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  • I'd much rather get a list from my significant other. That way, I can get in and get out quickly instead of slowly wandering up and down every single aisle with her.

    / phrasing?
  • Our first fight as a married couple (pre cell phone) happened at Easter, in front of our parents.

    I was hosting Easter lunch and sent my husband to the store for a five pound ham. He was gone forever.
    I tried to chat with the folks while watching the clock tick away the time needed to finish cooking and demanded to know what the hell took so long when he arrived.

    He lifted a large plastic bag and said "You have no idea how long it took the Deli guy to slice five pounds of ham"

    I think I was in the kitchen crying when my Grandmother, with two Manhattans under her belt, kissed me and said "You knew he was Jewish when you married him, honey. How many Easter hams has he had, really?"

    Love and learn.
  • parasol: Our first fight as a married couple (pre cell phone) happened at Easter, in front of our parents.

    I was hosting Easter lunch and sent my husband to the store for a five pound ham. He was gone forever.
    I tried to chat with the folks while watching the clock tick away the time needed to finish cooking and demanded to know what the hell took so long when he arrived.

    He lifted a large plastic bag and said "You have no idea how long it took the Deli guy to slice five pounds of ham"

    I think I was in the kitchen crying when my Grandmother, with two Manhattans under her belt, kissed me and said "You knew he was Jewish when you married him, honey. How many Easter hams has he had, really?"

    Love and learn.


    Obligatory.

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  • A poor, harried person approached me this afternoon all "WHERE DID YOU FIND THE CRANBERRIES?!?" with a list in their hand.  I had to feel for that, it took me like ten minutes to find the damn garlic.
  • And I KNOW where the garlic usually is; they just decided to all up and put it on the other side of produce for some marketing reason
  • So now Fark is green-lighting articles that report on amusing things said in Reddit posts?
  • I was at the store yesterday looking for heavy cream.  As was another woman nearby.  We each took an end of the dairy cases and met in the middle...nothing.  Grabbed a couple of employees that were walking by.. "Well, we don't work in dairy but we'll help you look." ... nothing.  Couldn't even find the shelf tag to verify that they were sold out.

    I finally found it on a bottom shelf squeezed between two random unrelated items...some asshole thought that right before the time of the year that they sell the most of it would be the perfect time to change the packaging...sigh
  • MorgothsDishwasher: So now Fark is green-lighting articles that report on amusing things said in Reddit posts?


    This is the only place I get to see Reddit content.
    My son told me to never, ever go there in the same tone I used to tell him never, ever tease the bad dog next door.

    Don't deny me a peek into Reddit via Fark on a random Saturday morning.
    It's either this or stripping beds and washing sheets.

    killjoy
  • Recoil Therapy: I was at the store yesterday looking for heavy cream.  As was another woman nearby.  We each took an end of the dairy cases and met in the middle...nothing.  Grabbed a couple of employees that were walking by.. "Well, we don't work in dairy but we'll help you look." ... nothing.  Couldn't even find the shelf tag to verify that they were sold out.

    I finally found it on a bottom shelf squeezed between two random unrelated items...some asshole thought that right before the time of the year that they sell the most of it would be the perfect time to change the packaging...sigh


    You know what else needs to be labeled more clearly?
    Buttermilk.
    So said the person here who took a big swig out of the carton thinking it was milk.

    Even the cat was impressed with the amount of *gack* that followed.
  • MissFeasance: And I KNOW where the garlic usually is; they just decided to all up and put it on the other side of produce for some marketing reason


    I farking hate that.
  • "Don't be surprised if we don't know. It's a big f**king store, "


    That's a load of crap.  When I was young, I worked at the biggest store in the state at the time - Randall's/Safeway.  This was back when HEB still looked like a warehouse on the inside and all of their items were still in their boxes that had been cut open on one side.  The old Randall's stores had ever bit the stock of your average size HEBs (not the Plus, mind you).

    I started as a sacker and made it a point to memorize the entire store and certainly had it memorized when I was a stocker.  Hell, I have 85%+ of my current HEB memorized *now* (15% of that non-memorization includes the rotating or temp. stock).  It's not that hard.

    Granted, most of the middle-of-the night customers are either people wanting to relax while they shop and take their time or they are weirdos.  But it is not unreasonable to ask a stocker where something is located.  Everything in the store is *not* on that HEB app by any means.  And they often move big chunks of stock to end-displays and such.  Also, certain items seem to disappear and are, apparently, difficult to restock (boxed 1lb sugar for instance - there's a reason lots of people need this and it sells quick which HEB hasn't figured out yet).  In addition, at my local HEB (which is right under the Plus-sized store), the stockers seem to know where farking everything is as would be expected.
  • bostonguy: I'd much rather get a list from my significant other. That way, I can get in and get out quickly instead of slowly wandering up and down every single aisle with her.

