Mon January 21, 2019

• Woman enters stranger's home, grabs a cellphone then strips and starts a livestream. Mom?  
  

   

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• Cop tells totally real concerned mom her filthy hippie neighbors are allowed to smoke weed on their porch in Michigan now and maybe she should have voted  
  

   

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• KFC. Gravy. Smelling. Candle  
  

   

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• Pope Francis releases "Click to Pray" app to encourage the faithful around the world to pray with him. Signup for closed beta of "Pontiféx GO" will be later this year  
  

   

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• Once again Young Fat Boi outsmarts Old Fat Boi: another undisclosed North Korean nuclear site has been found and there may be 19 others  
  

   

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• Discussion
• "My daughter is a teenage introvert with no friends. How can I prevent her from being like me?"  
  

   

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• How Monopoly was used as a secret weapon in WWII  
  

  (Interesly)  

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• "What should I do if my office has the open office concept but I loathe it? Certainly I can't be quiet and deal with it"  
  

   

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• Sunscreen might not kill you after all. Or maybe it will. Science isn't sure  
  

   

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• According to medical professionals, there is no pain after a vasectomy. There might, however, be discomfort, which is doctor-speak for crippling acute pain  
  

   

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• Sports
• NFL football has been transformed from a sport into a protracted legal proceeding carried out in front of millions of drunk people  
  

   

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• Edgelord sports writer: "Complain all you want, you'll miss these Patriots when they're gone"  
  

   

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• Wait, Roger Goodell actually has the authority to reverse the outcome of the NFC Championship Game?  
  

   

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• And lo it came to pass (for 5000 yards) that Breesus would rise again after being crucified by the referees  
  

   

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• Placating the world's second most successful 40+ year old baby, Patriots are early Super Bowl favorites. Tom Brady and Donald Trump seen crying that they aren't favorited enough  
  

   

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• Business
• If there's a recession in 2019, here's what marketers should do. We know what Bill Hicks would say  
  

   

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• Amazon increases their ocean shipping service from China to the U.S. ... Difficulty: Your order may be stolen by real pirates even before it can get to the porch pirates  
  

   

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• FoxCONn has really conned Wisconsin. They haven't even gotten a business going and suddenly need $150 million more to think about it  
  

   

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• Facebook launches online petition feature. What could possibly go wrong?  
  

   

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• Barron's forecast of a stock market demise. And he's only twelve  
  

   

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• Geek
• If you were a 17th century lutenist who really wanted to pull the tavern wenches, you used a theorbo  
  

   

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• France demands Google surrender $57 million for European privacy policy violation  
  

   

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• Remember Neopets? No? Well, they're back. In app form  
  

   

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• The first major results from New Horizons' latest fly-by are in. The conclusion? Ultima Thule is a comet-to-be, exactly like we'd expect  
  

   

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• Facebook launches online petition feature. What could possibly go wrong?  
  

   

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• Entertainment
• Standup comedy is probably doomed thanks to Kevin Hart and Louis CK  
  

   

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• Reality star discovers the reality of pervy guys and drug-fueled after parties  
  

   

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• You've streamed my latest album, Right here on Spotify. It took me weeks to write it. They were the best weeks of my life. There were beautiful songs, But they ran too long, To make money off a hit, You gotta make it fit, So we cut 'em down to 3:05  
  

   

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• Why superhero fatigue is a myth, but "stop liking what I don't like" is very real  
  

   

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• Pete Davidson and John Mulaney were the best part of the most recent Saturday Night Live  
  

   

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• D'awww
• Dog gives exactly zero farks about your goddamn fashion show (w/video)  
  

   

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• Willie the pit bull was labeled as aggressive after spending the first seven years of his life chained up, then someone was foolish enough to take him in as a foster dog. Witness the carnage that ensued (not safe for the squeamish)  
  

   

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• So you've heard that there will be a 50th Anniversary of Woodstock concert. But did you know that the couple featured on the iconic 1969 Woodstock album cover are still together?  
  

   

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• "Oh, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder"  
  

   

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• The world's cutest dog has died  
  

   

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• Food
• Grilled cheese sandwiches is how you fall in love  
  

   

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• It's National Cheese Day, so let's rank the best cheeses of all time. The list might make you feel a bit bleu, but sometimes you have to let things brie as they're written by culinary muensters and they should leave well enough provolone  
  

   

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• Fat? These 20 things you do before noon may be the cause of it  
  

   

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• Breaking news in the UK - White chocolate Twix are now available  
  

   

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• Bread is back, baby. Suck it you non-levatent non-believers. Total bread deniers  
  

   

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• Politics
• Fox News apologizes for saying Ruth Bader Ginsburg is dead  
  

   

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• Not even Trump voters believe Trump about the government shutdown anymore  
  

   

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• Trump observes MLK Day by doing virtually nothing  
  

   

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• There is continuing controversy on whether or not the Mueller report should be made public. Look, if we had to suffer the Starr Report, we can handle this one  
  

   

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• 10% of the TSA called in sick yesterday  
  

   

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