Real News. Real Funny.
FirstNationalBastard: I would have been a bit more impressed if they had taken the coffin to a strip club for one more lap dance.
Kibbler: "And then take me to Walmart, and get a 12-roll pack of toilet paper. I always loved saving 17 cents over what that ripoff mom and pop store used to charge. And at the grave, put a tv on the coffin and let's watch a couple hours of Honey Boo Boo. And I want a pair of rubber balls hanging from the hearse's trailer hitch."These are basic freedoms here, Dude.
ComaToast: I want to be thrown in the shark tank at Marine World while my family and friends pour chum into the water.Just to be clear, I want that AFTER I'm dead.
Larry Mahnken: ComaToast: I want to be thrown in the shark tank at Marine World while my family and friends pour chum into the water.Just to be clear, I want that AFTER I'm dead.Not a fan of Pawn Stars, eh?
GBB: My Dad was telling me about wanting to specify how he wanted to be buried or creamated when he goes. He didn't want my sister not I to go crazy and spend a small fortune on him. So I jokingly said, "So, you want to make sure you get the New Orleans Jazz Party funural you always wanted? Oh, I know: we'll rent one of those Human Cannonball cannons for you." Then I had to explain it to him, "I'm sure it would work just as well with a dead body as it would with a live one." "Or perhaps a Viking funeral: put you on a boat, launch it, burn it down?" He wasn't thrilled with that, so I suggested a Jedi Funeral, "It's like a Viking Funeral, but on land." Which sparked an idea with him, "Oh I want to go out like Spock. Put me on a desert planet, come get me in a few months and I can start over!"Brief pause."So 'human cannonball'? Got it."
Strangerarranger: I had surgery last year and told my dad and stepmom that if I die, I wanted to be cremated and pitched in the nearest trash can. The stepmom was shocked. I told her that if you're gone and have been reduced to a box of ashes, what does it matter?
JerkyMeat: "It's nice to know he was a loyal customer up until the end -- the very end,"Ack.America kinda sucks.
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