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  • Excelsior: ReapTheChaos: I was the only one to have a slice; we composted it three days later.

    Composting a cake? Do these people not have ants where they live?

    I'm sure they do now.


    Vying with rats.
  • Some Junkie Cosmonaut: Ok the accidentally using fake creamer instead of cream thing... how?  A bottle of creamer and a bottle of cream do not resemble each other to such a degree that I'm going to confuse the two


    That is completely dependent on the brand. And I assume how sober you are.  And if you read. And if you pay attention.
    Most of the time people are running on empty during the holidays
  • waxbeans: Some Junkie Cosmonaut: Ok the accidentally using fake creamer instead of cream thing... how?  A bottle of creamer and a bottle of cream do not resemble each other to such a degree that I'm going to confuse the two

    That is completely dependent on the brand. And I assume how sober you are.  And if you read. And if you pay attention.
    Most of the time people are running on empty during the holidays


    Yeah but... that's just... that's a bit much.  I mean forgetting to put something in?  (Oh yeah, there was supposed to be butter in these cookies!  Guilty of that one - they were trash.)  Yeah that happens.  Adding an extra teaspoon or something, or doubling spices 'cause you forgot you put them in?  Yeah ok.  Confusing two seriously different bottles with different markings?  No, not so much, not even at my dopiest
  • How is parting out a turkey substantially different from a chicken? I mean you need a cleaver to spatchcock it but pulling the leg quarters and separating thigh from drum is more or less the same thing?

    My only turkey day fail was making a different dressing recipe and making everyone mad. People are very weird about tradition sometimes.

    Hope everyone has a successful and scrumptious meal/family time today.
  • Some Junkie Cosmonaut: waxbeans: Some Junkie Cosmonaut: Ok the accidentally using fake creamer instead of cream thing... how?  A bottle of creamer and a bottle of cream do not resemble each other to such a degree that I'm going to confuse the two

    That is completely dependent on the brand. And I assume how sober you are.  And if you read. And if you pay attention.
    Most of the time people are running on empty during the holidays

    Yeah but... that's just... that's a bit much.  I mean forgetting to put something in?  (Oh yeah, there was supposed to be butter in these cookies!  Guilty of that one - they were trash.)  Yeah that happens.  Adding an extra teaspoon or something, or doubling spices 'cause you forgot you put them in?  Yeah ok.  Confusing two seriously different bottles with different markings?  No, not so much, not even at my dopiest


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  • waxbeans: Some Junkie Cosmonaut: waxbeans: Some Junkie Cosmonaut: Ok the accidentally using fake creamer instead of cream thing... how?  A bottle of creamer and a bottle of cream do not resemble each other to such a degree that I'm going to confuse the two

    That is completely dependent on the brand. And I assume how sober you are.  And if you read. And if you pay attention.
    Most of the time people are running on empty during the holidays

    Yeah but... that's just... that's a bit much.  I mean forgetting to put something in?  (Oh yeah, there was supposed to be butter in these cookies!  Guilty of that one - they were trash.)  Yeah that happens.  Adding an extra teaspoon or something, or doubling spices 'cause you forgot you put them in?  Yeah ok.  Confusing two seriously different bottles with different markings?  No, not so much, not even at my dopiest

    [Fark user image 367x750]


    Hmm.  Ok... that does look a lot like creamer if you're 400% not paying attention.  I still can't imagine I'd do it, but it does seem at least more feasible with that container.  Fair
  • Some Junkie Cosmonaut: waxbeans: Some Junkie Cosmonaut: waxbeans: Some Junkie Cosmonaut: Ok the accidentally using fake creamer instead of cream thing... how?  A bottle of creamer and a bottle of cream do not resemble each other to such a degree that I'm going to confuse the two

    That is completely dependent on the brand. And I assume how sober you are.  And if you read. And if you pay attention.
    Most of the time people are running on empty during the holidays

    Yeah but... that's just... that's a bit much.  I mean forgetting to put something in?  (Oh yeah, there was supposed to be butter in these cookies!  Guilty of that one - they were trash.)  Yeah that happens.  Adding an extra teaspoon or something, or doubling spices 'cause you forgot you put them in?  Yeah ok.  Confusing two seriously different bottles with different markings?  No, not so much, not even at my dopiest

    [Fark user image 367x750]

    Hmm.  Ok... that does look a lot like creamer if you're 400% not paying attention.  I still can't imagine I'd do it, but it does seem at least more feasible with that container.  Fair


    😆 or high. Tired.  Over worked.  Stressed.  High.
  • Made thanksgiving dinner for 7 for my family today.

