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Mon August 03, 2020

You know how it is: if you can't get your caffeine because the coffee shop is shut, sooner or later you're going to crash

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Greece: 1 hurt as small plane hits shut village coffee shop

Authorities say a small training aircraft has crashed into a shut village coffee shop in northern Greece, injuring the teenage pilot and causing minor damage

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Swim with the whales, they said. It'll be a once-in-a-lifetime experience, they said. What could POSSIBLY go wrong, they said

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Tourist 'crushed' by humpback whale in Australia

The woman is in a "serious but stable condition" after being hit by the whale during a group swim.

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When considering whether or not to reopen schools amid a pandemic, remember that your young children are the most likely to survive, and if they're lucky, they may even have other relatives to take care of them after you die

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Georgia teenager loses both parents to COVID-19 within a week

A Georgia teenager who lost both his parents to COVID-19 within a week is urging people to take precautions during the pandemic.

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Not satisfied with letting COVID get all the glory, Florida man ups death toll in state because Burger King employee was too slow fulfilling girlfriend's order

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Florida man allegedly shoots Burger King employee over slow drive-thru order

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Scottish teenagers on an inflatable doughnut rescued from the sea. Not to worry - they're safe and whole, but a bit salty from the experience

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Teenagers on inflatable doughnut rescued from sea

The rescue in the Moray Firth came during a busy weekend for the RNLI and coastguard in Scotland.

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Discussion
"Objects can give us an insight into a time period that documents cannot"

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The Strange Lives of Objects in the Coronavirus Era

The pandemic has inspired a flurry of new and novel items - and given ordinary ones new meanings.

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Will already-dwindling pre-pandemic churchgoers realize life is better without mundane weekly services treating them like mindless sheep? Is Covid-19 the death knell for Sunday Mass? And what is best way to deprogram after decades of indoctrination?

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Do you know if there is a store that still sells Certs? Subby is having a hard time finding them

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(Some Guy)

(Some Guy)

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NHL Playoffs: Day 3. 6 games on tap. Will a Bunch of Jerks rock the Rangers like a hurricane? Will the Jets flame out against Calgary? Will the Pens be eaten by a leopard seal with an outrageous French Canadian accent? 1st puck @ Noon ET

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NHL Scores | Hockey Scoreboard

The official source for scores, previews, recaps, boxscores, video highlights, and more from every National League Hockey game.

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The push to reopen schools is doomed to fail

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'This Push to Open Schools Is Guaranteed to Fail'

It is time to stop pretending. Our children are staying home.

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Sports
New Olympic event: 50 meter chocolate milk balance

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Sunndayy SUNNNDAYYYYY at Atco Dragway, see Top Fuel Dragsters and NIIIIITRO-BURNING FUNNY CA--what? Insurance car auctions? Let's go downa shore instead

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South Jersey's Atco Dragway could close to make way for an auto auction. Racing fans want to save it.

For decades, Atco drew professional racers and amateur motorheads alike, with some events drawing thousands of spectators to this sleepy Camden County community.

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Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson tired of having money and success

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Rock-solid buy: Ex-WWE star, group to own XFL

Former WWE star Dwayne Johnson leads an investor group that has agreed to purchase the XFL.

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Mercedes' Toto Wolff says this year's F1 championship is just as valuable as any other year's and they'll have plenty of baccarat and euro-hookers to celebrate

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No championship is less valuable - Wolff

Mercedes F1 boss Toto Wolff says this season's shortened championship means as much as any other and could be seen as harder to win.

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NHL Playoffs: Day 3. 6 games on tap. Will a Bunch of Jerks rock the Rangers like a hurricane? Will the Jets flame out against Calgary? Will the Pens be eaten by a leopard seal with an outrageous French Canadian accent? 1st puck @ Noon ET

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NHL Scores | Hockey Scoreboard

The official source for scores, previews, recaps, boxscores, video highlights, and more from every National League Hockey game.

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Business
Think the vaccine will be the cure-all? With all the complications and lasting problems being identified we're looking at $BILLIONS in long-term medical costs

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Long-term complications of COVID-19 signals billions in healthcare costs ahead

Late in March, Laura Gross, 72, was recovering from gall bladder surgery in her Fort Lee, New Jersey, home when she became sick again. Britain's Department of Health and the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention are each leading national studies of COVID-19's long-term impacts.

