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Real News. Real Funny.

Mon March 25, 2019

You're a non-smoker. You tell some dude who is smoking that he should stop, cuz he's sitting in a no-smoking area of the train station. He refuses. What do? Why, clobber him in the face with a wooden fence post, of course

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German police: Man hits unrepentant smoker with fence picket

BERLIN (AP) - Berlin police say an 81-year-old man is being investigated on charges of causing dangerous bodily harm after he whacked a smoker in a downtown train station with a wooden fence...

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Man gets arrested for car theft. During discussions with the judge, man reveals his favorite drink is Pepsi. Judge sentences man to 4 years probation and bans him from drinking Pepsi for 4 years

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Hawaii man can't have favorite soft drink while on probation

WAILUKU, Hawaii (AP) - A Hawaii man has been ordered not to drink his favorite soft drink during four years of probation on a car theft conviction. Judge Rhonda Loo imposed the restriction...

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The best "one that got away" fishing stories involve monster crocodiles and live video. Bonus: Australia

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Crocodile steals massive barramundi from NT fisherman at the last possible second

Sometimes the thrill of the chase is the best bit about dropping in a line, but for two Territory anglers, it was role reversal when they nearly became bait for a monster NT saltie.

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Mom successfully sues deadbeat dad for back child support, which, over 50 years totals over $170,000. "I realized in the middle of the night one night last year, 'Hey, there's no statute of limitations on child support.'"

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Carlsbad woman wins child support for 52-year-old daughter

A North San Diego County woman was awarded child support from her ex-husband nearly 50 years after she says he left her with a young daughter.

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Photoshop this outdoor seating area

6 »

(Some Pond Area)

(Some Pond Area)

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Discussion
You ever have an urge to rush the stage during live theater, or just trip a random passing waiter for no reason? Of course, you do not act on them, but confess here

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Man Wanted in Bizarre NYC Trip Attack on 41-Year-Old Woman

Police are looking for a man they say tried to trip a 41-year-old woman on a residential Brooklyn street in the middle of a Saturday afternoon this month, then kicked her in the shin when he didn't get her...

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Endangered animals, comic book tributes, and Japanese commercialism can all be found in the Fark Weird News Quiz, March 10-16 Tractor Edition

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What weather is hazardous to flying? Got a story?

9 »

Ask the Weather Guys: What weather is hazardous to flying?

Q: What weather is hazardous to flying?

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Will Barr release the full report? Will the IC take matters into their own hands? Will Trump realize his fatal flaw? THIS is your Trump scandal rumor/speculation thread (~4pm news dump)

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Howard Dean on Twitter

"Never thought I'd have to block an NBC Reporter for being a trump troll but... bye bye. https://t.co/TH85rLX3fU"

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Turns out you are using the escalator wrong

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The Unseen Inefficiency of Escalator Etiquette - Cheddar Explains

The Unseen Inefficiency of Escalator Etiquette - Cheddar Explains

Is there a right way to ride an escalator? City escalator etiquette states that one side is for standers and the other for walkers. But is this the safest, m...

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Sports
"What are we, the Arena Football League?"

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John Mara only no vote for onside kick alternative

Giants owner John Mara was the only no vote on the Competition Committee for the alternative to the onside kick. "What are we, the Arena Football League?" he said.

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Trump hosts NHL champions the Washington Capitals with a buffet of hamberders, hot dogs, and pigs in a blanket. Oh and that chocolate powder that you mix with milk.....Quick. And twinkies. And those necklaces made out of candy. Yes, this is happening

63 »

Trump hosts Stanley Cup champion Capitals at White House

WASHINGTON (AP) - President Donald Trump welcomed Alex Ovechkin and the reigning NHL champion Washington Capitals to the Oval Office on Monday to congratulate them for winning the Stanley Cup in...

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"If we win a Lombardi Trophy, I'll wear it around like a crown until people are sick of me"

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Jets CEO: "If we win a Lombardi Trophy, I'll wear it around like a crown until people are sick of me"

The Johnson brothers just shelled out about 125 freakin' million bucks in the past two weeks to improve the Jets roster, so you can bet your sweet derriere that they're expecting a return on their investment soon.

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Nikki Bella is leaving the WWE after signing up with the federation in 2007

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Find Out Why Nikki Bella Is Retiring From WWE

Nikki Bella is retiring from WWE after over 10 years. Find out how she revealed the explosive news.

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In honor of Gronk's retirement, let's look at the Arizona Cardinals' production at the tight end position since Gronk entered the league in 2010

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4 Rob Gronkowski stats compared to Cardinals TEs that are ridiculous

We look at how the Cardinals TEs stack up comparatively to arguably the best tight end ever.

