Real News. Real Funny.
spentmiles: I was up in Ohio for my aunt's funeral last year. I had some down time after the viewing so I visited Serpent Mound. There isn't much to see of course, pretty lame actually, but I enjoyed walking around in the sunshine after being shut up in the musky mortuary all morning. After a bit of walking, I sat against the mound and ate a sub for lunch. I have both Type 1 and Type 2 diabetes, so I fell asleep after I ate.I'm usually a deep sleeper. I never remember my dreams. If I don't write down something before I fall asleep then it is gone forever. But while I was asleep on the mound, I had the most vivid hallucination - more than a simple dream.I was completely naked, standing on the mound, with a shadow. The shadow said, "it's prepared." Then a female deer walked atop the mound in front of me. I spread her legs and her vagina began to contract. After several minutes of me stroking her back as her vagina made sucking and belching sounds, a small hairless fawn was born into my hands. The shadow said, "now eat." I thought that I didn't know what to do, but I automatically began pushing the bloodied fawn into my mouth. Inch by inch, I drew the fawn's hind legs into my mouth. Then my jaw unhinged as I cleared the hips. The wet baby deer slid gradually down my throat until the last tip of hoof disappeared. The umbilical cord was still hanging out of my mouth; the other side hung from the deer's sore vagina. I slurped and sucked, inch by inch, devouring not only the cord but also the mother deer. After much complaining and walking along the mound, I lay down in the sun with a fat, distended stomach still moving with the death quivers of the animals.Then the shadow laid down on top of me. A feeling of great cold, like an arctic death exhale descended over me. I fell asleep in the dream but immediately awoke in the real world.It was dark and I was covered in dead, wet leaves. I'd been asleep for almost six hours - a death sentence for a double diab ...
raerae1980: Wow, it's not even friggin 7AM and I'm already pissed, PISSED after reading this. I just....I need coffee.
Prank Call of Cthulhu: Yes, it's an amazing feat of...making a huge pile of dirt. Some Roman is sticking his head out of his multi-story stone building with running water, saying, "Oh, what a nice pile of dirt. Very clever indeed."