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   Your great-grandma's sex toy looked like a cake mixer

22 Feb 2013 07:39 PM   |   16230 clicks   |   Nerve
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BarkingUnicorn    [TotalFark]  
My Mom had one of these.  I used the cup attachment on my elbows; it gave me funny feelings.

www.nerve.com

22 Feb 2013 02:28 PM
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aspAddict     

BarkingUnicorn: My Mom had one of these.  I used the cup attachment on my elbows; it gave me funny feelings.

[www.nerve.com image 600x463]


My mom had one very similar to this...I used to use the bottom left attachment on my scalp, because the farking box SAID "for use on scalp." Now that I know this device's TRUE purpose, I am going to need a LOT of therapy.

And shampoo.

Damn you, internet...

www.nerve.com

22 Feb 2013 03:28 PM
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MaxxLarge    [TotalFark]  
Oh, Jesus. My mom had one of these in the hall closet, too.

Shiat.

22 Feb 2013 06:33 PM
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generalDisdain    [TotalFark]  
Dammitsomuch! MeMaw's Dildo was my new stripper name.

22 Feb 2013 06:36 PM
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The My Little Pony Killer     
Yes, and her mother had her doctor use even bigger ones on her.  What's your point again?

22 Feb 2013 06:47 PM
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brap    [TotalFark]  
It feels good on my Bundt.

22 Feb 2013 06:50 PM
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lack of warmth     
Once while driving down the road, I saw something unusual on the side of the road that wasn't sure what it was, but I chose to pick it up for scrap when I noticed a power cord.  A resident at the house gave me strange look as I picked it up and tossed it into the truck.  Really old and look like an ottoman, however had the cord.  When I tore it apart I found two very strong vibrator motors inside.  It had two power settings and well you just sit and ride.  The upholstery went into the trash very quickly.

/I think it WAS the guy's grandmother's vibrator
//really old design, if it wasn't nasty, I might have considered selling it to an antiques store

22 Feb 2013 07:24 PM
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The Downfall     

22 Feb 2013 07:35 PM
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calbert    [TotalFark]  
farm9.staticflickr.com

22 Feb 2013 07:35 PM
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YouPeopleAreCrazy     
And for the overachieving grandma
24.media.tumblr.com

22 Feb 2013 07:46 PM
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AcesFull     
   My great grandmas' sex toy looked like her great ice man..

22 Feb 2013 07:47 PM
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traylor     
No, it looked like a Stephenson locomotive, and she liked it.

www.combat-diaries.co.uk

22 Feb 2013 07:48 PM
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thepeterd     
upload.wikimedia.org

22 Feb 2013 07:48 PM
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MrEricSir     
There's a sex toy shop down the street from me that has a small "museum" of vibrators and such. There's something about plugging one end of a device into a wall and the other end into yourself that just seems... questionable.

If lightning happens to hit the power lines while you're using it, you'd better be comfortable with the looks you're going to get in ER.

22 Feb 2013 07:49 PM
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Clock Spider Jerusalem     
Huh my greatgramma's cake mixer looked like a sex toy.

22 Feb 2013 07:51 PM
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nmemkha     

MrEricSir: There's a sex toy shop down the street from me that has a small "museum" of vibrators and such. There's something about plugging one end of a device into a wall and the other end into yourself that just seems... questionable.

If lightning happens to hit the power lines while you're using it, you'd better be comfortable with the looks you're going to get in ER.


"Well ... at least she died smiling."

22 Feb 2013 07:52 PM
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nmemkha     
24.media.tumblr.com

22 Feb 2013 07:52 PM
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CygnusDarius     

YouPeopleAreCrazy: And for the overachieving grandma
[24.media.tumblr.com image 850x637]


When one stuffing isn't enough.

22 Feb 2013 07:53 PM
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albuquerquehalsey     

aspAddict: BarkingUnicorn: My Mom had one of these.  I used the cup attachment on my elbows; it gave me funny feelings.

[www.nerve.com image 600x463]

My mom had one very similar to this...I used to use the bottom left attachment on my scalp, because the farking box SAID "for use on scalp." Now that I know this device's TRUE purpose, I am going to need a LOT of therapy.

And shampoo.

Damn you, internet...

[www.nerve.com image 600x581]


What the phark is the name of the color of the plastic appliances in the 70's were made of? Sandstone? Light Ochre?

22 Feb 2013 07:53 PM
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EnglishMajor     
Back in the day, I owned a couple of "facial massagers."  Snicker!

22 Feb 2013 07:54 PM
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traylor     

MrEricSir: There's a sex toy shop down the street from me that has a small "museum" of vibrators and such. There's something about plugging one end of a device into a wall and the other end into yourself that just seems... questionable.

If lightning happens to hit the power lines while you're using it, you'd better be comfortable with the looks you're going to get in ER.



It's going to be ahh... ahh... ahh... ARRRRGGGHHHHYESYESYES.

22 Feb 2013 07:54 PM
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jso2897     
And did it also smell of elderberries?