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Business
Automation could replace 1.5 million UK jobs and make finding a seat at the pub damn near impossible

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Automation 'could replace 1.5 million jobs'

The jobs of women, the young and part-time workers in England are most at risk from automation, the ONS says.

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Not news: It's a day ending in "y," so here's another story about bitcoin brokers and their shenanigans. Fark: 630,000 brokers

8 »

Latest 'bad guy' rundown includes theft of client money and bitcoin scheme. Is your broker listed?

FINRA recently banned 11 people from working in the securities industry and suspended 16.

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There's rich, and then there's "Ferrari custom designs and builds you a supercar" rich

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The Ferrari P80/C Looks So Amazing I'm Sad There's Only One

I can't say I give a ton of thought to modern Ferraris these days-it took me a while to even remember the 488's replacement is the F8 Tributo-but even I can appreciate the sheer audacity and wealth needed to commission Ferrari itself to build the exact car you want to your exact specifications over a period of years. Meet the latest one of those, the Ferrari P80/C, touted as Ferrari's "the most extreme one-off design ever."

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Twinkies and hazelnuts are fighting for Amos and elves. Seriously, this really hits home

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Ferrero and Hostess vie for Kellogg's Keebler cookie business, in a roughly $1.5 billion deal

Kellogg's Keebler, Famous Amos and fruit snacks businesses brought in final bids from Hostess Brands and Nutella-owner Ferrero, people familiar with the situation tell CNBC. A deal could value the brands at about $1.5 billion.

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It's like Enron but on the blockchain. Seems legit

9 »

Former Enron CEO Jeffrey Skilling wants back into the energy business

Among the ventures Skilling is considering is an idea he came up with in 2015 while serving a federal prison sentence for his role in Enron's 2001 collapse.

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Geek
Scientists discover bacteria can travel thousands of miles through the air - and there's no charge in coach

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Bacteria can travel thousands of miles through the air

Scientists previously thought bacteria needed a host to travel the globe. However, new research suggests bacteria can travel thousands of miles through the air.

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Researchers discover a way to print 3D cancerous tumors, if you're into that sort of thing

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Rapid magnetic 3-D printing of human cells

Imagine being able to visit your physician, and instead of being given a one-size-fits-all treatment, you are given a specifically customized medication for your symptoms.

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Harvard researcher finds the 23 and me confirms that she is human

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What my DNA told me: Avoid fast food, eat vegetables

NEW YORK (AP) - Avoid fast food, eat vegetables and exercise. It sounds like generic health advice, but they're tips supposedly tailored to my DNA profile. The suggestions come from 23andme,...

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Viking burial ship discovered. Norway? Yes way. You submitted this with a more berserk headline

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Archeologists believe Norway find is rare Viking ship burial

Archeologists believe they have found a rare Viking ship burial site in a region of Norway known for its Viking-era treasures, Norwegian officials said Monday.

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GREAT SCOTT(y)

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UAlberta paleontologists report world's biggest Tyrannosaurus rex

University of Alberta paleontologists have just reported the world's biggest Tyrannosaurus rex and the largest dinosaur skeleton ever found in Canada. The 13-metre-long T. rex, nicknamed 'Scotty,' lived in prehistoric Saskatchewan 66 million years ago.

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Entertainment
Wendy Williams is spotted out without her wedding ring

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Wendy Williams Is Spotted Without Her Wedding Ring Amid Marital Problem Rumors

Wendy Williams previously stated that people did not need to worry about the status of her marriage until her wedding ring was off of her hand. On Monday, she was spotted without her ring.

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NBC films an entire Tonight Show episode using only a Galaxy S-10+ phone, including Teamsters beating the crap out of scab working the phone

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Apple's new streaming service will have HBO and Showtime for $10 a month. BUT, you can only watch them as Apple sees fit

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Apple set to unveil streaming service, will reportedly offer HBO, Showtime for $9.99 a month

Apple Inc. will shift its business further toward the services side Monday, according to a new report a day before the unveiling of its highly anticipated...

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Opie screamed for ice cream - in terror - as it was really colored mash taters

14 »

There's a funny reason why Ron Howard secretly dreaded every time Opie ate ice cream

"You know, licking that, that takes acting."

