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   That's a bummer

31 Aug 2013 06:38 PM   |   10958 clicks   |   Metro
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433    [TotalFark]  
Next time, she'll try putting her money where her mouth is.

31 Aug 2013 05:16 PM
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shanrick    [TotalFark]  
damn near killed er.

31 Aug 2013 05:29 PM
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RedPhoenix122    [TotalFark]  
Was it all in pennies?

31 Aug 2013 06:33 PM
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gnosis301    [TotalFark]  
A toilet brush? What kind of tongs?

31 Aug 2013 06:39 PM
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Snarcoleptic_Hoosier    [TotalFark]  
If she was smart, she'd have gotten a check.

31 Aug 2013 06:41 PM
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433    [TotalFark]  
Hell of a deposit.

31 Aug 2013 06:42 PM
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FloydA    [TotalFark]  
He said he left the medicine bag on a foosball table and went to bed. When he woke up he found the money was missing and Black was still awake.

Mr Gulley confronted his girlfriend who allegedly vomited up a bag of slightly dissolved pills and confessed to wrapping up the cash and sticking it in her rectum.



This woman has got to be the dumbest criminal in Tennessee. Why didn't she just grab the cash and leave while he was asleep?

31 Aug 2013 06:44 PM
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insertsnarkyusername     
Why choose to put in her rectum over her vagina if she absolutely had to put it inside her? The vagina at least isn't all that deep.

31 Aug 2013 06:44 PM
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skinink     
I love rich butts and I cannot lie!

/Baby got cash

31 Aug 2013 06:47 PM
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Pork1     
Remarkable

31 Aug 2013 06:54 PM
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FormlessOne     

FloydA: He said he left the medicine bag on a foosball table and went to bed. When he woke up he found the money was missing and Black was still awake.

Mr Gulley confronted his girlfriend who allegedly vomited up a bag of slightly dissolved pills and confessed to wrapping up the cash and sticking it in her rectum.


This woman has got to be the dumbest criminal in Tennessee. Why didn't she just grab the cash and leave while he was asleep?


First, it was a bogus story - it's not like she hadn't stolen from him before, hence his 'trap'. Second, even if it wasn't a bogus story, fleeing would've rung warning bells - she was probably hoping that he wouldn't notice until after he bounced her skeevy ass out the door, whereupon she could taunt him with the "I got yer cash!" bit.

Doesn't matter. Reprehensible, inept thief, who now owes a small fortune to the emergency room to deal with her bleeding, swag-filled ass. The rest of the world knows her for what she is, which means prison would be a blessing as she's never getting a friggin' job, house, boyfriend, friends, whatever, because who wants an inept thief in their workplace or home?

31 Aug 2013 06:56 PM
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TinyFist    [TotalFark]  
I there were a book written about this I would SO read it. There are so many details I dying to know. The more I think about what kind of events had to have led up to a woman trying to remove 5 grand from her a** with a toilet brush, the more fascinated I am. Imagine what transpired during the trip to the ER! Why was she vomiting up a bag of pills? At what point did they give up on the tongs?

So many questions!!!

31 Aug 2013 06:57 PM
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Mrtraveler01    [TotalFark]  
It was a million to one shot doc.

31 Aug 2013 06:57 PM
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Ryneberg     
shiat happens.

31 Aug 2013 06:59 PM
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Freschel     
i1190.photobucket.com

Not impressed.

31 Aug 2013 07:00 PM
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Nidiot     
'Black admitted to taking the money and medication because Mr Gulley was going to kick her out and she needed money for a place to live.'

That explains taking the money. She needed to swallow all the pills because....er....why? Were they for constipation?

31 Aug 2013 07:01 PM
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Fluid     
Behold, the first person capable of actually pulling money out of her ass!

31 Aug 2013 07:02 PM
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AGremlin    [TotalFark]  
What!? What!?  In the butt?

31 Aug 2013 07:03 PM
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JohnAnnArbor    [TotalFark]  

TinyFist: I there were a book written about this I would SO read it. There are so many details I dying to know. The more I think about what kind of events had to have led up to a woman trying to remove 5 grand from her a** with a toilet brush, the more fascinated I am. Imagine what transpired during the trip to the ER! Why was she vomiting up a bag of pills? At what point did they give up on the tongs?

So many questions!!!


Your username explains your interest, methinks.

31 Aug 2013 07:28 PM
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YakiManiac     

Fluid: Behold, the first person woman capable of actually pulling money out of her ass!
ftfy


31 Aug 2013 07:28 PM
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Apik0r0s     
I know a an EMS tech, who once went on a call to a local low security "boot camp" sort of a prison. Some dude had stuffed a box pack of Marlboros up his arse and ripped himself. He actually told my buddy that he usually did soft packs but his customers complained over the cigs being crushed. Somehow, he made the logical leap to putting something rigid up his bum.

31 Aug 2013 07:30 PM
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TinyFist    [TotalFark]  
JohnAnnArbor:

Your username explains your interest, methinks.

I could have volunteered my services, but, mmmnnnn..... no. I'm gonna go with hell no.

*shudders*

31 Aug 2013 07:33 PM
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Nick Nostril     
At least we now know what happens when the five grand hits the anus.

31 Aug 2013 07:36 PM
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brainiac-dumdum     

insertsnarkyusername: Why choose to put in her rectum over her vagina if she absolutely had to put it inside her? The vagina at least isn't all that deep.


I was going to post this. Maybe she's on her period?

31 Aug 2013 07:51 PM
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MontanaDave     
Someone cue up that Eddie Murphy song...

31 Aug 2013 07:55 PM
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Satan's Dumptruck Driver     

insertsnarkyusername: Why choose to put in her rectum over her vagina if she absolutely had to put it inside her? The vagina at least isn't all that deep.