22 Feb 2013 07:56 PM
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MrEricSir     

EnglishMajor: Back in the day, I owned a couple of "facial massagers."  Snicker!


Sure, but these days you can get your face slapped in a Thai massage parlor for $350.

Yes, really.

22 Feb 2013 07:56 PM
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gunther_bumpass     

albuquerquehalsey: aspAddict: BarkingUnicorn: My Mom had one of these.  I used the cup attachment on my elbows; it gave me funny feelings.

[www.nerve.com image 600x463]

My mom had one very similar to this...I used to use the bottom left attachment on my scalp, because the farking box SAID "for use on scalp." Now that I know this device's TRUE purpose, I am going to need a LOT of therapy.

And shampoo.

Damn you, internet...

[www.nerve.com image 600x581]

What the phark is the name of the color of the plastic appliances in the 70's were made of? Sandstone? Light Ochre?


Almond.

22 Feb 2013 07:57 PM
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anuran     
For a history of the "therapeutic" vibrators used to treat "hysteria" check out Rachel Maines' The Technology of Orgasm: "Hysteria", the Vibrator and Women's Sexual Satisfaction.

For an entertaining fictionalized account of those early days watch Hysteria starring Maggie Glyenhall

22 Feb 2013 07:57 PM
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skinink     
I think my great grandma's sex toy was the mailman.

22 Feb 2013 08:01 PM
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TheMega     
www.nerve.com

Geez, can't believe this thing is that old. Have this exact item, even sticker is worn ( and still works).  Got it in a yard sale and GREAT for bad back. Lay down on it, then position yourself where there is a disc out and stretch.. *POP*.. 90% of the time I can get my back to go back in place.
Doesn't seem to vibrate very much, though - wouldn't think women would get much of a rush out of it - of course back in the 60's with nothing else around... maybe they did.

/great, now I have this horrible image of some little old, ugly old, wrinkled old lady sexually abusing my back cracker.... screw u subby!!!

22 Feb 2013 08:01 PM
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Clock Spider Jerusalem     

gunther_bumpass: albuquerquehalsey: aspAddict: BarkingUnicorn: My Mom had one of these.  I used the cup attachment on my elbows; it gave me funny feelings.

[www.nerve.com image 600x463]

My mom had one very similar to this...I used to use the bottom left attachment on my scalp, because the farking box SAID "for use on scalp." Now that I know this device's TRUE purpose, I am going to need a LOT of therapy.

And shampoo.

Damn you, internet...

[www.nerve.com image 600x581]

What the phark is the name of the color of the plastic appliances in the 70's were made of? Sandstone? Light Ochre?

Almond.


Popular shades of appliances in the 1970s were bad avocado, carrot puke, poop brown, and jaundice beige.

22 Feb 2013 08:02 PM
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Coastalgrl     
My mother had the one that is shaped like the real deal. Right down to the same color. I found it one day near the TV in their bedroom. Snuck in to watch Simpsons....

Scarred for life.

//eewwww

22 Feb 2013 08:03 PM
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Arthur Two Sheds Jackson     

BarkingUnicorn: My Mom had one of these.  I used the cup attachment on my elbows; it gave me funny feelings.

[www.nerve.com image 600x463]


Did you feel ashamed yet excited at the same time? That's how it starts (for me anyway).
Before you know it you'll be paying "escort girls" to poo on your chest while singing Abba
songs.

22 Feb 2013 08:08 PM
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fappomatic     
According to my mother, her mother's sex toy WAS a mixer.

22 Feb 2013 08:08 PM
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socodog     
So the massive dick shaped cake mixer in Mom's cabinet was not for mixing cake?

22 Feb 2013 08:08 PM
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DickDarlington     
Saw one of those once when my grandmother was babysitting me when I was about 7 years old.  I was playing dragon slayer in her cool medieval dungeon she had in the basement.  Not really sure why she had a cake mixer in there?  should have asked grandpa (or as we called him, the gimp), problem was he was busy trying to unzip his mask....

//ahhhh wait a minute!
// that explains the jungle vine rope swing....

22 Feb 2013 08:13 PM
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slackananda     

Arthur Two Sheds Jackson: Before you know it you'll be paying "escort girls" to poo on your chest while singing Abba songs.


That's disgusting! Abba is intolerable.

22 Feb 2013 08:22 PM
Reply
albuquerquehalsey     

gunther_bumpass: albuquerquehalsey: aspAddict: BarkingUnicorn: My Mom had one of these.  I used the cup attachment on my elbows; it gave me funny feelings.

[www.nerve.com image 600x463]

My mom had one very similar to this...I used to use the bottom left attachment on my scalp, because the farking box SAID "for use on scalp." Now that I know this device's TRUE purpose, I am going to need a LOT of therapy.

And shampoo.

Damn you, internet...

[www.nerve.com image 600x581]

What the phark is the name of the color of the plastic appliances in the 70's were made of? Sandstone? Light Ochre?

Almond.


AH, That's it, I totally knew that before I didn't know it.