    Turkey was dry. Used a hand mixer on the potatoes to please my mom. I prefer a hand masher that leaves small chunks of potato. Did moms canned yams. Blecch.

    Gravy was really good.

    I don't eat pumpkin pies, but made them anyway for the first time. They went over real good.

    No offense, but the doctored stovetop stuffing with that artery clogging gravy and green bean casserole was my favorite.

    My daughters farked up the cranberry sauce and baked beans.

    Thanksgiving had never been my favorite meal. I prefer Christmas ham with all those trimmings.

    This Christmas, however, we're doing lasagna, a sushi tray and deviled eggs. That way we'll hit all the diets (my oldest daughter is no beef, no pork and extremely limited dairy).

    So you can see what I'm working with. Sigh.

    Still, everyone was happy with the meal.

    I wasn't.  I can do better with enough time, the right ingredients and a better kitchen.

    Still, the only thing we threw out was a bit of canned corn.

    So I'm thinking it was a successful thanksgiving.

    Can't complain if everyone went home fat, sleepy and happy.
  • waxbeans: Vespers: Bunch of "I didn't taste it beforehand", "I didn't use the right ingredients", and "I thought I'd show off".

    FWIW: I feel asleep while deep frying fish and almost died.


    Christmas 2015. Brother's girlfriend decides to host for the family. 

    I came across some fresh caught Michigan walleye that had been given to me and frozen properly since Easter that I wanted to share for Christmas.

    "Oh hell no, you aren't cooking fish in my kitchen on Christmas", brother's girlfriend said.

    That year, winter was crazy warm in Michigan and I just happened to have an outdoor camp cook stove, so I fried about 2 pounds of walleye in my brother's backyard in 50 degree weather.

    My family, not really big fish eaters, went apeshiat over the fish and were diplomatically fighting over leftovers. 

    Brothers's girlfriend hasn't hosted a holiday since.

    Note:  brother has been with his girlfriend, whom my grandson calls aunt, for more than 20 years.

    She doesn't want me cooking in her kitchen. I can respect that.
  • KwameKilstrawberry: Made thanksgiving dinner for 7 for my family today.

    Turkey was dry. Used a hand mixer on the potatoes to please my mom. I prefer a hand masher that leaves small chunks of potato. Did moms canned yams. Blecch.

    Gravy was really good.

    I don't eat pumpkin pies, but made them anyway for the first time. They went over real good.

    No offense, but the doctored stovetop stuffing with that artery clogging gravy and green bean casserole was my favorite.

    My daughters farked up the cranberry sauce and baked beans.

    Thanksgiving had never been my favorite meal. I prefer Christmas ham with all those trimmings.

    This Christmas, however, we're doing lasagna, a sushi tray and deviled eggs. That way we'll hit all the diets (my oldest daughter is no beef, no pork and extremely limited dairy).

    So you can see what I'm working with. Sigh.

    Still, everyone was happy with the meal.

    I wasn't.  I can do better with enough time, the right ingredients and a better kitchen.

    Still, the only thing we threw out was a bit of canned corn.

    So I'm thinking it was a successful thanksgiving.

    Can't complain if everyone went home fat, sleepy and happy.


    Sounds like my Thanksgiving, except my turkey turned out amazing. I brine mine which helps, and pull it out of the oven when it is just under 165°. One of the best I've done if not the best. I don't do canned yams, but I use fresh and saute them with brown sugar and butter. And convinced my wife to make real mashed potatoes instead of the instant kind.

    Like yours, our stuffing and green bean casserole turned out pretty damn good too.

    I am curious how the cranberry sauce and baked beans turned out, sounds like a good story.

    Also, your Christmas dinner sounds yummy. I do feel your pain with picky eaters though, that makes any meal tough.
  • TheGreenMonkey: KwameKilstrawberry: Made thanksgiving dinner for 7 for my family today.