Probably like trying to stuff marbles into an overhead exhaust vent.

31 Aug 2013 07:56 PM
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The_Philosopher_King     
Say what you will.

Now, no one will every ask her to break a $20 again.

31 Aug 2013 07:56 PM
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bojon    [TotalFark]  

RedPhoenix122: Was it all in pennies?


I had to go to my back up drive to find "Ass Pennies", thanks for reminding me.

31 Aug 2013 08:03 PM
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Gergesa     
I'm sure there is a joke in here somewhere involving Tywin and the entire shiatting gold thing.

31 Aug 2013 08:06 PM
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Bit'O'Gristle     

insertsnarkyusername: Why choose to put in her rectum over her vagina if she absolutely had to put it inside her? The vagina at least isn't all that deep.


/How do you know? Judging from the pic, i'd say it was as wide as a fishing galosh.

31 Aug 2013 08:06 PM
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bearded clamorer    [TotalFark]  
A buddy of mine went to his doctor because of chronic rectal discomfort.
During a routine exam, the doctor extracted a roll of 19 $100 bills wrapped up in a rubber band, from my friends ass.
He remarked: "Ooooh... I guess that's why I haven't felt too grand, lately."

/Try the veal

31 Aug 2013 08:13 PM
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Mr. Ekshun     
i.imgur.com

The problem with coming up with a quote which is actually obscure is that it marks one as some sort of nutjob for having remembered it.

31 Aug 2013 08:19 PM
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Mock26     
What about the stolen goods?  Did she wreck them trying to remove them?

31 Aug 2013 08:20 PM
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Gyrfalcon     
The 43-year-old reportedly used a toilet brush and tongs to try to pry out the stolen goods,

What? The?

You've not stuck many things up your rectum, I'm guessing. Or even read about it in "Fifty Shades of Turquoise."

31 Aug 2013 08:26 PM
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FloydA    [TotalFark]  
The sad part is that if she ever has kids, she will be the only mother on the block who can't use the phrase "does my ass look like an ATM?"

31 Aug 2013 08:30 PM
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Aidan     
This story is interesting, but I can't get past the "standing in a room with $5000 and looking for a place to hide it. I know, I'll use my ass!" part.

Clearly this woman is not rocking 3 digits up top, but still... She could have put it literally anywhere else and not had to worry. Even if the guy decided to search the room (?), it would have been less obvious than her standing funny and not being able to walk standing straight.

And how long did it take her to shove that $5k up her ass, anyhow? This doesn't seem like the stealthiest undertaking...

31 Aug 2013 08:45 PM
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Abox     
photos1.blogger.com

31 Aug 2013 08:52 PM
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RedPhoenix122    [TotalFark]  

bojon: RedPhoenix122: Was it all in pennies?

I had to go to my back up drive to find "Ass Pennies", thanks for reminding me.


Youtube has it, had to watch it again.

31 Aug 2013 09:01 PM
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stuffy     
Think about how much more awkward it would have been if the boyfriend had wanted to put it up her pooped that night.

31 Aug 2013 09:03 PM
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RedPhoenix122    [TotalFark]  

stuffy: Think about how much more awkward it would have been if the boyfriend had wanted to put it up her pooped that night.


The papercuts...the horror.

31 Aug 2013 09:04 PM
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The Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves     
From the mugshot it looks like they had to pull really hard to get the money out.

31 Aug 2013 09:20 PM
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MBooda     

The Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves: From the mugshot it looks like they had to pull really hard to get the money out.


Looks like she went in there herself.

metrouk2.files.wordpress.com

31 Aug 2013 09:30 PM
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katerbug72     
dvdmedia.ign.com

31 Aug 2013 09:31 PM
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The Pumpkin Eater     
At what point do you decide, "I know! A toilet brush will surely remove this large wad of cash from my anus!"

/I'll never look at a toilet brush the same way again.
/Where was the Tidy Bowl man?

31 Aug 2013 10:15 PM
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99.998er     
I'd like to see the look on Ben Franklin's face.

31 Aug 2013 10:23 PM
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justoneznot     
If you're going to leave out some cash as a trap to see if someone will take it, you leave out a couple bucks. Not $5,000. I could see an point of wanting them to steal enough to make it a felony, but it's his girlfriend and it seems like it would have just ended up in a "see I told you you were a farking thief, biatch" conversation and be the end of it.

31 Aug 2013 10:28 PM
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TinyFist    [TotalFark]  
This story is still driving me nuts. There are so many unanswered questions. It's like 3 hours later and I'm still trying to piece it together.

Tongs? I mean, the toilet brush I get, but.....

31 Aug 2013 10:52 PM
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runs with mutts     

TinyFist: This story is still driving me nuts. There are so many unanswered questions. It's like 3 hours later and I'm still trying to piece it together.

Tongs? I mean, the toilet brush I get, but.....


How would the brush work? The tongs would at least go around the money, except for the local flesh not handling contact with metal well. The toilet brush would push the money farther in, and then you couldn't pull it out again without reversing the direction of the bristles.

/i can't believe I thought this through this far

31 Aug 2013 11:16 PM
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insertsnarkyusername     

Satan's Dumptruck Driver: insertsnarkyusername: Why choose to put in her rectum over her vagina if she absolutely had to put it inside her? The vagina at least isn't all that deep.

Probably like trying to stuff marbles into an overhead exhaust vent.


I work in a kitchen, that's a wonderful image.

31 Aug 2013 11:21 PM
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ReverendJynxed     

insertsnarkyusername: Why choose to put in her rectum over her vagina if she absolutely had to put it inside her? The vagina at least isn't all that deep.


If you can fit five thousand up your hoo ha it'll likely just fall out. At least your asshole can keep your purse closed.

31 Aug 2013 11:45 PM
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