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  • "Like the man (on Slate) said, I hate pie."

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    How on earth can you hate pie? Not care for it, sure. But hate? Get outta here, clown.
  • I wouldn't trust a slate writer to use a microwave
  • Slate - the ramen crowd?  Would have been better if it were the writers for Food & Wine, Bon Appetite, or Penthouse.
  • I was the only one to have a slice; we composted it three days later.

    Composting a cake? Do these people not have ants where they live?
  • ReapTheChaos: I was the only one to have a slice; we composted it three days later.

    Composting a cake? Do these people not have ants where they live?


    They do now.
  • If anyone knows disasters, it's Slate.
  • I had a friend deep-fried a turkey but his Gage was wrong and it came out about a third of inside and looked like it was made of leather. He brought it in and said" anybody want a purse". Thank goodness we had roasted a turkey and have plenty of other stuff. I wish I had a picture.
  • Claude Ballse: "Like the man (on Slate) said, I hate pie."

    [live.staticflickr.com image 221x240]

    How on earth can you hate pie? Not care for it, sure. But hate? Get outta here, clown.


    If you hate pie it's because either you've never had good pie or you're a bad person.

    Eithet way, I don't want to know you.
  • 2014: We just moved into our new home and didn't have time to prepare for Thanksgiving but an ad for Save-Mart in the Modesto Bee offered a "complete Thanksgiving dinner with everything, Ready to Eat!" I ordered one and went to pick it up Thanksgiving morning. Sigh.

    The Deli Manager brought the box out of the walk-in freezer. The instructions on the box began, "Start de-frosting turkey 3 days before." I asked how this is "ready to eat?" I was expecting a cooked meal.

    We had KFC.

    I wrote Save-Mart. They apologized.

    2015: Same ad in the same paper.
    2016: Same ad in the same paper.
    2017: Discontinued subscription.

    Save-Mart is the closest (5 miles) supermarket of size near our unincorporated village. I haven't been back.
  • Bunch of "I didn't taste it beforehand", "I didn't use the right ingredients", and "I thought I'd show off".
  • Vespers: Bunch of "I didn't taste it beforehand", "I didn't use the right ingredients", and "I thought I'd show off".


    FWIW: I feel asleep while deep frying fish and almost died.
  • ReapTheChaos: I was the only one to have a slice; we composted it three days later.

    Composting a cake? Do these people not have ants where they live?


    I'm sure they do now.
  • Ok the accidentally using fake creamer instead of cream thing... how?  A bottle of creamer and a bottle of cream do not resemble each other to such a degree that I'm going to confuse the two
  • Excelsior: ReapTheChaos: I was the only one to have a slice; we composted it three days later.

    Composting a cake? Do these people not have ants where they live?

    I'm sure they do now.


    Vying with rats.
  • Some Junkie Cosmonaut: Ok the accidentally using fake creamer instead of cream thing... how?  A bottle of creamer and a bottle of cream do not resemble each other to such a degree that I'm going to confuse the two


    That is completely dependent on the brand. And I assume how sober you are.  And if you read. And if you pay attention.
    Most of the time people are running on empty during the holidays
  • waxbeans: Some Junkie Cosmonaut: Ok the accidentally using fake creamer instead of cream thing... how?  A bottle of creamer and a bottle of cream do not resemble each other to such a degree that I'm going to confuse the two

    That is completely dependent on the brand. And I assume how sober you are.  And if you read. And if you pay attention.
    Most of the time people are running on empty during the holidays


    Yeah but... that's just... that's a bit much.  I mean forgetting to put something in?  (Oh yeah, there was supposed to be butter in these cookies!  Guilty of that one - they were trash.)  Yeah that happens.  Adding an extra teaspoon or something, or doubling spices 'cause you forgot you put them in?  Yeah ok.  Confusing two seriously different bottles with different markings?  No, not so much, not even at my dopiest
  • How is parting out a turkey substantially different from a chicken? I mean you need a cleaver to spatchcock it but pulling the leg quarters and separating thigh from drum is more or less the same thing?

    My only turkey day fail was making a different dressing recipe and making everyone mad. People are very weird about tradition sometimes.

