skull. Remember to move your eyes every 10-15 seconds or they will find their way in.

You can't get pregnant the first time.

simplicimus: Honest Bender: You DO only get chicken pox once.  The misconception, if there is one, is that you ever get rid of it.  You don't.

Well, true in a way, I guess. I've two bouts of Chicken Pox, once as a child, once as an adult, as well as shingles. So the question is, was it the same virus twice, or another, slightly different strain? It was 40 years between bouts, so the virus could have mutated.

You never get rid of the virus.

Honest Bender: simplicimus: Honest Bender: You DO only get chicken pox once.  The misconception, if there is one, is that you ever get rid of it.  You don't.

Well, true in a way, I guess. I've two bouts of Chicken Pox, once as a child, once as an adult, as well as shingles. So the question is, was it the same virus twice, or another, slightly different strain? It was 40 years between bouts, so the virus could have mutated.

You never get rid of the virus.

I know. But what if I now have 2 strains?

You don't cook spaghetti in a pressure cooker.

Pocket Ninja: If you swallow a seed, it can attach itself to your stomach lining and whatever plant it is might begin to grow inside you. If the plant is large enough, this can cause death or extreme infection.

If you miss even a trace of feces when wiping after a bowel movement, parasites attracted to the smell might crawl into your anus at night and hatch their eggs there.

Your brain can only handle a certain amount of spinning before it shuts down and you die. This number is different for every person. Keep this in mind next time you feel tempted by a merry-go-round

Every human being is only granted 6000 orgasms in their life. Use them wisely. Remember that a sneeze is basically a mouth orgasm, and they do count.

All women are 1 drink away from a passionate lesbian encounter.

If you fall asleep in a closed room where a fan is running, you will die from suffocation.

Most hand sanitizers contain extremely high concentrations of alcohol and can actually be lethally toxic to young children and the elderly.

Air fresheners will slowly, over time, erode your olfactory nerves and can cause nasal cancer. Plug-in air fresheners accelerate this effect.

If you sneeze and fart at the same time, your digestive tract will explode inside you.

Sometimes, if you shift your eyes quickly, you may see spots swirling across your vision. These are brain-eating bacteria trying to burrow into your skull. Remember to move your eyes every 10-15 seconds or they will find their way in.

They aren't? NOOOOOOOOOo

Pocket Ninja: Air fresheners will slowly, over time, erode your olfactory nerves and can cause nasal cancer. Plug-in air fresheners accelerate this effect.

The world would be a far better place if more people did believe this.

ColSanders: You don't cook spaghetti in a pressure cooker.

[www.sitcomsonline.com image 640x480]

He also works for "Men can't be raped."

The female orgasm?

We must ban escalators.

Pocket Ninja: If you swallow a seed, it can attach itself to your stomach lining and whatever plant it is might begin to grow inside you. If the plant is large enough, this can cause death or extreme infection.

If you miss even a trace of feces when wiping after a bowel movement, parasites attracted to the smell might crawl into your anus at night and hatch their eggs there.

Your brain can only handle a certain amount of spinning before it shuts down and you die. This number is different for every person. Keep this in mind next time you feel tempted by a merry-go-round

Every human being is only granted 6000 orgasms in their life. Use them wisely. Remember that a sneeze is basically a mouth orgasm, and they do count.

All women are 1 drink away from a passionate lesbian encounter.

If you fall asleep in a closed room where a fan is running, you will die from suffocation.

Most hand sanitizers contain extremely high concentrations of alcohol and can actually be lethally toxic to young children and the elderly.

Air fresheners will slowly, over time, erode your olfactory nerves and can cause nasal cancer. Plug-in air fresheners accelerate this effect.

If you sneeze and fart at the same time, your digestive tract will explode inside you.

Sometimes, if you shift your eyes quickly, you may see spots swirling across your vision. These are brain-eating bacteria trying to burrow into your skull. Remember to move your eyes every 10-15 seconds or they will find their way in.

All any lesbian needs to straighten her out is a good deep dicking.

Three Biggest Lies
- DAC

/NSFW

The hydration one is weak at best.  6 to 8 glasses of water is a guideline, but you need a ton more water than that.  The only "myth" part is that people forget that the water that's trapped in baked goods, sugary drinks, caffeinated drinks, as well as fruits and vegetables count the same as any other water intake, and that your need for water varies greatly depending on how fast you're keeping your metabolism running on and whether or not you're running a calorie deficit.  It takes a lot more water than people think to comfortably keep your metabolism running fast on a calorie deficit.

When the eye doctor asks you which better, one or two, he's secretly disappointed that you can't figure out that the answer is always two.

I already knew about the chicken pox thing because I've actually had chicken pox twice. Once when I was 4 and again when I was 17 (breakout at my high school), though the second case was much milder than the first.  Needless to say, it's likely not a matter of if I have a bout with shingles but rather when...