22 Feb 2013 08:23 PM
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Walosi     
Oh. My. God. My grandmother had one of those.  My cousin and I used to play with it.

22 Feb 2013 08:25 PM
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DickDarlington     
As a kid my mom let me lick the beater after she baked a cake.....

22 Feb 2013 08:25 PM
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Doktor_Zhivago     

MrEricSir: There's something about plugging one end of a device into a wall and the other end into yourself that just seems... questionable.


Grounding and isolation transformers. How do they work?

/Oh apparently as well in dildos as in every other thing you plug into the wall.....
//Still... AC mains powered dongs seem a little much
///Haven't tried it though so won't knock

22 Feb 2013 08:25 PM
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UsikFark    [TotalFark]  

Doktor_Zhivago: MrEricSir: There's something about plugging one end of a device into a wall and the other end into yourself that just seems... questionable.

Grounding and isolation transformers. How do they work?

/Oh apparently as well in dildos as in every other thing you plug into the wall.....
//Still... AC mains powered dongs seem a little much
///Haven't tried it though so won't knock


Strap in and  ride the lightning!

22 Feb 2013 08:27 PM
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Ryker's Peninsula     
Holy Christ.
It's like I just clicked through a list of rejected David Cronenberg props because they were too disgusting even for him.

22 Feb 2013 08:35 PM
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MrEricSir     

Doktor_Zhivago: MrEricSir: There's something about plugging one end of a device into a wall and the other end into yourself that just seems... questionable.

Grounding and isolation transformers. How do they work?

/Oh apparently as well in dildos as in every other thing you plug into the wall.....
//Still... AC mains powered dongs seem a little much
///Haven't tried it though so won't knock


Grounding? In antique electronics? Oh wait, you're serious. I'd laugh, but I'm too busy being electrocuted by a vibrator up my butt.

22 Feb 2013 08:37 PM
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treecologist     
Grandma, and PJ Soles.

www.hollywoodchicago.com

22 Feb 2013 08:43 PM
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orclover     

fappomatic: According to my mother, her mother's sex toy WAS a mixer.


farking machines dot com.............cake mixer sex toy............all i'm going to say.

22 Feb 2013 08:47 PM
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Arthur Two Sheds Jackson     

slackananda: Arthur Two Sheds Jackson: Before you know it you'll be paying "escort girls" to poo on your chest while singing Abba songs.

That's disgusting! Abba is intolerable.


Yea but their music seems to relax the large colon...Which is nice.....

22 Feb 2013 08:51 PM
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ReapTheChaos     
www.nerve.com

My barber still uses one of these, best part of getting a haircut.

22 Feb 2013 08:53 PM
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Do the needful     

nmemkha: MrEricSir: There's a sex toy shop down the street from me that has a small "museum" of vibrators and such. There's something about plugging one end of a device into a wall and the other end into yourself that just seems... questionable.

If lightning happens to hit the power lines while you're using it, you'd better be comfortable with the looks you're going to get in ER.

"Well ... at least she died smiling doing what she loved."


FTFY.

22 Feb 2013 08:55 PM
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sloshed_again     
And a good time was had by all.

22 Feb 2013 08:58 PM
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lack of warmth     

ReapTheChaos: [www.nerve.com image 600x400]

My barber still uses one of these, best part of getting a haircut.


Well lets hope his fingers didn't smell.

22 Feb 2013 09:00 PM
Reply
Doktor_Zhivago     

MrEricSir: Doktor_Zhivago: MrEricSir: There's something about plugging one end of a device into a wall and the other end into yourself that just seems... questionable.

Grounding and isolation transformers. How do they work?

/Oh apparently as well in dildos as in every other thing you plug into the wall.....
//Still... AC mains powered dongs seem a little much
///Haven't tried it though so won't knock

Grounding? In antique electronics? Oh wait, you're serious. I'd laugh, but I'm too busy being electrocuted by a vibrator up my butt.


I was referring to modern stuff.  Didn't think about ye olde AC motyrs of olde.  Why didn't Thomas Edison put three prongs and a GFCI on his robo dongs? What a jackass.

22 Feb 2013 09:00 PM
Reply
MrEricSir     

Doktor_Zhivago: MrEricSir: Doktor_Zhivago: MrEricSir: There's something about plugging one end of a device into a wall and the other end into yourself that just seems... questionable.

Grounding and isolation transformers. How do they work?

/Oh apparently as well in dildos as in every other thing you plug into the wall.....
//Still... AC mains powered dongs seem a little much
///Haven't tried it though so won't knock

Grounding? In antique electronics? Oh wait, you're serious. I'd laugh, but I'm too busy being electrocuted by a vibrator up my butt.

I was referring to modern stuff.  Didn't think about ye olde AC motyrs of olde.  Why didn't Thomas Edison put three prongs and a GFCI on his robo dongs? What a jackass.


Because he wanted to not only fark Tesla up the ass, but give him a shock as well.

22 Feb 2013 09:04 PM
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