    Hope everyone has a successful and scrumptious meal/family time today.
  • Some Junkie Cosmonaut: waxbeans: Some Junkie Cosmonaut: Ok the accidentally using fake creamer instead of cream thing... how?  A bottle of creamer and a bottle of cream do not resemble each other to such a degree that I'm going to confuse the two

    That is completely dependent on the brand. And I assume how sober you are.  And if you read. And if you pay attention.
    Most of the time people are running on empty during the holidays

    Yeah but... that's just... that's a bit much.  I mean forgetting to put something in?  (Oh yeah, there was supposed to be butter in these cookies!  Guilty of that one - they were trash.)  Yeah that happens.  Adding an extra teaspoon or something, or doubling spices 'cause you forgot you put them in?  Yeah ok.  Confusing two seriously different bottles with different markings?  No, not so much, not even at my dopiest


    Fark user imageView Full Size
  • waxbeans: Some Junkie Cosmonaut: waxbeans: Some Junkie Cosmonaut: Ok the accidentally using fake creamer instead of cream thing... how?  A bottle of creamer and a bottle of cream do not resemble each other to such a degree that I'm going to confuse the two

    That is completely dependent on the brand. And I assume how sober you are.  And if you read. And if you pay attention.
    Most of the time people are running on empty during the holidays

    Yeah but... that's just... that's a bit much.  I mean forgetting to put something in?  (Oh yeah, there was supposed to be butter in these cookies!  Guilty of that one - they were trash.)  Yeah that happens.  Adding an extra teaspoon or something, or doubling spices 'cause you forgot you put them in?  Yeah ok.  Confusing two seriously different bottles with different markings?  No, not so much, not even at my dopiest

    [Fark user image 367x750]


    Hmm.  Ok... that does look a lot like creamer if you're 400% not paying attention.  I still can't imagine I'd do it, but it does seem at least more feasible with that container.  Fair
  • Some Junkie Cosmonaut: waxbeans: Some Junkie Cosmonaut: waxbeans: Some Junkie Cosmonaut: Ok the accidentally using fake creamer instead of cream thing... how?  A bottle of creamer and a bottle of cream do not resemble each other to such a degree that I'm going to confuse the two

    That is completely dependent on the brand. And I assume how sober you are.  And if you read. And if you pay attention.
    Most of the time people are running on empty during the holidays

    Yeah but... that's just... that's a bit much.  I mean forgetting to put something in?  (Oh yeah, there was supposed to be butter in these cookies!  Guilty of that one - they were trash.)  Yeah that happens.  Adding an extra teaspoon or something, or doubling spices 'cause you forgot you put them in?  Yeah ok.  Confusing two seriously different bottles with different markings?  No, not so much, not even at my dopiest

    [Fark user image 367x750]

    Hmm.  Ok... that does look a lot like creamer if you're 400% not paying attention.  I still can't imagine I'd do it, but it does seem at least more feasible with that container.  Fair


    😆 or high. Tired.  Over worked.  Stressed.  High.
  • Made thanksgiving dinner for 7 for my family today.

    Turkey was dry. Used a hand mixer on the potatoes to please my mom. I prefer a hand masher that leaves small chunks of potato. Did moms canned yams. Blecch.

    Gravy was really good.

    I don't eat pumpkin pies, but made them anyway for the first time. They went over real good.

    No offense, but the doctored stovetop stuffing with that artery clogging gravy and green bean casserole was my favorite.

    My daughters farked up the cranberry sauce and baked beans.

    Thanksgiving had never been my favorite meal. I prefer Christmas ham with all those trimmings.

    This Christmas, however, we're doing lasagna, a sushi tray and deviled eggs. That way we'll hit all the diets (my oldest daughter is no beef, no pork and extremely limited dairy).

    So you can see what I'm working with. Sigh.

    Still, everyone was happy with the meal.

    I wasn't.  I can do better with enough time, the right ingredients and a better kitchen.

    Still, the only thing we threw out was a bit of canned corn.

    So I'm thinking it was a successful thanksgiving.

    Can't complain if everyone went home fat, sleepy and happy.
  • waxbeans: Vespers: Bunch of "I didn't taste it beforehand", "I didn't use the right ingredients", and "I thought I'd show off".

    FWIW: I feel asleep while deep frying fish and almost died.


    Christmas 2015. Brother's girlfriend decides to host for the family. 

    I came across some fresh caught Michigan walleye that had been given to me and frozen properly since Easter that I wanted to share for Christmas.

    "Oh hell no, you aren't cooking fish in my kitchen on Christmas", brother's girlfriend said.

    That year, winter was crazy warm in Michigan and I just happened to have an outdoor camp cook stove, so I fried about 2 pounds of walleye in my brother's backyard in 50 degree weather.

    My family, not really big fish eaters, went apeshiat over the fish and were diplomatically fighting over leftovers. 

    Brothers's girlfriend hasn't hosted a holiday since.

    Note:  brother has been with his girlfriend, whom my grandson calls aunt, for more than 20 years.

    She doesn't want me cooking in her kitchen. I can respect that.
  • KwameKilstrawberry: Made thanksgiving dinner for 7 for my family today.

    Turkey was dry. Used a hand mixer on the potatoes to please my mom. I prefer a hand masher that leaves small chunks of potato. Did moms canned yams. Blecch.

    Gravy was really good.

