• Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2017-11-05 to Sat 2017-11-11  
  

   

  Thank you submitters for another fun week, and thank you TotalFark voters for voting the funniest headlines to the top!
  
  Every week, we take the top voted funny headlines for Headline of the Week, and share some of our favorite runners-up in the NotNewsletter.  We love all our green lights, and to make it to Headline of the Week it needs to be funny, creative, smart, look at a story sideways - the kind of headline that you can share with anyone and say *this* is Fark.
  
  Check out the NotNewsletter for the extra headlines that we thought deserved a second look!  And here check out the top voted winners in Headline of the Week!
  
  Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2017-11-05 to Sat 2017-11-11:
  
  

  

    Atlantis has been found. In the Pacific. Wouldn't that make it Pacificis? This is the Daily Mail, so I now doubt Atlantis even exists
  
  

  

    •_•) / ( •_•)⌐■-■ / (⌐■_■) - So how's the weather? (⋋▂⋌) - *#$%@# that's not funny anymore you %@#*#$ dick
  
  

  

    Citizens of Tatarstan demand that Tatar language classes for Tatar tots be mandatory in Tatar schools
  
  

  

    Southwest flies themed planes like Shamu, penguins, Lone Star, and now, Icarus
  
  

  

    I know you gentlemen have been through a lot, but when you find the time, I'd rather not spend the rest of this winter... WITHOUT ANY F***ING INFRASTRUCTURE
  
  

  

    Transgender woman beats senior citizen
  
  

  

    Nothing will prepare you for...MORTAL TOMKATS
  
  

  

    Liberian refugee elected mayor of Helena, Montana, campaigned for stricter enforcement of overdue fees
  
  

  

    Even after checking their sources, USA Today Stihl got it wrong
  
  

  

    Luckily, I only plan on staying in 79 Cuban hotels
  
  

  

    )-:
  
  

  

    Codger slaps dodger
  
  
  Sports:
  
  

  

    Roy Halladay traded to the Angels
  
  

  

    Browns WR Josh Gordon says he drank or used drugs before every game. Browns fans: Welcome to our world
  
  

  

    Bob Costas claims football destroys people's brains, posits effects on players may be even worse
  
  

  

    Former FIFA President accused of holding on to Hope
  
  
  Geek:
  
  

  

    Problems down under
  
  

  

    Cases of mumps are on the rise even among the immunized, signalling a victory in the war on herd immunity
  
  

  

    This mushroom has 20,000 different genders and can mate with any other species. Sounds like a fungi
  
  

  

    Scientists discover Sha Ka Ree
  
  

  

    Woman meets man wearing dead husband's face. Maybe next time just wear a skirt, you weirdo
  
  
  Entertainment:
  
  

  

    Every time Bono claps his hands, he secretly invests in an overseas tax haven
  
  

  

    Looks like Call of Duty didn't ask Humvee about using all those Humvees in Call of Duty
  
  

  

    The Rock may join the cast of Career Suicide Squad 2
  
  
  Politics:
  
  

  

    Dateline, November 5, 2017: Antifa has struck, and white people everywhere are cowering in their Starbucks, mowing their lawns, watching football. We should have LISTENED
  
  

  

    Does Howard Dean think Kushner will be indicted for money laundering? YEAAAAAAAAAH. AND THEN ON TO IVANKA, THEN ERIC, THEN DONALD JUNIOR, AND THEN WE'LL GO ALL THE WAY TO THE WHITE HOUSE YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
  
  

  

    Atlas Shrubbed
  
  

  

    Trump says that the North Korea situation will 'all work out because it always works out. It has to work out.", not realizing he's the one who has to work it out. We're doomed
  
  

  

    Trump orders CIA chief to investigate both sides in Russia hacking investigation. This is the dumbest timeline
  
  

  

    That's a nice graduate education you have there. It'd be a shame if someone taxed it
  
  

  

    One selfish blowhard calls another selfish blowhard a selfish blowhard. Recursive loop detected
  
  

  

    Rep. Bob Goodlatte will not seek re-election in 2018. This opens up a key seat for his rival, Mike Badespresso
  
  

  

    Roy Moore's Senate office to display the Nine Commandments
  
  

  

    Yesterday, Trump's personal bodyguard testified to Congress that during the 2013 Moscow visit, and unnamed Russian offered to send 5 women to Trump's room, and that both laughed at the idea until they pissed themselves
  
  

  

    Man known for barging in on half-naked teens in beauty pageant dressing rooms confident that Roy Moore will "do the right thing" if allegations of underage sexual harassment are true. Followup tag whips out its wang and beats Unlikely tag with it
  
  

  

    "If you cross the president, if you disagree with the president in public, the reality of his reality show is you're fired," said the wheat farmer with a leopard sized bite in his face
  
  

  

    Robert Mueller spins the wheel of treason, lands on Dana Rohrabacher and his 2016 meeting with General Flynn
  
  

  

    National Republican Senatorial Committee dumps Moore. Probably for someone younger
  
  

  

    Well, this is an unfortunate typo
  
  
  Business:
  
  

  

    Smell that? You smell that? Retail meltdown, son. Nothing else in the world smells like that. I love the smell of retail Apocalypse in the morning
  
  

  

    Amazon to sell diapers under the Mama Bear brand. Let me guess, Sarah Palin will promote them and they'll already come full of shiat
  
  

  

    The poorest 50% in the US has less money than the top 3. No, not the top 3%
  
  
  Discussion:
  
  

  

    I clicked on this link of the best pizza in New York and it just said "Go to Chicago"
  
  

  

    Tropical Storm Banana
  
  

  

    Tonight, on Gotham, It's fight club in the Narrows and Gordon is up for a promotion. (FOX 8pm EST) Later, on Arrow, Slade Wilson's son has been kidnapped and he needs the keys to the zipline network. Meanwhile, Vigilante returns to Star City (CW 9pm EST)
  
  

  

    Did you remember to salt your coffee this morning? No? What are you, some kind of sociopath?

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