    Turkey was dry. Used a hand mixer on the potatoes to please my mom. I prefer a hand masher that leaves small chunks of potato. Did moms canned yams. Blecch.

    Gravy was really good.

    I don't eat pumpkin pies, but made them anyway for the first time. They went over real good.

    No offense, but the doctored stovetop stuffing with that artery clogging gravy and green bean casserole was my favorite.

    My daughters farked up the cranberry sauce and baked beans.

    Thanksgiving had never been my favorite meal. I prefer Christmas ham with all those trimmings.

    This Christmas, however, we're doing lasagna, a sushi tray and deviled eggs. That way we'll hit all the diets (my oldest daughter is no beef, no pork and extremely limited dairy).

    So you can see what I'm working with. Sigh.

    Still, everyone was happy with the meal.

    I wasn't.  I can do better with enough time, the right ingredients and a better kitchen.

    Still, the only thing we threw out was a bit of canned corn.

    So I'm thinking it was a successful thanksgiving.

    Can't complain if everyone went home fat, sleepy and happy.

    Sounds like my Thanksgiving, except my turkey turned out amazing. I brine mine which helps, and pull it out of the oven when it is just under 165°. One of the best I've done if not the best. I don't do canned yams, but I use fresh and saute them with brown sugar and butter. And convinced my wife to make real mashed potatoes instead of the instant kind.

    Like yours, our stuffing and green bean casserole turned out pretty damn good too.

    I am curious how the cranberry sauce and baked beans turned out, sounds like a good story.

    Also, your Christmas dinner sounds yummy. I do feel your pain with picky eaters though, that makes any meal tough.


    Daughter 1 (the "I'm vegan, or vegetarian or pescatarian when I'm not smoking the devils weed ") went off recipe with the cranberries and added too much water and used honey instead of sugar, so the cranberries ended up ungelled and waaay too tart. This girl will pick a rack of baby pork ribs clean after she's smoked a joint.

    However, daughter 1 still has a cleaner, healthier diet that keeps her trim and healthy, so none of my family gets in her face about enjoying an occasional off-diet indiscretion when she's got the munchies.

    Daughter 2 made baked beans in a crockpot. Eww. Too sweet.

    Baked beans need to cook in an oven so the bacon cooks to a rendered chewy salty pork that smokes the beans properly.

    Thankfully, my family doesn't have the palate I have, so they enjoyed thanksgiving dinner.

    Me?  I brought home some steamed broccoli, the green bean casserole and the puréed potatoes.

    I'll be picking up some McCormick turkey gravy packets tomorrow to make a gravy for the leftover potatoes.

    Not my best meal. I thought it sucked balls. But there's no waste and my kin enjoyed it.

    Either my family has no taste or I'm too hard on myself.

    Probably a little bit of both.
  • "Air pocket in my cake?"  "Brought the wrong salad dressing?"  Those are disasters?

    How about bringing a 20 lb turkey to the table to carve in front of everyone, tripping over a wrinkle in the rug, and sending the bird on one last flight, across the dining table into my mother-in-law's lap?

    My snob-foodie mother-in-law who roasted the damn turkey?

    Yeah.

    THAT's a disaster.

    /her turkeys were very good
    //and yea, damn right we ate it anyway
  • bughunter: "Air pocket in my cake?"  "Brought the wrong salad dressing?"  Those are disasters?

    How about bringing a 20 lb turkey to the table to carve in front of everyone, tripping over a wrinkle in the rug, and sending the bird on one last flight, across the dining table into my mother-in-law's lap?

    My snob-foodie mother-in-law who roasted the damn turkey?

    Yeah.

    THAT's a disaster.

    /her turkeys were very good
    //and yea, damn right we ate it anyway


    Na.
    U got two worse.
    Made an amazing lasagna.  Placed it on the open oven door. And it bent down more. And smash the lasagna dish shatters.

    Made awesome eggs and corn tortillas.  Place it on the bed to eat. Jump on bed and the plate lands upside down on carpet.

    /
    Bonus: too much pepper in mac and ground beef.  Tired to fix that with sugar.  😆

    //
    Feel asleep frying fish. Almost died


    ///
    Put a mercy thermometer inside the turkey.