    / phrasing?


    That was hubby's decision about 7 years ago when it began getting harder for me to walk. Plus, I like to look at everything, especially the produce, and find new things, etc., and it always drove him crazy.

    So he started doing what he is doing right this minute: going to the store without me and taking a list instead.

    He does get what he calls "treasure hunt items" - but he's gotten good at asking the clerks for help (normally he won't talk to anyone until he gets to the check out, but they are all friends since he's seen most of them for nearly a decade).

    It would be easier for him to get in and out of the store ASAP, especially in these COVID times, if the store would stop rearranging itself all the time, sometimes the entire freaking store like earlier this year. That one really threw him off as they moved practically every item in the store and the clerks didn't know where everything was anymore. Pissed him off.

    But I've sent him off with the Thanksgiving list and it's pretty traditional so he shouldn't have to "treasure hunt" this morning.
  • I tried to find the one where a man is looking at an aisle of bread. And has no idea what he is looking at. But I did find this one:

    Carl's Jr. "Deli" commercial (2004)
    Youtube LQVvH-csnSY
  • parasol:

    Ha! Cultural misunderstandings.

    Long ago, my ex (a Japanese guy) said he wanted potato for dinner, could I get him some on the way over? Imagine his stunned look when I show up with a sack of russets.

    Did you know that in Japan "potato" refers to sliced fried potatoes you and I would call French fries? The tuber itself is called jagaimo.
  • I am very, very familiar with the HEB down the street from me. I've always been the one to do the grocery shopping, mostly because I'm the one who does the cooking. Plus, as my wife and I both have worked at home fro more than 10 years, it's nice to get out of the house for a few minutes, listen to music or a podcast.

    Send my wife to the store? She's on the phone in 10 minutes asking me where stuff is.

    I'd say 90% of the staff at HEB know exactly where almost everything is. Those folks are great.
  • I'm pretty good at finding stuff at grocery stores, but last week I went to THREE different stores trying to find cornstarch. I looked where it obviously should be (baking stuff) in all 3, then literally everywhere else. I now believe cornstarch only exists in my work kitchen.
  • Monkey: I am very, very familiar with the HEB down the street from me.


    Uh, what?
  • bostonguy: Monkey: I am very, very familiar with the HEB down the street from me.

    Uh, what?


    I originally typed "intimately familiar", and realized how that sounds.

    How about "I am very, very familiar with the layout of the HEB down the street"?

    I mean, I do occasionally go around back and f*ck the building.
  • My grocery store has a guide printed on the basket of every grocery cart. It's pretty great
  •         What peaches and what penumbras! Whole families shopping at night! Aisles full of husbands! Wives in the avocados, babies in the tomatoes!-and you, Garcia Lorca, what were you doing down by the watermelons?
  • Grocery shopping is nothing but an anxiety and stress magnifier in my world.  I have two methods to get the essential things I need in my kitchen.

    1. Go to the store first thing in the morning, 7 am when they open, and grab misc. things when I don't need a lot.
    2. Use amazon fresh, and pay a substantial premium over the local store for the convenience.

    Pop into the dollar general occasionally to get paper products, toothpaste, sundries.

    If I was married, theres just no way I'd be able to take the mental gymnastics to spend an hour filling a cart and getting everything requested if i was in that situation; props to the guys who aren't bothered with it!
  • Monkey: bostonguy: Monkey: I am very, very familiar with the HEB down the street from me.

    Uh, what?

    I originally typed "intimately familiar", and realized how that sounds.

    How about "I am very, very familiar with the layout of the HEB down the street"?

    I mean, I do occasionally go around back and f*ck the building.


    Ah, sorry. It's the HEB part -- I read that as HEEB.
  • bostonguy: Monkey: bostonguy: Monkey: I am very, very familiar with the HEB down the street from me.

    Uh, what?

    I originally typed "intimately familiar", and realized how that sounds.

    How about "I am very, very familiar with the layout of the HEB down the street"?

    I mean, I do occasionally go around back and f*ck the building.

    Ah, sorry. It's the HEB part -- I read that as HEEB.


    Understandable. There is actually an HEB here in Austin that serves the Orthodox Jewish community (has a well stocked kosher foods department) and, this being Texas, it's not unusual for it to be referred to with the pronunciation you posted.
  • phedex: Grocery shopping is nothing but an anxiety and stress magnifier in my world.


    dude I can sympathize.
  • Anybody else arrange their shopping list according to the store layout? Produce first, then baking, then pasta, etc. until you get to dairy/frozen. My once-a-month run takes about 15 minutes.
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