    I don't eat pumpkin pies, but made them anyway for the first time. They went over real good.

    No offense, but the doctored stovetop stuffing with that artery clogging gravy and green bean casserole was my favorite.

    My daughters farked up the cranberry sauce and baked beans.

    Thanksgiving had never been my favorite meal. I prefer Christmas ham with all those trimmings.

    This Christmas, however, we're doing lasagna, a sushi tray and deviled eggs. That way we'll hit all the diets (my oldest daughter is no beef, no pork and extremely limited dairy).

    So you can see what I'm working with. Sigh.

    Still, everyone was happy with the meal.

    I wasn't.  I can do better with enough time, the right ingredients and a better kitchen.

    Still, the only thing we threw out was a bit of canned corn.

    So I'm thinking it was a successful thanksgiving.

    Can't complain if everyone went home fat, sleepy and happy.


    Sounds like my Thanksgiving, except my turkey turned out amazing. I brine mine which helps, and pull it out of the oven when it is just under 165°. One of the best I've done if not the best. I don't do canned yams, but I use fresh and saute them with brown sugar and butter. And convinced my wife to make real mashed potatoes instead of the instant kind.

    Like yours, our stuffing and green bean casserole turned out pretty damn good too.

    I am curious how the cranberry sauce and baked beans turned out, sounds like a good story.

    Also, your Christmas dinner sounds yummy. I do feel your pain with picky eaters though, that makes any meal tough.
  • TheGreenMonkey: KwameKilstrawberry: Made thanksgiving dinner for 7 for my family today.

    Turkey was dry. Used a hand mixer on the potatoes to please my mom. I prefer a hand masher that leaves small chunks of potato. Did moms canned yams. Blecch.

    Gravy was really good.

    I don't eat pumpkin pies, but made them anyway for the first time. They went over real good.

    No offense, but the doctored stovetop stuffing with that artery clogging gravy and green bean casserole was my favorite.

    My daughters farked up the cranberry sauce and baked beans.

    Thanksgiving had never been my favorite meal. I prefer Christmas ham with all those trimmings.

    This Christmas, however, we're doing lasagna, a sushi tray and deviled eggs. That way we'll hit all the diets (my oldest daughter is no beef, no pork and extremely limited dairy).

    So you can see what I'm working with. Sigh.

    Still, everyone was happy with the meal.

    I wasn't.  I can do better with enough time, the right ingredients and a better kitchen.

    Still, the only thing we threw out was a bit of canned corn.

    So I'm thinking it was a successful thanksgiving.

    Can't complain if everyone went home fat, sleepy and happy.

    Sounds like my Thanksgiving, except my turkey turned out amazing. I brine mine which helps, and pull it out of the oven when it is just under 165°. One of the best I've done if not the best. I don't do canned yams, but I use fresh and saute them with brown sugar and butter. And convinced my wife to make real mashed potatoes instead of the instant kind.

    Like yours, our stuffing and green bean casserole turned out pretty damn good too.

    I am curious how the cranberry sauce and baked beans turned out, sounds like a good story.

    Also, your Christmas dinner sounds yummy. I do feel your pain with picky eaters though, that makes any meal tough.


    Daughter 1 (the "I'm vegan, or vegetarian or pescatarian when I'm not smoking the devils weed ") went off recipe with the cranberries and added too much water and used honey instead of sugar, so the cranberries ended up ungelled and waaay too tart. This girl will pick a rack of baby pork ribs clean after she's smoked a joint.

    However, daughter 1 still has a cleaner, healthier diet that keeps her trim and healthy, so none of my family gets in her face about enjoying an occasional off-diet indiscretion when she's got the munchies.

    Daughter 2 made baked beans in a crockpot. Eww. Too sweet.

    Baked beans need to cook in an oven so the bacon cooks to a rendered chewy salty pork that smokes the beans properly.

    Thankfully, my family doesn't have the palate I have, so they enjoyed thanksgiving dinner.

    Me?  I brought home some steamed broccoli, the green bean casserole and the puréed potatoes.

    I'll be picking up some McCormick turkey gravy packets tomorrow to make a gravy for the leftover potatoes.

    Not my best meal. I thought it sucked balls. But there's no waste and my kin enjoyed it.

    Either my family has no taste or I'm too hard on myself.

    Probably a little bit of both.
  • "Air pocket in my cake?"  "Brought the wrong salad dressing?"  Those are disasters?

    How about bringing a 20 lb turkey to the table to carve in front of everyone, tripping over a wrinkle in the rug, and sending the bird on one last flight, across the dining table into my mother-in-law's lap?

    My snob-foodie mother-in-law who roasted the damn turkey?

    Yeah.

    THAT's a disaster.

    /her turkeys were very good
    //and yea, damn right we ate it anyway
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