Real News. Real Funny.

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  • Someone needs to hand that guy a razor and a Kohl's gift card for a new wardrobe.
  • Man, Petraeus and his mistress sure were busy
  • That's a lot of farking emails.
  • Each and every one of those 20,000 emails was exactly one page long.
  • That was the most informative article I've read all week.
  • You know how get 20000 pages of email? You keep replaying back and forth 100 times or so without deleting the original messages and have some page long "this email is intended for the addressed audience only" disclaimer appear every time you hit send.

    This is the most STUPID not story of the past 3 days.
  • I wonder if their definition of one page includes this. ":-p"

    I know it is highly inappropriate and I hope to be disciplined. ":-o"

    If they were two separate e-mails, that would be 2 pages.

    There is a reason why they are called "e" mail.
  • SevenizGud: Each and every one of those 20,000 emails was exactly one page long.


    It looks like this is right on the money! From TFA:

    U.S. Gen. John Allen reportedly sent 20,000 to 30,000 pages
  • So is this like Goodell's mounds of evidence against the Saints? You know... nonexistent?

    /girl editor is cute
  • What I'm imagining the FBI is reading...

    From: Jill Kelley tampaho at aol.com
    To: Gen John Allen chestyrulz at gmail.com
    Date: Wednesday, October 9, 2010 02:12 AM
    Subject: FWD FWD FWD this is funny!

    >From: The Funny Pages Administrator
    >To: Funny Pages Mailing List
    >Date: Tuesday, October 12, 2010 8:10 PM
    >Subject: Clean: 8 worst convenience foods

    THE 8 WORST CONVENIENCE FOODS

    8. Meeter's Kraut Juice (Stokely USA): Yes, that's sauerkraut juice, which
    is even worse than it sounds. The taste and smell can be a bit, well,
    harsh, but KJ is reputed by its fans to have certain medicinal benefits
    (as a source of vitamin C, cure for intestinal bugs, etc.), which adds up
    to a classic case of the cure being worse than the disease.

    7. Guycan Corned Mutton with Juices Added (Bedessee Imports): The best
    thing about this Uruguayan canned good is the very pouty-looking sheep on
    the package label -- he seems to be saying, "Go on, eat me already." The
    second-best thing is the presence of both "cooked mutton" and "mutton" in
    the ingredients listing, which would seem to have all the mutton bases
    covered.
  • they probably have long signature lines

    This email and any files transmitted with it are confidential and intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they are addressed. If you have received this email in error please notify the system manager. This message contains confidential information and is intended only for the individual named. If you are not the named addressee you should not disseminate, distribute or copy this e-mail. Please notify the sender immediately by e-mail if you have received this e-mail by mistake and delete this e-mail from your system. If you are not the intended recipient you are notified that disclosing, copying, distributing or taking any action in reliance on the contents of this information is strictly prohibited.

    WARNING: Computer viruses can be transmitted via email. The recipient should check this email and any attachments for the presence of viruses. The company accepts no liability for any damage caused by any virus transmitted by this email. E-mail transmission cannot be guaranteed to be secure or error-free as information could be intercepted, corrupted, lost, destroyed, arrive late or incomplete, or contain viruses. The sender therefore does not accept liability for any errors or omissions in the contents of this message, which arise as a result of e-mail transmission.

    WARNING: Although the company has taken reasonable precautions to ensure no viruses are present in this email, the company cannot accept responsibility for any loss or damage arising from the use of this email or attachments.

    Our company accepts no liability for the content of this email, or for the consequences of any actions taken on the basis of the information provided, unless that information is subsequently confirmed in writing. If you are not the intended recipient you are notified that disclosing, copying, distributing or taking any action in reliance on the contents of this information is strictly prohibited.

    Any views or opinions presented in this email are solely those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of the company. Employees of the company are expressly required not to make defamatory statements and not to infringe or authorize any infringement of copyright or any other legal right by email communications. Any such communication is contrary to company policy and outside the scope of the employment of the individual concerned. The company will not accept any liability in respect of such communication, and the employee responsible will be personally liable for any damages or other liability arising.
  • That's a lot of pussy chasing right there.
  • I'm sure every two-sentence email was printed off and counted as "one page" and every unsalacious email she was cc'd on was included (complete with the ungodly four-page cc line).

    /sensational news has to be sensational.
  • ideamaster: I wonder if their definition of one page includes this. ":-p"

    I know it is highly inappropriate and I hope to be disciplined. ":-o"

    If they were two separate e-mails, that would be 2 pages.

    There is a reason why they are called "e" mail.


    Do not confuse or antagonize the straight arrows at the FBI. They will fark you hard.
  • So, we aren't getting the 40hrs a week they said they were putting in?

    I am shocked
  • They should have photoshopped a long penis on that stack of paper.

    Then it would have looked like 20,000 pages of inappropriate emails.
    At least that's what my probation officer tells me.
  • HotIgneous Intruder: ideamaster: I wonder if their definition of one page includes this. ":-p"

    I know it is highly inappropriate and I hope to be disciplined. ":-o"

    If they were two separate e-mails, that would be 2 pages.

    There is a reason why they are called "e" mail.

    Do not confuse or antagonize the straight arrows at the FBI. They will fark you hard.


    so that's what the shirtless stalking was all about!
  • I'm still disappointed that Jill Kelly isn't who I thought she was. I'm sure that the majority of the emails went something like this:

    Hey, how come you look different on video than you do in person?
  • Sure, if you're an idiot who prints email.

    Also, what an unfortunate-looking couple.
  • Headers, Miles of CCs, Forwards, Funny pictures and documents all MIME encoded.

    Don't you know how old these people are?
  • Lookout, lady! There's a giant dweeb hiding behind all that kindling!
  • HotIgneous Intruder: Do not confuse or antagonize the straight arrows at the FBI. They will fark you hard.


    The only 3 letter agency I am afraid of is the IRS. The rest will lock you up and give you a happy place... or simply have you killed. The IRS will take away everything you own in an instant and make you live in misery for an unspecified length of time.
  • I think that this comes out to 30 or so emails per day. Even if they are "what are you thinking about, sweetie?" or just a picture of someones junk, that's a frakload of emails.
  • That "article" gave me cancer.
  • Does Slate not have heat in their building? What is with the scarves and jackets?

    /Quit messing with the thermostat
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