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Chipotle, McDonald's, Dunkin, Starbucks, and Taco Bell parent Yum Brands are hiring. Welcome to the future of employment in the US

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Exclusive: Chipotle, fast food brands set for new wave of hiring

Chipotle Mexican Grill Inc wants to hire another 10,000 employees in coming months as its sales rebound, an official said, one of several big restaurant chains looking to add staff in an economy otherwise dimmed by the coronavirus pandemic.

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"Long-term deleterious economic after-effects of pandemics could span multiple decades"

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The stock market could be facing 'multiple decades' of 'deleterious' economic after-effects, analyst warns

The stock market's ability to shrug off the economic destruction and gloomy coronavirus headlines continues to enrich emboldened bulls and baffle even some...

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"That's a nice business you got there. Be a real shame if something happened to it. Better sell it to my friend here", Don Two Scoops

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Microsoft talks to buy TikTok's U.S. operations spark ire in China

A potential shotgun wedding to Microsoft Corp for TikTok's U.S. operations provoked an outcry on Monday on Chinese social media as well as criticism from a prominent Chinese investor in TikTok owner ByteDance.

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With Lord & Taylor and Tailored Brands (parent of Men's Wearhouse and Jos. A. Banks) now filing for Chapter 11, the retail pandemic is spreading almost as fast as the human one

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Lord & Taylor, Men's Wearhouse owner file for bankruptcy, becoming the latest retail casualties of the pandemic

Venerable U.S. retailer Lord & Taylor filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy on Sunday, becoming the latest in a growing list of storied names to do so amid the ongoing coronavirus outbreak that has crippled the retail sector.

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Geek
Want a Ferrari SUV? Buy a Maserati. Wait, what?

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Hidden Inside black holes are movies of the universe, and also a bookshelf with link to past that proves love is the key to everything

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Black holes could contain 'MOVIES' of the history of the Universe

BLACK holes could contain 'movies' of the Universe, offering insight into the history of the cosmos.

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Top five cardboard furniture designs: "The quality of the shortlist was extremely high"

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Why we can't have nice things: boaters swarm SpaceX Dragon capsule with Doug and Bob after splashdown. Maybe they wanted to huff some of that toxic hydrazine

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The UK had smallpox anti-vaxxers in the 19th century. TL;DR - legally it did not go well for science

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Coronavirus vaccine: Lessons from the 19th-century smallpox anti-vaxxer movement

There is hope a coronavirus vaccine might be ready by the end of the year. But for it to eliminate COVID-19 a critical mass of people must be vaccinated. And if the protective benefits of a COVID-19 vaccine fall off rapidly (as seems to happen with naturally acquired antibodies) maintaining immunity will require multiple vaccinations. So unless people keep renewing their jabs, the critical mass will decline quickly.

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Entertainment
An exhaustive list of all 44 Academy Award nominees who have appeared in a Star Wars film

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Every Oscar-Nominated Actor Who Has Appeared in the Star Wars Cinematic Universe

"There are 44 Oscar nominees who have appeared in a Star Wars movie." ~Our Staff, All Week, They Literally Won't Shut Up About it This article is very pointless and dumb for most ...

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"New Wave of Persian Death Metal" (NWOPDM) band Arsames charged with 15 years in jail for being in a satanic metal band. No, they didn't cover "America (Fark Yeah)"

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Iranian Death Metal Band Arsames Face 15 Years in Prison for Playing "Satanic Music" | MetalSucks

Members of the Iranian death metal band Arsames were arrested last month for playing "satanic music," and could serve fifteen years in prison.

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David Bowie wanted to perform as Ziggy Stardust--in SPAAAAAAAACE

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David Bowie once planned to relaunch Ziggy Stardust in space

David Bowie once planned to relaunch his alter ego Ziggy Stardust in space, According to video games designer Phil Campbell.

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Nicolas Cage almost played Will Ferrell's role in Wedding Crashers. When Mr Ferrell was reached for comment, the "Elf" star said, "I want to be Debbie"

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Nicolas Cage almost played Will Ferrell's role in Wedding Crashers

It's hard to imagine anyone else playing Will Ferrell's short but memorable role of Chazz in 2005's WEDDING CRASHERS but according to director David D

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Tom Pollock may not be a Hollywood household name, but he was the man who gave George Lucas the lucrative Star Wars deal, and his death is significant

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Tom Pollock's Legacy: Lawyered Hollywood's Greatest Deal, The One That Gave George Lucas 'Star Wars' Sequel Rights

Much will be said about the memory and accomplishments of Tom Pollock, who passed away at age 77. He presided over Universal Pictures in a strong period in the '80s and early '90s when ...

