Real News. Real Funny.

Comments

  • The good news is that soon I can buy the rights to 600-lb Twinkies for pennies on the dollar.
  • I was thinking about posting a donation site to try to raise the money it would take to buy hostess and nationalize it...

    Then I realized it be somewhere in the Brazilians
  • Their freaking CLOSED man...unions / contracts / no more Twinkies

    That's it man, game over man, game over! What the fark are we gonna do now? What are we gonna do?
  • JohnCarter: Their freaking CLOSED man...unions / contracts / no more Twinkies

    That's it man, game over man, game over! What the fark are we gonna do now? What are we gonna do?


    Go be fat somewhere else?
  • DAMNIT. http://mashable.com/2012/11/16/hostess -treats-at-home/
    Act like y'all got a kitchen and some sense.
  • SDRR: JohnCarter: Their freaking CLOSED man...unions / contracts / no more Twinkies

    That's it man, game over man, game over! What the fark are we gonna do now? What are we gonna do?

    Go be fat somewhere else?


    Nuke fat people from orbit? It's the only way to be sure.
  • It should be the fifty first star.
  • YOU DAMN KIDS STOP PLAYING AROUND WITH THAT DIRECT LINE TO THE WHITE HOUSE.
  • Smingleigh: SOSHALIZM


    That's how it's spelled when it's cream-filled.
  • That petition isn't going to help. You know the Obamas hate white America. Whats whiter than Hostess snack cakes. This was Michele Obamas goal. She's been promoting that damn garden and now they close down Hostess. I thank God my son got to grow up with tasty Hostess treats but am saddened that my grandchildren may never know what a Twinkie is(except maybe a deragotory term for a gay guy).

    And this is just the beginning. There is talk of taxing ski resorts and swimming pool memberships. The war on white America is going to get ugly. Nice job Dems, Romney would never have let this happen.
  • "I've said it before, and I'll say it again: democracy simply doesn't work."
  • shadowmaster: That petition isn't going to help. You know the Obamas hate white America. Whats whiter than Hostess snack cakes. This was Michele Obamas goal. She's been promoting that damn garden and now they close down Hostess. I thank God my son got to grow up with tasty Hostess treats but am saddened that my grandchildren may never know what a Twinkie is(except maybe a deragotory term for a gay guy).

    And this is just the beginning. There is talk of taxing ski resorts and swimming pool memberships. The war on white America is going to get ugly. Nice job Dems, Romney would never have let this happen.


    4/10 Starts off well but gets trite as it goes on.
  • sigh...

    You know, this *could* be a place where we make thoughtful, well thought out suggestions to the White House, where the little man could have his voice heard and make a difference...

    Or we could troll it with stupidity and manage to keep that one small voice from being heard...

    Your call morons... Your call.
  • Ivan Denisovich awoke with a pain in his side. He hoped that that his crew would not be forced to work the Creamy Filling Mines today. Late last night, as the crews returned to the work camp, word had come through that a number of men had died in the mines. They had struck a vein of the white stuff and several drowned in the sugary substance before the guards could bring down the elevators.

    "Ivan Denisovich!" roared a camp guard. "Slacking in your bunk after wake up! Three days Solitary and full work schedule!"

    "A thousand pardons, Twinkie Overseer" Ivan cried. "I did not mean to malinger."

    The guard drew close to Ivan. "Report to the cardboard cutting room immediately. If you do well, I will forgive your crimes."

    Ivan rushed from the barracks. the guard merely needed someone to cut the little squares of cardboard for the Twinkies. That meant they had probably made production in the kitchens and ran short of packing materials. It would only be a few hours in front of an industrial cutter. There wouldn't be any solitary.

    Ivan ran in to the workshop. Hundreds of older, infirmed workers bent at their paper cutters. Many of them could cut the cardboard squares precisely with their eyes closed. And many of them did. Ivan repported to the supervisor who put him at an open cutter. He showed Ivan how to carefully cut the square of cardboard on which two Twinkies would be set. "This size, worker" the supervisor told him. Not a millimeter more or less. I will check your work constantly."

    Ivan bent to his task and noted that the supervisor had retreated to his office. He would not be checking anyone's work but Ivan still tried to cut the cardboard exactly. This was better work that harvesting the Twinkie from the fields and much better than the Creamy Filling Mines.

    An hour later, one of Ivan's co workers came in to the workshop and got Ivan released. He left his stack of cardboard next to the cutter as the supervisor made no effort to check the quality.

    Ivan's co-worker was a greedy little man named Friedell. He said to Ivan "You missed breakfest. It was Chocadiles. Our boss managed to sneak you one. Here it is. Eat it quickly." Ivan gobbled the chocolate pastry down. There was probably a second one but Friedell had probably eaten it himself.

    "Good news, Ivan." Team 6 got the mines today. We'll be working the east fields. The Twinkies there are just peaking with their golden sponginess." This was good news. The east fields were the closest so you didn't spend half the morning walking to your job. You could get more twinkies in to the factory from the east field so making your quota wouldn't be a problem. Although the day had scarcely begun, Ivan knew that today would be a good day.

    The work crew formed up and moved through the gates. The guards only did the quickest of checks when the crews left the camp. They would be more attentive when they returned. Possession of twinkies by the workers is an automatic 5 days of solitary.

    When the got to the fields, they were directed to a row of Twinkie Trees. The Free Worker pointed out the trees with the best Twinkies. The work group quickly broke in to teams of three: One person would climb a Twinkie Tree and begin knocking the fruit loose. The two on the ground would scoop it up, peal it and put it in the wagon where a guard watched carefully. Some of the workers could eat raw Twinkies but Ivan couldn't stomach them. He had never been hungry enough to even try a raw Twinkie.

    Soon Twinkie peels littered the ground and the wagon was full. As soon as it moved out, another wagon pulled up and the workers continued their tasks. Ivan's group usually worked through lunch becuase it was important to make their quotas. A worker would come from the camp with a bunch of Ding Dongs or Ring Dings. While other groups had the luxury of sitting and eating, Ivan's group continued to work. Ivan knocked a bunch of Twinkies from a thick branch and ate his lunch. The quota would be made easily today. 

    Ivan looked back towards to factory. Smoke poured from the huge smoke stacks. Production was beginning already. Probably from the first wagon load. It felt good to be outside, in the Twinkie Trees knocking the fruit from the branches. The quota would be made. Maybe they would even get some milk with their dinner of fruit pies tonight. Only a lemon pie could make today perfect, Ivan thought to himself. Today was a good day.
  • www.cartoonspot.netView Full Size

    "So what will we eat when society collapses??"
  • whoever said the whitehouse.gov is now yahoo answers is officially a prophet.

    also lush windbag was rallying on about how fartbummer was going to do this, and then sell the company back to the unions.

    god dammit so much i hate being a republican.

    /when the fark is someone going to talk about egypt about to aid gaza. youd think that was more important.
  • I was just thinking about how much I'd like to see another "petition" thread pop up on the fark main page.

    It's been so long since we've seen one.
  • What's the only way to f*ck up a Twinkie?
  • I didn't want one until I cant have one!

    All the supermarkets around here sold out of Ho Ho's and Twinkies by 10am this morning!

    And please, green lit more petition threads, my IQ has not dropped sufficient points this week!
  • tjfly: What's the only way to f*ck up a Twinkie?


    u stick it up your ass
  • In theory, I love twinkies, but then I remember what happened when I last ate one.

    My......my body rejected it.
  • Job well done Ms Food NAZI

    cache.daylife.comView Full Size
  • Load 25 of 36 newer comments

This thread is closed to new comments.