Fano: All any lesbian needs to straighten her out is a good deep dicking.

This is true both for lesbians and for republicans.

Am I the only one here over 30 who has never had the chicken pox?

I call bullshiat on half of those.

"Wear A Hat - It'll Keep Your Body Heat Inside"

It may not be great for staying warm, but it will help you keep your ears from getting frostbitten.  And that is a predicament that you do not want to be in, because your ears will never be that same after.

vernonFL: You can't get herpes from a toilet seat.

You can if the last guy hasn't gotten up yet.

Republicans are fiscal conservatives.

False:
Republican presidents when in power have caused the greatest increase in deficit financing and the economy performs the worst when a Republican is in office.

Ahhh yes. Having had Shingles I can attest to the absolute horror that is the chicken pox. The drug cocktail I took 6 weeks before going to Ghana made my immune system almost non-existent and within a week I had the most painful experience I've ever felt throughout my chest. Shingles sucks. Whats worse is that even today - 10 years later - I sometimes get an excruciating nerve pain along the cone of death where the shingles were.

fark you chicken pox.

simplicimus: Honest Bender: simplicimus: Honest Bender: You DO only get chicken pox once.  The misconception, if there is one, is that you ever get rid of it.  You don't.

Well, true in a way, I guess. I've two bouts of Chicken Pox, once as a child, once as an adult, as well as shingles. So the question is, was it the same virus twice, or another, slightly different strain? It was 40 years between bouts, so the virus could have mutated.

You never get rid of the virus.

I know. But what if I now have 2 strains?

Don't be an asshole, grippy tape.

simplicimus: I know. But what if I now have 2 strains?

They fight to the finish, and the winner turns into herpes.

NuttierThanEver: The sex is better when you're married because it isn't just sex you are "making love"

Yea that's totally a lie.  I'm sure my wife would agree.

One way to get chicken pox more than once...

From the headline alone, I'm asking, wasn't this in Parade magazine a few weeks ago?

/DNRTFA

The Angry Hand of God: Am I the only one here over 30 who has never had the chicken pox?

Nope.

dj_bigbird: A straight-up ripoff of Ken Jenning's new book. Jeez, they aren't even trying at TruTV.

Way to let your outrage run ahead of your reading comprehension.

FTA: "In the new Ken Jennings book, <a data-cke-saved-href="http://amzn.com/1 451656254" target="_blank">"Because I Said So!," the author and Jeopardy! champ breaks down some of the most ridiculous myths your mother told you and why some of them might even be true. "

Gasoline gets rid of crabs
/So my uncle thought

Yes?

It says that it is OK to sleep after a concussion - and I think that is true as long a concussion is the only issue.  But I always thought they wanted to keep the injured person awake until they were cleared by a doctor in order to watch for signs of something worse (like if the impact that caused the concussion also caused internal bleeding in the brain leading to a stroke).   If someone is awake after a head injury and starts to slur words, can't raise one of their arms, can't smile etc - then it is clear they have to get treatment immediately.   If they are sleeping, no one may ever see the signs.

Just read this book, so I'm getting a kick outta the word, "pox".




\Jebus, do NOT GIS smallpox.
\\Shudder

Honest Bender: simplicimus: Honest Bender: simplicimus: Honest Bender: You DO only get chicken pox once.  The misconception, if there is one, is that you ever get rid of it.  You don't.

Well, true in a way, I guess. I've two bouts of Chicken Pox, once as a child, once as an adult, as well as shingles. So the question is, was it the same virus twice, or another, slightly different strain? It was 40 years between bouts, so the virus could have mutated.

You never get rid of the virus.

I know. But what if I now have 2 strains?

Don't be an asshole, grippy tape.

Don't be silly. There are no assholes on FARK.

NuttierThanEver: The sex is better when you're married because it isn't just sex you are "making love"

I wasn't going to read the article but had to because if they actually said the sex is better when you're married I was going to  point and laugh hysterically


/it isn't
//unless it's with someone else ;)

verbal_jizm: cretinbob: Honest Bender: You DO only get chicken pox once.  The misconception, if there is one, is that you ever get rid of it.  You don't.

Shingles sucks.
I'm lucky. It's way down in my spine, so I get two little stripes across the top of my feet.Burns and itches l.like hell. I feel really bad for the people who get the big outbreaks across their backs.

//jesus I'm farking old

If it makes you feel any better, my wife got it at the age of 26. Stress related depression of her immune system.

Got mine when I was 11, also stress related. Doc said it was the youngest case he's seen. And mine was across the left side of my back with pain in the front, causing nerve damage in my chest.

Meatybrain: vernonFL: You can't get herpes from a toilet seat.

You can if the last guy hasn't gotten up yet.

Dammit! I just guffawed. And spittle shot onto my monitor.