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  • Dude...

    Get over it.

    You weren't her first, and probably not her best, but you have things about you that make her want to be with you... so shut the hell up and enjoy the life you have now... lest you find yourself pining for what you have lost.
  • He could have mentioned her name so we could properly assess whether he should be able to handle it.
  • Also dude, how did you find out?
  • Dude was probably surfing porn and stumbled upon his wife being spit roasted and basted.

    /awkward
  • I wish I could be so picky. If it were me, I'd be content that she'd left that career in her past. However, not sure if I could date a current rather than a former porn star. That would probably be a bit difficult to someone who usually believes in monogamy, such as I.
  • Depends on the type of porn.

    Run-of-the-mill "college girls gets boinked and spooged on by some dude" porn: meh. Whatever. She's just doing what pretty much every girl with her boyfriend these days, but she did it on camera for money.

    Hardcore gangbanging/group sex/getting a train run/blowing 8 or 10 guys: not so cool. You're getting tested, STAT. And then I probably need a few weeks to get the images out of my head. Sorry, but that's just me.

    Donkey porn/two girls one cup stuff/hard BDSM: it's probably over. I'm not judging, but...if you can do that sort of thing, you are 1) clearly not the person I thought you were/you advertised yourself to be, and 2) not the sort of person I probably want to be with. I would hear you out, but the odds wouldn't be in your favor.
  • whistleridge: Depends on the type of porn.

    Run-of-the-mill "college girls gets boinked and spooged on by some dude" porn: meh. Whatever. She's just doing what pretty much every girl with her boyfriend these days, but she did it on camera for money.

    Hardcore gangbanging/group sex/getting a train run/blowing 8 or 10 guys: not so cool. You're getting tested, STAT. And then I probably need a few weeks to get the images out of my head. Sorry, but that's just me.

    Donkey porn/two girls one cup stuff/hard BDSM: it's probably over. I'm not judging, but...if you can do that sort of thing, you are 1) clearly not the person I thought you were/you advertised yourself to be, and 2) not the sort of person I probably want to be with. I would hear you out, but the odds wouldn't be in your favor.


    What's wrong with a little BDSM? I don't think any middle class home without a sex dungeon is complete.
  • Cythraul: What's wrong with a little BDSM? I don't think any middle class home without a sex dungeon is complete.


    After my son was born, I had to turn mine into a computer room.
  • Cythraul: What's wrong with a little BDSM? I don't think any middle class home without a sex dungeon is complete.


    I know you're being tongue in cheek, but it's still a valid question, so...

    Light BDSM: not my thing, but if you were into it, whatever.

    Heavy BDSM: definitely not my thing, and I am in no way attracted to someone who wants to be that dominant, that passive, or that into pain. I don't judge, but I don't want it either, and if I'm not judging you, kindly return the favor.

    If you were into big time and then you were like 'you know what? no...that's just not my thing' and that's why you quit, we'll be ok. But if you're still really into and you're secretly tamping it down in the hopes that one day I might get into it too...that's a problem. I don't want to be with someone I can't fulfill, and if a major part of your sexuality isn't being touched, I think it's inevitable that you will be strongly tempted to cheat. And I don't want that either. Odds wouldn't be good.

    But in fairness, that's less about the porn aspect that it is about the incompatible sexuality aspect.
  • That's definitely a before marriage kind of revelation.
  • Sybarite: That's definitely a before marriage kind of revelation.


    Not if you want to have a marriage.
  • Hey, he should be looking at the bright side. If she says she wouldn't do xyz he can say, "Yes you can...you did it in College Sluts Vol 31!" If she did 10-20 pornos, odds are she was doing some serious hardcore at that point...and if you're lucky some lesbian porn to boot.

    Seriously, she did it when she was 19...dude, get over it. I can understand the disappointment of NOT being told, but she was probably too ashamed to tell the man she loved. Of course, you have more important things to worry about...like your kids seeing mom get screwed by men that aren't their father. You'll have to find a way to deal with that because they WILL find it eventually. The thing about internet porn...it never goes away.

    I'm just waiting for some intrepid farker to figure out who this lady is. She was 19, 13 years ago (which means it's 1999-2000) and did 10-20 pornos.
  • slayer199: I'm just waiting for some intrepid farker to figure out who this lady is. She was 19, 13 years ago (which means it's 1999-2000) and did 10-20 pornos.


    Well that narrows it down to 300 or 400 women... and that is just the Americans.
  • Cythraul: What's wrong with a little BDSM? I don't think any middle class home without a sex dungeon is complete.


    When I win the lotto tonight, the house I build is going to just be one large bdsm dungeon with all the trimmings.
  • Cythraul: Sybarite: That's definitely a before marriage kind of revelation.

    Not if you want to have a marriage.


    All kidding aside, I'd find it a little bit hot that my woman did that in a former lifetime. And unlike the guy above, I wouldn't care what she'd done. It doesn't matter who was there before me, just that I'm the last.
  • SurfaceTension: Cythraul: Sybarite: That's definitely a before marriage kind of revelation.

    Not if you want to have a marriage.

    All kidding aside, I'd find it a little bit hot that my woman did that in a former lifetime. And unlike the guy above, I wouldn't care what she'd done. It doesn't matter who was there before me, just that I'm the last.


    All kidding aside, I agree. I think this is a case of insecurity on the part of the male.

    Unless you lived a puritanical life in your late teens and twenties, chances are, you're going to have a sexual past when you find the one you want to settle down with. Most couples I know of have a rule of 'lets just acknowledge that we were not angels before we met and not go into great detail about the who and whats we've done.'

    The biggest difference here, and I admit that it's not insignificant, is that this woman's sexual past was recorded and sold. If he loves her, and this is in her past, why would he allow it to be such a insurmountable obstacle in their relationship? I can understand if he's worried about how confusing it will eventually be to his children. But I imagine this is mostly due to insecurity spawned from some outdated ideology that a man is allowed to have sexual conquests in his past, while his life mate is expected to have been a virginal flower up until the wedding night.
  • Shadow Blasko: Well that narrows it down to 300 or 400 women... and that is just the Americans.


    Actually, it's the number of pornos that she did in one year. It meant she must have been fairly popular for a year. It would be nearly impossible to find her if she only did 2 or 3. But if she did 10 or 20...should narrow it down a bit. And I'm assuming she's American which narrows it down further.
  • The guy mentions that they both have kids from previous marriages, so he knew she was not a virgin going into this.
    So I am wondering if he is one of those 'deeply faithful, no sex outside of marriage' types and believed or told that she was the same, until this evidence came up.

    Things would be lot clearer if he made some effort to explain why it bothered him. Until then we have to assume he is jealously assuming that she is daydreaming about her past partners because they have bigger dicks.
  • grokca: He could have mentioned her name so we could properly assess whether he should be able to handle it.


    This.

    It was the only reason why I read the entire "letter". TFA does NOT deliver.
  • People are judged by their character? Color me shocked!
  • Just to get this out of the way,

    i.imgur.comView Full Size
  • "Dear Abby"

    Stopped reading right there.

    Same as "Dear Penthouse"
  • 10-20?

    So she had a job over one winter break, get over it.
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