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Podcast
Fark Twitch Livestream in progress (Started at 7:30 PM ET). Friday Movie Night, Quiplash first, followed by a movie

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Twitch

Twitch is the world's leading video platform and community for gamers.

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6pm Eastern - it's the Fark News Livestream. News got a little thick this morning but we'll get you caught up. Plus: Gen Z coming up with all new hijinks, soldiers return home to dogs (and cats), and a bad place to post a "No Regrets" logo

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Twitch

Twitch is the world's leading video platform and community for gamers.

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3pm Eastern - It's the Fark News Livestream. Fewer stories today, most have to do with Florida for some strange reason - Florida Governor and Florida Baseball instead of Florida Man. And more giant robots. We'll have everything you need to know

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Twitch

Twitch is the world's leading video platform and community for gamers.

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5:30pm ET - it's the Fark News Livestream. Super dense news cycle today, but we've got it crunched down into the important bits. Bonus: one of the strangest followups we've seen in awhile, turns out the rubber duck story yesterday wasn't so harmless

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Twitch

Twitch is the world's leading video platform and community for gamers.

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2:30pm ET - it's the Fark News Livestream. Covid-19 updates, what to expect from the eviction wave, zombie cicadas, and one man's quest to send the year 1935 a raft of 20th century spoilers - and more

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Twitch

Twitch is the world's leading video platform and community for gamers.

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D'awww
It's dangerous to go alone, here boop this

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Are you missing on of your kids?

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Van Buren officials want to know who an adorable, lost goat belongs to

Please share with your goat owning friends in Van Buren! This cute little goat was picked up in the 100 block of Vista Hills in Van Buren.

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Disco lives and...I'm perfectly okay with it if it takes this form

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Cat fishing

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'Can't say you see that everyday': Crew 'catches' cat stuck in open ocean during fishing trip

A fishing charter made an unexpected rescue while out on an excursion

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When contactless delivery goes wrong

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VIDEO: Hungry squirrel steals slice of pizza from customer's contactless delivery

Looks like squirrels are getting smarter and a little more nuttier.

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Food
Sammitch maker Wawa is opening its first drive-thruthru

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Wawa Is Opening Its First Drive-Thru Store

On July 30, Wawa announced its "first-ever freestanding drive-thru," which will be located in Falls Township, Pennsylvania.

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"We've officially reached the 'arguing about pasta' stage of quarantine," writes journalist who has never visited Fark.com in the last decade

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Woman sets TikTok ablaze with 'psychotic' pasta recipe: 'I thought this was a joke'

A TikTok user has the internet deeply divided after sharing what some are calling a "psychotic" recipe for marinara sauce.

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Pizza for breakfast? Molto bene

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Eggs "Alla Pizzaiola" Are Pizza-Style Eggs and Yes, They're As Good As They Sound

The one rule here is to use all of the cheese.

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Do you know if there is a store that still sells Certs? Subby is having a hard time finding them

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(Some Guy)

(Some Guy)

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Here is a recall relevant to Fark's interests

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Recall: Taquitos and chimichangas may have plastic in them

Multiple types of beef and chicken taquitos and chimichangas are included in the alert. It covers ready-to-eat products containing diced green chilies recalled by the producer, Sun Valley Foods.

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Politics
"You've got to remember that these are just simple blathering stooges. These are people of the social media. The common clay of the new GOP. You know... morons"

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These Conservatives Have a Laser Focus: 'Owning the Libs'

On The Federalist and in Fox News appearances, some of President Trump's supporters don't really defend him. They attack the critics.

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COVID testing is so overrated that now all White House staff must be randomly tested

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"I may have signed my own death warrant by voting for Trump"

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Teacher: I may have signed death warrant by voting for Trump - CNN Video

Nancy Shively, an Oklahoma teacher, voted for Trump in 2016. Now, amid a heated debate on reopening schools and watching his response to the pandemic, she says she fears for her life.

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Manhattan District Attorney investigating President Trump and his companies for possible bank and insurance fraud

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D.A. Is Investigating Trump and His Company Over Fraud, Filing Suggests

The office of the district attorney, Cyrus R. Vance Jr., made the disclosure in a new court filing arguing Mr. Trump should turn over his tax returns.

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Breaking News: Peter Navarro is an idiot

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