    ////
  • OK, if this is the place to check in with tonight's dinner:

    We ate at a sober friend's house, with him and his wife and their 18-yo autistic son who I have nicknamed Taz, for good reason.  And another mutual AA buddy was there, too.  They are a gluten-free, grain-free household, so I told them we'd bring a sweet potato dish.

    I was asked to make the sweet potatoes with marshmallows, and we are a no marshmallow household, but I actually found a partial bag of months-old campfire marshmallows in the mess box with our camping gear in the garage.  (I will roast a marshmallow over a campfire, and apply it to a graham cracker, along with a Reese's cup - but that's another thread.)  Or maybe it was years-old.  I don't remember, but it was in a ziplok, and humans (and our pets) are the only organisms to consider marshmallows food...

    So yesterday, I roasted several sweet potatoes very well done, and peeled them, then sliced them into 3/4" thick circles and put them in a glass baking dish.  Then I put a pat of butter on each one, sprinkled them lightly with pumpkin pie spice, and snipped a little piece of marshmallow on top of each one.  No added sugar except for the hand-cut mini marshmallow.  All it needed was 5 minutes or so under the broiler at Ed and Julie's house to caramelize the marshmallow.

    Julie, the lady of the house, the chef, did a wonderful job with the rest of the menu.  It was mostly traditional meat and vegetables, but the stuffing used a almond- and cassava-flour bread and she thickened the turkey gravy with almond flour.  The latter was delicious, perfectly good gravy.

    The bird was cooked perfectly... I feel bad for doubting her poultry-fu when she told us all "the pop-up thingie in the turkey was stuck and I forgot to take the foil off - we have to wait another half hour to take the turkey out."

    BUT... to her lament, the gluten-free stuffing was mealy.  It tasted like almond meal with butter, celery and sage.  Unusual but not bad.  And like I posted yesterday, as long as it has sage and gravy, I'm happy.  I'm not too picky about comfort food.

    Everyone loved the sweet potatoes, and Taz inhaled his and wanted seconds.  That's an endorsement.

    /Taz is a 4-year old in the body of an 18 year old
    //hyperactive and adhd also, he leaves a path of destruction like his namesake
    ///mostly well behaved at dinner though, knows his napkin goes in his lap
  • Mid eighties dad decided to cook a 20 pounder indirectly in the big weber kettle at our lake place, warm autumn so the boat was still in the water, ten people for the feast.
    We nurtured that bird for like six hours, and it was almost finished. Mom had all the sides ready to go, mom had never failed at thanksgiving dinner ever in decades, but trusted the turkey to the guys that year.
    . All looking ready, two guests went out for something. Dad says " lets go on a booze cruise for a half hour" and everyone jumps in the boat. I drove because i was 17 and couldnt drink. The half hour goes by, we round the point returning, and theres this visible column of black smoke, rising from the kettle.
    The bird had caught fire a bit after we left and burned black in about 1.5 inches. The sawing noise the knife made ill never forget. The taste, nope, nobodys eating it.  Mom had a big hungry mob casserole in the fridge that saved the day that year.
  • skiinstructor: Mid eighties dad decided to cook a 20 pounder indirectly in the big weber kettle at our lake place, warm autumn so the boat was still in the water, ten people for the feast.
    We nurtured that bird for like six hours, and it was almost finished. Mom had all the sides ready to go, mom had never failed at thanksgiving dinner ever in decades, but trusted the turkey to the guys that year.
    . All looking ready, two guests went out for something. Dad says " lets go on a booze cruise for a half hour" and everyone jumps in the boat. I drove because i was 17 and couldnt drink. The half hour goes by, we round the point returning, and theres this visible column of black smoke, rising from the kettle.
    The bird had caught fire a bit after we left and burned black in about 1.5 inches. The sawing noise the knife made ill never forget. The taste, nope, nobodys eating it.  Mom had a big hungry mob casserole in the fridge that saved the day that year.


    😲
  • after reading this I've determined that the staff of Slate should be allowed to do neither cooking nor journalism.
  • I made the most beautiful golden brown turkey this year, like straight out of a Norman Rockwell illustration. I put butter and spices under and on the skin, a lot more effort than usual, I really tried. Looked amazing, tasted bland IMHO. That's what gravy or cranberries is for, right?