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"The result of this act was several small objects left in the halls" (NSFW)

5 »

Russian man strolls through Moscow's Tretyakov Gallery in thong underwear

The latest bizarre incident at one of Russia's most important institutions was an "unsanctioned performance" according to the museum

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D'awww
Cats of the rich & famous enjoy champagne dreams and caviar wishes in recycled wine barrel beds

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Recycled Wine Barrel Cat Beds Put The Napa In Naptime

Cats of all (vint)ages will enjoy champagne dreams in these retired and recycled, wall-mounted, Napa Valley wine barrel cat beds.

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Deputies rescue two wailing bear cubs trapped in flooded den

7 »

Wisconsin deputies rescue 2 wailing bear cubs trapped in flooded den

ASHLAND, Wis. -- Two Wisconsin sheriff's deputies rescued a pair of bear cubs trapped in a flooded culvert that had served as their den. The Ashland Daily Press reports that Ashland County deputies Zach Pierce and Dylan Wegner discovered the baby bruins Friday near the Bad River Indian Reservation in northern Wisconsin.

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Polish penguin sports completely white tuxedo

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Albino Penguin Born In Poland Is Extremely Rare And Extremely Cute

An extremely rare albino penguin was born at a Polish zoo and made its world debut last Friday.

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The best photos from around the web on National Puppy Day

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National Puppy Day Photos

In the spirit of the day, I am obligated to share these adorable images of pups around the world.

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Sunglass Cat shows us why we need to adopt animals with special needs, just in time for Caturday

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Meet Sunglass Cat - the cat with a rare eye condition and 400k Instagram fans

Metro.co.uk: News, Sport, Showbiz, Celebrities from Metro

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Food
Get your winter soups made before the weather warms too much. Subby's favorite soup recipe to the left. Post recipes of your favorite summer soups to the right

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Hearty Butternut Squash Soup

The comforting combination of squash, meat, beans and veggies makes this my go-to soup in fall. It's full of freshness. -Jaye Beeler, Grand Rapids, Michigan

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Domino's South Korea unveils Doublecrust Iberico Pizza - two crispy pizza crusts sandwiching sweet potato mousse, topped with Iberico pork, mozzarella, ricotta, Romano cream cheese, Quattro cheese fondue, bacon, potato, mayo, and sun-dried tomatoes (link fixed)

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Triscuit Branches Out with New Wheatberry Clusters

Triscuit branches out from shredded wheat crackers with the launch of new Triscuit Wheatberry Clusters .

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"Wrappers bad, seeds and skin good"

1 »

What my DNA told me: Avoid fast food, eat vegetables

Avoid fast food, eat vegetables and exercise. It sounds like generic health advice, but they're tips supposedly tailored to my DNA profile.

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As if you needed another reason to buy good chocolate

2 »

Professor Achim Spiller

Achim Spiller, Professor of Food Marketing, Department of Agricultural Economics and Rural Development

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A fascinating article on something most foodies probably never knew existed. Also, I want to go camping with that dude

8 »

Desert truffles are Libya's 'manna from heaven'

Braving the cold and hostile Libyan desert, Milad Mohammed scratches the ground to extract what he calls "manna from heaven"-white truffles coveted as a delicacy at home and abroad.

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Politics
Joe Scarborough ready to start defending Trump again now that the specter of treason has been lifted for the moment

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Morning Joe Declares 'Best Day' of Trump Presidency: 'Good News' for All Americans He Didn't Conspire with Russia

"It is good news, Democrats, Independents, and Republicans alike."

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Freshly minoritized House GOP to Democrats: "Hey remember this bipartisanship thingy we completely ignored while we had the majority? Yeah, we should bring that back again"

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Powerless House Republicans Now Whining About Bipartisanship

Remember this? From Politico, October 28, 2010 (emphasis added):

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Trump hosts NHL champions the Washington Capitals with a buffet of hamberders, hot dogs, and pigs in a blanket. Oh and that chocolate powder that you mix with milk.....Quick. And twinkies. And those necklaces made out of candy. Yes, this is happening

63 »

Trump hosts Stanley Cup champion Capitals at White House

WASHINGTON (AP) - President Donald Trump welcomed Alex Ovechkin and the reigning NHL champion Washington Capitals to the Oval Office on Monday to congratulate them for winning the Stanley Cup in...

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Trump campaign complains that politicians are allowed to go on TV and just lie. That's the joke

68 »

Daniel Dale on Twitter

"The Trump campaign formally complains that politicians are being allowed to go on television and make "outlandish, false claims": https://t.co/nZVtRmzNXn"

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Alaska DMV's custom NRA plate is up front about its purpose: Benefits Youth Shooting

33 »

(Alaska DMV)

(Alaska DMV)

(Alaska DMV)

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