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  • Might be kinda awkward if one of the groom's brothers highlights Deuteronomy 25:5, "If brothers are living together and one of them dies without a son, his widow must not marry outside the family. Her husband's brother shall take her and marry her and fulfill the duty of a brother-in-law to her"
    Smartest (10)   Funniest (17)  
  • Then they frequent the Politics tab and/or TFD. What about it?
  • I'm enough of a biatch that I'd write the lyrics from Pink Floyd's song Sheep in place of the 23rd Psalm. Lines about sharp knives, hooks, and lamb cutlets are terribly romantic.
  • Ezekiel 23:20, biatch!
  • I would find something in Deuteronomy about disposing of a rug
  • I knew there some reason I avoided Pinterest like the plague but I wasn't sure exactly what that reason was until just now.

    Thanks, Fark.
  • Proverbs 23:27 - For a whore is a deep ditch; and a strange woman is a narrow pit.
  • Therion: Ezekiel 23:20, biatch!

    Yeah, baby!

    There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.
  • 2 Peter 2:22

    I'm a devout Christian and even I think this is a pretty bad idea. Just get a farking guestbook and let people sign that, otherwise you run the risk of goofballs like myself making you regret having ever thought of this.
  • i1079.photobucket.comView Full Size

    And Whosoever Shall Be Found
    Without The Soul For Getting Down
    Must Stand And Face The Hounds Of Hell
    And Rot Inside A Corpse's Shell

    Book of Michael
  • I would do that with my collection of 1980's Hustlers
  • Just tell them what pars their allowed to quote (believe) like always and no problem
  • Deuteronomy 24.1 When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house.

    Numbers 5.20-22
    ...But if you have gone astray while married to your husband and you have made yourself impure by having sexual relations with a man other than your husband"- here the priest is to put the woman under this curse-"may the Lord cause you to become a curse[d] among your people when he makes your womb miscarry and your abdomen swell. May this water that brings a curse enter your body so that your abdomen swells or your womb miscarries."

    "'Then the woman is to say, "Amen. So be it."
  • Since Ezekiel 23:20 is already taken, I'd go with Leviticus's take on shellfish consumption.
  • Because People in power are Stupid: Exodus 22-18 "Suffer not a Fark Troll to live"

    "Kill for Jesus! Kill for Jesus!" - G. Gordon Liddy.
  • 1 Samuel 15:3 "Go, now, attack Amalek, and deal with him and all that he has under the ban. Do not spare him, but kill men and women, children and infants, oxen and sheep, camels and asses."

    That really falls under the common sense category, of course, but it's always worth keeping in mind.

    Timeless wisdom remains timeless.

  • Only one passage I live my life by. Matthew 25:33-40:

    34 "Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

    37 "Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'

    40 "The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.'
  • 1 Samuel 18

    David and his men went out and killed two hundred Philistines. He brought their foreskins and presented the full number to the king so that he might become the king's son-in-law. Then Saul gave him his daughter Michal in marriage.
  • Therion: Ezekiel 23:20, biatch!

    10 years of catholic school and NOT ONCE did we ever get taught that part of the bible.
    billions of hours in mass, never read that bit.

    WHY NOT???
    would have at least gotten us to pay more attention
  • simplicimus: Only one passage I live my life by. Matthew 25:33-40:

    Now I feel silly for my contribution.

    /Note to self: Never bring chaff to a wheat fight.

    Yeah, that's a good one.
  • Yeah, I'm just commenting so I'll remember to read this later.

    /have a feeling it will be entertaining
  • Song of Solomon 5 Baby!

    I am come into my garden, my sister, my spouse: I have gathered my myrrh with my spice; I have eaten my honeycomb with my honey; I have drunk my wine with my milk: eat, O friends; drink, yea, drink abundantly, O beloved.
    2I sleep, but my heart waketh: it is the voice of my beloved that knocketh, saying, Open to me, my sister, my love, my dove, my undefiled: for my head is filled with dew, and my locks with the drops of the night.

    3I have put off my coat; how shall I put it on? I have washed my feet; how shall I defile them?

    4My beloved put in his hand by the hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him.

    5I rose up to open to my beloved; and my hands dropped with myrrh, and my fingers with sweet smelling myrrh, upon the handles of the lock.

    6I opened to my beloved; but my beloved had withdrawn himself, and was gone: my soul failed when he spake: I sought him, but I could not find him; I called him, but he gave me no answer.

    7The watchmen that went about the city found me, they smote me, they wounded me; the keepers of the walls took away my veil from me.

    8I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, if ye find my beloved, that ye tell him, that I am sick of love.

    9What is thy beloved more than another beloved, O thou fairest among women? what is thy beloved more than another beloved, that thou dost so charge us?

    10My beloved is white and ruddy, the chiefest among ten thousand.

    11His head is as the most fine gold, his locks are bushy, and black as a raven.

    12His eyes are as the eyes of doves by the rivers of waters, washed with milk, and fitly set.

    13His cheeks are as a bed of spices, as sweet flowers: his lips like lilies, dropping sweet smelling myrrh.

    14His hands are as gold rings set with the beryl: his belly is as bright ivory overlaid with sapphires.

    15His legs are as pillars of marble, set upon sockets of fine gold: his countenance is as Lebanon, excellent as the cedars.

    16His mouth is most sweet: yea, he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved, and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem.

    You've got all the kink you want. Anal sex. Oral Sex. Foot Fetishism. Scat and Watersports! The bible baby, wholesome family goodness.
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