    Also: pumpkin pie is good - sweet potato pie is good - Why not combine them in one? Oh, I don't feel like screwing around with pie crusts. So, Sweet Potato Pumpkin Cobbler it is! Flavor was OK but texture was very mushy. It didn't "set" at all.
  • waxbeans: Put a mercy thermometer inside the turkey


    Beans, how the fark are you even alive?
  • Some Junkie Cosmonaut: waxbeans: Put a mercy thermometer inside the turkey

    Beans, how the fark are you even alive?


    None of who was involved understand that to this day. Maybe we was wasteful and didn't pick over the bird down to the bottom of the pan and it all pooled there?

    /
    Also put one the the gas fire ; want to know how hot that was. Pop. Opps.
  • Not Thanksgiving, and chicken not turkey, but this was my fowl fail
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  • Petite Mel: Not Thanksgiving, and chicken not turkey, but this was my fowl fail[Fark user image 425x239]


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  • bughunter: OK, if this is the place to check in with tonight's dinner:

    We ate at a sober friend's house, with him and his wife and their 18-yo autistic son who I have nicknamed Taz, for good reason.  And another mutual AA buddy was there, too.  They are a gluten-free, grain-free household, so I told them we'd bring a sweet potato dish.

    I was asked to make the sweet potatoes with marshmallows, and we are a no marshmallow household, but I actually found a partial bag of months-old campfire marshmallows in the mess box with our camping gear in the garage.  (I will roast a marshmallow over a campfire, and apply it to a graham cracker, along with a Reese's cup - but that's another thread.)  Or maybe it was years-old.  I don't remember, but it was in a ziplok, and humans (and our pets) are the only organisms to consider marshmallows food...

    So yesterday, I roasted several sweet potatoes very well done, and peeled them, then sliced them into 3/4" thick circles and put them in a glass baking dish.  Then I put a pat of butter on each one, sprinkled them lightly with pumpkin pie spice, and snipped a little piece of marshmallow on top of each one.  No added sugar except for the hand-cut mini marshmallow.  All it needed was 5 minutes or so under the broiler at Ed and Julie's house to caramelize the marshmallow.

    Julie, the lady of the house, the chef, did a wonderful job with the rest of the menu.  It was mostly traditional meat and vegetables, but the stuffing used a almond- and cassava-flour bread and she thickened the turkey gravy with almond flour.  The latter was delicious, perfectly good gravy.

    The bird was cooked perfectly... I feel bad for doubting her poultry-fu when she told us all "the pop-up thingie in the turkey was stuck and I forgot to take the foil off - we have to wait another half hour to take the turkey out."

    BUT... to her lament, the gluten-free stuffing was mealy.  It tasted like almond meal with butter, celery and sage.  Unusual but not bad.  And like I posted yesterday, as long as it has sage and gravy, I'm happy.  I'm not too picky about comfort food.

    Everyone loved the sweet potatoes, and Taz inhaled his and wanted seconds.  That's an endorsement.

    /Taz is a 4-year old in the body of an 18 year old
    //hyperactive and adhd also, he leaves a path of destruction like his namesake
    ///mostly well behaved at dinner though, knows his napkin goes in his lap


    Holy fark. This reads exactly like the Lunies in The Moon is a Harsh Mistress by Heinlein. Well done.
  • nmathew01: Holy fark. This reads exactly like the Lunies in The Moon is a Harsh Mistress by Heinlein. Well done.


    Holy fark.  I last read that 40 years ago... but I have read a lot of Heinlein, so it may have influenced my writing style, if that's what you mean.  Especially if you mean the dry sarcasm.
  • bughunter: nmathew01: Holy fark. This reads exactly like the Lunies in The Moon is a Harsh Mistress by Heinlein. Well done.

    Holy fark.  I last read that 40 years ago... but I have read a lot of Heinlein, so it may have influenced my writing style, if that's what you mean.  Especially if you mean the dry sarcasm.


    Naw, you didn't include 3 or 4 pages of ballistics calcs for the trip to the dinner
  •  

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